An unsavory fellow named Tommy Pitts is under arrest for child abuse in Oklahoma.

Police said Pitts was arrested on 15 counts of first-degree rape, 15 counts of rape by instrumentation, 20 counts of lewd or indecent acts with children under 16 and 20 counts of forcible sodomy. He is on suicide watch, police said.

Investigators said the abuse went on for months.

Now the lamest punchline in the world: Tommy Pitts is pastor of the Midway Assembly of God Church.

I know! You saw it coming from a mile away! Nowadays all you have to do is put some theological title in front of someone’s name, and you can’t help but wonder how big his butt plug collection is, how many indecent exposure convictions he has, or how many children he’s molested.

It’s why I haven’t applied for any of those mail-order divinity degrees. Admit it: if I were the Reverend PZ Myers, you know you’d expect me to start posting porn. And then, when the police raided my home and discovered how conventional and vanilla I am, I’d have to suffer the embarrassment of defrocking.