This is the lounge. You can discuss anything you want, but you will do it kindly.
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Pharyngula
Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal
This is the lounge. You can discuss anything you want, but you will do it kindly.
Status: Heavily Moderated; Previous thread
The new thread hit at #737. Shouldn’t the image be a Boeing?
Are we atheists burning books now?
What has changed for me:
I woke up from general anaesthesia and began screaming immediately. I remember making the anaesthesiologist cry, her face got all red and blotchy.
That was January 10th and I am still angry. I am angry about what has happened to me, about what has happened to my family, about what is happening to all of us in the world (with some exceptions, there are places where things are getting better for some people).
I can no longer read newspapers because they make me angry. Many things disgust me, including perfumes.
I have never been so angry in all my life.
I have turned into a different person.
I so would! With coffee, or would you prefer tea or maybe a tisane? And it’s even a nice day here today! OH and I have to go down to the concert hall soon, though … but you all might like the youth music workshop performance anyway, so we could all go. With cake! :-)
.
You know, Ogvorbis, those things you say are ordinary and mundane – maybe they should be ordinary, and in an ideal world they would be, but this one is far from ideal and the fact remains that they are things a hell of a lot of us don’t manage to do. And even setting all that aside, the other fact remains that as an adult man you use what power you have to influence those around you in exactly the opposite way from the adult man who chose to abuse you when you were just a kid. You make bits of life better for others – some of them may be tiny bits, some are a hell of a lot bigger than that. You don’t have to be a superhero to be a good person (I know you know that, but hey you do better than I think I do, for one). You didn’t grow up to be anything like him, you grew up to be a decent bloke instead.
Og – no sorry, we’re just providing the counter information from what depression jerk brain is doing to you. Depression jerk brain is an asshole.
Bicarbonate – I’m sorry, I missed what happened in the first place. But anger can be a good thing – there is unfairness, and sometimes shit happens and it is awful, and all of the “think positive” platitudes distract from the correct conclusion that no, you didn’t deserve to have that happen to you, and it does suck. You deserve to have that anger, to expect more fairness from the world than what you got.
Azkyroth,
I am having trouble following your comment on that xojane link. I am fundamentally in agreement with the article’s take on fighting and gifts and wonder what has vexed you there.
This. So many times I wake and realize I don’t recognize who I was.
Bicarbonate:
Safe hugs and support.
opposablethumbs @4:
First, I have no power. None. Zip.
Second, writing about what I did, and what was done to me, is an inherently selfish act. Yeah, I argue with MRAs and rape apologists, but I do this to exorcise my own demons. Or is this another situation where intent does not matter? I’m no hero, definitely not a superhero. Just another asshole using the internet as therapy. Because I am too much of a coward to ever admit what I have done in meatspace.
:-o Did you have brain surgery?
(I haven’t been able to catch up.)
http://emergencykitten.com/
…
Please explain, if you can.
You have a huge audience. :-)
Dhorvath – it’s the comment directly linked to, in which someone talked about dumping a guy in large part because he liked comic books. The commenter specifically said it was lame that an adult male reads comics.
That’s not what opened for me when I clicked the link. There were no comments at the article which opened, ergo my confusion. Must be a browser issue.
Dhorvath,
Do you use NoScript? It opened on the article for me too. I can’t really read disqus comments anywhere, without turning off all the protections.
No one should ride bicycles or motorcycles. So sayeth Thomas Barraga:
http://wonkette.com/541952/new-york-county-legislator-explains-how-bike-lanes-are-really-murder-alleys#xsLRS43IgP056H4V.99
David Marjanović @11:
No, PZed has a huge audience. People come here to read (and argue) what PZed has written.
Good morning everyone. (Or whatever time of day it is in your neck of the woods.) I was cheered up by this post this morning, which features a convection cell in a cup of coffee.
See the Lounge? See how it’s always full?
That’s not for PZ (great and wonderful as he is :) ), that’s the rest of you folks.
Sorry. I’ll shut up. Not doing well.
I’m sorry for making you think you should shut up. I don’t want you to, for what that is worth.
That’s okay, Ogvorbis. You can not do well today is that’s the accurate description of your day today. It happens. You can also feel useless, but that’s not a fact in my book.
Take care. Go make some convection cells in a cup of coffee.
Woody Allen isn’t the only one facing down a growing number of rape allegations.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2014/02/13/bill_cosby_sexual_assault_allegations_why_isn_t_anyone_paying_attention.html
http://www.buzzfeed.com/kateaurthur/bill-cosby-nbc-allegations-sexual-assault
I’m annoyed at myself for being ignorant of the allegations against Cosby until now, especially after learning they’ve been raised multiple times, in 2006, 2004 and earlier. I’m ashamed to have ever been a fan.
http://www.salon.com/2014/02/16/porn_addictive_theres_no_proof/
Self-help books may make depression worse:
http://www.salon.com/2014/02/16/youre_making_your_depression_worse_self_help_is_bringing_us_down/
Kind of reminds me of mormon hospice workers telling me to think of taking care of my dying mother as a “privilege” and as a challenge sent by Heavenly Father. Relentless cheerfulness in the face of depressing circumstances is somewhat off-putting (understatement).
http://www.salon.com/2014/02/16/religion_ruined_my_childhood/
Interesting take on a childhood in which christian missionary work obscures everything else for the parents, but not for the children.
Also from the Salon link in my comment #25:
Beatrice,
Nay, I don’t use any add-ons. I will say that the link worked fine on my regular surf-book, just not on my gaming tower. Weird, but not troubling.
___
Ogvorbis,
I won’t argue with your depression gnome. I disagree with it, and I hope that some day you can too. Until then, I will continue to seek out your words.
___
David M,
Explain? I don’t know as I can make it make sense to someone else. I don’t identify with my past, although I can call up some measure of memory it is always clouded by how I think today. My past motivations and choices often baffle me, and when I do understand past decisions it is more likely at an academic level, not one of resonance. That things have happened to me is undoubted, it’s hard to argue that it was someone else who lived my life before today, but it’s generally how it feels to me.
… Ogvorbis, I was also thinking of all the times in everyday life you treat your family decently – instead of being some patriarchal-type bully who puts their kids and spouse down all the time – and all the times at work you try to educate people, even if it’s just a drop in the ocean.
I don’t mean you should get mountains of extra cookies for being baseline decent, I just mean you should recognise that being baseline decent is decent, NOT being the horrible monster the voices try to tell you that you are. And frankly, I bet you’re a damn sight more than just baseline decent to people.
You’re one of the people I enjoy reading here, and although the Lounge wouldn’t exist without PZed it is nevertheless A Thing because of everyone else – like you.
“The National Popular Vote bill would guarantee the Presidency to the candidate who receives the most popular votes in the entire United States. The bill preserves the Electoral College, while ensuring that every vote in every state will matter in every presidential election. The National Popular Vote law has been enacted by 10 jurisdictions possessing 136 electoral votes — 50.4% of the 270 electoral votes needed to activate it.” Provides a web form for writing to your legislators to urge them to pass it in your state. Has a long, detailed FAQ.
“Politician Asha Mirje stunned the world last week by blaming India’s rash of sexual violence on women’s behavior and dress. So why hasn’t Mirje been removed from the National Commission for Women?
Not just offensive and dangerously wrong, Mirje’s criticism insensitively singled out two recent victims of gang rape, questioning why they chose to be in public places at particular times of the day. One of these victims, a 23-year-old physiotherapy student, is not alive to answer, after being brutally raped and tortured while on a moving bus.
Mirje’s blame-the-victim mindset goes hand-in-hand with India’s recent strategy to capitalize on women’s vulnerability by making and marketing “feminine” guns. Her argument only adds to the outrage over India’s failure to enact and enforce adequate laws against sexual violence, instead trying to make women responsible for their own protection.
Although Mirje’s apology has satisfied her party’s leaders, women’s advocates say her bias against women disqualifies her from NCW membership.
Insist the National Commission for Women remove Mirje from her post.”
Unfit for his job.
You know that’s not how it works. :-)
I knew that (but thanks for the more detailed explanation of that!), but I had no idea it happened overnight instead of much more gradually.
Feel free to try to teach me things, but don’t tell me what I know.
Promotion interview rescheduled. There was just way too much work to do before store opening, everyone was pretty wiped out by that point including the manager(our managers actually get down and do grunt work, especially on big projects- after taking care of their supervisory and administrative responsibilities of course). I was pretty much at the point where I *had* to eat before an interview, and everyone was going to be gone by then.
First thing Tuesday now.
Still no idea on the defriend. She’s seen the message I sent, so maybe she’ll get back to it maybe she won’t. The one I saw at work turned out to have deleted her Facebook.
My trust list is set up on Facebook, added a few people, one I want to add but haven’t known very long I sent a message and asked. Not everyone, especially light facebook users, want to see all the sorts of crap I’ll be spilling there. Though either way, I’ll probably look for a spot in conversation to drop “oh, I’m bi” in- even with people I’m entirely ok with knowing that, I just don’t like the coming out concept at all. “oh look at special old me”- I’ll stress that this is a personal thing, people have to come to terms with who they are and how they fit into the world their own way, and for some, the coming out concept is the best way to do it. But that just isn’t me. I should be able to just show up one day with a boyfriend and people just accept it whether they knew I was interested in men or not.
I don’t read the Lounge for PZ, either – I read the Lounge for the folks who gather here to discuss and to contemplate and sometimes just be silly. One of the first voices that really spoke out to me, Ogvorbis, was yours. So, you have an audience of at least one (me) – I like to think that that’s a pretty large audience. :)
But. Take care of yourself, and please remember that you will always be warmly expected here. By me, and I would say ‘if no one else’, but I know that to be an untrue statement. So, by me – among others.
Likewise.
Which state is highlighted? I’m afraid my US geography is rather poor.
Missoula, Montana manages to epitomize blame-the-victim, religious goofiness, and injustice when it comes to rape victims.
Trigger warning for officials excusing or downplaying rape.
Mother Jones link.
That would be Tenessee.
I’m somewhat surprised that Missouri is blue on this one. Though we’re likely to be the source of the first openly gay NFL player, so maybe that helps.
Bicarbonate
I have lost track of what you were undergoing surgery for, but my condolences regarding the effects of it; I hope at least it was successful in that you shan’t need more. I can sympathize entirely with the ongoing rage; I feel the same way most of the time, alternating with despair. I haven’t any good solutions to offer, though, I’m afraid.
Ogvorbis
*hugs* You are a significant part of what keeps me hanging around here as well. As others have noted, continually behaving like a decent person, and raising your kids likewise, is not actually a normal, standard thing. It should be, and if we lived in a considerably less fucked up world and society it would be, but in the world and society we do live in, that is an accomplishment. (One I doubt I could match, incidentally; my ex has children, and I ended up in a partially parental role for a fairly short while, but long enough to learn that I’m not much of an excuse for a parent).
rq
That’s Tennessee.
Ottawa Valley English. Apparently we have a distinct French accent, too.
That straight ally meme has been flying around my FB news feed lately.
I’m wondering if anyone has taken note of how many pro gay rights things I post with glowing commentary, and how many anti gay rights things I post with scathing rebuttals, and I’ve never shared that ally meme.
Though that sort of activity on my wall is likely to go down- trying to move more political stuff to my blog. Even went to the extent of purging most political news sources from my Facebook feed to remove the temptation of the easy “share” button. There’s a time and a place, and where I am in my life right now, Facebook isn’t the place, my blog is.
So I’ll get the political news from Twitter, use my “Press This” bookmarklet, and just send it to my blog and from there to Twitter and/or Facebook as needed.
….okay, this isn’t the first time this has happened, so…..do I have the only browser on earth where selecting the “direct” or timestamp link to a specific comment actually causes the page to automatically scroll such that the specific comment linked to is at the top of the page?
I was referring to the comment where someone threw a sneering line about “A 35 year old man reading comic books?!” into an otherwise reasonable statement about a specific incident of inconsiderate behavior of her ex-boyfriend’s, a couple of people called her on it, and were shouted down with comments to the effect that “well her boyfriend WAS inconsiderate,” as if that had been the issue.
Then “selfish” is a meaningless catch-all.
Jamie Coots, star of “Snake Tabernacle” just died from
*drumroll*
Snakebite!
Guess Jebus didn’t want him to become an old Coots
Ogvorbis:
No, you aren’t a hero, just as you aren’t a monster. You are, however, someone I consider a friend, someone who shares a boat with me, and you go a long, long way in helping me to maintain my all too often fragile hold on mental health and stability.
And I still love you.
Can anyone help me? I’m looking for a link to a video that PZ posted a while back. It was a shortened version of a longer lecture about how, using QED, one can show that we know what we don’t know about the universe, and in the space of what we don’t know there is no room for a supernatural deity of any significance. He posted it in he past 1-2 years but I’m damned if I can find it. Thanks in advance y’all.
Ogvorbis
When you stand up to them, it has the same positive effects as others here have highlighted previously. You’re another person making it abundantly clear that their shit is not okay, and will not be tolerated here, and that helps others, whether or not it was the primary motivation.
And when you talk about aspects of your life as it is now, it helps people who have had experiences of such a nature, but can’t really deal with the aftermath, remember that there can be a life, and meaningful relationships, afterwards.
I know that that’s not universal, and it might not be helpful to express it that way, but it’s what it looks like from where I’m sitting.
Dalillama, thank you for your comment. I think that it may take a while to secure an appointment, but that it should be possible to do so before the next session with the therapist. The possibility of another therapist being available may be limited, given the length of time it has taken between being referred to one and getting to see one at all, but it should not be problematic to ask.
Ogvorbis-
If you are standing up to the jerks to exorcise your own demons, that sounds like self care to me- and Greta Christina came back to a point repeatedly in her Skepticon 6 talk- Self care is not selfish.
Trust me, I know how hard it is to believe that, but it’s true, and it’s important. You won’t be any good to anyone you care about if you don’t take care of yourself. Selfish? If you really want to abuse the word to the point it’s near useless, maybe, but if you don’t do it, it won’t be long until your ability to do anything that isnt’ selfish is fatally compromised.
*hugs, and/or other-and-non-intrusive gestures of support* for Bicarbonate.
If you need to vent, then let ‘er rip.
–
Additional *hugs* for Ogvorbis. Most of my points re your Awesomeness have already been made; consider them repeated, only louder.
And yes, this is PZed’s Place; we do come here with that understanding, and to read&argue, etc.—however, the [Lounge] is not the part of the site where people go for Moar PZed (low concentration of PZed to us casual riff-raff), but to read (and argue with) each other…which includes you. Do you see us ignoring you? No, you do not. Are we in some way compelled to read what you write? No, we are not. Even someone with a broken scroll wheel has the option to just hit the little down arrow until the Undesired Materials go away.
You has an audience.
We’re it.
On Purpose.
We are deliberately reading Things You Write.
–
Also, Ogvorbis, just because you regard your writing about your personal experiences as “therapy”, does not mean that it is not helpful to others.
Floor wax and dessert topping.
–
rq, that state looks Tennessee-ish to me.
Wikipedia confirms it.
–
Azkyroth, when I followed the link, I was tossed into the comments; the one you refer to (with the “reading comics” slam) was neither first-most on my screen, nor centered. I thought that might be the one to which you were referring, but wasn’t sure.
As a fifty-mumble-year-old reader of comics, it goes without saying that I don’t agree that it is a sign of childishness—though I’ve seen that opinion play out enough times in Real Life. It also “groups” with assumptions all that such things as D&D, SCA, anything involving costumes (including Halloween costumes on people over about the age of 14 (unless you’re talking about Civil War Re-enactors, because that is somehow different)) are signs of childishness and immaturity.
To this, I say “bah”, wave my hand dismissively, and ignore those people; for we are almost invariably incompatible in many other ways as well, such that we do not deliberately interact for long.
–
Cicely @49-
I’d kind of call it childish. But I also remember and try to live by the words of the Fourth Doctor – “Whats the point of being grown up if you can’t be childish sometimes?”.
There are things from childhood that we just shouldn’t let go of. The precise list will of course vary from person to person, but an obligation to give up childish joys once you turn 18 or 20 or whatever arbitrary age is just asinine.
gworroll, another thing I’ve noticed is that some of the people who don’t think adults should read “comic books”, are inexplicably okay with “graphic novels”, or the movies from the comics—which I consider ridiculous. Individual frames on paper, individual frames flipping past at super-speed…what’s the diff? It’s the content that matters, imo.
–
Cicely- I hadn’t thought of that before, but thinking about it, I have seen it. Movie is fine for adults, the original source isn’t.
Utterly ridiculous.
cicely
Makes me think of a mystery novel I read some years back which took place at a Highland Games event, full of people in kilts and plaidies and such like things, waving banners and slogans that haven’t had any meaning in a century or better etc, in which the protagonist was an active, enthusiastic participant. The sheriff has to be called away from his time off as a Civil War Re-enactor to come make an arrest, and turns up still in full fig. At the end, he asks her if the Games will be on next weekend, as he might like to visit.
Elaine Howard Ecklund is earning her Templeton bucks again:
,a href=”http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5i4tdCE4OUETTrxhVh_VjoTQyi56w?docId=d4c1d0b8-b597-427e-880c-1cbdec987455″>Science, religion go hand-in-hand in US>
Translation: “50% of Evangelicals said they had no problem with science, so long as science tells them that Jesus rode a dinosaur.”
Oops, here’s that link again.
I previewed it this time.
Pennsylvania Woman Admits Killing 22 People as Part of Satanic Cult
.
A Satanic cult? Srsly? Not verified by law enforcement yet. Maybe she’s trying to cast doubt on her confession for the one murder they know she committed.
I have been reflectful lately.
On life in rural areas, which is where I grew up.
Sometimes, when I read Inaji (and others) talk about life in rural areas, I am baffled by how they appear not to despise it.
But then, I had a realization. In rural areas, the pattern I saw (this may have been unique to where I was, but I’m guessing it isn’t) is that others around make you part of their business.
This is both good and bad. And whether the good outweighs the bad or not is heavily dependent on just who it is you have as neighbors. If you have good people for neighbors, this can be an excellent way to live.
If not, or if you aren’t their definition of a “good person,” then life is utter hell.
Those are my musings for today. Pretty wine-driven musings, but there they are.
I despise rural life because living 6 miles from even a convenience store is just a giant PITA. And for all my shyness and introvertedness and random insecurities about dealing with people, not being around them is horrible.
Which is one of many reasons I applied to the place I work now- Mall department stores are a good place to be around people. Sometimes this ends up as a bad thing, but mostly it’s good. I need to be around people to be happy, and retail is a good industry to be in for that.
If the promotion, either my Plan A or Plan B, works out, I’ll be able to move into the city and be in a much better place. Closer to work, closer to people.
Guys, just saw this. If true, Kansas is trying to make it legal to discriminate against gays.
cicley @49:
As an off and on reader of comics, I would say that if they are a sign of “childishness” then so are soap operas. Over the top melodrama? Check. Bad Guys that never get totally defeated? Check.
gworoll @50:
I dispute this. “Childish” has a negative connotation. I think “imaginative” is a better descriptor. Why is it more childish to read a story with pictures doing the description of the scene rather than reading paragraphs of the same description? Neil Gaiman’s comic won the World Fantasy Award for Short Fiction, which they may have then changed the rules about who could win, though wikipedia says:
And that comic was fan-fucking-tastic. And imaginative.
Dalillama, Schmott Guy @53:
Your quote at the end is beautiful. “I dress up, but those others who dress up are weird.” – Author knows the silliness.
*****
Esteleth, [an error occurred while processing this directive] @57:
Rural areas tend to have people who rely on their neighbors more than other places, I think. I also think your observation about how your neighbors behave is spot on. I admit that most of my opinions have come from reading about what medieval communities did, but the things I have read about seem to suggest things haven’t changed much. You fit in and so what is expected, you are held in high esteem. Question things, and then they can’t count on you, and you are an outcast.
I see your wine musings and raise you bourbon musings.
On the defriend, sent one followup(as I said earlier, more than once I’ve gotten a message through Facebook or other places, meant to respond later, and forgotten until the person reminded me), and I’m leaving it be if nothing comes of it.
Any more than that would probably quickly get into me *definitely* provoking a permanent defriend.
OK, I have no idea how to link to this comment on a facebook status post, but —
Dan Fincke posts about how Huckabee sarcastically whines that Obama will force us all into same-gender marriages. And a commenter on Dan’s update posts a “meme”? Basically a black background with a saying on it:
Yeah, I did a search, but I didn’t see where this might have come from. Someone with better Google-Fu might find a credit?
Tony!:
That was twelve years ago, so I only remember that it was a morning show with had lots of annoying sexist banter between two males who should be old enough to know better
rq – *joyful pouncehug* – Thank you for the magic anti-migraine ward. It seemed to help. I only had two last week, and with luck they’ll be fewer still this week.
Portia – *pouncehug with lots of chocolate* I’m very happy you are safe, but I’m so sorry you have had such a rough time of late. Please take care.
cicely – *return pouncehug with chocolate*
Do the dates line up exactly? My Mom thought her first grandson would share her birthday. Unfortunately for my sister-in-law, she was in labor for 48 hours and missed Mom’s birthday by one day.
