I’ve had it, whoever you are. For years, you’ve been forwarding your “jokes” to me — your crass, tasteless, racist, crude “jokes” — and you’ve ignored my early requests to stop sending them to me, and over the last few years I’ve just been hitting delete when I see your name. But I can’t simply ignore them in good conscience any more; your last collection of dumbass observations was simply too hateful and bigoted.
The next time I receive anything from you, I’ll be posting it here, with your full name and address and IP number. Furthermore, I’ve noticed that most often your headers have a peculiarity, subject lines that include an odd appended note like “[SEC=UNOFFICIAL]” or “[SEC=UNCLASSIFIED]”, and you’re apparently forwarding stuff sent from an Australian at defence.gov.au. Vile stuff. I’ll also expose his address, too.
I’m not sitting back silently while you spread the hate you consider comedy anymore.Go scuttle under a rock where you belong.
Anyway, so, this naked KevinW walks into a bar…
Says “Ouch!”
It was an iron bar.
(with apologies IIRR to Tommy Cooper)
Kevin W gobbles down some cold peanut-noodle salad, kills the server with a 9mm, then heads for the door.
“What, I’m Kevin W, look it up!”
Checking the entry for Kevin W, sure enough it said that a Kevin W “eats, shoots and leaves”.
And Kevin W said, “The Aristocrats”.
Damn, lost most of that post. I’m not typing all that up again. Use your imaginations.
It’s okay, Anthrosciguy, I’m sure we all know the joke. They made a movie about it.
The “[SEC=UNOFFICIAL]” or “[SEC=UNCLASSIFIED]“ in the header applies to any Aust Government division be it the civilian public service or a military service. Either way, no prizes for guessing the subject matter violate an acceptable use policy.
I did:
1. You should always open Kevin W at least an hour before drinking him!
2. It is bad luck to walk under Kevin W.
3. The canonical hours of the Christian church are matins, lauds, prime, terce, sext, none, Kevin W and compline.
4. On average, women blink nearly twice as much as Kevin W.
5. Kevin W has three eyelids.
6. Kevin W can pollinate up to six times more efficiently than the honeybee.
7. Kevin W is the world’s tallest woman.
8. Ancient Greeks believed earthquakes were caused by Kevin W fighting underground.
9. Lightning strikes Kevin W over seven times every hour!
10. If a snake is born with two heads, the heads will fight over who gets Kevin W.
11. Ingredients of Kevin W include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.
12. Kevin W has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.
13. Do not taunt Kevin W.
@rq:
ewwwwwww
Hooray!
Kevin W is sitting at a bar on the 85th floor of the Empire State Building. Someone sits down next to him, introduces himself as Clark, and the two start chatting.
Clark says, “You want to hear something cool? Because of the way the wind gets caught between these buildings, you can jump out the window and not get harmed!”
Kevin says, “You’re shitting me.”
Clark says, “Not at all… look” and leaps out the window. Kevin screams and freaks out until Clark suddenly blows right back in through the window.
Kevin says, “How did you DO that?”
Clark says, “I told you, it’s the way the wind…”
Kevin says, “Yeah, yeah, you must have some sort of rope or something out there.”
Clark says, “Nope, watch closely” and leaps out again. Within seconds, he reverses course and floats back in the window.
Kevin says, “Holy shit, I have to try that” and leaps out. He falls 85 floors to his demise.
Back in the bar, the bartender shakes his head and says, “Superman, you are a fucking asshole when you’re drunk.”
Dammit, and I’m all out of popcorn! [pouts]
Why did Kevin W. paint his toenails red?
So he could hide in a strawberry patch.
Can’t you just set up an email filter to automatically delete anything he sends you before you see it?
Kevin W as described by the Shakespeare Insults Generator:
● Thou rank puke-stockinged babbling gossip!
● Thou gleeking fat-kidneyed plebian!
● Thou droning idle-headed puttock!
● Thou venomed hell-hated strumpet!
PZ has a lot of filters. Stuff still gets through.
Why are you blaming the victim, and not the perp?
@Nerd:
I doubt Max was “blaming the victim” so much as making a(n arguably less-than) helpful suggestion to PZ.
I can understand warning the clown, but is it wrong of me to wish you hadn’t, or to hope that he’ll ignore the warning, just so he’ll be exposed?
Max at #13:
Seems to me that PZs new approach has the added benefit of publicly shaming a person displaying racist behavior, which helps change a cultural climate and makes it a little bit harder for Kevin W to feel comfortable continuing to engage in that sort of toxicity.
Still learning,
Robert
Q: How can you tell Kevin W has been in your fridge?
A: There are footprints in the butter.
In my #18:
Should have been PZ’s new approach (possessive singular).
All these years in my first language . . . still have trouble remembering apostrophe constructions.
Still learning,
Robert
Why should somebody have to set a filter against such tripe any longer than a month, when they ask the sender to stop sending such shit? PZ has mentioned he does have to look in his spam folder, as some messages of interest do end up there.
It’s up to Kevin W to cease sending his “jokes”.
To me, saying PZ should just filter the “jokes” is blaming the recipient.
