At least they skipped the organ meats. That could get gross fast.
If by gross you mean delicious!
MScottsays
If Jesus is the lamb of god, shouldn’t there be lamb fries?
Qwertysays
And no bacon!
Capital Dansays
Looks like mostly stew meat.
daveausays
I’m still confused. Which part is the cracker made out of, again?
ddpejsays
Whoever designed that gets points for the idea but loses almost as many for creativity — those cuts aren’t even close to accurate.
Rev. BigDumbChimpsays
those cuts aren’t even close to accurate.
I suspended my anatomical and butchering knowledge for the joke.
cactusrensays
What, no cracker-bacon?
Qwertysays
One wonders. Would it be sacrilegious to go into a Catholic church, receive communion and blurt out, “Yummy, tastes like white meat of chicken!”
Rey Foxsays
I’m a little surprised at the “going to hell for this” in the title of the post. Too close to granting the religious their assumptions of reality. It’s a talisman of the still-religious or waffly to hopefully ward off the actual wrath of a god while they try to make humor. I don’t bother with that anymore.
Shouldn’t there have been a vat of blood, with an Ernest and Julio Gallo wine label on it? This needs to be complete. Also, is he kosher? Jews need to know.
kiyarorusays
No one knows the real&trade nature of Jeezy’s body.
Maybe his tibia really&trade was connected to his scapula.
(dem bones dem bones dem dry bones)
Standard curvesays
But yet it still tastes like styrofoam.
The Peteysays
mmmmmmm
Brisket of Nazareth
nom nom nom
The Peteysays
But Wait… Jeseus was Jewish,
You can’t eat below the rib-cage.
It’s not Kosher.
Rev. BigDumbChimpsays
What?! No Golgotha Oysters, my favorite part?
um
wow
Rolled in cornmeal and fried to a crisp.
RickRsays
Oh! This reminds me- I need to pick up a pound of sliced, lean roast beef at the market.
mmm…jebus, wrapped in bacon, on the grill, medium rare of course!
IslandBrewersays
Am I the only one here upset that they got most of the cuts completely wrong? The ribs and shank are all mixed up! As are the flank and rump.
As a tough muscley carpenter, Jesus should be corned or marinated for at least a good couple hours for most cuts. Or you can cross-cut some Jesus tri-tip and fry it for Jesus Fajitas.
Remember to limit your servings of Jesus to only a couple times a week, particularly if you’re watching your cholesterol.
CJOsays
Is it free range, kosher-fed jesus, or that nasty stuff, full of hormones and antibiotics from a giant feedlot?
Braise the Lord! 450 degrees F for ten minutes – salt and butter to taste.
The Atheist Jewsays
I’d like to see a Mohammed meat chart.
Swampfootsays
Posting this on Facebook is a sure way to shed friends in a hurry, if you have any that can’t take a joke – I can tell you this from recent experience!
alistair.colemansays
Mmm… Holy Shepherd’s Pie
spaghettificatedgodsays
@ #36
“Braise the Lord!”
Now that’s funny! I laughed out loud*.
*compliment requires more than the trendy acronym.
blfsays
Someone is going to burn in hell…
Yes, all that tasty meat if you leave it for too long.
IslandBrewersays
@Swampfoot #38
Posting this on Facebook is a sure way to shed friends in a hurry, if you have any that can’t take a joke – I can tell you this from recent experience!
The more friends I have on Facebook, the more I have to self-censor. (Yes, assuming I actually want to keep my friends.) Shedding a few might not be an entirely bad idea.
tmssays
Come on, Rev. We can’t let any parts go to waste.
What’s that the processors say?
“Everything’s used but the squeal.”
IslandBrewersays
Wait, can we eat Jesus if he doesn’t chew his cud? Isn’t he technically unclean according to Leviticus?
Oh, wait! I was thinking there was some consistency in religion! Silly me. Gimme a double bacon Jeeez(us)burger!
keenacatsays
I’m not used to eating Zombie. Still, I guess a nice stew might be in order, simmer long and slowly for maximum tenderness and to prevent resurrection.
Some nice bread for dipping (avoid stale cracker though).