I was thinking the very same thing. The Player Characters will certainly enjoy it if they are not eaten by arboreal alligators, and their antics to avoid said trauma might prove to be vastly entertaining. :D
David M– *pouncehug with American cookies*
What can I say? They’re truly a pair of romantics. :D
bassmike – *hugs and mental support*
Walton – *pouncehug*
gworroll – *hugs and chocolate* Good luck.
Bicarbonate – *hugs and mental support* I wish I could help or at least make a suggestion that might find you some relief.
Here’s a sport PZ might enjoy.
Good morning!
Ogvorbis
Second opposablethumbs here.
Speaking as somebody whose parents have spectacularly fucked up things…
Also, if you say what you do is selfish:
-I remember that you did so already before you remembered your past
-So what? Intent isn’t magic. If you do good you do good. If you like cooking and make a fabulous meal for the family because you like doing so, does the meal become any less fabulous because you took pleasure in making it? If you fight rape culture tooth and claw, does it become any less good because in doing so you help yourself?
gworroll
Good luck and fluffy hugs
bicarbonate
safe hugs
cicely
Ahhh, it’s one of those things where my mother always insists (or better said insisted since I don’t share my life with her anymore) that I’m doing “adult” wrong: You’re allowed to have such hobbies as a kids, and maybe a teen and very young adult, but at the moment when you are a Real Adult™ you have to stop.Full Stop.
When I was still trying to have a realtionship with her I asked her why she couldn’t just accept my hobbies she said she couldn’t because they were wrong. It’s been three years since that talk. I still play RPGs and go costuming once in a while, but I’ve cut my mother from my life as much as I can…
Also, yay for upcoming grandparenthood.
childish
I always thought that one of the perks of being an adult was that there was no other adult around to tell you to stop. That’s why I probably brought more seashells and shiny pebbles home between age 30
and 35 than between 5 and 10
RPGs and consent
We’ve talked about this before, so I thought I’d share.
After our last adventure, we (the players) were talking a bit about what the group would like to do next. I said that my character would greatly like to go somewhere with more people and find a nice warm bed with somebody nice in it. The other player joked that his character would qualify and I said that nope, because of consent.
As I mentioned before, that system has a religion that truely values mutual pleasure and consent. Everything is OK as long as you don’t force anybody and always have your partner(s)’s wellbeing and pleasure in mind as well and I love playing characters who pray to that goddess.
So my character could not fuck his character with a good conscience because she’s his boss and social superior and also his character is extremely naive and childlike. The player was a bit astounded. Maybe I got him thinking.
You know what?
I don’t understand libertarians. And other economic fantasists. Because among other things they rely on supply and demand economics making sense.
And I have to wonder if they’ve ever encountered a bagel with cheese on it.
I mean, depending on their shopping habits, they may well not have.
Which is surprising, and not.
Bagels with cheese on them are popular.
Very, very popular.
Understandably, they’re delicious.
And there is clearly demand for them, because every single store – EVERY SINGLE STORE – that purportedly sells them, in the greater Sacramento area, is out of them by 1 PM. (Except CostCo, though even CostCo runs out occasionally).
Every store under the Java City brand on campus? Out. Coffee Garden? Out, except once in a blue moon. All the other little independent shops? Out. Fivebucks Coffee? Doesn’t even CARRY bagels. The farmer’s market stand that has bagels and other baked goods? Is an anomaly, technically, but fits the general pattern that will be elucidated.
And yet, despite the demand outstripping the supply, the price remains pretty constant. Strike one.
Strike two is more profound, because this situation has remained static for several years.
Let that sink in. In all of the Greater Sacramento Area, and for all I know all the WORLD, not ONE FUCKING BAKER has ever actually said “you know, my bagels with cheese on them seem to be pretty popular, but I always run out of them by 1 PM, and I don’t want to change the price. I bet…you know, this is probably crazy…I don’t want to seem eccentric or dangerous here, but maybe…just maybe…if I made enough of them that I DIDN’T run out by 1 PM, I’d…maybe…I dunno…sell more? And…maybe make more money: …I’m starting to scare myself here, but….this could be worth looking at…?!”
(The farmer’s market stand, as I said, is an anomaly – at noon, when the farmer’s market closes, it’s always left with 0 bags of Pizza Bagels, 12+ unsold bags of Pizza Jalapeno bagels, and 1 +/- 2 unsold bags of Sourdough Cheddar bagels. Yet again, it never seems to occur to adjust the number of bags made of each type.)
Now, granted, I suppose it could be that every single bagel seller in the Sacramento area is in fact dumb as a stump, but that would be even more surprising. Far more credible is to reject the premise. (In fact, one must, because the alternative listed two sentences ago already presupposes that the law of supply and demand is not universal but applies only to sellers who are smarter than their wares. Also, there is evidence of sellers having to operate doorknobs on the way in to their selling, so the answer that they might genuinely not realize they have a supply and demand problem simply doesn’t add up.)
Seriously, if anyone can read about bagels with cheese on them and still believe in a straightforward “supply and demand” model, it’s time for a stop by the Flavored Light Socket Collection on the way out. >.>
Re: comics-
I agree with ajb47, they aren’t childish. While some comics are aimed at a young age group, many are aimed at an adult audience. And of those aimed at kids, many writers are able to craft stories in a way that kids and adults can enjoy.
I also dislike the idea held by some (not here of course) that there is something wrong with you if you enjoy comics after a certain-undefined-age. At 38, I still enjoy them.
****
Cicely, ajb47:
Do either of you buy any of the animated DC movies? I have stopped buying DC comics bc of the reboot, but I do want to get the latest release, Flashpoint Paradox.
gworroll, that (the one reminder follow-up, I mean) sounds about right to me at least – hope it works, and I really hope the promotion works out!
Hi, Giliell! Eh, speaking for myself (Spawn and all), some of us never seem to make it to Real Adult™ …
Off off topic, but good news everyone!
Denmark bans religious slaughter
http://www.secularism.org.uk/news/2014/02/denmark-bans-religious-slaughter
Haha, Lars, that means Denmark is moving backwards! Everyone knows that Latvia made the right decision three years ago, by allowing ritual/religious slaughter!!! [/serious snark, ref. last bastion of moral high ground]
More seriously, that is excellent news. :)
Tony @67:
I don’t. I bought all the Batman the Animated Series when they came out on DVD, but I haven’t kept up with comics in several years now.
A short history of English, with humour.
LynnaOM@25,26: Thank-you for this link at salon. Did not know of Megan Hustad but am delighted to be informed. Will search this book and read it. Julia Scheeres wrote a book in a somewhat similar vein (child of rigorously religious parents) called, Jesus Land. I loved that it laid the child’s reality bare for me so clearly that I was allowed my own ‘me’ again in the reading. Those among us who have been through it instead of around it, understand how the ‘me’ is taken/given away at a young age.
Ogvorbis, I don’t know you but it feels like you are carrying much long-term pain from harm done to you as a youngster. Alice Miller used to support a ‘childhood list’ where many of us could share what we needed to say about early harm and ongoing jags and barbs. As it turned out, we could be the voice for one another that each of us could not be for ourselves at times. It allowed me more room to breathe, to feel and not be judged for what they/I did in my childhood. It led out of talk into deep deep feeling where life moves… There is no talk therapy to say what feelings need to do. It needs to be felt is what I want to say. I say this respectfully and understanding that I am ignorant of your personal need. We approach these things as we are able or disabled. We do what we can. You have many friends here and lots of folks who admire your sharing. Thank-you for being here. And I humbly wish to join the ‘still failing at being human’ group if by that you mean fully human. (I used to have a sort-of friend, now gone, who would listen to me complain and then just answer, “INCOMPLETE”, and walk away. Imagine.
Good news RE the defriending- she had changed a few settings and lost some friends on accident(and apparently picked up a few strangers too), so we’re reconnected. Or will be once she gets around to checking her friends requests.
The other defriend had just deactivated her Facebook account.
So that’s all good now. I know enough about software development to know that these glitches happen, and no matter how good Facebooks programmers are they can’t avoid them entirely. Heck, it’s almost miraculous it doesn’t happen more often on a project of Facebooks scale. Still, it can really cause issues for people like me who struggle to accept that people like them(people with relevant knowledge and experience, albeit not formal training, have recommended I get checked out by a professional for this- I should look into what my health insurance covers now that I have health insurance THANKS OBAMA!).
Mummy whining
Some days, #1 is driving me to my limits and far beyond. She’s smart. She’s totally able to do all her homework within the allotted time. But she doesn’t bother to do them in an acceptable way. They are supposed to group “things” into 10s by drawing cricles around them and then count them. She uses a broad crayon and then doesn’t get the numbers right because she’s drawing over the items. Or she draws such elaborate designs that she never finishes a single item.
And seriously, I know the tricks, like dividing the tasks and so on and so on and nothing fucking works. Maybe being a bastard will work, so I won’t let her do anything tonight until she finishes and cancel after school activities.
Clarifying events: I may not know someone all that well and hope that their partner does, but damn, if I hate the idea of surprise birthday parties I should let that guide my willingness to attend. Party cancelled when the guest of honour walked back to their car, got in, and drove away. Sadness ensues.
I think I’ll just have a good long cry
Well, my sister is a lucky one… Bounced twice off the left-hand concrete wall of the fast lane, then spun out into the middle lane backwards into rush hour traffic, with nary a scratch. (The car is a write-off, though.) Some observant drivers following her, with good reflexes.
Giliell,
I am feeling blue too, hugs.
___
rq,
Thanks for some lucky news. Cars are big and scary, glad to hear sister’s protected her well.
Dhorvath
*hugs*
Giliell
*hugs*
I think I’ll go have a cry, too, just because. Exhaustion.
Dhorvath: Ouch. I would definitely be the person who would run away from a surprise party. Don’t blame yourself, though. Some people love surprises, some people hate them. The person planning the party should have found out the guest of honour’s preference ahead of time. It’s reasonable, as an attendee, to assume that the planner has chosen an event that the birthday-haver would enjoy.
And I would feel terrible, afterwards, about running away from the party. But I doubt that that would overrule my first instinct to run.
***
*hugs* for Giliell and rq.
@Ogvorbis:
yes. That’s how they find themselves here. But then a lot of us stay, and most of us skip long comments unless the handle is one we recognize. Most of us don’t even comment. The number of lurkers far outstrips the number of commenters.
It is almost certainly true, and I wouldn’t bet a penny against the proposition, that PZ has a larger audience than you. That doesn’t mean that your writing isn’t read and valued by many.
As for “huge” that’s pretty subjective, as David M well knows. Why don’t you let us – when we’re arguably right and proving us wrong requires knowing something about our subjective intentions not otherwise in evidence – simply say something that reflects our belief in your widespread and positive impact?
I love you, Ogvorbis. I believe that you discussing these things here leads to a better world. I’m glad you’re here and I’m glad you have an audience, of whatever objective size.
Sewer blocked by large
potatopooh.That’s a dirty bear.
Blood hell, rq. I’m glad your sister is OK. She must be one hell of a shaken up, though? Hope she doesn’t get any after effects of the shock, and that she can take it easy for a bit.
Giliell, express delivery of extra-large hug selection box – fluffy, ankle, chocolate, quiet and unobtrusive varieties, add pounce-and-squish to taste if desired. I’m sorry for whatever it is that is proving just too much right now.
*heap of fluffy hugs for Giliell*
35-page paper (pdf) on the history of research on the languages of the Caucasus and the varying and ongoing influences of various nationalist and communist ideologies on it. I haven’t read most of it yet.
Remember Franz-Peter Tebartz-van Elst, the German bishop who had a mind-bogglingly expensive residence (now estimated at up to 40 million €) built for himself? A month ago, an astroturf-looking organization wanted him back and said “long ongoing struggle for a direction”, “merciless ‘witch hunt'” (their scare quotes!) against someone so loyal to Rome, and “we don’t want creeping Protestantization”. Today, it turned out that he took all the extra money out of a charity that isn’t in operation anymore and was meant to help support poor families with lots of children. Both links in German.
The German government wants to reduce the growth of renewable energy and keep burning coal. Petition to stop that in German.
“Tell Congress: Overturn Citizens United“.
Petition not to cut funding for the EPA.
Interesting.
Krrr.
Finding out what the contents even are would require you to take a glance at the comic, and that would immediately and permanently revoke your Adult-Card. And that would be terrible.
My birth was predicted for one day after my mom’s birthday.
Instead of coming a day early, I was pulled out (suction pump thing) eleven days late.
Ever since, I’ve been late to everything and been disappointing my mom. :-)
Yay!!! ^_^
*heap of fluffy hugs for Giliell*
35-page paper (pdf) on the history of research on the languages of the Caucasus and the varying and ongoing influences of various nationalist and communist ideologies on it. I haven’t read most of it yet.
Remember Franz-Peter Tebartz-van Elst, the German bishop who had a mind-bogglingly expensive residence (now estimated at up to 40 million €) built for himself? A month ago, an astroturf-looking organization wanted him back and said “long ongoing struggle for a direction”, “merciless ‘witch hunt'” (their scare quotes!) against someone so loyal to Rome, and “we don’t want creeping Protestantization”. Today, it turned out that he took all the extra money out of a charity that isn’t in operation anymore and was meant to help support poor families with lots of children. Both links in German.
The German government wants to reduce the growth of renewable energy and keep burning coal. Petition to stop that in German.
“Tell Congress: Overturn Citizens United“.
Interesting.
Krrr.
Finding out what the contents even are would require you to take a glance at the comic, and that would immediately and permanently revoke your Adult-Card. And that would be terrible.
My birth was predicted for one day after my mom’s birthday.
Instead of coming a day early, I was pulled out (suction pump thing) eleven days late.
Ever since, I’ve been late to everything and been disappointing my mom. :-)
Yay!!! ^_^
Let me guess: the xenophobic party is involved?
and lots and lots of awesomeness. ♥
I just found out the hard way that the limit is 6 links. :-)
Petition not to cut funding for the EPA.
Homeless people are paid less than minimum wage (illegally, I guess) to clean up Fukushima “with no proof that their health is being protected.” Petition to stop that.
What does everyone think of this?
What in the fuck.
“The U.S. Department of Agriculture is considering a rule change that would privatize poultry inspection—allowing companies to inspect chicken and turkey carcasses themselves.”
Petition to fucking stop that.
@David M:
I don’t know enough about that effort, but there has been use and threatened use of eminent domain to force banks to take a loss on homes that they valued too highly (homes whose mortgages are underwater). The result is that the local/state government then owns the property and can lease it/ rent it/ sell it right back to the person still living there throughout.
There are neighborhoods that are hit by multiple foreclosures, with each one devaluing the neighborhood and putting more homes in the situation where it’s cheaper to default than pay the mortgage. This is a way of assisting not just individual homeowners, but tax bases (prevent further fall in prop values; keeps more owners in the tax district), vital services, and communities.
If good uses of ED are opposed to keep profits high for banks while preventing local jurisdictions from reaping the obvious benefits, that’s very, very bad. Kelo v New London says the local government can take your land to give to a corporation for a profit, eve if that profit does not stay in the local area. This qualifies as a “public purpose”. If so, certainly developing the tax base, securing communities, and providing vital services should constitute an ample motive to shift profits in the other direction.
Otherwise, this is all just a scam, and the 1% get to steal your stuff and make off with the cash and call it “good for the economy” while truly “good for the economy” measures are benched because they’d reduce the short-term cash of the 1% while healing the economy.
That couldn’t be the real truth, could it?
Well, it was not enough for ultra conservatives to pass more anti-abortion bills in 2012 and 2014 than ever before. They are still at it. It’s only February of 2014, but already the number of new anti-abortion bills introduced is stunning.
Here are a few:
http://www.salon.com/2014/02/17/the_5_most_egregious_antiabortion_proposals_of_2014_so_far/
Hekuni Cat, the dates are somewhat speculative, but “in the same general ball park as my birthday” works for me!
:)
:D :D :D
I, at least, expect to find it very entertaining!
–
Giliell, to my observation, the “hard” cut-off for “childish hobbies” is when you have a kid or kids, and/or turn twenty-five. Thirty at the absolute latest.
My mother, and her disapproval, are not in my life, barring the very occasional phone call.
If she dribbles too much of her disapproval at me through the phone, calls from my end become still more occasional.
I believe that this annoys her.
Tough noogies.
Also, *hugs* and commiserations.
–
Azkyroth, the part about the economic fantasies of libertarians that I can’t fathom, is their naive faith that , in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
–
Tony!, I don’t do DC comics at all, these days; they just browned me off too many times with their Multiple Crises-and-Crisis-like-Continuity-Rewriting Events, and Marvel is hardly better off (they lost me way back when Genosha entered the X Men’s story lines, coupled with unendurably terrible artwork). I’ve asked for a copy of the recent Ms. Marvel, because it sounds as if it could be interesting. The Husband reads a few titles from DC and Marvel, though I’d be hard-pressed to put a name to ’em. I do know that he dropped Spiderman, when it became Doc Ock in a Spidey-suit.
–
*hugs* for Dhorvath, too.
*arborigator*? Number Appearing: lots!
:)
–
And here we have another opportunity for Big Business to demonstrate that no, they won’t self-regulate.
Then, everyone will act all surprised when the chickens (inevitabley) come home to roost.
–
With computer-generated imagery being more and more accepted and ubiquitous (in mainstream films, yet!), it seems increasingly ludicrous to me to trivialize comics.
–
[delurks for necessity’s sake]
Oggie,
I echo what has been written repeatedly by other Hordelings. You are real people. I know you are because of your love and because of your regret. You are so much like I am (we are): fully human. With the scars and limps that prove it.
I, too, love you. You have brought not only joy and whimsy to my daily walk but also deep reflection and self knowledge. I look forward to more — by knowing one another we come closer to knowing ourselves.
Oh, also Train Stories and Fire Stories and, I hope, the story of your avatar pic. Zat really you? Where? When? Stimulated minds want to know.
_____________________
Earlier today I read the state medical examiner’s report on the death of my daughter. Reread it aloud in company with surviving daughter. Methadone and alcohol.
Please, dear ones, have a care with these things and be aware of their use by those whose lives are part of yours. Death is sad enough without those cases where an attentive friend/family member might have been alerted and able to anticipate.
My daughter died just a few steps from her fiance. Just a few steps . . .
______________________
Hugs, hoorahs, cookies, sage nods and heartfelt admissions of mutual identity to you all.
Love,
Crudely
[relurks for comfort’s sake]
ただいま！
What did I miss?
Off to catch up.
Oof. I’m so sorry, Crudely. If it is any consolation, with that combination it is unlikely she suffered much.
*big pile of fluffy hugs* for Crudely, together with my sympathies.
–
Ogvorbis
Should our lives be different and we were geographically close I wouldn’t hesitate to leave you alone with my child. I say this as someone who must, without fail, go and check on his sleeping daughter if I happen to wake up in the night. I can’t get back to sleep for the irrational fear that someone has spirited her away without waking me. Please understand that there is no higher trust that I could place upon a person than this.
I suspect that you will deem yourself unworthy of such a trust, but that decision is not yours to make my friend. It’s mine. And despite the hollowness inherent in my claim, times and distances being what they are, I mean the above in all sincerely.
Crudely
That post was a punch in the gut. I can imagine (inaccurately of course, but still…) all too well how I would feel in your place. Thank you for it though. Seriously.
The Small Fry is going through another boundary pushing stage and is right annoying with it. Remembering that everything is fragile and that loss is always possible helps me to remain calm, to cherish her even as I want to yell and stomp and loom and “Because I said so!” to get my way.
I know that this is a pitifully faint good to come from such an immense tragedy, but it’s all I have to offer. Well that, and all the hugs.
Fucking hell: “sincerity”. All hail Typo’s demon spawn: Spellcheque.
sorry
hugs
451 is 41* 11
FossilFishy, Elder Daughter and I were just today remembering episodes of truculence and petulance involving her sister. Mind you, both went through phases when such behaviors were on daily display but we both agree that Younger Daughter’s were the more demonstrative. More memorable too.
We were laughing through our tears in a strange place where delight and despair whirl round in a danse macabre. Both of us are finding that the grieving process is a trail that winds wildly through familiar yet unsettling country. Walking it together helps to straighten the twists and smooth the chasms. I’m not sure how I would be able to pass through without her.
Our children are not only the future, they are also a chief means by which we, you and I, will influence the future. Few of us will ever rise to prominence and be known so widely that our words and deeds will remain for long after we have passed from the world. If we wish to have a lasting influence we can hardly do better than to raise up children that will go on in our stead.
You can see how important, then, that we raise them with a gentle firmness (or, a firm gentleness, I guess) as we instruct and encourage them. We want them to carry into the future values that are not only consistent and just in discrimination but also infused with the above gentle firmness. Correction and guidance delivered with the same love and approval that birthday presents and rewards for good report cards are will always remain in the child and be passed, in turn, from them to the children of the future. No small part of us goes with them.
