Sorry, fellow atheists, but if you thought you could just get away with sitting quietly and not making a noise, you’re doomed. The situation is worse than simply some silly believers flying into a snit because horribly militant, aggressive, obnoxious atheists put up signs that say something offensive and vile, like “you can be good without god” — you thought if you just avoided confronting people with such criminal sentiments, you’d escape their notice and condemnation.

But soon, they’ll be coming for you if you are insufficiently fervent in cheerleading for god. Look at this: a group of atheists attended a city council meeting to protest (politely, of course) prayer before meetings and ten commandments signs, and they were threatened with expulsion for the terrifying t-shirts they were wearing. They bore a slogan that other attendees complained about as “offensive”. That slogan was simply One nation, indivisible.

Did you catch that horror? They left out the words “under god” that are supposed to be there, dividing “nation” from “indivisible”! I don’t know how Cape Coral City will cope with all these people going around not saying things.

Here’s another example of this amazing touchiness. Elizabeth Edwards recently died of cancer, and she left a final statement for her family and friends. It’s a nice, brief farewell, and in it she says, “You all know that I have been sustained throughout my life by three saving graces—my family, my friends, and a faith in the power of resilience and hope.”

Did you catch that one, too? I know, you can hardly believe it, and you’re probably shocked to your core by her dreadful omission: she didn’t mention her faith in Jesus! Holy crap, you mean women are going around dying of cancer without words of praise for their lord and savior on their mind?

Wait, you’re thinking, no one could possibly be so insensitive and arrogant that they think they should dictate what a dying person’s final thoughts should be — other than us atheists, that is, who are expected to barge into the deathbed scenes and slap the weak-willed fading sap until they renounce their false beliefs in gods.

Oh, hang on…we don’t do that, either.

OK then, no one could be that arrogant…except a Christian. Get a napkin ready, just in case you feel an urge to throw up a little when you read how one Christian reacted to Edwards’ farewell.

Clearly Elizabeth Edwards wants to put her faith in something, be it hope or strength or anything. But not God. I wonder if it’s just bitterness, that’s she’s been forsaken by more than just her estranged husband — that’s she’s been forsaken by Him. And imagine if she’d have become First Lady. Americans generally expect outward expressions of faith in our presidents, Christian faith especially, and thus in our First Ladies as well. The Democratic base obviously doesn’t care, as we can see in the “wow factor” expressed by the author at the American Prospect. Being anti-religion is cool, so Edwards’ non-theological theology gets props from the neo-communists. Still, at her death bed and giving what most folks are calling a final goodbye, Elizabeth Edwards couldn’t find it somewhere down deep to ask for His blessings as she prepares for the hereafter? I guess that nihilism I’ve been discussing reaches up higher into the hard-left precincts than I thought.

“neo-communists”? “nihilists”? “You all know that I have been sustained throughout my life by three saving graces—my family, my friends, and a faith in the power of resilience and hope” is nihilism now?

Please, people, this is one reason I get rather peeved at all the internal chastising going on within the godless community about who is a dick and who isn’t. There are no atheists who can compare in dickishness to your average, pedestrian conservative Christian.

Also, you might want to start working on your deathbed lines now. If they aren’t all about Jesus, there’s a mob of ghoulish Christian dicks who’ll be gnawing on your corpse afterwards.