Jeez-Itssays
Cannibalising Jesus has never looked so tasty!
Epiktsays
IslandBrewer:
Am I the only one here upset that they got most of the cuts completely wrong? The ribs and shank are all mixed up! As are the flank and rump.
They also left off the meat thermometer insertion point in his side.
WashingMachine0says
Reminds me of that picture I saw a while back that had Jesus crucified and said “If you’re Jesus and you know it, clap your hands!”
chuckgoeckesays
For those of you who are really planning to carve up jebeus when he comes back, don’t use this diagram, its got the anatomy all wrong. I seem to remember seeing one by PETA of a young lady, with pretty much the right cuts properly identified. She looked a bit more tender and juicy, if I recall correctly.
Fleasays
I have a vision of Colorectal cancer here.
mechanoidsays
I know I shouldn’t eat thee, but — [bites] Mmm, sacrilicious.
jcmartz.myopenid.comsays
Holy cow. I can almost picture Bill Donohue fuming and screaming, and ranting.
epicureanparadoxsays
Are these choice cuts available in a Carolina BBQ sauce/style? *smacks lips*
'Tis Himself, OMsays
But Wait… Jeseus was Jewish, You can’t eat below the rib-cage. It’s not Kosher.
Since humans neither chew the cud nor cleave the hoof, no part of them is kosher.
But where’s Jesus’ T-bone?
Surely the son of god is not all stew meat?
I’m not ordering a side if there’s no Savior Steaks.
Longstreet63
(who needs to stop logging in with a Yahoo account)
blfsays
I just had a nice pork risotto for dinner. Wasn’t made with Mythical Long Pig.
hznfrstsays
Hannibal Lecter could give “I love Jesus” a whole new meaning – with a nice Chianti.
Rev. BigDumbChimpsays
What’s that the processors say?
“Everything’s used but the squeal.”
then that processor doesn’t know what he’s doing
From the rooter to the tooter
hznfrstsays
Hannibal Lecter could give “I love Jesus” a whole new meaning – with a nice Chianti.
JackCsays
For those of you who are really planning to carve up jebeus when he comes back, don’t use this diagram, its got the anatomy all wrong.
As was pointed out – several times – earlier, they are hanging Jeebus upside down. No excuse, I know.
JC
peter.wainesays
I’d love a Pop Tart
Cath the Canberra Cooksays
Yes, they are surely going to burn in hell. Their knowledge of butchery is total crap. Just about everything is pointing to the wrong spot on the carcass.
Yeah, I know it’s been said already but I take my cooking seriously damnit! I had lamb shanks with rosemary, red wine & bacon slow cooking overnight. Try that with saviour shanks!
Brain Hertzsays
It’s an outrage!
The rump, short loin and brisket are all in totally the wrong places. Sheesh.
meliorsays
Paul Burnett @36:
Braise the Lord!
Win!
chgo_lizsays
Insightful Ape @ #28:
Oh, come on, now.
Some of us are vegetarians.
Since the guy supposedly doesn’t die, I think it’s OK for us vegetarians to eat him. Kind of like eating cheese or eggs.
But, because he’s working his job there on the cross, a vegan would consider eating his manhandles (oh, yes, I had to go there) similar to eating honey: in other words, treif.
JohnnieCanucksays
A few more like that, Paul @36 and you’ll be Order of the Molly material.
Braise Him, Braise Him, Braise the Lamb of Cod. Wait…
Should that be with a white or a red wine?
Robbiesays
Bet you, it tastes like tripe.
Screechy_Monkeysays
“I can almost picture Bill Donohue fuming and screaming, and ranting.”
Donohue is like Old Faithful — he erupts and spouts a lot of hot air every 90 minutes or so.
If you could run a turbine off outrage, Donohue would single-handedly end the world’s energy problems.
Peter Hsays
Has no one noticed that the depiction of crucifixion is quite in error? And every crucifix I’ve ever seen. Roman era churchmen and artists were not expected to be so much up on their anatomy – even though the centurions were, but these present-day threads have many folk who are more aware of the physical aspects of human (is that perhaps my error?) physiology in staging a successful crucifixion?
ironflangesays
Nothing sacrilegious here. Jesus himself said “Take and eat, this is my body.” I’ll go fire up the grill now.