If you don’t mind, a parental tip? A useful accessory for any parent is a small but thick pillow. When you become frustrated and find yourself at the edge of anger — and you must always be prepared to recognize the moment and act quickly — grab the pillow and go to a closet or a basement or a back yard. Place the pillow firmly over your face and mouth. Scream loudly into the pillow. Several times if necessary. When your anger is spent and you have caught your breath, go back and hug your child. You’ll find it much easier to impart wisdom in gently firm tones.
____________
Cicely, thanks ever so much for the hugs. They are truly helpful because they are truly sincere and freely given. Also, they restock my inventory. I like to keep a few on hand ’cause, well, you know.
Esteleth, you had asked before what the cause of death was (no, I took no offense) and I couldn’t honestly answer until now. I am comforted that her death was peaceful but I can’t help but wonder if she dreamed as she fell asleep and if, for her, the dream had no real ending. Perhaps she still dreams in some timeless place between life and not life? I can never know but somehow in comforts me to imagine that maybe she does, maybe she even dreams of me . . .
*morning*
Thank you all
Fluffy horde-hugs are the best.
Let’s see if #1 deems to do her homework today. Yesterday was another lesson in “you can’t make anybody do anything” It IS true that you can talk, trick, bully or beat somebody into submission, but at every point they decide whether they give in or not. And since I don’t bully or beat, I lost. But I know that I’m not the one who’ll face the consequences, and I also know that she’s not able to understand the consequences yet.
Head->desk
Next attempt today…
crudely
*big hugs*
cicely
I guess you missed that point, too?
I always used to joke that my BFF was my parents’ biggest nightmare, because she’s somewhat older than me, so when they first met her she was already an “adult-adult”, married, grown kids. Then I realized that it was no joke…
+++
Holy fuck.
I participated in #terfmonday on Twitter because as a cis feminist I think that TERFs should be my problem. Holy cupcake, what a bunch of hateful liars. Seriously, their levels (and arguments) are the same as the MRAs and atheist misogynists. And I understand that I can just walk away from that shit. I’m trying not to.
Oh wow… Read a headline in Latvian: Scientist says boy and girl infants should get different kinds of formula, with the piece outlining in simple terms that boys and girls need different nutrients, and so formula should be gender-tailored. So I decided to see what the scientist (Dr Katie Hinde) says about this herself, since there were some other rather sensationalized claims in the article… and, as it turns out, it’s a case of bad science reporting, picked up and carried over by a Latvian media site that can’t do its own research. Seriously, people, 2 minutes is all it took me, with distractions.
Is it really that hard to write good science in a newspaper???
Ogvorbis,
*safe hugs*
— — — — — —
I don’t think “Maus” is childish. I certainly would not recommend it to small children.
Enki Bilal’s “The Hunting Party” about the backstabbings and murder in the Soviet communist party?
There are plenty of titles you could parade in front of the ignorant guy in the story.
— — — — — —
…and I like the dark humor of Garth Ennis (Preacher, Hitman, Goddess, The Pro)
“marzipan”
????????????
Is this where I should reply “I am the Walrus”?
(In Pratchett’s “Guards! Guards!” the countersign is “The caged whale knows not the mighty deeps”)
Winter haiku time: http://www.gocomics.com/richards-poor-almanac/2014/02/17
Big pile of hugs for Giliell.
Big super special hugs for Crudely. I’ve read that methadone is harder to kick than heroin.
carlie,
Seconded.
— — — — — — — —
Svante Pääbo: the DNA hunter taking us back to our roots http://www.theguardian.com/science/2014/feb/15/svante-paabo-dna-neanderthal-genetics -I am so buying that book when it is published.
*round of hugs for them’s as needs ’em*
+++
Possible new cat species found in Nepal, a type? subspecies? version? of Pallas’s cat. Cute! And vicious. I love the facial markings.
Moments when the threat of salmonella is not to be heeded: when the cake batter has been mostly emptied and the bowl needs licking.
Yes! I don’t bake that often, but on the rare occasions when I do this is exactly what I find; that salmonella will softly and silently vanish away – at least, just until the bowl has been put in the sink to wash up.
rq
Yesss
+++
Also: Double-Yesssss: #1 finished her homework today in time.
Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Hi.
Doing a little better.
Thanks for the support (shut up, brain!).
I like the ‘depression gnome’ idea.
glingleglingleglingleglingle
I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels that way. I seem to recall the other times it came up around here there was a lot of [cartoon sparkly-eyes]”Oh, they’re wrong, but some of them have had really horrible experiences, and I could never JUDGE them for reacting to them, even if I disagree :D”
*spit*
Oggie
But what about the “Give Dalillama huge bags of money” goblin?
Crudely
*hugs*
Giliell
Yay for #1 doing homework.
Yes!
+++
By request, I have made a strawberry cake for Middle Child, who made his mewling entrance into the world 4 years ago today. I invite you all to partake. With whipping cream-cream cheese icing and a chocolate-nut-butter crust. Gluten-free version available only via USB.
(I don’t know how I do it, but I make the best cakes. I have met all past and current request challenges easily, and with compliments. Tonight’s masterpiece awaits the judging committee, but I’m not worried about the result.)
I’m officially making this my WTF? face.
Happy birthday to Middle Child, rq, and happy cake eating to all of you!
Yesssss to #1 and the defeat of the homework, Giliell!
And YESSSS to the ongoing defeat of the depression gnome, Ogvorbis! Hope you continue to do well, and better.
Oh, and opposablethumbs:
It also reappears, suddenly and intermittently, when the children wander into the kitchen asking for a taste. ;)
Why, so it does – remarkable! (or rather, it did when they were little. It doesn’t always reappear now that they are adult-sized :-) )
#terfmonday?
I have a feeling I’m going to regret asking, but non-twits can find these exchanges, right?
Re rq’s WTF face @ 119: LOL.
In other news, the governor of Maine, Paul LePage, does not want to save the lives of his citizens who are addicted to heroin or other opiates. At least that’s the way it looks when he vetoes a bill that would allow emergency medical technicians and family members or friends to administer Naloxone, a nasal spray.
LaPage, a Republican, vetoed a related bill earlier.
Governor Chris Christie (R, New Jersey) held similar view until Jon Bon Jovi changed his mind. New Jersey link.
…Crudely, it sounds like if you have the spoons you might have something to say to them?
Here’s one army I’m willing to join, as a hawkmoth, of course. Not flashy enough to be a butterfly, though I might pass for a scarab. And anyway, it’s not like I write. But I really, really want that poster on a t-shirt. As a (forensic) entomologist wannabe, it would be Perfect.
Apparently, games made in 2014 have no women characters. At all.
Huzzah!
:*high five*
–
*holding out plate*
Can has gulten-free cake plz, rq?
–
From the link:
I *snortlerofled*, nearly aspirating a spoonful of black-eyed not-really-peas.
–
Giliell, for what it is worth, we went through a long period with younger son when he simply would not concentrate on his homework. He has, in the past few months, gotten amazingly better about staying on-task. I would like to attribute this to something we did but I think it’s just maturation.
Does anybody know when one should seek medical treatment for a rash? I have this itchy thing on my legs – patches here and there, mostly just itchy but with the occasional small raised bump, calves, thighs and buttocks. It has been going on for several days; there may be a patch starting on my wrist as well, but it has subsided since the morning diphenhydramine. Hard to tell what exactly is rash and what is redness from scratching. The itchiness is a hair below poison ivy; I am taking diphenhydramine four times a day, plus more caffeine than usual just to stay awake.
It’s just a rash, but it’s annoying, and if it’s an allergy I don’t know what it could possibly be to. I do have aggravating skin that likes to itch, but not like this; thing is, I really don’t want to have to make an appointment to see the doctor I don’t like just to have him tell me “Put some cortisone cream on it and call me in a week”.
Ah, yes, Salmonella and the Botulisms. Great band. Were into Glam Rock before that become big. Glam Microbes. Second band on the bill was often Free Food. For some reason, their concerts were not well-attended. People blamed the posters advertising:
Salmonella and the BotulismswithFree FoodVery popular with the Public Health people, who loved them so much they kept raiding the concerts. Why could they just pay to get in like everyone else?
That band was once supported Free Food. For some reason, that concert, advertised as:
Free FoodwithSalmonella and the Botulismswasn’t well attended. It’s probably the only concert in history with negative attendance — even the venue staff didn’t show up…
…why couldn’t they just pay…
(Grumble grumble grumble. Goes back to eating his dinner.)
*shunt gluten-free strawberry cake with whipped cream to cicely via USB*
Enjoy! :)
ledasmom
Do you have pets? Or anything else that might originate pesky biting insects?
If it’s bites mostly around wrists, ankles, and waistline, it may be fleas. I don’t know what bedbug bite patterns are like, though. Or other things. Just experience with fleas – nasty, itchy things that last for far too long.
I’m afraid I’m no good with allergy identification, either.
Reviewing bucket technology.
My FB feed is in top-notch shape today, must be all that ‘lympics in the air.
Interview could have gone better, also could have gone worse. Interestingly, as a marker of how well I am able to judge my own faults- the main concern my manager had with me in this job is pretty much *exactly* the main concern I had myself- dealing with some of the sale associates who don’t like our signing standards. This probably won’t help with this promotion, but it’s a good sign for my development as a person.
There definitely is potential for me to get promoted here at some point, even if it’s not this job.
I’ll know in a couple days, maybe a week, if I get this promotion.
rq, I’m pretty sure it’s not fleas. We did have a few around (accidentally let the cats’ flea protection lapse) but in my experience flea bites resemble mosquito bites and occur, as you say, around the ankles and waist. This rash does have a few bumps, but much smaller ones – the sort I often get around the neck/chin area – and a large area of itch that includes the bumps but is not limited to them. That is, it’s less discrete bumps and more of an area problem. Also, I’ve never had flea bites that I didn’t have a few in the upper-torso clothing-covered area.
I am sure there are worse feelings than the feeling that your pants are tickling you, but it’s certainly not pleasant.
gworroll
Congrats, and here’s hoping for good news!
ledasmom
Well, that was my attempt. :) Good luck with a solution, hope the discomfort ends soon!
“The one rich guy“.
“‘Isn’t there anything wrong with the French health care system?’ she asked“.
An effect of Obamacare on small business.
That sounds like I should sign it, then?
Next question: “The Obama Administration is negotiating a massive new trade agreement called the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) that would threaten American jobs and rewrite laws governing our food safety, access to medicine and intellectual property rights.” It does sound like NAFTA (to which it’s compared), but what’s that about intellectual property rights, and how bad is it really? “Join me in urging the mainstream news media to use their unique position as a trusted source of information in order to inform the American public and allow democracy to work its will.”
Seconded.
Yay! :-)
Bookmarked!!!
Everyone should read the whole dialogue. It’s stuffed full of win.
Holds 5 gallons of awesomeness.
rq- I get to do the acting signing lead tomorrow, if i’m lucky, I’ll run into one of those difficult sales associates and either get noticed by my manager, or find a way to work it into conversation “Oh, remember that bit we talked about? Yeah, that happened”.
drive-by *hugs*
rq
Happy Birthday to Middle Child
ledasmom
With #1 it totally depends on whether she sees sense in the tasks or not. So, she can take a complete hour to write 10 words if those words are just to train writing (like, writing “garden” five times in a line), and she can write a complete text that’s well beyond first grade in 10 minutes.
And things need to give her structure. The tasks they’re doing in math at the moment, they’re bad. But I can hardly say “you know, those worksheets are badly constructed, you can skip them”
CD
I would only advise if you can deal with teh hateful shit atm. Heavy trigger warning.
I’m used to being reduced to fuckhole and walking incubator by MRAs and conservative christians, but terfs are just the same in that respect. Only that they think that this somehow makes me the most discriminated against person on planet earth, notwithstanding the massive privileges I get for being white, middle-class, straight and cis.
I guess I feel about them as decent guys feel about MRAs and coservative christians: They are ultimately not out to harm me, but their views on my sex/gender are just as inulting.
Crudely:
*hugs*
–
Ogvorbis:
*safe hugs* – I’m glad you’re a bit better. We love you, we’re here for you, and it’s because we choose to.
–
Dalillama:
*hugs*
–
Giliell:
Whew, glad the homework thing got better.
–
Psuedo-step-parenting is fucking hard. Gah.
–
The funeral arrangements for Client are 3.5 hours away near her family’s hometown.
Her boyfriend was on the front page of the Sunday paper (above the fold!) declaring his innocence. Gag me.
–
I had two court appearances today. With the two most notoriously unpredictable judges in the county, respectively. They both deliver a nice dose of condescending sexism, to boot. I feel like I got a one-two punch of “there, there, little lady, the law is on your side, but…”
Good thing I have Girl Scout cookies.
(Tony, I’m still finding out if somebody has DoSiDos…they seem a bit scarce for some reason).
Obliquely regarding Obamacare / affordable health care
I recently watched Flawless, and what struck me most (besides a lot of other things) was the very end – where Walt (Robert deNiro) is placed in the ambulance, and the first fucking question is – how is he going to pay for his treatment? Before anything else is done. It seemed so… inhumane. Like, who the fuck gives a shit, people need help! But I know the reality is quite different. I’d just never really figured how different. The priorities seem so backwards… *sigh* and *sympathies* for those of you who have to deal with that system on a regular basis.
Portia
*hugs* for the sexism, and *hugs* for the parenting – pseudo-step or not, it’s an important role, and it will never be easy. But sometimes – sometimes! – it just may be fun. ;)
You can fight fires and convince juries, a couplakids should be no problem! Right? :)
*hugs*
I found some pies worth exploring. There’s one a couple back called the ‘unsexy pie’ that is giggle-worthy.
And a note on Putin’s victory. Dunno, it’s not just the Western world at the Olympics, though. This message has me conflicted.
Oh, and Jesus doesn’t even watch football. :)
rq:
Thank you for the pie charts, I”m giggling too.
That perspective is funny: “Stepkids: more challenging than violent criminals and structure fires combined!” ;)
I tried to be fun on Sunday. I was rejected. Bah. I’ll get over. I know all the reasons, kids are fickle, kids are irrational, kids are tough, but part of whining to you all is that I don’t have to consider all that and can just lick my wounds a bit :)
–
Tony! I have located the cookies we talked about and am going to pick them up from a defense attorney tomorrow at court. She said she had them with her at court today at the hearing we just had, ha. Email me and we can talk logistics.
I especially like this pie chart.
Just submitted my 30th peer-review for the Journal of Evolutionary Biology.
From quite a few experiences with rashes on myself and my progeny, the result will absolutely be “put cortisone on it and call in a week”. Can you get some over the counter hydrocortisone cream? I would recommend that highly. Also scrutinize everything you’re using – did the laundry detergent change (or did you even just open a new bottle of the same old brand), soap, shampoo, conditioner, lotion, etc. The doctor would ask about that, too. What I would not do is go for any of the “soothing” bath additives and such. Some of them can aggravate rashes more.
*hugs and calming manatees for Portia*
A click away from the pies: this funny and perhaps informative advice – except the toxic bit about dinner. …*giggle* I’ve never had sex with anyone I’ve had dinner with! :-D
MRAs and conservatives (Christian or not) are out to harm me, they just believe they’re doing me a favor instead.
Win. :-)
Forgot to say the link is most likely Not Safe For American Workplaces. There are no pictures, though.
Thanks for the hugs, David.
…just as an observation along the lines of Giliell’s “trying not to walk away from [oppression that doesn’t affect me]” ….that link is interesting and amusing and I like it except for the cis-centric approach it takes. (Lots of women don’t have vulvas to shave, and lots of men do.)
Hugs to Crudely Wrott.
Apologies to David Marjanović. I was out of line and snarky. Sorry.
Hugs to Portia.
rq:
Hooray for yummy cake :)
–
growoll:
Best of luck with the job.
I can relate to having trouble dealing with difficult folks at work…I am TERRIBLE at expressing my wishes/corrections to my assistant. I have my fingers crossed for you to get an opportunity to shine :)
Duuuuuuuuuuuuuude, gworroll I am so sorry for misnyming you. I switch letters, sounds, and numbers like that all the time, sorry about that.
From David’s link..
…. O.O
True in my experience, as well.
Why give her more ammunition?
Never brief the ‘enemy’.
–
Also from David’s link:
I just had to laugh at the thought of those lines being busted out.
Accidentally dropped an homage to Tabitha, child of Tpyos, over on the Cothran thread. Sorry. Should have been here.
Watching women’s 2-athlete bobsled. One of the athletes for the US is Lolo Jones, an Olympic hurdler. I mentioned the possibility of a cross-over sport — Bobsled hurdles. Wife topped me, though — Skeleton-cross.
Skeleton biathlon would be absolutely terrifying, but luge pole vaulting would be awesome. Or pairs discus, or marathon ice dancing.
How about half-pipe figure skating?
Ski jump shotput!
Equestrian Downhill?
Hello Lounge!
Just had a kinda stressful morning and then got a bit triggered by the tv news.
Stupid tv, coming into my home and abusing its stay.
I sent it away and am feeling much better now.
Equestrian shotput!!!
*hugs* for gobi.
*arborigator*? They’re This Week’s Special.
:) :)
–
Oh, and artistic luge jumping – want to see that
Racewalking on ice. Giant slalom curling. Synchronized luging.
gobi: be safe for you.*
* Yeah, I’m good at giving advice, not so good at following it.
Synchronized equestrian javelin downhill.
10,000 metre speed skating hurdles.
Thank you for the hugs cicely
And thanks to Og too
:)
Short-track biathlon. Greco-Roman downhill wrestling.
There’s a sucker born every minute. [smileyface]
Presented without introduction.
–
The sport-crossing comments are slaying me.
I’m saving every one.
also
*hugses* and *rummses* for everyone
I’m a little threadrupt (more like lotta threadrupt) at the moment, but I’ll catch up soon. Just wanted to say that I think the world of you folks (I will name no names bc I’ll forget someone and that will weigh on me).
Hi Tony!
4x100m relay curling.
cicely @176:
I know that, at least in Pennsylvania, you get to meet who you are buying the house from, but that gives you no insight into who does the laundry. 12 years ago, when I first became a stay-at-home dad (well, 11 for the dad part), I might not have remarked on the assumption of “[eating] our cat, woman!” in the last line, since I was much more of an anomaly then. But now? Don’t assume it was a woman.
I found that the first time the assumption bothered me was during one of my childrens’ school’s Book Fairs — opportunities to buy books for kids held in the school library. (Not everyone finds a Barnes and Noble a family outing, apparently.) The librarian told the students that one of the “moms” would help anyone who needed it. It was the first time I actually blurted out something. It was simple, and it was totally from surprise. It was either, “Who?” or, “Moms?” She’s (the librarian) been great since then, knowing that I am big into getting my kids to read. It may have been 6 years ago when my daughter was in kindergarten.
Yeah, I’m sure there’s some sort of inversion going on here. I hope a good one, in the end.
How about some events based on real winter activities?
100m Ice Chipping.
Pairs Christmas Lighting. (Degrees of difficulty based on ladder height.)
And of course the classic: Plowed-in Car Extraction.
Skeleton Hockey
Bobsled dancing
Slalom Weightlifting
Water Cycling Polo
though I think
Rhythmic Dressage Boxing
has to take it.
Good morning
hugs for gobi
David
True. I think the difference is that the main power TERFs have is actually via transphobic conservative shitheads. They rely on the fact that outing trans*women puts them at danger from those people. That’s leverage they don’t have on me. If somebody called my employer to tell them “did you know that your employee Giliell is a married straight woman?”, what would happen?
Sure, in the end their naive, science-denying simplistic binary bio-essentialism is harmful to everybody, but it’s neglegible harm for cis people at the moment.
+++
bisexuality (and language)
There’s this wonderful exchange in the Kingkiller Chronicles where the slightly naive protagonist learns that one of his friends (who is not part of the conversation atm) is bi.
And they’Re discussing the words.
“How do you call somebody who fancies both men and women?”
-“Lucky? Exhausted?”
In the end they settle for “ambisextrous”, I think
Good afternoon Giliell,
Hugs appreciated.
I’m adding all these awesome sports to the original Olympic bobsleigh piracy. Especially this one:
, where you have to carry the rock (no, not the Rock) over 100m of ice with one of those slippy shoes on, and then make your shot…
Luge pole-vaulting could be awesome, especially in the double category. And there are two options: 1) they hold the pole while going down the track, or 2) the pole is set up at the bottom and they have to hit it just right…
… And I’d watch this all the time, especially if they worse greco-roman armour outfits and finished off with a skeleton run into ski-jump pose. Ultimate winter pentathlon!
cicely
That’s definitely an alot of lint.
Today’s senseless comment:
Also, gworroll
Continued luck for an opportunity for you to present itself! :)
ajb47
I’m totally with you with the “mum bullshit” in schools.
I mean, it’s partly a self-fulfilling prophecy: You always only ask the “mums” for help, so there’s never a dad showing up for helping with crafting or serving cake, so you don’t even ask them anymore, so none of them ever show up…
And as a mother, I’m also offended and fuck annoyed at the idea that automatically everything that has to do with the lil critters is automatically my job by virtue of me being the mother (ironically, since Mr. is away during teh week it IS my job, but that’s besides the point). I actually asked teachers “is it OK if their fathers signs it, or does it have to be me?”
ajb47 (and Giliell)
Surprisingly, the boys’ daycare seems to be on the ball about both parents, probably because both mums and dads drop off / pick up their children.
