So it’s almost Valentine’s Day, that schmaltzy holiday dedicated to commercializing love. I was sent a list of science-themed Valentine’s Day cards, and I was shocked and disappointed. They’re all freakin’ physicists! Physicists know nothing of love; they’re like atheists that way. Come on, Herophilus, Erasistratus, Galen, Avicenna, Servetus, Harvey…they’re obvious.

Oh, all right, physicists are all dorks anyway. Go ahead and get your beloved a goofy card with some math nerd on it. I’ll go down to the butcher shop and get mine a token she won’t soon forget.

Sure, I know the meaning of love. It’s muscular. It’s alive. It throbs. And it’s full of blood.