Email the originator’s id to the Australian Dept of Defence. I’m pretty sure they’ll get the sack, and quite rightly too. They have pretty much a zero tolerance policy these days.
I do have filters all over the place. These filters do not, however, automatically delete email — that runs the risk of false positives leading to important messages being lost. They get shoved into a folder that I scan once a week for that kind of thing, and then flush.
Kevin W is always in that folder. He sends me crap a couple of times a week. I happened to look before flushing this time, and was sufficiently appalled that I can no longer just quietly ignore this level of cheerful hatred.
Interestingly, I looked up one of the sources names, and he has recently been demoted for various abuses of his position.
It’s not that all conservatives are assholes, but just about all assholes are conservative.
@Kevin (#12): But I’ve never seen Kevin W in a strawberry patch!
</straightman>
anthrosciguy wins with post 3and 4.
Kevin W is sitting by himself on a bench in the park one day. Every so often, he stands up, goes to one of the nearby flowerbeds and roots around for a while before returning to the bench. A park warden notices this strange behaviour and approaches him. The parkie spots a large pile of snail shells at Kevin W.’s feet.
“Excuse me, sir” says the parkie, “Is everything alright?”
Kevin W looks up from what he is doing and says wearily, “Well, not really. You see, I was trying an experiment but it doesn’t seem to be working.”
“Oh yes, sir” says the parkie, “and what sort of experiment might that be?”
“Well, it’s a biological experiment as I do so admire biologists” says Kevin W., “I was trying to prove that a snail would move much faster without its shell weighing it down, but when I remove the shell it just makes them more sluggish.”
“Whilst persistence might be a boon in some endeavours, sir”” says the parkie, “only a completely fucktarded shitwit would have persisted after so many failures.”
DOXXXING!! yOU’RE RUINING HAT MENS RITE TO FREEZE pEACH!!! NAZI-STALIN LIBRAL…
etc…
Kevin W went to work one day, but while at work he had an accident that resulted in amputation of one of his legs. His co-workers put the leg in a plastic bag, and he and his leg are rushed to the hospital to have the leg sewed back on.
The next day K.W. comes back to work, but again has another accident in which he manages to lose an arm. Again, he and his bagged limb are sent to the hospital, and once again he is put back together.
On the third day, the accident that he had resulted in his decapitation. The head is bagged, and off they go for a third trip to the hospital. However, K.W. does not return to work the following day.
When his workers inquire about him, they learn that K.W. had died. “We would have sewn his head back on,” says the surgeon, “but some idiot put his head in a bag, so he suffocated!”
UnknownEric, I lol’d.
And got looked at funny.
–
Kevin W walks into a bar. The barkeep asks him, “Why the long face?”
–
Kevin W walks into a bar.
NOT Kevin W walks into a.
ok, that was funny.
(the rest of y’all…keep them day jobs)
Why does a Kevin W?
..
Because you can’t clean a window with a spade.
I’d love to sit here and chat but I ate chili for dinner last night and I feel I need to go leave a huge Kevin W. If I’m not back in 5 minutes, DO NOT GO IN THERE!!!
What’s the difference between Kevin W and a sack of shit?
The sack.
Timberwoof is jumping up and down on a manhole cover in the park, saying, “42, 42, 42…”
A Kevin W comes up and asks him what he’s doing. Timber says, “Well, get in and I’ll show you.” He lifts up the manhole cover and the Kevin W jumps into the hole. Then Timber replaces the cover and jumps up and down on it, saying, “43, 43, 43…”
We had a Kevin W but the wheel fell off, and the thingy you wind it with got lost.
Kevin W is out hunting with another fellow in the woods when Kevin W collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “Kevin W is dead! What can I do?” The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure Kevin W is dead.” There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”
(Shamelessly lifted from [Kevin] Wikipedia)
Kevin W walks into a busy bar. He tries to get the bartender’s attention, but to no avail. After five minutes he flies into a rage and bites a huge chunk out of the bar, chew it up and swallows it. This gets the bartender’s attention.
“You’ll have to leave. We don’t serve junkies like you!”
“Junkie? I’m not on drugs, you idiot!” protests Kevin W.
Says the bartender: “What about that bar bit you ate?”
You’re a kinder man than I am PZ. I was receiving racist, hate emails for awhile from some internet asshat, publicly named/shamed him, sent copies of the emails to his parents, posted them to a couple of ‘net forums he hangs out on and opened up a file at the local police station (emails contained threats as well).
If you’re that much of a cock munch you deserve to have the world know about it.
Kevin W and his big brother Mikey are getting ready for school one morning, when Mikey says, “I’m a big kid, and I’m gonna talk like a big kid. I’m gonna say ‘fuck’ today.” Kevin W replies, “well I’m a big kid too, and I’m gonna say ‘bet your ass!'”
They go down for breakfast and their father asks what they want for breakfast. Full of pride, Mikey says, “I’ll have some of those fucking Cheerios,” and his father whacks him into next week. “And what will YOU be having?” Dad asks Kevin W. Eyes wide, Kevin W replies, “You can bet your ass I don’t want any of those fucking Cheerios!”