The general society, though, not so much – any magazine that has to do with children automatically defaults to addressing women in all the language (which you can do in Latvian), without even trying for the ‘mum-and-dad’ variant. Husband has taken issue with this several times, especially after a seminar ostensibly for parents, but that addressed the audience as a monolith of mums (they were, I think, about two dads present). He said he doesn’t feel addressed, so why should he read / listen if he is not the intended audience?* At least it’s not stopping him from spending time with the kids.
*(Oddly, this idea doesn’t always transfer too well when I try to explain some issues in feminism.)
“Apparently, games made in 2014 have no women characters. At all.”
Yes , but in the alternate universe where the game designers grew up, humans are like the dwarves in Ankh-Morpork; Both genders look the same and have beards, making courtship a rather awkward* affair.
— — — — — — — — —
Reading “Misquoting Jesus”, I found that the passage about serpents and not being harmed by them -inspiring the snake-handling cults- was *not* present in the oldest fragments of the gospel (there are no originals left). So snake-handlers base their suicidal practice on what historians politely call a “pious fraud” inserted in the Bible aka “making stuff up in the name of Zod”.
And Ed Brayton just informed us that the most famous snake-handling preacher -familiar from a documentary- has died. Of snakebite. After he refused treatment.
Read idea history research. It can save your life.
Some people instead get the Darwin Award.
*how do you spell it? My spell check just gave up.
birgerjohansson
Awkward is spelt awkwardly, and weird is spelt weirdly. :)
Reading the link provided by Phillip Hallam-Baker http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+16&version=NIV I now understand why Christians are unwilling to accept the earlier, shorter version of Mark.
It contains no reference to Jesus actually rising but ends with the women running away. By contrast, the bogus lines strengthtens the case for the resurrection. This is the central tenet of faith so the bogus text stays in the Bible, too bad if some people die of snakebite as a side effect
Thank you, rq :)
For Thulsa Doom, having people killed by snake was a feature of the cult, not a bug. Too bad that Conan feller turned up and made things go sour.
(But shooting snakes as arrows was a bit over the top. And aren’t snakes too heavy to be used as arrows? )
Movie: “Frozen” http://satwcomic.com/frozen-scandinavia
birgerjohansson
Maybe not too heavy (if you get the right kind of snake), but how do you get it to fly straight, stiff and true? From what I’ve seen of flying snakes, they do so as rather irregularly shaped objects.
+++
I have figured it out!
Women’s distances in winter endurance sports are shorter than the discipline-equivalent men’s distances, because it takes too long for them to finish!
Some goats having fun. They figure it out by the end, and then the big one’s all “Time to go, y’all.”
Holy shit, Ukraine!!
The “best” part? How all these big media are all “Ukraine is on the verge of revolution!” when I believe it’s quite clear that they’re in the middle of a revolution, and have been, since November…
rq@198,
What most impresses me is that most of the media never mention the prominent part fascists ( yes, I mean real, honest-to-badness Hitler-groupie fascists) are playing in the anti-government action.
People here ought to enjoy this takedown of the MRA movement by Chris Menning. It’s excellent.
@my 200:
Not by Chris Menning, but on his Tumblr. It’s by Joe Ondrak – i flew bikes. (original)
Nick @199
I’d had some idea, since these types take advantage of any situation… But that sounds like they’re quite a bit more insidious than is good for Ukraine. :/
This version was more tear-jerky than the original. Not sure why, but it’s awesome.
One presumes the participants will be wearing the dressage hats and coats.
Actually, just require the hats and coats for all Winter Olympics events, period. Tenth of a second penalty on timed events if you lose the hat.
Beatrice @20:
You did not make me think I should shut up. You really can’t make me do anything. I chose to shut up because I could see things going downhill rapidly.
Lynna @21:
Not sure why Sunday was such a shitty day. Thanks for the support.
Dhorvath @27:
Again, I like the idea of the Depression Gnome. I disagree with it, too. The problem is, it inhabits a cobwebby part of my brain that is the unholy get of a slimey used car salesman and the worst ambulance chasing lawyer. The destructive sales pitch is all too believable, and the blame for what I did coming from the lawyer is hard to refute.
opposablethumbs@28:
I treat people like people. Is that really so rare?
rq @32:
Thanks. Not sure why my voice would speak to anyone, but thanks.
Dalillama @37:
I’ve raised my kids much the way I was raised. I keep forgetting (privilege again) that not everyone had/has competent parents. Were it not for cub scouts and bullies, my childhood would have been pretty good. I hope I did better for my kids.
Inaji @43:
I’d just settle for feeling human more than half the time I’m awake.
And there are a shitload of us on that same boat. Way too many.
gworroll @47:
I just feel guilty that use up so much of other’s energy in dealing with my own failures. Just a little more guilt for me.
cicely @48:
No. And when I’m down, I really wonder why. When I feel like who I want to be (or when I am successfully pretending to be who I want to be (which is the way I see ‘normal’)), I still feel like an intellectual and scientific naif compared to the intellect on display here.
Giliell:
I sometimes wonder if confronting my own sexism is what brought my memories to the fore? I actually went back and looked for the spot where I first consciously wrote about what happened. It was a thread called Predators Among Us and an asshole with the ‘nym Custador. But it was only after that that my anger and rage became focused. Which led to more memories, more associations. November 2, 2011 was the date. I may have alluded to it before then, but that was the first time I consciously used my life, my failings, my survival, as part of an argument against rape culture.
My intent was not to discover why I remembered my scout leader as a pervert but that’s where it went. So yeah, you are right. Intent isn’t magic.
plainenglish @72:
One of the big changes that has happened on this particular blog is that so many of us have come out and told, often for the first time in our lives, what has happened to us, what was done to us, what we did, and how we survived. And as each one of us told of our past, I think it helped most of us who are survivors.
Crip Dyke @83:
Yeah. Just the act of writing out what happened, no excuses, helps. Around 200(?) of us have admitted in various threads that we have been raped, sexually assaulted, sexually abused. And have been able to do so (relatively) safely. I’ll accept some of the credit (a small part) for making that possible.
FossilFishy @99:
Thanks for your trust. And you are right. I don’t even trust myself.
birgerjohansson @106:
Thanks.
NB! Groundbreaking analysis shows China’s renewable energy future within reach http://phys.org/news/2014-02-groundbreaking-analysis-china-renewable-energy.html
— — — —
I think the journalist may have misunderstood parts of this:
“A challenge to the genetic interpretation of biology” http://phys.org/news/2014-02-genetic-biology.html
— — — — — —
Study proves that wildlife crossing structures promote ‘gene flow’ in Banff bears http://phys.org/news/2014-02-wildlife-gene-banff.html
Good to see it works!
— — — — — —
Despite Iraq’s troubles, archaeologists are back http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/02/18/despite-iraqs-troubles-archaeologists-are-back/
Norman Ornstein, from the American Enterprise Institute / Jared Diamond of University of California : “Something’s wrong in Washington: Is American democracy in crisis?” http://phys.org/news/2014-02-wrong-washington-american-democracy-crisis.html
“is American democracy in crisis?”…and the last horse crosses the line :)
Possibly my favorite Onion article yet.
Misogynist-bashing on ice as an Olympic sport?
*hugs* for gobi
and for Ogvorbis.
–
Portia
That was an awesome article.
They should do a video version, because women’s sports often don’t get televised or advertised on TV as much as men’s sports – I’m glad they showed / are showing women’s bobsleigh live here in Latvia, and women’s skeleton, because they sure as hell don’t do that during the regular season.
Portia – that is truly amazing.
First of all, this emergency kitten. *squee*
Petition for increasing the minimum wage. Doesn’t say how high.
“Republicans have launched FAKE websites designed to look like those of Democratic candidates. These phony campaign websites are so deceptive that there have already been reports of people donating to them by mistake. The National Republican Congressional Committee is essentially funneling donations away from Democrats and into its campaign coffers.
This is outrageous and clearly unethical. Will you add your name and call for an investigation of these Republican websites?”
“This is NOT an exaggeration: In North Carolina ALONE, the Koch brothers have spent more than Democratic groups across every single Senate race COMBINED.
The Kochs’ $8.2 million has completely erased Democrat Kay Hagan’s 15 point lead — she is now tied with or trailing every single Republican challenger in North Carolina, which Nate Silver projects is the
‘tipping point in the Senate battle’.”
Therefore the Grassroots Victory Project of the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee asks US citizens & permanent resident aliens to donate here almost a year in advance.
Petition to bring postal banking back to the US.
“‘Joe the Plumber’ takes a union job at Chrysler” and tries to claim he was forced to join the union, which isn’t even true…
I remember the time I was forced to join a union. I was 18 and got a job as a night-stocker at Safeway (an american grocery store). I worked there for two weeks and then got a ‘better’ job at a cafe with no union. I got in trouble for changing my gloves too often and the owner would sometimes grope the employees. They got fired if they complained. I’m pretty sure he was snorting coke in the basement. One time he kissed a young woman because she had just gotten her braces off. Yay for union-free workplaces!
“A Common Thread Among Young-Earth Creationists, Gun Enthusiasts, Marriage Exclusivists, and the 1%” – interesting psychological analysis.
“New York Republican asks judge to delay his trial lest it damage the party in this year’s elections” – lolwut
“Winners of Prestigious Journalism Award Afraid to Travel to U.S. to Accept It” – “Laura Poitras and Glenn Greenwald have both won the prestigious George Polk Award for their investigative work in revealing the NSA’s mass surveillance, both at home and abroad. However, both Poitras and Greenwald, U.S. citizens who respectively live in Germany and Brazil, are afraid to accept their awards in person, fearing prosecution from the U.S. government for exposing documents leaked by whistleblower Edward Snowden.”
“The real primary fight of 2016 (and it’s not an alternative to Hillary)” – sets out a cunning plan.
From David’s link about primaries, reasons why Hillary is inevitable:
Yeah. Neither is Hillary. It pisses me off that she was treated so badly last round, but now all of a sudden it’s oh, the Democratic party is depending on you, and you simply have to run whether you want to or not. She’s said many times she wouldn’t run, she’s perfectly justified in looking at the Democratic party and telling them to go fuck themselves for how they railroaded over her last time, and she’s justified in saying that she’s done enough already. There’s a big difference between saying “please run this time” and saying “you have to run this time because now we’ve decided we want you to”, and that article is entirely the latter.
This morning I had a hard, tearful conversation with my partner. It was about the important difference between “I’m unsure about having children and getting married, so let’s take things slowly and find what we’re both comfortable with as time goes on” and “I’m unsure about having children and getting married, so let’s take things slowly and inexorably towards children and marriage.”
Not sure where things go from here, as we’ve run out of words and have run into silence instead. The last real statement I got out of him was that he felt he had wasted four years of his life on a myth. God, that hurt.
I have nothing I can possibly add beyond apologies and pointing out that I never hid my uncertainty.
Big hugs, TMM.
I’m so sorry about this rough time.
I have chocolate.
*hugs*
Mellow Monkey:
Safe and supportive hugs.
Mellow Monkey,
That is really hard, I’m so sorry. Patience is what I ask of my partner. I don’t know if you know my story, but life happened in such a way that I don’t think I ever want to endure another pregnancy. That is a change from what I used to think. So my partner is in the position of having to come to terms with a change in me, but I think it is possible. Humans change, maybe you’ll want a kid in five years, maybe you won’t, maybe your partner won’t. I think patience can be the best thing we can give to the people in our lives.
Thanks Portia, Ogvorbis, and yazikus.
Right now I just feel gross and empty, like a lanced boil. I know having this out was the right course of action, but it isn’t fun.
*so many hugs*, The Mellow Monkey.
@TMM:
Ouch, that bites.
…I don’t remember what you mean, and can’t find it.
Hee. I know what you mean. :-)
This early in my career, however, I put up with such unpaid labor for a for-profit publisher (I’ve reviewed 4 times for PLoS ONE, too). I sign my reviews* – that means people outside my narrow field (not just the authors of the manuscripts, but also the readers of the acknowledgments once a paper is published) get to know my name and some of my thinking, so they might end up citing my research** or even, once the cows have come home, hiring me. ^_^
Also, this one was the second version of a manuscript that was “rejected with resubmission allowed”*** after I had reviewed the first version. All changes the other reviewer and I had suggested last time have been implemented, so I’m happy and didn’t need much time to recommend acceptance after some trivial modifications to the text.
* Not to be misunderstood: it’s great that the option to stay anonymous exists, and it’s good that most journals make it the default that you can opt out of rather than the other way around. I’ve just never been in a situation where I found that the better option for me.
** …especially when I recommend they read my papers. Everyone does that, or so I hear. :-) …I only suggest my papers when they’re actually relevant, though. :-)
*** A ridiculous trick to make it appear like the time from submission to acceptance or rejection is unusually short. Many journals do this nowadays because they believe, for (presumably) some reason, that that’s an important factor when authors choose a journal to publish in. At each of the few opportunities, I tell them what’s important is instead the time from acceptance to publication – which can vary, between journals, from days (for online publication) to two fucking years in my experience.
Oh dear.
Yep.
and not telling anyone, meaning Mark himself can’t ever have heard of it – he either made it up or learned it by revelation…
Interesting. So where is the plan? Where is the analysis?
Looks like it; it waffles around without really saying anything specific. However, I don’t have access to the paper, so it’s hard to tell.
Note, however, that the journalists at phys.org – like most science journalists on the Internet – are too stupid to link to the papers they talk about. This one was generous enough to link to the journal (via a phys.org page that is cluttered with such irrelevant details as the name of the president of the Royal Society), and the paper is so new it’s still linked to from the front page – but, seriously, how hard can it be!?!
Interesting. I honestly had no idea.
But then, I have no idea why anyone is even asked if they will run two and a half years in advance! Just begin to imagine what could happen till then! Gah. At least the election for Congress will be this year…
Where I come from, parties have to pay fines when they begin campaigning too early – and this is actually enforced.
*so many hugs* :-(
My #30. This page. Sorry.
Downhill Synchronized Sumo Pirate Ice Dancing. Yakety Sax being the required soundtrack. And in the ancient Greece tradition, nude.
MM
all the *hugs*.
Now we’re officially Not Speaking. He needs a few days away from me to figure things out. I hope he’s okay.
I was kidding, as you discerned. I used to review a lot too. A reputation as a good academic citizen can never hurt (I know for a fact it got mentioned in my letters), and despite peer-review editors have much power–staying on their good side is a good idea! Plus, you get to see the new stuff before anybody else!
Because they have to decide that far in advance to start raising $$.
Bill Nye Science Guy to Debate GOP Rep Gohmert on Gravity
–
Internet Trolls Really Are Horrible People
–
abj47:
Or whatever surprises may be lurking in wait.
A friend of mine bought a house, after a guided tour by the owner (still living in it, at the time), never suspecting that there was an immense pile of used tampons crouching under the bathroom sink, poised to spring.
Or that what he thought were matte-finished bathroom sink fixtures were, in fact, shiny metal fixtures with a serious build-up of hairspray over top.
Sadly, tragically, this is true.
And, somehow, not everyone considers a fat gift certificate/card for B&N to be the Best Gift EVAR.
–
Ogvorbis:
You and me both, my friend; you and me both.
–
Portia, that is an awesome Onion article!
*popping out to Facebook it*
–
*hugs* and a *large pile of kittens* for Mellow Monkey.
That sucks really hard.
–
I’ve always wondered about this… Like, really – what’s wrong with these people?
In more positive news, the Olympics this year had mixed biathlon relay for the first time – to make it even better, have all participants ski the same distances.
Other easy-to-mix winter sports: mixed-team bobsleigh (2- and 4-person), mixed luge (2-person), curling, speedskating relay, hockey.
rq:
Of course, the man would have to be on top. Otherwise the religious right would freak out.
No, wait a minute. If they are both lying prone, and she was on top, that would imply anal sex and the religious right would freak out.
But doesn’t it say in the bible that you shall not mix threads or sliding sports?
Only when eating shellfish.
–
MM
Big serious hugs
And a cute Guinea pig
And I hope you’re ok
And another petition to raise the federal minimum wage to 10.10 $/h.
:-) I hardly noticed that one, and didn’t notice it was directed at me. I’m not surprised it was sarcasm. Don’t apologize so much! :-)
This is my unsurprised face.
*squeeeeee*
I have always thought it would be wonderfully restful to have a large number of kittens slowly fall asleep on top of one. Just a lovely blanket of small purring fluffy things. That is, it would be restful until somebody threw a ball of paper.
Or until you moved a hand or foot under the covers.
Because bedmice are the tastiest of all mice.
–
Ahhh, I now have the pleasure to sort out a delightful mess my employer made.
Last night my new classes (the ones I’m teaching) started. Now, somehow in the online description they apparently didn’t bother to update last term’s entry when I taught a Spanish class for people with NO previous knowledge. The print version has the correct description, because the 6 o’clock class is basically the follow-up to the class that started last term. So now I have a bunch of people who already had Spanish classes for half a year and a bunch of people who never had any Spanish. And another pain in the ass old guy who talks non-stop who even drowns out the PITA old guy from last term.
And yes, they’re always 60+ white guys.
*hugs* for The Mellow Monkey. And seconding Giliell’s comment that I hope you are okay too.
***
I started mostly ignoring local, national, and international news last year around this time, when thesis-writing got crazy. I’m just starting to feel like I might be able to handle reading the news again. And I probably should. But I have no idea where to start.
Any suggestions for relatively unbiased (online, text) sources of Canadian and international news? I see lots of left-leaning stuff already, and my local paper is right-leaning, so I’d really appreciate some less-biased sources.
I do not even know where all that bolding came from. Sorry.
Jon Stewart nails the issue(s) while discussing the latest case in which a white man gunned down an unarmed black teenager:
http://www.salon.com/2014/02/19/must_see_morning_clip_if_you_shoot_someone_in_florida_you_better_kill_him/
Scroll down for video.
rq:
I hope middle child had an enjoyable birthday!
Also, if you’re up for it, I’d like to friend request you on FB :)
(later)
After my unpleasant year of dealing with them, fleas now occupy a position on the list of animals I really, really do not like. In fact, they may be worse than mosquitoes (and you know how I feel about them) as they kept me, E, the cats, and dogs company for nearly a year. The mosquitoes, for all that they’re annoying as hell, only attacked in relatively small doses (in comparison).
****
ledasmom:
I hope you are able to figure out the source of the rash. It sounds bothersome.
****
gworroll:
I hope you can get the promotion (or *a* promotion as the case may be).
****
Giliell:
Ugh, terfmonday sounds awful. Thanks for fighting the good fight.
****
Portia:
I just saw your message about the cookies!
Excited am I!
Email pending!
(I hopes there’s no shortage of exclamation marks today!)
…
…
email sent
****
This may sound silly (it does in my head) and irrational, but I’m nervous about doing something that really isn’t a biggie. A FB friend has a challenge for herself to socialize once a month this year and after chatting with her, I decided to take up the challenge too (now we’re in a fun competition to see who reaches their goal first). Today I’ll be going with a friend to yoga. I’ve never done yoga before. I have no knowledge of anything about yoga. And I’m nervous for some utterly bizarre reason.
Moments of Mormon Madness, rape culture category.
Coverage of mormon culture supporting rape culture: http://www.kutv.com/news/top-stories/stories/vid_9739.shtml
Even LDS therapists got into the action here, pointing out that LDS leaders are supporting rape culture.
Right. That’s the mormon way. Only listen to the LDS leaders, to the quorum of geriatric white misogynists.
Regarding fleas and mosquitoes, in my neck of the woods mosquitoes also have a limited season. They are most annoying for about two weeks. Fleas seem to be much lest restricted.
Mellow Monkey:
My sympathies. I hope you and partner are able to resolve this in a way that is acceptable to you both (and involves the least amount of emotional pain and stress possible).
****
All these combo Olympic sports that you folks are tossing around that are making me spew nonexistent coffee from my nose…are these going to be the official Commune sanctioned sports?
http://s3.amazonaws.com/dk-production/images/69823/large/teaser_(79).png?1392813941
(amusing Stand Your Ground image)
****
The above is courtesy of retired science teacher, Jerry B Anderson.
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2014/02/19/1278797/-Invoking-the-well-being-of-the-dinosaurs-Utah-legislator-says-doubling-CO2-emissions-wouldn-t-hurt
Tony: I know that feeling, about socializing in a new way. Always scary.
I started taking a yoga class for the first time in January. It’s only been a few classes so far, but it’s okay. Not my favourite thing ever – the instructor is a little too woo-y for me and I don’t think her understanding of anatomy and physiology is very good – but enjoyable in some ways.
I tried to look at is as “I am trying a new way to exercise, because doing a variety of workouts is good for me. I probably won’t love it, but it will probably be tolerable.” After a few weeks, I am starting to notice some substantial improvements in my flexibility and ease of movement. That helps me put up with the woo.
My only advice is to take it slow and easy, and don’t let the instructor try to push you past what’s comfortable. If something is painful instead of stretchy, take it down a notch.
Nutmeg:
Thanks for the advice!
Also: I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the group classes I’ve tried so far (a couple of Pilates courses and now the yoga). I expected to be surrounded by a bunch of skinny, athletic, very feminine young women. There’s nothing wrong with any of those things, but I find people like that intimidating in groups. But the classes had some older people and some men, and not everyone was skinny. That was a relief for me.
I expect that the makeup of the class you attend will depend on the gym and the area it’s in. Hopefully you will feel comfortable.
All the hugs to MM. I hope you are OK, and I sympathise very very much :-(((
From the Daily Kos, a brief summary of the latest in Orwellian speech from far-right conservatives:
Oh, Mellow Monkey, I’m so sorry. How heartwrenching. I hope you will be ok.
*hugs*
Tony
Good luck with the yoga classes! Nutmeg seems to have some solid advice on taking it slow and going with the woo, but remember, in the end, you’re doing it for yourself, for your own fun! And may it be so!
I’ve been considering some sort of physical activity for myself the past little while, too – maybe I should inadvertently join in on this challenge? (But, oh, the scheduling!)
Yes, with mandatory participation in at least one – even if it is only misogynist-bashing on ice. Heck, especially so!
Now we need an engineering expert to build an arena for some of these…
Also, re: FB, yes. I can’t remember my privacy settings, but I will go home and see if I can find you on my FB, so expect a friend request from an eye-zed-and-ay. ;)
Whenever I refresh the main Pharyngula page, checking the Recent Comments part of sidebar, all those pizzas are right there.
I’m hungry now.
Why is everyone talking about exercising? Non-virtually and here. I feel lazy for not getting back to my workout.
Ogvorbis @231 (re: mixed luge)
Hmm, your comment does pose a quandary.
Damn that religious right, ruining all my fun sports!
(And yet somehow they’re ok with 4 men stuffing themselves front-to-back into a vaguely *ahem* phallic-shaped object… with wings. Often painted all manner of lurid colours…)
Beatrice
I want pizza too, and I’m only talking about exercising because I don’t do it. So there’s that. :)
+++
Oh, and *extra giant soothing hugs* for Mellow Monkey, I hope that, whatever results from all the thinking and talking, may it be, in the end, good and beneficial for both of you, even if it may not seems so today or tomorrow or soon. *hugs*
Tony @245, more coverage of the Utah lawmaker that thinks we need more carbon dioxide:
http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/politics/57562425-90/anderson-andrade-atmosphere-carbon.html.csp
This qualifies as a Moment of Mormon Madness. Jerry B. Anderson graduated from Brigham Young University and is a True Believing Mormon.
This is news? Time magazine reports that internet trolls are really sadists, according to a new report published in Science Online. (Sorry for lack of links, I don’t know how to do it.)
http://newsfeed.time.com/2014/02/13/internet-trolls-are-actually-sadists-study-finds/
This “online disinhibition effect” is also known as the “Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory.”
Amusing.
Tony
Yoga is great stuff, just so long as folks don’t push the “pathway to god” crap. Just remember to relax and breathe.
Mellow Monkey
My heart is with you. I experienced this many, many years ago. Numerous plush hugs for you.
Thousands of commuters were exposed to measles thanks to one unvaccinated man:
http://thinkprogress.org/health/2014/02/19/3305911/california-commuters-exposed-measles/
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2014/02/19/1278802/-Dear-Abby-offers-some-advice-to-anti-gay-couple-in-today-s-column?detail=facebook
Sweet justice indeed.
Reached the point in a Genetics and Evolution MOOC I’m doing where I had to set it aside in the previous iteration because of starting my job. So I’m on to learning new stuff.
One thing I like about this one that I think more MOOC instructors should do is flag videos of general interest, and of more specialized interest. The general interest stuff would more or less be what you’d see in a decent science documentary, and the rest covers what you’d get beyond that from a college course.
It doesn’t replace a traditional college course, but it’s not a bad way to spend some extra time if you are willing to put in some effort. While the effort to pass is comparable to the effort needed to pass a regular college course, it is free and enough can be learned to better evaluate science news and policy proposals. I’m not quite with PZ on his dismissal of the concept, though I absolutely agree that they are massively overhyped(the professor for this one also agrees that they’ve been overhyped despite loving the concept). If you get into MOOCs expecting the hype, you’ll be profoundly dissapointed. But if you expect something in between the better YouTube science content and an actual college course, you’ll probably find the better ones meet your needs pretty well.
Tony, Here’s That Bad Advice You Were Hoping For gave a sarcastic response to that one as well.
Here’s a look at one of the Lounge combo sports. Apparently we’re not the only ones with dreams and aspirations…
Mellow Monkey: oooh thank you. I simply must share that on FB as well.
TW: car accidents, death
I wasn’t going to say anything about this, but I think I need to.
Six years ago, I was witness to (and narrowly avoided being involved in) a very bad car crash caused by a drunk driver. Three people died, two of them in a particularly horrible way. Two kids were left without parents. I helped comfort the little girl who was pulled from the car her parents died in.
I was a bit of a mess for a long time afterwards. Trouble driving in general, especially at night, especially on weekends, especially on highways. An increase in my already-pronounced startle response. Every reminder of the accident was like a punch in the gut. I would start shaking and feel the blood drain from my face, and one time I nearly fainted. I had some nightmares, though thankfully not many, and never any flashbacks. And a lot of worrying. Worrying about ways I could die, ways my family could die, ways everything could go wrong. I spent a lot of time waiting anxiously for my parents to arrive home so I could be sure they were still alive, checking that the family pets were still breathing, checking the batteries in the smoke alarm. And I spent a lot of time telling my parents that I was absolutely fine and I didn’t want to talk about it.
I wasn’t fine, of course. I should have had therapy, but I was 19 and uneducated about mental health and treatment options, and there was no way I was going to relive what had happened. I did my best to focus on school. My GPA took a dip, but I knew that even passing my courses was an achievement.
Very gradually, over several years, things improved. I learned to lock away the memories, somewhat. I doubt there have been more than a handful of days since then that I haven’t thought about the accident, but I can usually manage not to think about the details. Six years later, the only visible traces are a bit more worrying about death than the average 20-something, a dislike of driving on highways at night, a tendency to overreact to near-misses on the road, and avoidance of movies with car accidents and fires.
I always wondered how I would react if I ever saw a car accident again, or was in one. I thought I might freak out, or have a flashback for the first time.
Yesterday I was witness to a car accident on the way home from work. A small car made a left turn when it shouldn’t have, and the truck next to me T-boned it. Fortunately at low speed, so no one was hurt. I stayed long enough to give my name and number to both drivers as a witness, and then university security arrived to take care of the rest.
Overall, I didn’t react too badly. I didn’t panic or cry, and I was able to be useful and then go on my way. But I’ve been spacing out a lot. I keep seeing how much worse it could have been and remembering the details of the accident six years ago, details that I’ve spent six years learning how to bury. I’m having a lot of trouble focusing on work. I’m worrying about an upcoming road-trip. I don’t want to go out on Friday night. I’m scared to sleep. And I haven’t told anyone what happened yesterday, because I don’t trust myself to talk about it without being visibly upset, and I don’t want to explain why I’m reacting this way.
So I’m telling you guys, because I should probably tell someone. I’ve had similar, though smaller, reactions to other situations. I know that it will improve, hopefully quickly. But right now this is scary and sad and overwhelming.
Nutmeg @264:
Sorry you are going through that and I hope it gets better quickly.
*****
And I have to ask what is up with Kansas?
Nutmeg:
Safe and supportive hugs. That’s really scary.
Nutmeg
Thanks for sharing, and I’m sorry for what you have gone through. I have driving anxiety myself, and for a while could only go to the certain places I would go every day, and I still avoid the highway, though, I think I could do it if I tried. I’m just giving myself time, and I find I do better when I drive alone and listen to a particular song that I like and know. I hope you keep doing better.
Huge hugs to Nutmeg and MM . I hope you’re both able to overcome your respective issues.
No significant update from me. I’m with my parents providing support where I can.
I’ll leave grog and cookies for anyone who wants them.
Thanks for the hugs, folks. I’m still ambivalent on whether talking about this helps or hurts, but this is the one place where I can be sure people will understand. And that definitely helps.
I’ve decided to just accept that I’m going to be a little off for a while, go easy on myself, and try to focus on the most pressing issues at work/school. The rest can wait until I’m more myself. In the meantime, the distraction will be good for me.
Oh, Nutmeg….I can relate to this so much.
Many safe hugs.
I hope you are ok.
Portia: *hugs*. I wondered if you might relate. I hope you’re okay, too.
Nutmeg, that sounds terrifying – I hope you are feeling better soon.
rq @ 262: I may never stop laughing at that picture. Also, the Olympics needs luge bowling.
Nutmeg
*hugs* and sympathies. L witnessed a fatal hit and run a few years back and has had similar aftereffects.
Yippee! I did it.
I overcame my anxiety and went to yoga. In retrospect, I had nothing to be concerned about. The instructor was very welcoming and geared the class toward newcomers (of which I was one of two). She emphasized from the beginning that there was nothing magic about anything we were going to do, which was nice to hear. I was worried about woo-infused yoga, but aside from a few comments about moving energy around, there wasn’t much pseudoscientific bs. It lasted roughly an hour and the instructor said this was her biggest class. I chatted briefly with her after we finished, mostly to thank her for everything and for putting my fears to rest.
I feel refreshed and relaxed in a way I haven’t in a long time.
Then I went with my friends to our local organic food store, Everman’s and bought some really good NOM NOM munchies (hello sea salt and black pepper kettle chips!)
Nutmeg:
I’m so sorry. That sounds horrible.
Though you said you haven’t shared the events of yesterday with anyone, is there someone in meatspace you might feel comfortable sharing your thoughts with?
Please take care of yourself and know that if you need a shoulder to cry on, or ears to listen, we’re always here for you.
And I just realized that I unintentionally ate a vegan meal a few minutes ago. A wrap with black beans, corn and some other tasty stuff, along with a rosemary/potato soup. The soup was “enh”, but the wrap was delicious. I’m trying to hold off eating the other half, but damn…
To acknowledge some kindnesses:
*takes deep breath*
Heartfelt thanks to
Giliell
Carlie
Dalillama
David (damn! thirty papers? you gonna be famous someday you keep that up!) Marjanovic
Portia
and as always, Oggie.
If I missed someone it’s only because of poor note taking and memory (memory, how does that work?)
You people are full bore wonderful. Like the invisible friends I never had as a child except real and much later in life. I cannot see you but, rest assured, each of you has a face in my heart. ;^>
______________
Azkyroth @125:
Err, sorry. Them?
Forgive me for being slow on the uptake. Got a lot of unwelcome stuff and images (for instance, that my daughter’s brain weighed 1450 grams and that her left kidney was only 70% the size of the right one (graphic images of my own making here)).
______________
Mellow Monkey, I can only hope that you and your SO find a compromise that neither beats up or down and that provides relief and confirmation for both of you. These things can be so intense when directly experienced. I had a taste of that once, long time ago. Have courage and be as honest as you can . . .
______________
From Lynna’s #256:
Quick! To the Wayback Machine or the Tardis forthwith!! (which is closer?)
We gotta tell Dmitri Mendeleev that nitrogen and oxygen are suddenly noble gases!!! Oh dear!! If we don’t, he’ll spin in his grave faster and faster until the earth whirls out of its orbit!!!! Hurry!!
_______________
Nutmeg, I hope you can externalize the horror and let it slide past you like water passes the bow of the boat. I’ve seen some frightful accidents, not all an the highway, and that was how I processed the images. Courage.
________________
Olympic event I’d like to see: Mixed Doubles Reverse Blindfolded Slalom. Sonic clues to indicate gates. Naked, of course, but for the boots. One pair of skis, mind you, with quad bindings arranged toe to toe.
*massive hugpile* for Nutmeg. I’m sorry you went through that, then and now.
–
Down-hill Ice Dancing.
–
Crudely Wrott:
Naked except for boots? Egads! That’s one Commune sport I shall not be participating in (unless there’s a version for Summer Olympics).
Thank you all for the hugs yesterday, they helped. (hello Portia!)
I have recharged my hug supply with chocolate, wine, pizza and the love of my partner and it is now time to redistribute them to anyone else that needs them – especially Nutmeg and Mellow Monkey.
I have given up on winter sports and am now into this:
World Stare Out Championship
Tony!, it’s the combination of cold, slope and nakedness that guarantees fast times!
(re: yoga. from some old TV show; I mean old, B&W maybe)
An old friend of mine, Eddie Green, RIP, always swore that strength was merely the handmaiden of flexibility. I would suggest you do yoga. Shit, you’re already strong.
Makes beer run. Back pretty soon . . .
OMG!
The Guardians of the Galaxy trailer is here!
https://t.co/yhuYsQbk2L
Total comic book geekout brought to you by the one and only queer shoop (accept no substitutes), who is a comic book reader over the age of 35.
Hi Tony!,
it’s all about the frame rate – the closer it is to 24 frames per second the more grown up it is.
Comic books: low frame rate. ;-P
Courtesy of my sister on Facebook:
The 25 best colleges and universities for LGBT students.
and gobi’s provides my education for the day :)
Thanks for the link. Trailer was great – wasn’t sure how they were going to handle this one.
“Who calls him StarLord?”
“Mostly himself…”
:-)
Not sure about the music though.
I’m seeing a lot of institutions in California, Oregon, and Ohio that are on that list. I’ve only made it halfway through, but I suspect there won’t be any colleges below the Mason Dixon line…
Aaaand I was right.
I wasn’t certain how they would handle the characters either. Given that we’ve got an anthropomorphic raccoon and a tree, it makes some sense to infuse the movie with some humor. It will provide a great contrast if and when they interact with the Avengers.
A quote from my #285:
Oh for the day that this is the case around the world.
As long as the humour isn’t taken so far that it becomes a piss-take parody. Hollywood tends to do that with concepts they don’t understand.
Some parts of Ohio are below the Mason Dixon Line.
See how the put Jesus back together again
I used to drive past ButterBall/Touchdown/Drowning Jesus frequently. This new incarnation was incarnated after my leaving the lovely Miami River Valley.
Doncha just luv how they build teh savior up piece by piece? (see link above for pix)
Crudely Wrott:
Yeah, you’re right. The anti-queer attitudes held by many are found everywhere and the invisible line of the Mason Dixon doesn’t magically hold the forces of regression at bay.
That said, you can’t rain on my parade :)
I had this to say on Facebook:
I
demandpolitely request that everyone stop having bad things happen to them.OK?
*hugs**rum*
Perhaps this can help brighten some moods (it’s done wonders for me):
A photographer travelled to 6 countries to portray gay couples.
There are some lovely images.
Hey, Tony!
Be all that you can be.*
______________
*this message in no way represents any recruitment slogans that may have been hazarded by the Official Dogma Of The Military Arm of the Present State of Things. OSMPST.
[no one can say that articulate that acronym three times fast without laughing.]
Sexism in comic book shops.
(much more at the link)
Damnation.
I had a Cuttleworthy rhyme almost in the sink when Firefox pulled the plug and sent memory hungry down the plug hole.
The poor little thing
Was so skinny and thin
‘E should have been washed in a jug.
Admits to borderline drunkeness. A soporific application.
Surviving daughter and SIL punked me. Two hundred dollar rent paid today went up their noses or in their arms or wherever they put that shit. All in one afternoon.
Last time I pay the rent in cash. Next month I pay by checks made out to utilities and such.
Damn me for a fool. How long is my love? Well, it’s a far sight farther then not feeding man cubs.
Tomorrow will be a day of lasting declaration. I can only be honest. I must be honest or be caught up in lies that I can’t remember let alone defend. Let alone create new lies to try to defend.
Honesty might cost me because for daughter and SIL addiction is more important than honesty.
I declare that in a perfect world (‘scuse me for conflating wishes with horses that beggars might ride) there would be no poppies, no opioids, no dope for dopes.
AAAAAaaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhh.
An end is all I ask. Will it take a lifetime? Several lifetimes?
What of the man cubs? They are on the front line with me. Our lives and fortunes are inextricably caught up.
Damn. The very chemicals that sustain us destroy us.
I die.
Don’t.
nonsense.
Some parts of Ohio–a lot of it, actually–are South of an extrapolation of the Mason-Dixon Line (they stopped somewhere south of (Fort) Pitt(sburgh).
Correction. I do not die. I survive. Others may die by their own cliches. Just spare the man cubs. They deserve to know better, to learn what to avoid, to learn what to embrace.
I am the last one to show them. The rest of the family is in shambles, all caught up in addictions to drugs or smug assurance or poorly disguised diversions. And TeeVee featuring loud explosions and splattering blood. And games. The games are always more important. Fondleslabs, faces pressed to tiny screens. I die for their ignorance, for their temporary diversion.
Correction. I do not die. I survive. Who, I ask, will survive with me. Shall I finally stand alone? Would not this foreign territory I used to think so exciting that has proved to be so mundane, so unimaginative and perfectly diverting yield to my stories and sly interpretations steeped in old cowboy logic and wrest these young ones back into reality? This one? The one that remains after all the stage trappings are stripped? I don’t know.
I try. I cry. I get up in the morning and look to the sky. Too often alone. Please, boys, look with your grandpa. Look up there. Do you see? Do you see?
noooo, you were wrong:
one: University of Maryland, College Park
@Chigau, 301:
K. I won’t. ‘F I can help it.
Your help helps.
Anx.
Here we go . . .
Nutmeg
*hugs*
And I second Tony on having someone in real life to talk to. Unless the thought of talking about it in real life induces too much extra stress.
Car crashes of any kind just suck.
+++
What’s the Mason Dixon line? *curious*
And in the OddNews category, I had a very vivid, very intriguingly active and interesting dream last night that had to do with racing and my uterus. The only note I took half-asleep on my phone was “racecar ovaries” and I know it was good, but I can’t for the life of me remember what the hell was going on.
*hugs* for the lot of you!!
Good morning
*big fluffy hugs* to Nutmeg
Yay for Tony Yoga
Actually, unintentional vegan meals happen here, too. As do many vegetarian meals. On the whole I do no longer worry too much about whether a meal is vegan or vegetarian, but on the total meat consumption. I figured that if I have 200g of bacon and use that in 2 meals à 4 servings I still use less meat than if I make one vegan meal and one with a pound of minced meat.
+++
Anybody remember the scene from The Gamers 2 where the woman walks into the comic/RPG shop? I so knew that scene. I could have written a dozen other ones, as well as about male Trading Card Gamers…
+++
Oh my fucking goodness
I usually enjoy Skepchick’s spin-off “Grounded Parents”, but this post and the subsequent comments by the author make my blood boil
I guess I’m glad that she is no longer teaching but only grading standardized tests, because I really don’t want people who actually don’t care about kids teach them.
Has nothing changed, or have we regressed?
I remember walking into an RPG shop in the ’80s and being told that there were some ‘wominz magazines’ for my partner to read while I looked for games.
Some books being re-published that might be worth a read. Anyone read The Borribles when they first came out?
Giliell
The scary part is I can kind of see her point (it’s nice to have some kind of standard against which to evaluate students), but she so casually dismisses all the other aspects of teaching, being in school, learning to think – it’s frightening!
I suppose that teacher who passed me from grade 2 to grade 4 way back when should have just given me a lower score because I didn’t pay a lot of attention in class (I read books under my desk as often as I thought I could get away with it, which was all the time). Er, no – I guess she did the right thing, since my scores on that year’s standardized test were super high.
(Also, I don’t know how it works now, but when I was in elementary/high school, the standardized tests came every 2 years or so, not every single year. And from what I can recall, they were merely used as a general assessment of general levels – which is, in my opinion, exactly how standardized tests should be used.)
David Attenborough takes on curling. *on the floor* He uses words like ‘frisking’ and ‘oversized walnuts’.
rq
See, that’s paedagogics.
It isn’t “tick boxes and then that gives you a result” (many people think that such a process is objective and fair. Science says it ain’t so). I guess that teacher back then realized that you were reading books because you were bored (used to do the same thing. My teacher then gave me more challenging tasks).
There might also be very good reasons why you wouldn’t let a child skip a class even though they have very high scores and I guess your teacher and your parents thought about them. My friend has a gifted child. He’s super bright. He’ll just look at a sheet with 50 new words for 5 minutes and then he knows them. Still they did not allow him to pass a year. Because he started school early already and skipping another year would mean that at some point he would be in a class where everybody was about 2 years older than him. You can’t cheat puberty because you’re smart, so they figured that this would have been a fool-proof recipe for creating on very unhappy child.
That’s the point: a standardized test doesn’t tell you shit about how and why that result happened and what you need to do now. Especially if they’re evaluated by somebody else and you only get the results.
Giliell
I agree with you. I hope your friend’s gifted child’s teachers are understanding enough to keep him occupied even at his current grade level, and hopefully he will be happy! (I’m sure there’s still the option of skipping him again later, when he’s older and they can actually assess his maturity compared to those two years older… and yes, that information isn’t on any standardized test!)
As for me, it was a split 2/3 class, where I did the grade 2 work, then participate in grade 3 lessons (and do that work, too) and then read when I wasn’t interested, so it was more like I did both grades at once.