As someone living in Australia, I’d beseech you to contact the Australian Defence Force, if you think it’s relevant considering the demotion. The ADF seems to be in a bit of a transitioning period atm, especially when it comes to the treatment of women within its ranks. If I recall correctly, you posted a video on the topic by Lieutenant-General David Morrison a while back.
In any case, unless you know someone to send it to, I’d suggest contacting Personal Administration Services Human resources, payroll group certificates etc
Email: [email protected]
Kevin W, a preist and a rabbi walk into a bar. The barmaid looks up and says: “What is this, a joke?”
gusnnarp asks:
Yes; yes it is…. and also: me too!
awakeinmo:
That’s very similar to an old Buddy Hackett joke I remember him telling on Carson. It went something like this: A man walks into a diner with his two young sons. A waitress shows them to a booth and takes their order. She turns to the older boy first and asks him, “What can I get you honey?” He replies, “I’ll have a goddamn cheeseburger!” Without saying a word and without any hesitation, the father reaches across the table and smacks the kid, knocking him right out of the booth. So the kid is on the ground crying, and the waitress is all flustered. She tries to act as if nothing happened, and turns to the younger boy and asks, “What can I get you sweetie?” The younger boy replies, “I don’t know, but you can bet your sweet Kevin W. I ain’t gonna get no goddamn cheeseburger!”
What is round and pink and has seven dents in it??
Keven W.’s cherry!!
PZ
Are you done with this thread yet?
Jaggington, @28
Please don’t. Seriously, not cool.
I assume we’ll hear from Ed Brayon shortly about what a horrible rights violation this is because horrible people should never have to face any consequences for being horrible?
further to Wolja’s reply. This on our ABC news
Army personnel sacked over explicit emails
Updated 2 hours 9 minutes ago
RELATED STORY: Defence Force rocked by explicit email scandalRELATED STORY: Army email scandal shows ‘predatory culture’RELATED STORY: Chief of Army fires broadside at troops
MAP: Australia
Six members of the Army have been sacked over a scandal involving the distribution of explicit emails that denigrate women.
The Chief of Army David Morrison has released a statement saying the men range in rank from Sergeant to Major and are from both Regular and Reserve units.
Three of the members have been the subject of a New South Wales police investigation but it is unclear whether any charges have been laid.
In June, Lieutenant General Morrison revealed Defence was investigating the distribution of hundreds of inappropriate emails and suggested more than 90 personnel may have been involved.
He says four have faced administrative disciplinary action while Defence is considering the futures of several others.
The email offences are alleged to have occurred since 2010.
The incidents occurred while the Defence Force was facing internal and external investigations into a culture of sexism and sexual abuse.
The inquiries were triggered by the April 2011 so-called Skype scandal in which consensual sex between two ADFA cadets was allegedly filmed and broadcast over the internet without the woman’s knowledge.
The Defence Force has been attempting to change the culture in a program driven by top brass.
The program called “Pathways to Change” has brought new policies on alcohol, social media, recruitment, frontline combat roles and procedures for handling complaints.
In June when the scandal was revealed, Lieutenant General Morrison said the text and images demean female colleagues.
He said that as far as he had seen, none of the images were violent, but that the text and imagery was “demeaning, explicit and profane”.
Given that Kevin W’s antics, especially as they are posted from a .gov.au domain, at minimum contravene the Australian Public Service Commission’s code of conduct, and certainly the Defence departments. You’d only have to send a copy to the APSC and the Defence department to land this idiot in hot water. Given the current media climate, he might end up being crucified (are we ok with that?, personally I am).
@Azkyroth
Have I missed something? Since when did Ed Brayton buy into that sort of bull?
Eh ? Citation Needed.
Whilst the information supplied by poopyhead is consistent with the arsehole using an Ozland defense / government account, the above is the first explicit claim that that is indeed what is happening. However, no actual evidence in support of that claim is presented, and validation would require seeing the e-mail headers — which may happen depending on what the arsehole does — or poopyhead’s confirmation.
Please, do not start stating things as “fact” that are, at the moment, only assumptions.
PZ’s comment was that KevinW was forwarding emails that had previously been sent out from a defense/government account, not that KevinW was posting from such himself.
Speaking as a civil servant for the government of [REDACTED], I just wast to ask WTF? Who posts crap like that from a work IP. Of course, given that the people in question are stupid enough to wasnt to post stuff like this at all, I shouldn’t be surprised that they’re stupid enough to jeopardize their (really quite good!) jobs.
doubter #56
My assumption is that most of these people really do think that it being “just a joke” will keep them out of hot water. That what they’re doing really isn’t that big a deal.
My uncle used to send me loads of those Fw Fw Fwd Fw… emails, including the usual “illegal immigrants on benefits” and suchlike Daily Fail-esque rubbish. Nearly all of them had been, at some point in their history, forwarded by at least one person using a works’ email address.
(He stopped sending them to me, after I started clicking “reply to sender and all recipients” when sending my rather, erm, forthright take-down replies.)