That all being said, I think it’s important to get an outside perspective on any student’s progress, since there’s no guarantee that, as a child’s (or adult’s, for that matter!) teacher, I’m not letting some subtle bias or preference influence me in their evaluation. However, that doesn’t mean all evaluations lie completely outside of the teacher’s competence – just means they should get outside input, and use it as an extra tool, not as the ultimate guiding light.
Plus, multiple choice tests are horrible. Horrible!
rq:
So they want to limit women’s access to Caesarians by law. They want to eliminate the phrase (and I paraphrase) “because it is the wish of the pregnant woman”, in order to limit this unsafe and unhealthy procedure. Apparently women choosing how to give birth is bad. ARGH!
+++
Something pretty for the eyes: you don’t have to be a hockey fan to enjoy this goalie helmet.
Tony
Thanks! And wow, it’s actually a line of rocks?? I thought it was just an abstract concept. Cool! I suppose… (Though not the reasons for it.) I have learned something already.
Awww, cute critter:
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/new-type-of-marsupial-which-mates-frantically-then-dies-has-been-discovered-9139270.html
rq:
Despite the fact that I’ve used the term several times over the years, I’ve never really known what it referred to. I just thought of it represented the divide between the North and South in the American Civil War. I also had an image in my head of where that dividing line is. Turns out that dividing line was false. Chas’ comment @304 made me realize I didn’t know what the Mason-Dixon line was. Which then prompted me to go off and find out.
Thanks for that Chas.
Tony @316
haha, I guess god doesn’t hate sex after all.
Or else he created those marsupials first, and only later realized his mistake, and imposed stricter rules for humans.
Or something.
Science is awesome.
Nutmeg, I’d just like to add some sympathies and hugs to the pile. I hope you are OK – and I hope you can maybe get some rl support if/when you need/want it?
rq:
I have it on good faith that that’s exactly what happened :)
Crudely
Big, big hugs
rq
Sure, standardized tests have their uses and I don’t think that anybody is in favour of totally abandoning them, but they’re vastly overblown and they actually have a negative backwash on the classroom.
Yes, teachers have their biases, but standardized tests are not bias-free. And the question is also, what’s the result good for?
It is well demonstrated that teachers are bad at evaluating the actual performance of students in comparison with the general student population. So, yeah, the top student in the class might get As but still be mediocre when compared to a standardized test.
But, and here’s the thing: teachers are pretty reliable at telling which students in a group are good and which ones are struggling. So the teacher already knows which students need some extra help, and if they’re good teachers they’re trying their best to help everybody in the class to progress.
But with lots of stadardized tests*, there’s lots of teaching to the test. In language teaching, this can leave you with students who do wonderfully on a standardized test but who are fundamentally unable to carry a basic conversation in that language because that isn’t tested.
A grade, no matter how it was arrived at, never tells you anything about how this grade was achieved. The current standardized tests hype suggests that there is a meritocracy, those who got higher scores on those tests deserve better things (and their teachers better pay!) and we know that it isn’t true.
*by that I mean mandatory tests that are done at a state level or something like that. You can also use standardized tests if you want to actually evaluate your class only to get feedback
So what’s the link between this article on premature babies with low blood sugar and Islam, you may ask? Well, I have the answer, according to a FB friend:
There you have it, folks – use the Koran for all your science-and-medical needs!
(Though I’m not 100% clear that the article – which is woefully short and lacking in detail – says what she wants it to say… Unless maybe all babies 1400 years ago were born premature??)
Love to Crudely and Nutmeg and Mellow Monkey.
Olympics as a distraction, anyone? I adore Carolina Kostner. She’s not doing anything nearly as complex as some of the other skaters, but she is just so graceful.
This just reiterates your earlier point about the how and the why of standardized test results… Because no standardized test can see this, it takes a teacher.
Basically, the long and the short of it is, I agree with you. :)
Nick
Yesterday you pointed towards the participation of fascists in the current Ukrainian uprising – here’s a somewhat alternative viewpoint that may be of interest.
carlie
Unfortunately, figure skating is one of those sports they transmit late at night here, not during the event, so I can’t comment.
There was, however, a near-upset in yesterday’s hockey game, when Latvia came close to overpowering Canada in the quarter-final! :)
(I meant to append this hand-of-god save to previous post.)
Also, Crudely – because I bet you don’t hear it much at home, you’re going to hear it here. What you’re doing for your family is above and beyond what so many other people would do. This is not a “normal” situation, and you’re not just living an average life. Your struggles are real, and stressful, and you deserve to feel sad about it, and to feel put-upon for how much you deal with it, and jealous of other people for having easier lives, and most of all, proud of yourself for handling it with as much love and forgiveness and patience as you are. Your grandsons are whole because of you.
rq – did you see the thing with the bobsled? The Jamaican tourism board made a song and music video to go along with the bobsled races – here. It’s not only catchy, it’s timed and synced to the racecourse so you can play it while watching a run and hear it say “to the right” when they turn right, etc. It’s the most fun thing I’ve ever seen with an Olympics. I kept playing it while watching two-woman bobsled and couldn’t stop giggling.
“That is, it would be restful until somebody threw a ball of paper.”
I have provided a temporary shelter to many cats, kittens and adults, until a permanent home- suitable to the needs of individual cats- could be found. Kittens purring/sleeping on to of you only works with one kitten. The second kitten to arrive always wants to wrestle the first kitten.
Neighborhood Has Gotten A Lot Safer Since Mayor Vanquished Fire Troll http://www.theonion.com/articles/neighborhood-has-gotten-a-lot-safer-since-mayor-va,35195/
.
Distant Planet Terrified It Might Be Able To Someday Support Human Life http://www.theonion.com/articles/distant-planet-terrified-it-might-be-able-to-somed,35179/
carlie
Yes, I saw that! They make one wrong call near the beginning, actually, where the song says ‘to the left’ but the sled goes right. It was awesome, and I may use it for the 4-man competitions this weekend. (Thanks for that idea! And kudos to the Jamaican team, to come to the Olympics year after year with the intent to finish – their persistence is amazing.)
And while I’m posting… Crudely, what carlie said @328!
B double E double R U N, beer run, beer run.
B double E double R U N, beer run
All we need is a ten and fiver
A car and key and a sober driver
B double, E double R U N, beer run, beer run, bee-ee-eer run!
@300:
Oh, man, that sucks. More safe hugs.
rq @331 got there before I could — what carlie said (though it says 327 on my page).
Also, rq, that goalie mask is pretty cool. If painting goalie masks wasn’t an art form before, it sure is becoming one.
Jamaica, Peru… this is what the Olympics should be.
rq:
Yup. That is what the Olympics should be. No question.
So apparently a benefit of cryptocurrency (see: BitCoin) is that buyers cannot return products they have bought, because the cryptocurrency cannot be returned to them. Yup, sounds like an awesome system.
Ellen Page has super powers, but why is this newsworthy? http://www.theguardian.com/science/brain-flapping/2014/feb/18/ellen-page-has-super-powers-but-why-is-this-newsworthy
— — — — — —
“Makes beer run”
(Homer Simpson) Ah, beer……
Breaking Beer: Science writer to Swedish brewer http://www.thelocal.se/20140217/breaking-beer-one-mans-journey-from-science-to-brewing
— — — — — — — —
Does this count as urban archaeology?: “Swedish expert ‘disarms’ 25-year-old herring tin” http://www.thelocal.se/20140218/expert-disarms-herring-tin
— — — — — — — —
“An essential step toward printing living tissues” http://phys.org/news/2014-02-essential-tissues.html
Feeling a little better. Actually cooked last night: Italian chicken with potatoes.
Partially freeze 2 boneless skinless chicken breasts and then fillet into 6 or so thin slices. Dredge with
1/4 cup flour
a little garlic powder
a little oregano
some salt and pepper
and set aside in a single layer.
Toss
1 pound very small butter potatoes
in
4 Tablespoons butter, melted
and bake in a 450F oven for until tender and slightly browned.
When the pototatatoes are almost done, melt
3 Tablespoons butter
in a heavy skillet (big enough to take all the chicken in one layer, add
3 Tablespoons olive oil
10 cloves garlic, crushed and finely diced or, even better, run through a garlic press.
Gently saute the garlic for about two minutes and add the chicken fillets. Brown on both sides (should have dark areas where the garlic has adhered) until cooked. Don’t over cook.
While the chicken is cooking, mix
1/4 cup chopped parsley (less if dried)
1/2 cup grated hard Italian cheese
1 Tablespoon large crystal salt
1 Teaspoon course ground black pepper.
Toss half the cheese and herb mix with the potatoes. Sprinkle the other half on the chicken. Serve immediately with a nice salad.
That herring tin certainly sounds dangerous. I’d wear a hazmat suit, no question. 25 years! What were they thinking…?
The Myth Busters would have dealt with that fish in a rather different way… boom
Ogvorbis
That sounds delicious!
Question that you can answer for me: why do some recipes call for a mixture of both butter and oil in the cooking-on-the-pan bit? Why both? Why is either/or not enough?
China firm sets record for thinnest latex condom: Guinness http://medicalxpress.com/news/2014-02-china-firm-thinnest-latex-condom.html
The Chinese make condoms? The commies are out to harvest our precious bodily fluids!
— — — — —
The ups and downs of early atmospheric oxygen http://phys.org/news/2014-02-ups-downs-early-atmospheric-oxygen.html The history of the environment for the earliest organisms is far from straightforward.
Those condoms contain hostile nanotech! That is why the kids should be abstinent, instead of practicing “safe” sex.
rq @341:
Mostly it is to keep the butter from burning over high heat. The oil helps raise the smoke point.
Sorry if I jumped in there, I was just happy to actually know the answer. Sometimes it feels like that happens less and less.
Sidney Poitier turns 87 today. And the assistant of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Anthony Head) turns 60.
*dumps a load of hugs*
Looks like those may be needed.
Today there are no classes in the afternoon. So: I’m off to go get the Thai I ordered. Back in 20.
Ripper is 60! Wooo hoo!
****
Ogvorbis:
That meal sounds quite tasty!
*hugs* for Crudely. And carlie @327 said what I’ve been wanting to say, only much better. Take care of yourself.
***
Thanks again for the hugs, people. I am feeling a bit better today. Today is full of appointments and meetings and workouts and busy-ness, which is a good thing, I think. And, for those who asked, I do have one IRL friend who gets it, if I need to talk. I think I’ll be okay, though.
And, Dalillama: Thanks for mentioning about L’s similar experience. I’m sorry that happened to him. It was actually really helpful for me to hear about it. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t have as much trouble with this as I do/did, because I was just a witness/helper, not one of the people who got hit. It helps to know that others have had reactions similar to mine.
ajb47
Thanks for the info. :) It’s okay to jump in.
chigau @340
The fall-out…
Nutmeg:
I don’t think there’s a correct way to feel in the wake of such horrible accidents. Whether you’re involved in the accident or a witness/helper, such a tragedy is likely to have some effect. The trouble you’re having (had) may not be of the same degree as one of the victims in the accident, but it is still valid.
Nutmeg:
One of my oldest friends served as a medic in Iraq. He was never injured, but he came home with PTSD almost solely due to treating people and seeing the wounded and dead. Being a witness/helper can be very traumatic. It’s a different experience, but it’s not an invalid one.
Hmpth.
The tom yum was amazing and perfect. But the entree (lemongrass chicken) was blah.
Speaking of oil/butter combo, I coincidentally tried this just this week for the first time – it was a suggestion on how to cook some crabcakes I had bought on a whim. Worked great.
I haven’t ever had trouble with sexism at the comics shops…but that’s probably because The Husband and I shop as a package deal; and our current
pusherdealer is well aware of my interest in Things With Tentacles—and that this potentially means $$$$$ for him, if the Presence of Tentacles happens to coincide with the Presence of FunMoney.The biggest games shop here in Springfield, on the other hand, is an entirely different matter; they have blatantly ignored me too many times, and though I vastly prefer to support local brick-and-mortar stores, I will order on-line rather than give them my cash.
–
*hugs* and moral support for Crudely. And for the man cubs.
–
rq, your link at 310 gives me various errors when I click it.
–
birgerjohansson, I have just nicked both your links at 330, to share them with a desperately-bummed-out meatspace friend of mine. Thanks for the ammo!
:)
–
Ogvorbis, glad to hear that you’re feeling better.
:) :) :)
Also, your recipe sounds yummy!
–
And speaking of food, I am not as young as I used to be. I’ve been having some tingling in my hands the last few days, and last night it worsened to the point that I realized it was full-on edema, and was also affecting my feet a bit. After a few minutes of frantic runthroughs of all the bad possibilities, it dawned on me that I’ve had a lot of salt this week, as I made a bean and ham soup that I’ve eaten for lunch every day and the dinners Spouse has been making are also salt-heavy. I started drinking lots of extra water, and have eaten only sodium-free potassium-rich foods today, and I already feel a lot better. This kind of thing never used to happen no matter what I ate. Stupid aging.
Trigger Warning:
http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2014/02/returning-to-dozier-florida-school-for-boys
I’d say this was full on slavery, not just “like slavery”.
****
The above story reminds me of a recent conversation at work. This time, someone other than me brought up a discussion topic. I wasn’t around for the beginning of the chat, but chimed in when the discussion turned to corporal punishment. 6 of us chatted about corporal punishment, and I wasn’t the only person who didn’t agree with violence as a means to correct behavior. One other person agreed with me that it isn’t right that parents get to engage in physical violence to correct a child’s behavior, while the same violence directed at another adult could land someone in jail. I added the point that children are not the property of their parents, and that they’re human beings with rights. I also tried (unsuccessfully, I think) to impress upon the two parents present that
1: corporal punishment teaches kids–at an impressionable age–that violence is the go-to solution for dealing with problems.
and
2: many parents think spanking their child is effective, but that such “evidence” is anecdotal, and that the effectiveness of coporal punishment is seriously in question.
The discussion briefly touched upon attempts to draw a line between punishing a child and child abuse. Sadly, at that point, we had to get back to work.
rq @341:
I do it for taste.
The only recipes I see done this way are from that border area between the Mediterranean olive oil tradition and the northern European butter tradition.
ajb47 @345:
Oh. Well, my father always told me that if I wasn’t careful, I’d learn something new every day.
Looks like I wasn’t careful.
Conservative Republican legislators continue to pass laws that restrict voting rights. This latest news is from Ohio:
http://www.msnbc.com/msnbc/ohio-restricts-the-right-vote
Man, Eric Holder is going to have his hands full trying to get the courts to reverse all these voter-restriction bills.
More detail on the attempts to restrict voting in Ohio:
http://www.cleveland.com/opinion/index.ssf/2014/02/ohio_house_republicans_should.html
For those who don’t already know this, “Souls to the Polls” is a traditional means of getting black voters to the polls on a Sunday before the election. Transportation is provided, but voters are not told for whom they should vote. Huffman wants to reduce the number of black voters, and to reduce the number of voters who do not own a car.
Meanwhile, Ohio Democrats are trying to expand early voting (one of many tactics suggested by the President’s advisory group that looked into voting rights issues), to make it harder to disqualify ballots, etc.
I wonder which group is really trying to expand voting rights?
Lynna @359:
Well, to be fair, Ohio had, back in 2008, some actual cases of voter fraud. One precinct voted 100% GOP. Even the people who didn’t vote but were registered. So, of course, the only way to solve that problem is to make it more difficult for minorities and the poor to vote.
cicely
Hmm, it works fine for me – here’s the extended link: http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=777_1392789840 , maybe that will help.
Countdown until people blow their fuses and show off racist beliefs in 3…2..1
Fox’s reboot of the Fantastic Four will star Michael B. Jordan as the Human Torch.
::Gasp:: a black man playing the part of a character who is white in the comics!
Incredible ice (from Antarctica, not Lake Huron, as the post would have you believe).
Hmmmm. Re corporal punishment, I do not believe violence as a method to enforce compliance or punishment is at all valid, whether you apply it to people or animals. However, there was only one incident in my life where I disciplined a child.
I was invited to dinner in the home of a friend. She had a husband and a very young son. I was leaning on a door jamb chatting to my friend while she cooked dinner. Her son, with no sound or warning, came running across the room with both fists outstretched and plowed into my buttocks. It hurt like hell. He was a little bruiser. I yelped and his mother sweetly admonished him that this was unacceptable behavior. Welllll, the tyke was a little manipulator and obviously used to this toothless routine. He went back to the living room and his mother and I continued our conversation. About three minutes later he did it again, and again it hurt like hell.
I turned around, gently spun him around and placed a thwack on his well padded butt. Not hard, just quick and unexpected. It was designed to startle him and it did. My friend again admonished him with threats of a time out, then proceeded to admonish me. I was regaled with their theory of discipline which didn’t seem to have any discipline in it.
I should have left right then. The subsequent dinner was very tense. I obviously had abused their son, in their eyes. In my eyes, I taught him something he did not heretofore know… that actions have consequences.
I do not hit children or animals or anything for that matter. I was raised in violence and I am incapable of visiting it on anyone.
Reactions? What would you have done?
rq, that link worked just fine, thank you!
“Look how happy it makes them.”
–
morgan – wow, that’s a tough one. My first reaction would be that I wouldn’t have spanked the kid, but I certainly would have immediately kicked back at him and then said “sorry, instinctual reaction to BEING HIT”. But then that’s not actually any better, is it? And possibly worse, from an injury standpoint.
I think a lot depends on the age of the kid – there’s “here’s how children should act”, but the ability of the child to learn and do so is so individualized kid to kid. Ideally, maybe, the response would be “and now I’m leaving”, and any admonitions of you being rude or mean or overreacting to be met with “I’m not telling you how to raise your child, I’m saying that I can’t be in a place with a child who doesn’t know enough not to hurt me”. Not accusing them of being bad parents, or letting yourself fall into the trap of “he doesn’t know any better yet”, just saying you don’t care about the reason, the effect is that you aren’t going to be somewhere with a person who is big enough to hurt you, who seems to enjoy doing it, and who won’t be stopped by anyone else present.
morgan #365
While I don’t think that physical punishment is appropriate for most ‘bad’ behaviour, I think children should be taught that to expect a physical reaction to a physical action.
And how do your friends make the child do a time-out without physical force?
I would have side-stepped the second attack.
I wish my thinking had been quick enough to react as you suggested. To complicate the matter, the friend was also my “superior” at work. And I have the personality of a wuss, or at least I did then. To stand up to her in that fashion was more than I think I could have done. It was all very awkward and I was made out to be the bad guy.
When I thwacked his butt it did not cause him to cry. He was only startled. There was no pain involved. I did lose touch with the woman. I often wonder if anyone recalls that incident and if it really did have any effect. I truly suspect the kid became a bully. He was already one.
As a footnote, I have not raised any children of my own.
chigau, I also would have side-stepped the second attack if I had seen it coming. They were both sneak attacks.
Yes, with all those glum faces of concentration. :D
morgan
Hmm, I’m not really sure what to say – well, two things, I suppose:
1) I really really hate it when other people touch my children without discussing it with me in any way;
2) attempts “just to shock” can fail massively, for various reasons – I’m sure my dad spanking me with his belt was “just to shock”, but it was frightening as hell more than painful (and it lasts to this day).
So… Even when parental disciplining methods don’t seem to work, it’s very easy to cross a line when you attempt to discipline their children for them
A lot can be accomplished by simply following through on non-corporeal threats – time-outs, revoking dessert/movie privileges, etc. – even on very young children. For attacking other people (essentially, strangers to the children – which is where I would classify what Friend’s toddler did to you), ours would get a very, very stern talking to after the first round, and they’d be made to apologise, followed by removal from adult company (as much as that may be possible – e.g. confined to the couch for x amount of time or until signs of calming down are exhibited).
And I think that’s most often omitted, the actual enforcement of some kind of punishment, whatever it may be. If, after the first time, a child is told they would (for example) not have their usual film time later that evening, and they repeat the action, and still receive film time – then it’s not a good system of discipline. The follow-through is very important.
When they go for the stuff they really shouldn’t touch (computer keys, hot things on the stove), they usually get removed with a few stern words to something more age-appropriate for them. Reaching for the electric sockets, however, gets a sharp finger-flick to the fingers, because electricity is electricity.
And that was a lot more than two things. Sorry. :/
rq, I’m with you 1000% on “don’t touch my children.” My reaction to his hitting me the second time I think was just that – an unthinking reaction. But I did not give him a painful swat. That would be impossible for me. I am physically unable to hit anyone or anything. My muscles simply will not do it regardless of how upset I am. It is a strange sensation.
I was terribly embarrassed after the incident. His parents were not.
I think his parents should have been at least a little bit embarrassed. I know I would be.
morgan
I think the biggest issue here might be that this was not your kid.
I know I would get livid if somebody physically disciplined my kid.
What I do with other people’s kids if they can’t respect my boundaries is to pick them up and remove them from my company.
+++
TMI question
Am I the only person whose crotch itches like hell after trimming pubic hair?
Not having raised children I have no experience on which to draw. My question is this: how does one teach non-violence to children? I know that you can make rules such as “do not hit,” but where and how is the line drawn between random violence perpetrated by the child and valid self-defense?
Raising children has to be THE most difficult job in the world.
I haven’t had this issue, but I’ve had a lot of itching from regrown hairs that are too short to curl yet, on the parts I shave, if I skip it for a few days. Might be a similar phenomenon.
So, 4th grade students in California pretty universally have a large unit on the Mission system, where they do a report and a project, usually on a specific mission. This has been going on for a few generations now, with each being successively told a little more of the truth about how the missions actually operated and how the local Native Americans were treated. For her project, instead of making a model of a mission or something, my daughter and I had the idea of cooking one of the dishes the resources on Mission Santa Cruz referred to, and serving it to the class; we went with pozole, which is nowadays understood to be a pork-based stew but which the web sources referred to as having been made with beans and vegetables. All the web recipes we could find also were for pork-based stew, so we had to come up with our own.
The teacher wanted us to have her do a poster presentation and said she’d contact me to schedule it; she got back to me Tuesday afternoon saying she wanted us to do it today, and I only managed to nail her down on a time yesterday after school. As a result, I had plans for yesterday evening (it being a night daughter stays with her grandparents) ruined by having to prepare it on such short notice. It serves her right that we fed 2/3 of her class nearly a half-cup each of beans, with three hours of the day to go… :P (The rest had food allergies or wouldn’t try it).
The recipe came out fairly amazing, though, and the kids who did try it all really liked it. :3
Funny story: I met up with an old friend for a lunch out, with both of our families in tow. Four adults, five children in all, kids interspersed in age but within a fairly narrow spread. A relevant point is that most of us are blonds. I was sitting next to one of my kids, who was next to my friend. (large round table). My kid did something he shouldn’t have – I don’t remember exactly, but it was banging silverware on the table or tossing his bread back or something that I would have chastised him for, but before I could my friend lightning-quick reached out and smacked his hand. We all spun around to friend, who looked entirely stricken, and said “I’m so sorry! I thought it was one of mine!” :D
For Cicely :D
Bicarbonate
We have not heard from you in several days. If I recall correctly you were going into surgery for I believe, and please correct me if I am wrong, transplant surgery or something equally serious.
I hope the rage you felt upon awakening from anesthesia has subsided somewhat. I know that the experience of anesthesia, especially if you have been unconscious for several hours, can have a huge mental impact.
I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been thinking about you and I hope your recovery is coming along well.
Update on rash: Trying to get appointment with doctor (complicated business due to not having seen present doctor in a while, probably requiring something like a physical if I see that one, which would mean putting off seeing possible new doctor, blah). Rash is now occupying most of back of both thighs, large parts of belly of calf, parts of buttocks, wrists and occasional spots to halfway or more up back; additional spots show up nearly everywhere after shower (hot water). This does not seem normal. I am starting to wonder if this is possibly something viral, but does not seem to fit symptoms of any major infectious disease (no fluid-filled bumps, and nothing on face: ascending rather than descending rash). Diphenhydramine of doubtful utility; does help with sleep. Cortisone seems to do nothing, except that the act of applying it makes rash itchier.
Does that sound familiar to anyone? I am pretty much at the end of what was never a very long rope.
ledasmom:
I hope you’re able to get this rash taken care of quickly.
I also hope the rash isn’t accompanied by any pain or discomfort.
Thanks, Tony. Pain? No. Discomfort? Not quite as itchy as when I was young and learned why you never pee in the poison ivy patch, but nearly that bad. I am ever so slightly tired of it.
Nutmeg:
Yeah, I can relate on pretty much all of it. Including the fact that I have serious nerves from accidents where I wasn’t involved, but rather witnessed and/or helped. I have a knack for coming upon car accidents before emergency services arrive (when I’m not acting as emergency services…) I feel you. I’m glad you’re a bit better, and that you have meatspace support, too.
–
I’m reviewing some documents I just got pursuant to a subpoena. I just let out a very loud, very inadvertent cackle. My case is made. Jury trial number four, here I come.
Ah, Portia, how well I remember mooting when my opponent’s submission admitted defendant’s relationship to my plaintiff constituted a “relationship of dependence”, thus establishing the most arguable part of the alleged tort: which standard to apply to defendant’s conduct.
It’s got to be 17 times better when you’re winning a real legal victory for a real client.
*hugs* for Crudely, and everyone else as well.
carlie
Indeed, I have known many people for whom that would not have been a snide ‘how do you like it’ remark or intentional punishment, but the literal truth; upon being physicially attacked in such a manner, they will reflexively return violence. That little brat is damn lucky he didn’t end up with a broken nose. (Once again, I’m not discussing the ethics of this; I’m just noting that a lot of people would automatically react that way, however bad they might feel about it after the fact.)
Giliell
IME and that of people I’ve had such discussions with that’s a side effect of trimming or shaving almost any kind of body hair.
I had a reasonably successful day; I successfully got donations from two businesses of raffle prizes for the Tool Library’s volunteer appreciation event. I was also able to get some parts for a project of L’s, alhtough not the ideal ones (people who are slow shipping piss me off enormously. We ordered them online, but haven’t got them, and we’ve got deadlines too).
ledasmom – oh dear, definitely doctor time. But now at least they have to take it seriously! Rashes were one of the bane of Child 2’s existence when he was little, and almost every time the doctor had to shrug and say “dunno, virus?”. Even the time he was so covered there wasn’t an inch of clear skin anywhere, not even between his eyes and eyebrows. :( Best of luck to you – that has to be miserable. If you really don’t like your doctor, do you have an urgent care option? I may have been known to use urgent care now and again when I didn’t want to deal with the whole rigamarole of the doctor’s office. I’d wait until just after hours and then go in saying I couldn’t stand waiting until office hours the next day.
ledasmom
Yes, it sounds very much like eczema, especially the part where hot water makes it more visible.
I have sonspawn with extremely sensitive skin, and seasonal allergies. He would break out in a rash from overly dry winter air.
The most immediately helpful thing I found was colloidal oatmeal in a lukewarm bath. It soothes and moisterizes. You can buy it at a drugstore, or just grind up oatmeal very finely in a coffee grinder.
Eliminating products that contained sodium lauryl sulfate and getting older eventally ended his rashes.
Good luck, it is no fun at all to have miserable itchy children.
O hai!
I got stuck in and around Wikipedia, learned a lot of very interesting things (including a few that blew my mind), and now it’s a quarter past midnight and I’ve got nothing done!
Meanwhile, in Central Africa, the president gave a speech praising how professional the army was, and “lynched an innocent bystander, setting upon the man with knives and bricks, kicking him to the ground, stripping him to his underwear and stabbing him over and over before burning his corpse. It was the third public lynching in three weeks.” Petition to the president “to restore order and discipline soldiers for participating in such brutal crimes.”
kthxbai
Transgender students in VA can ostensibly play on the team they identify with, but not really:
Is there a way to allow transgender students to play on the team of their choice without undergoing SRS?
If anyone does the colloidal oatmeal thing, do be aware that it makes the bathtub VERY slippery.
Ledasmom, I agree with Tethys re your rash. If you have very sensitive skin hot water can cause a rash, dry air can cause a rash, high stress can cause a rash, practically anything can cause a rash. The oatmeal bath can be an excellent treatment. Also, Emu oil. Although it is gawd-awful expensive, it it very good for mystery rashes. Someone also once recommended good old olive oil to me once, but I never tried it. Good luck.
Got an appointment with new doctor, 9:15 tomorrow, which is not what I expected and makes me very happy. So we will see.
ledasmom – you’re not on antibiotics by chance, are you? The allergic reaction Child 2 had to Zithromax was a full-body rash, nothing else that we’d usually think of as allergies.
ledasmom, are you noticing any pattern to what time of day vis-a-vis the dosing with diphenhydramine the rash gets better/worse? You’re describing a classic allergic reaction.
Hmm, I haven’t seen CaitieCat around in a while. I hope they’re ok (can’t remember whether or not they prefer being gendered, so I’d rather play it safe).
Esteleth @ 397:
Started having rash while not using diphenhydramine; have used diphenhydramine before off-and-on (usually 12.5 mg. right before bedtime when having symptoms of hay-fever) with no issues; no food allergies or medication allergies except for a sensitivity to sulfa. In other words, I consider it unlikely (not impossible) that diphenhydramine is causing the issue. On the other hand, that would be a nice, simple solution.
Over in the I had to laugh thread, David M said this:
I never knew that! Now I’m exploring that function and there are so many characters. I may never have need of most of them, but just knowing about them is cool. Thanks David (even though your helpful hint was directed at someone else).
I once had an all-body rash from combining shrimp with a powerful antibiotic.
Oh look.
I should refresh before submitting.
Wow. What a great way to sell Girl Scout Cookies!
http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2014/02/20/girl_scout_sells_cookies_outside_a_green_cross_medical_cannibis_collective.html
This is bizarre. Anyone heard of the Texas Hooker?
Given how the term ‘hooker’ is often used (I can well believe more people think of the word as synonymous with ‘prostitute’ rather than a weather phenomenon), perhaps a different name should be used (it’s also called ‘Panhandle Hook’, which sounds better, IMHO).
Azkyroth, that recipe sounds really good. I am going to steal it from you and give it a shot.
Giliell
I have very fine and soft body hair, so it’s not normally an issue for me…unless I forget and do it right before going for a run or riding my bike. Oh, hello chafing.
ledasmom
Seconding Tethys on it sounding like eczema. I still occasionally get that reaction to water if I’m getting overly sensitive. Olive oil soap for my body, baking soda and ACV for washing my hair, and homemade laundry soap finally set me right. Whatever’s wrong, I hope you can find some relief soon. :/
Tony, that kid is…*dramatic pause*…one smart cookie.
Mellow Monkey:
::Groan::
Tony
Cait is fine, according to my sources :)
Argh!
I’m not normally one to watch videos (I much prefer reading transcripts), but I’m trying to watch some of the videos Slate has up recently, and I can’t seem to do so. I’m in Safe Mode on my laptop, so I can watch them, but can’t hear them. I tried using my cellphone, and was only able to watch one video. Nothing else plays. Same problem with my Nexus 7. Any tech person out there with some advice?
Portia:
Thanks :)
Eczema doesn’t usually spread that quickly though, does it? I have it something awful, but it’s slow-moving and a very different texture than usual rashes. But that might be just mine. One thing my doctor suggested to me last month for the eczema that has been surprisingly good – in-shower body lotion. Sounded gimmicky to me, but jeez, has it ever been helpful. I think the majority of the reason why is that I don’t mind putting it on (don’t feel sticky and gross after), and am therefore more likely to do it regularly as well as more likely to slather it on (the excess rinses off!). But it’s been great.
Sexism at a major chemistry conference:
http://www.salon.com/2014/02/20/sexism_plagues_major_chemistry_conference_boycott_emerges_amid_growing_outrage/
Translation: Women (and other minority groups underrepresented) just need to work harder to get a seat at the table. Do the hard work and then men will acknowledge your existence. Till then, sit down and shut up.
And if there was any doubt, Kress made reference to “political correctness”. Just after he mocked the idea of diversifying the speaker lineup in other ways.
Douchecanoe Rating: 7.5
An amusing moment from my day:
There’s a bathroom in the building that has a motion sensor right by the door, so as soon as you walk in the light comes on. I walked in, the light came on, and a voice from one of the stalls said “Oh, thank god. Now I can get out of here.”
:)
carlie:
Ha ha ha!
Carlie
Oh no! They could have been trapped for days
It was warm enough this evening that I was able to sit out on the porch and enjoy a very good cigar and book: The cigar was a CAO OSA (Olancho San Agustin) Sol. The book is Larry Niven’s Ringworld Engineers. And for dinner, some Canadian farm-raised salmon — a little smoked salt, some pepper, some garlic and ginger, the fried. Gently. With steamed broccoli.
Giliell, I can only speak of post-surgical-shaving, but hells yes! It was enough to convince me that I didn’t even want to experiment with shaving it recreationally—and the high probability that I would give myself razor-burn was just a secondary reason.
–
Azkyroth: Two down, manymanymany to go!
:D
–
Sympathy and well-wishes for ledasmom. I’ve heard good things about dissolving baking soda in your bath water, but have no idea how much.
–
Oh dear, it looks like Ogvorbis has cooked up another tasty dish. I wonder if he might wish to participate in The Commune Chef Challenge…
I also wonder who else would compete.
Tony:
Do we have a Swedish Chef in the horde?
Ogvorbis:
Not sure, but I’d love to see someone take the mantle!
carlie @412:
I can’t believe that hasn’t been used by some stand-up comedian by now.
Tony @411:
Really, James Kress? The shame is that people are complaining that women are under-represented, not that women are, you know… actually under-represented.
*****
As for putting your hands on my kids? Yeah, that’s a no. You might get through a tense dinner with me, but I would never willingly put myself in your presence again, with or without kids present. My wife would show you the door immediately. Possibly while holding one of our swords. (No, not really, but her vocabulary is much better than mine so she would probably verbally strip off your skin as you were kicked out.) It’s my job as the parent to deal with my children, not anyone I invite to dinner.
That said, we have no problem with a guest telling us our child is acting inappropriately towards them. We can’t see everything while we are cooking and serving food. I have no way of evaluating your statement about the mealy-mouthed-ness of the parents’ discipline, and the child’s knowledge of whatever toothlessness of said admonishment, though it seems to have been far less than you thought sufficient, especially since the child repeated the behavior. I would like to think that what we do comes across as more than what you experienced.
I want to say here, that though everything I have said so far is against you, I fully empathize with the position you were put in. If they weren’t people you often socialized with, you had no way of knowing how they would react to a pointed statement of how their child was making you uncomfortable (I use this for a general term, I know it was painful for you, not just uncomfortable). Here, we would have no problem with you telling our child you don’t want to be hit, ask them to stop directly, ask them how they would feel, etc. It was a tough spot, but my POV is you don’t physically assault other people’s children. Bruise or no bruise.
(An aside, in 265, I posted a link to a story about Kansas putting forth a bill to allow more smacking around of children. The Democrat who proposed it apparently sees no problem with causing bruises now and again. On children. A Democrat. Do they get warped in red states?)
Like I said, tell me, and trust that I don’t want my kids to think hitting others is OK. There are, in reality, many reasons a child would act like that, including that they were bored and needed some interaction. Three adults standing around talking and the child left alone? We would have put the kid in a time-out, with no count down, for the violent action, and then made some effort to make sure he/she didn’t feel neglected.
As for your question about how to teach kids not to hit — I have found that, “Would you like it if someone did that to you?” or a variation works wonders. I have been lucky, I suppose, that my children only went through a phase of hitting each other, and several time outs along with “How would you feel…?” seem to have put that to rest a couple years ago (again, my kids are 11 and 9).
******
And chigau (違う) @368
How to enforce a time out without physical force? Part of it depends on what you mean by physical force. We used the book “1-2-3 Magic” and it worked very well. Sure, when the child is younger, you have to carry the child to the time out place, and to possibly keep carrying the child there if they try to leave, until they stay. Does that count as physical force? After that, the child is told that the timer for the time out does not start until they sit in the spot without trying to leave.
The point of the time out is to give time for everyone to calm the heck down before pain and fear are used. As the child gets older, they get more and more detailed explanations about why what they did was wrong/bad behavior. I was surprised at how much they could actually understand at a young age.
******
Oh yes, Tony @363: Fantastic Four movie:
My concern is more that Sue and Johnny are supposed to be sister and brother. It is not precluded in this case, and I also understand movie makers should be allowed their artistic creativity, but there comes a point where fans are going to be unhappy with too much deviation. And movie makers need to balance their vision with the fans, pretty much whether they like it or not.
******
ledasmom’s rash:
My first thought is always poison ivy. You said it doesn’t seem like poison ivy, but I’ve had it bad a couple of times. Bad enough to get shots for it. Bad enough to take prednisone for it. I wouldn’t discount it, or poison oak or sumac, as the cause.
Here is what might on the surface sound like the weirdest advice, but it came from my doctor — take a shower with Dawn. Hey, I was all for taking a shower with Dawn, but he meant the dish detergent. The “poison” group is apparently spread by oil and Dawn, as shown by oil spill animal rescues, is very good with oils. Helps keep it from spreading.
That said, the eczema people seem to have a better handle on your symptoms.
Tony @417
I might compete. What are the terms of the Commune Chef Challenge? Although it should be the Commune Cook Challenge unless all the participants are actual chefs.
Problem is, I rarely measure the ingredients for what I cook, so as long as “about” this much is OK, I could be in it.
ajb47:
I never measure. I will use measuring cups, but I sure ain’t exact about it. The only time I worry about measurements is when I am explaining (or writing) to someone else what I do. Or have done.
Well shucks, ajb47. This wasn’t about you or or spawn.
ajb47:
Commune Cook Off (or challenge, as you will) is probably the better than ‘Chef’. I’ve no idea if anyone here is a chef. In any case, this imaginary cook off is meant to be a fun competition, so you can eyeball stuff or use measuring cups or pray to Martha Stewart to look over you if you want :)
Oh damn. Ogvorbis @415:
Whoa. It’s been awhile since I’ve had salmon. The little shop I trust best for seafood (My wife taught me early in our relationship that seafood needs to be fresh, and Buckingham Valley Seafood is the best I’ve found since then) is on the way to our campground, so we don’t get to go there much over the winter. It’s not always feasible to drive 30 to 45 minutes to get one meal of seafood (Yes, I have taken fresh to mean really really really fresh).
I have a great Cooking Light recipe for Balsamic Honey Dijon glazed salmon with lemon-pepper asparagus. Served with orzo.
I don’t smoke, but sitting on a deck/patio/lanai/balcony to enjoy a bourbon or Grand Marnier in my case — I get where you are coming from there.
ajb47:
That salmon dish sounds delightful.
I haven’t had salmon in ages. Now I want some.
morgan ?! epitheting a metaphor @423:
Not directly, no. But you wanted to know how to handle the situation. And I’m telling you that in my house, or really anywhere, if you hit my kid, that would be our last interaction. I’m telling you that if my father hit my kid, that would be the last time he would be allowed in their presence, and it would take extraordinary circumstances before I put myself in my father’s presence. Hitting a child — not the way to handle it.
You wanted to know a better way? The better way is to tell the parents. Maybe the better way is to actually interact with the child so they don’t feel like they are being left out of everything. And if, after the second time they do nothing, you leave. You don’t hit someone else’s kid. Your statements of “1000% against hitting kids” and “I hit this kid” are fundamentally irreconcilable.
I’m sorry. I can’t imagine your account without also imagining how it would go in my house. But you know what — in this day and age, with all the studies about corporal punishment not working, I am not a fan of anyone who hits their kids. And I say that as someone who was spanked infrequently while growing up.
ajb47 (#420)
Any fan who think it’s some major “deviation” to make a canonically white character black can go stuff rancid garlic cloves up their nose.
A. Noyd @428:
I meant the brother-sister relationship, not the white-black change. Though I understand there is overlap. I hope I was clear that I don’t really care that Johnny is African-American.
Okay, there are rules of the road in every journey. Mostly they are not delineated. Those of us less able to decipher them get run over. I’m run over. Good bye.
Tony @426:
It is in the cookbook “5 Ingredient, 15 Minute Cookbook” from Cooking Light.
If you promise not to blab to Cooking Light, what you would have is a Grilled Honey-Balsamic Salmon. It might include 1.5 Tablespoons of honey and Dijon mustard, 1 Tablespoon Balsamic Vinegar, garlic salt and black pepper to taste. You might want to mix all those ingredients together.
My wife is an attorney, so I am really against pirating things, so there may be brushing over the fish while grilling. (I really am against pirating things, but this book has a lot of quick and easy recipes, so I hope sharing one might sell more books.)
The asparagus part has some melted butter (I have used olive oil instead) and a lemon pepper bend of spices, and here is where we bring in the Reynold’s Wrap, drizzle the asparagus with the “fat” and the spices, wrap them up and put them on the grill until they are done.
ajb47 (#429)
I wasn’t saying you cared about the race change, but I thought you meant some fans would consider it too big a change. Given the whining about Heimdall in Thor and Rue in Hunger Games (even though the latter was canonically black) and the like, it’s pretty much guaranteed that tantrums will ensue. (Or have already begun, but I haven’t seen any yet.) I’m just saying people like that shouldn’t be humored.
Imagine if they made Sue black, too. I’m sure the appropriateness of having a black Invisible Woman would be so lost on the racists.
morgan:
I hope you’ll return.
A. Noyd:
I never considered how appropriate it would be if the Invisible Woman were black. I’d love to see that.
Honestly? Probably yelled “What the FUCK?!,” turned, and raised my hands halfway, then self-consciously put them in my pockets and tried to get a word in edgewise over the fucking MEME DISEASE that swearing in front of children is worse than being in (or intentionally causing someone) physical pain.
I am not irrevocably convinced that what you did was appropriate self-defense, but I lean that way.
A behavior which caused injury to another person was repeated in the parent’s presence and within the same incident. QED.
Morgan was quite clear that the parents were aware of it and perfunctorily but hollowly admonished the brat.
Morgan
*hugs* You will be welcomed back if you return.
A Noyd
I’m still not certain why Susan Storm isn’t being played by a black actor as well. (OK, racism, I know, but nevertheless).
morgan ?! epitheting a metaphor @430:
Please tell me I am misunderstanding this: You were less able to decipher whether hitting a child was wrong or right?
Because I am pretty new to posting here, and I’d hate to feel like my thoughts sent someone away.
*****
Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) @436:
And this says it’s OK to hit a child? There was no other choice?
Again, this says the best response is to hit a child? Because children always listen to their parents the first time. So of course, when they repeat the behavior, they should be assaulted.
Look, I admit, morgan was in a terrible spot. My view is you don’t hit children. Is it your view that we hit children? Are you looking for a corner case where hitting children is OK?
Both statements you quoted were posted as rebuttals to specific claims contained in or replied by the blockquotes that preceded them. Their validity has no relationship to the broader claim you’re trying to non-sequitur them into.
It is entirely possible that Morgan responding to a repeated assault and battery which had the tacit consent of the authority figures under whose control the situation nominal was, by defending herself with restrained physical force was not the ideal response. It was an entirely reasonable one, and since I basically have PTSD because of authority figures’ refusal to effectively curb violent bullying behavior in the children under their charge, I have to ask why you are so desperate to excuse it.
But, hey, “boys will be boys,” right?
And this, again, has nothing to do with the blockquoted piece, but you are referring to an actual assault on another person as “a behavior” and a restrained use of force to discourage not second but third and subsequent assaults, as “assault.” This is neither intellectually nor regular honest.
no, talk to the kid. “Hey! Kid! I don’t like that! Nobody does! Please don’t hit me again!” the first time (or, failing that, the second) would have done the trick for any but the brattiest brat. Why look to the parent to intervene? Kids are people too. Deal with ’em, directly is my approach.
ajb47 #420
Yes. Of course it does.
—
What Chas said.
“Stop that!” said to the perp is far more effective than “Control your brat.” said to the parent.
Especially in a loud voice and with lowered brow, because that is also guaranteed to attract parental attention.
Good morning
Thank you all for your feedback. It’s great to have a place where you can ask these questions :)
Portia
Thanks for letting us know that Caitie is OK
+++
Kids again
There was one instance where I promised #1 to hurt her. Since she can be very aggressive towards her sister who never fights back (although by now she’s trying to manipulate us into getting angry with her sister by teasing her until #1 dishes out some physical reaction), I promised her that I would inflict whatever she did back on her. Because pinching your sister so she gets bruised totally out of the blue is not OK (and whatever I did afterwards would not undo the damage). I think I pushed her once, then things got better.
+++
Wow, the person who wrote that article about standardized tests I talked about yesterday is now harassing me via email.
Chas:
D’oh!
Here’s another hearty thank you. I’ve been reading along but didn’t have any sort of answer for the most ideal way to handle the situation (plus, as a non parent, there’s a part of me that thinks I’m not qualified to answer the question). For some reason your response never occured to me, but after reading it, I feel like I was hit with a ton of bricks. That does seem like the most reasonable approach to take.
And morgan!
I don’t think anyone was trying to run you over – you opened a discussion where many parents have a strong opinion, and non-parents too. You were in a difficult situation without previous experience, period. I’m glad you shared and were willing to put up with opinions on your actions.
I hope you will return. Do you accept *hugs*? If yes, I have some for you.
Giliell
*hugs*
Did I mention Sidney Poitiers is 87 today? I don’t remember (My memory has ben poor from birth, it is not an age thing)
Maybe I need to sleep on it, but I’m having trouble understanding either of theophontes’ graphs. And I’m feeling bad for not getting it. Like it’s something that should be easy, but is flying way over my head.
G’night all.
tony
I think the point of the graphs is that they make as much sense as most other graphs on what is masculine, only more obviously so. ;)
I’m just doing this so
I can have comment
451
in
Lounge 451.
I knew I should have stuck a comment in the middle there!
And yes, Tony, the point of those graphs is that there is no point. Or something like that. :)
I am thoroughly ashamed to admit that I did not know there were black astronauts. For some reason, it just didn’t occur to me – that it could have happened before, say, the 2000a. Yes, ashamed.
Also a bit teary at the story.
President’s Day stain review http://www.gocomics.com/richards-poor-almanac/2014/02/20
Goddamit! I have something in common with Richard Nixon.
When cultists go wild:
“Faith-healing Pennsylvania couple sentenced to prison after second child dies”
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/02/20/faith-healing-pennsylvania-couple-sentenced-to-prison-after-second-child-dies/
“Lawsuit Calif. Christian missions tortured mentally disabled with bible punishments.”
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/02/20/lawsuit-calif-christian-missions-tortured-mentally-disabled-with-bible-punishments/
*grrrrrrrrrrrr*
I hate the University of Monty Python
Not only are there some credits missing in my records, no, yet again many classes are 4-6pm.
Family friendly my ass
I have always valued morgan’s comments. Morgan, if you leave, it will be worse off here without you.
Morgan posted about a singular event that happened in the past. In my opinion, ajb47’s response was much more strident than appropriate given that it was something already over and done with, and that it wasn’t anything egregious in the first place. Especially given that this is the lounge thread, where people are supposed to treat each other more nicely. Morgan, I’m really sorry that happened, and if my comment was one that made you feel bad, I regret it terribly.
ajb47, I don’t have any context by which to read your comments other than just the ones you’ve written here. I understand the fierce desire to protect your own kids, and that when you have a system that works with your own, it’s easy to generalize that. But there are people who don’t know how to parent well, and sometimes other people do have to step in. Please realize I’m saying this as a parent of a special needs child, the kind who everyone would stare at in the store and wonder “why can’t she control her own kid?” while I was trying to stop a meltdown those people couldn’t possibly understand. I am firmly on the side of “you don’t know what’s going on here so stop judging my parenting skills”. But when the kid is actively hurting someone else? That gets stopped real quick. And if a parent stands by and refuses to stop the child when they’re actively hurting someone else, that for me crosses into the realm of “ok, you’re obviously abdicating your position here, so if you don’t tell the kid it’s wrong someone else should”.
What the parents did really wrong in that situation was not bending over backwards to apologize to morgan. Irrespective of whether the kid was doing it on purpose to hurt her, doing it on purpose for fun, doing it on purpose to antagonize his parents, had poor impulse control, or truly didn’t understand it was wrong, when your kid does something to hurt someone else you apologize, and you go as far down to the floor as you need to. You don’t tell the hurt person they have to be nice about it.
So a couple things:
Does every married couple go through the “why don’t we just get married at the courthouse?” argument about the cost of the whole ceremony? I didn’t realize how much stress it was putting on Fiancee (I honestly thought it was because of her work) and now I feel terrible and am thinking we should postpone a bit just to save more money. Problem there is having told so many people about a September wedding, and people preparing for that.
Also, brides (or brides-to-be) what the hell is it with people coming up to you randomly trying to hurt your feelings? Fiancee has had people asking her “are you pregnant?” or “are you trying to avoid being an old maid?” too much. Her mother went off on a tirade about how I don’t care about her because I haven’t bought the engagement ring yet. (I wanted to, the store was closed for renovations over the month I was trying to go in to get the ring.)
Lastly, my crime-drama story is shelved. I’m writing something I think will be a little better because it pays attention to the most important aspect of my writing. I’ve built an amazing, robust world for my characters to live in. Why would I limit the view to a single city? So I’m working on a story that’s, more or less, a grand tour of Kathemega.
I haven’t read anything yet this morning, but I’d like to apologize for being as strident as I was last night. Apparently, this disciplining of children pushes a button more than I thought it did.
Sorry for alienating and for harping on it.
And I just read carlie’s post at 457 and I found that I was quite strident – totally independent use of the word. I will stay out of the discussion, because I don’t think I can be otherwise in this area.
Kevin
First: congratulations! Somehow I missed it if you already announced those news before.
Second: Here’s the one important truth about weddings: It is about two people: you and your partner.
Fuck everybody else’s expectations. If both of you want the big glamorous reception, go for it. If the two of you value expensive jewelery, try to find the means. If not: Fuck them.
Mr. and I bought some silver engagement rings together, cost about 40 bucks, the pair. Our wedding rings are Titanium, very simply, cost 98€, both of them together. Because I can’t stand gold anyway. To me, the important thing about that ring is the name written on the inside.
I started my day by shoveling the three foot high snow drifts from the back door to the front, so that it would be possible to use the front door. I don’t want to move again. Ever.
—
Re: Johnny Storm being black and Sue Storm being white. Mixed race families are an actual thing, ya know. One kid taking after one parent and the other taking after the other, sharing a dad but not a mom, sperm or egg or embryo donation, adoption, step-family that shares a last name, are all possibilities for two siblings to not have much of a physical resemblance to one another. Somehow Shakespeare fans can shrug off a black Duke of York as the cousin of a white Henry V, so I think comic fans should be able to deal with it.
Back when Jessica Alba played Sue Storm there was a lot of whining about her not being white enough to play the naturally blonde Invisible Girl. Yeah, because pale coloring is the most important part of the character. Oy.
My fantasy is to make a comic book movie with the entire main cast made up of women of color.
Introducing… The Justice League!
Superman, played by Zoe Saldana.
Batman, played by Ming Na Wen.
Wonder Woman, played by Gina Torres.
There would be so much outrage and gnashing of teeth.
::happy sigh::
@TMM:
I’d watch it.
I’ve got a question of etiquette for the academic types here. A professor asked me to write a letter of support for an Excellence in Teaching type award. He’s a good professor and wrote letters of rec for my grad school applications, so I was willing to write a letter for him under the assumption that it would be like a grad school letter: confidential. Now I find out that he wants me to send the letter directly to him for him to pass on to the committee or whatever. This I am not comfortable with; I can write a good letter, but not a glowing one and anything like the phrase “one of the best” could not be included in an honest letter.
So, what do I do? Suck it up, write the letter, and send it to him? Tell him that I am only willing to send the letter directly to the committee? Back out altogether? Explode? I’m at a loss.
…resulted in the statement being repeated back to you in a funny voice, followed by laughter and doubling down on the assault. I regret to inform you, having had a non-charmed life in which I have actually encountered kids who hurt people for fun at some point.
But, hey, it’s her fault because she didn’t ask him to stop, right?
Will you listen to yourselves?
Nepenthe: Write the letter, put it in a sealed envelope, and give it to him to give to the committee? When I’ve asked people for letters of reference, that’s generally what happened.
Azkyroth:
What is your preferred response to a child hitting you then?
Nepenthe – You’re entirely in the right to say “I think I’m supposed to send it directly to the committee – could you give me the address?” If he balks, you don’t have to take the angle of “I don’t want you to see what’s in it”; you can take the angle of “it means more if it’s confidential, because they know it’s my thoughts only and isn’t influenced”.
Children are awesome. They are also awful. No other situation in our lives has provided such a rich blend of stress and amazement as dealing with a growing personality. To say that no one ought to be forced to participate in helping that growth would understate how I feel about children and their care. So, my sympathies to anyone who has been presented with a child behaving poorly and no clear way to correct that behaviour.
I know my child very well, and I cannot always help them navigate social situations through words alone. I have the luxury of time and flexibility that allows us to relocate when things aren’t working, but that likely isn’t the solution for someone who is dealing with another’s progeny. The notion that any other person would know my child well enough to have a good answer every time they misbehave seems farcical: what works for me today may not tomorrow and what works for my child regularly may be completely ignored by some and send another into tears. (I have learned that the poor way: trial and error.)
Shoveled the path out to the compost. Found compost, no compost bucket. Dug under compost. No bucket. Dug two feet to the left of compost, more compost. No bucket. Dug under more compost, found part of bucket. Dug down several more feet, still couldn’t find ground.
Gave up.
@Azkyroth:
I seriously hope you’re not advocating that the proper way to discipline other peoples’ kids is to spank them.
There’s also a big difference between “this is a fantastic model” and “eh, that was an understandable instinctual reaction, and no big harm done”. Supporting the second doesn’t mean supporting the first.
Ha. Thanks, Ogvorbis. I appreciated the dry humor/sarcasm in #361.
In other news, Rachel Maddow presented an absolutely excellent, and sometimes hilarious, segment on the anti-science positions held by North Carolina governor Pat McCrory and his Secretary of the Department of Environment. The segment begins with a brief introduction that summarizes other topics she planned to cover in the show, but it swiftly segues into the fraudulent science, and Nazi science, (yes “Nazi Science”) taking over in North Carolina.
Absolutely fascinating. This was a Maddow exclusive.
http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/watch/anti-science-nc-leaders-no-laughing-matter-162715715644
I am arguing that the restrained, situation-tailored use of force to discourage repeated, pain-causing, unwanted physical contact, AKA “assault” in the common parlance (albeit technically “battery” legally, I believe?) is generally justified, especially when lawful authorities, or their analogs, have refused to intervene effectively to prevent it. This is applicable to no behavior which does not match that description.
I would also argue that lumping in assaulting a stranger with “child bad behavior” of which the “typical” examples would be yelling, sticking tongue out, etc. is a category error, and a pernicious one.
ajb47 @ 420:
I would have considered it, but no fluid in the bumps; also, I would have to dig down a foot or so to find any poison ivy, at this point.
Went to doctor. Now have stronger antihistamines and cortisone cream. Antihistamine is hydroxyzine, which is also, apparently, also an anxiolytic. That is probably a good thing.
The Mellow Monkey @ 471:
The weather has gone up to 40 or so, with the result that we can see our driveway for the first time in weeks. We had been parking on two inches of solid ice, which worked perfectly well except for the bump when one drove into the actual street. We are not sure, but we suspect there is a snow shovel somewhere under the snow that we will not see again until spring.
(For fuck’s sake, I’ve been really explicit about the scope of this being limited to the case of being assaulted. People may not agree with the principle I’m advancing, or want to argue for this being a special case, but can we stop talking as though I’ve suggested it would be justifiable to spank a stranger’s child for throwing a tantrum or something?)
Hydroxyzine is the only antihistamine that appreciably attenuates my general skin itching, so that should definitely be helpful.
(It’s also 57 years old, and it’s a fucking disgrace that it’s not available OTC. My life would be infinitely easier if it were.)
We have talked before about Kansas conservatives trying to pass so-called “religious freedom” bills that would make it okay to discriminate against GLBT people (or against anyone that offended their religious sensibilities). Now we see that Arizona is doing the same thing.
Similar bills are being pushed in Idaho, Nevada, Ohio, Oregon, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah and Maine.
I suspect an ALEC bit of legislation that is now being passed around to all of the states. Looks like a major push to enshrine discrimination and to halt the so-called “gay lifestyle.” This is a major campaign.
Let’s hope Governor Jan Brewer doesn’t sign the bill. LA Times link.
Bills like this would allow corporations to refuse to hire anyone who was not Christian, to refuse to hire gays, and to block GLBT people from obtaining services from almost any business or state office.
This is a follow up to my post #474.
http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/meet-mccrorys-top-environmental-official
So, Facebook is mucked up with some silly sporting contest. I closed my tab.
___
In other news. I may not be courted for employment opportunities, but someone very close to me is meeting with a former superior about a position at their new digs. It’s very exciting and kind of clandestine. So shhh.
___
Azkyroth,
Okay. I would take exception with differentiating between assault and tantrum when talking about a preschooler. Unacceptable behaviour is just that, unacceptable. It all needs to be processed and dealt with, but I think you are making a dangerous argument when you talk about battery, legality, and authorities. Kids don’t know better, yet. I won’t argue that it is anyone’s duty to teach them that, but understanding where they are at developmentally would suggest different language be used.
@Azkyroth:
You’re still hitting someone else’s child.
Kevin,
It’s entirely possible that I am misreading your aim here. If it’s a good approach to what is happening, then it is acceptable for people who want to be involved to be involved, regardless of their specific relationship to the child. If it’s not a good approach, no one ought to do it.
Then, fine. In the specific case of repeated physical assault, where appealing to the people under whose charge the child is supposed to be to intervene has failed to prevent it, the restrained use of force, including “hitting” in a restrained fashion, to prevent further assault is justified. This is a very narrow claim and I stand by it.
How would I have responded to a stranger giving my child a single swat to prevent her from further assaulting them after the second time it happened? Easy. I wouldn’t have allowed there to be a second time.
@Azkyroth:
And it’s amazing you’re such a wonderful disciplinarian, but a lot of people just weren’t taught that the best discipline ain’t no discipline.
And how is assault a good way to prevent assault?
That easy, heh? Do you have children? Spent a lot of time around them maybe? Preventing an action is generally possible, but it’s not always achieved easily. Please don’t simplify a complicated task like that.
I lost a few words in my post, but the gist was that it’s never a good idea to teach a child that the best way to stop assault is through assault.
I have a special needs nine year old.
The restrained use of force to prevent further assaults is not assault, it’s self-defense.
@Azkyroth:
Self-defense against a child. After you hit a child for hitting you, do you explain the difference between those kinds of hittings? Cause I doubt a child can immediately understand “when I hit you, it’s different.”
@my 488:
Know what, this is getting Thunderdome-ish.
Kevin #489
You beat me to it.
This discussion should probably go to the Thunderdome.
Well, Thunderdome contains Pharyngula’s share of the kids who hurt people for fun, so enjoy.
TMM
I’d watch that movie!
Kevin
Those questions are inevitable, inevitable, inevitable… The best you can do is either (a) try to ignore them (or get used to them); or (b) figure out some snarky responses.
Husband and I kept getting asked when we’d be having our third, especially by parties not having any children whatsoever… So our standard response became “When will you have your first?” and it shut people right up.
Also, what Giliell said – this wedding is about you two, your finances, your desires (which involves a lot of communication, some of which may seem unnecessary), and while having a wedding to please other people is nice, it won’t necessarily make the two of you happy in the end. Do what works for you, there’s no reason to even have engagement rings if you don’t want them / can’t afford them, it
s your> wedding, your engagement, and other people – deserve snarky responses.
(Warning: Some of that may be beer talking, especially the reiteration for snarky responses.)
+++
re: parenting
What Dhorvath said @470. Children are difficult. Especially other people’s children.
It’s also a touchy topic. And I don’t think I’ll say anything more about it – except that it can be extremely difficult to navigate situations where someone else’s children are acting in a way unacceptable to yourself. And there is no easy answer to that, especially when it crosses into the realm of potential self-defense.
I haven’t eaten anything since 8 this morning, so upon returning home from work I made eggs with bacon, leek and mushrooms. I feel so full I probably won’t need breakfast tomorrow.
Recommended combination, definitely.
(I’m not stupid, I’m just deliberately ignoring the discussion… which is moving to a more appropriate place anyway)
rq,
Aye. Words that I could live by too.
___
Azkyroth,
I am sure that I have not made your day easier. My apologies.
Nomnomnom
Very tasty leek and potato soup
Also, The Skepchicks rock
Giliell
I’m happy for you. :)
This morning I wanted to see additional comments to that post, and found that it had been deleted, and was very sad.
I’m also sad about the circumstances around that post.
I hope the author is well, and I wish her all the best in the future.
One of Raygun’s speechwriters is shocked – shocked! – at ΚΒΦ.
“Rick Perry’s new eyeglasses to make appearance in Iowa next week“.
Cartoon: Nate the Wonder Pundit “totally debunks global warming!”
On the Trans-Pacific Partnership and NAFTA.
“Arizona Senate Actually does it.. ‘Turn Gays Away’ Passes” (two dots in the original)
…I knew that water can supercool, and then suddenly freeze, which of course entails 10 % expansion. But that water can supercool in such quantities?!?!?
Turned around, gazed at him in calculated puzzlement, held both of his wrists, said “You’re slap-happy. This actually hurts.” loudly enough for the parents to hear, let go, and turned back as if nothing had happened.
Yep, lots of coolness in there. Even obsolete coolness from the futuristic 1920s/30s Soviet Union.
*giggle* :-)
Not so much “get”, as that who counts as a Democrat depends on the local Overton window.
o_O
Tell them to come to the Thunderdome, and that registering at FtB is easy!
O.o
Engagement?
That’s still a thing outside of nobility and would-be nobility?
Trouble is, you’re in the US. From what I’ve heard, in the US, if your letter isn’t glowing like plutonium in The Simpsons, it’ll be understood as thinly veiled criticism.
Conversely, in Europe (no idea for what value of “Europe”), if it doesn’t contain any explicit criticism, it’ll be understood as trying to hide something. Or so I’ve heard from the same sources.
How many kids would dream of doing that to an adult twice their size? Because that’s the situation we’re talking about.
Sometimes, committees ask the candidate for reference letters, so that this would actually work. Sometimes, however, committees ask the candidate for addresses of people who could write reference letters, so that the committee can (if the candidate is interesting enough) contact those people and ask them for reference letters about the candidate.
You’re assuming the child is very predictable. Some are, some are not. I’m speaking from experience (3 younger siblings).
Hey, me too!! *fistbump* (Then again, I also have one older sibling… ;) )
David
re: the incredible ice
The guy who took the photos (in Antarctica) is this guy, though I can’t seem to find the photos anywhere else. Also, the phenomenon isn’t quite super-cooling – apparently it’s blue ice, a slightly different process. Still trying to fish out the original photos/information from my facebook. It was there, I swear!