John Twilleysays
One word: TRIPE
For those of you NOT ROTFLYAO…look it up.
OK, OK.
Fried Chitterlings and Hog Maws.
You wouldn’t want to waste the intestines or stomach!
neurosinksays
@chgo_liz #65
Insightful Ape @ #28:
Oh, come on, now. Some of us are vegetarians.
Since the guy supposedly doesn’t die, I think it’s OK for us vegetarians to eat him. Kind of like eating cheese or eggs.
But, because he’s working his job there on the cross, a vegan would consider eating his manhandles (oh, yes, I had to go there) similar to eating honey: in other words, treif.
Yup, I’ve known vegans who have stated (if they were interested) that human flesh would be acceptable if the individual consciously made the decision to donate it. I think they were joking.
But still, the guy is supposed to be a half-god. Maybe eating him will give us limited god powers (not sure if you can get limited god powers, since they’re…you know…god powers). I’d possibly give up my veganism temporarily for that chance!
deriamissays
I prefer my Jesus ground up and on bun with mushrooms and swiss. *chomp* Mmmmf gwth!
Is it bad that my first thought was that you can’t possibly get that much meat from one skinny guy?
Rev. BigDumbChimpsays
One word: TRIPE
For those of you NOT ROTFLYAO…look it up.
Why would I be laughing at tripe?
OK, OK.
Fried Chitterlings and Hog Maws.
You wouldn’t want to waste the intestines or stomach!
Been there for the chitlins, not so much on the Hog Maws.
tiggerthewing#8a4e4says
Even some religious people might find this funny. They post similar stuff.
Last week, on the bus, Number Four Son pointed out a billboard outside a church. Above a sketch image of a crucified Jesus (top half only, fully clothed) were the words:
Recovered Catholic says
Ha! … and not a speck of cereal!
Sastra says
Ah, but this is only blasphemous in essence — not in empirical fact.
jchild says
Would prefer a slow smoking, personally.
Qwerty says
And the “thumbs up” in the upper right corner has a nail in it!
Ahhh.. Priceless.
Rev. BigDumbChimp says
Looks like it’s steak for dinner tonight.
*lets his food pedantry ignore the placement of those cuts.
Qwerty says
Hey, PZ, did you email a copy of this to Bill Donohue? He needs distribe material for his next fund-raising letter.
Glen Davidson says
At least they skipped the organ meats. That could get gross fast.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/mxaa3p
Qwerty says
My post should read “diatribe material.”
I went to the Rev. BDC’s school of typos.
Rev. BigDumbChimp says
If by gross you mean delicious!
MScott says
If Jesus is the lamb of god, shouldn’t there be lamb fries?
Qwerty says
And no bacon!
Capital Dan says
Looks like mostly stew meat.
daveau says
I’m still confused. Which part is the cracker made out of, again?
ddpej says
Whoever designed that gets points for the idea but loses almost as many for creativity — those cuts aren’t even close to accurate.
Rev. BigDumbChimp says
I suspended my anatomical and butchering knowledge for the joke.
cactusren says
What, no cracker-bacon?
Qwerty says
One wonders. Would it be sacrilegious to go into a Catholic church, receive communion and blurt out, “Yummy, tastes like white meat of chicken!”
Rey Fox says
I’m a little surprised at the “going to hell for this” in the title of the post. Too close to granting the religious their assumptions of reality. It’s a talisman of the still-religious or waffly to hopefully ward off the actual wrath of a god while they try to make humor. I don’t bother with that anymore.
jasondcrane says
I posted this link the other day, but it’s even more perfect for this graphic. Read or listen to my poem, “Transubstantiation Is A Crock(pot)”
Enjoy! Yum!
Jason
aratina cage says
What?! No Golgotha Oysters, my favorite part?
https://me.yahoo.com/a/DhjBEuJ8pt63x6eBKuPx0Jv9_QE-#7c327 says
Shouldn’t there have been a vat of blood, with an Ernest and Julio Gallo wine label on it? This needs to be complete. Also, is he kosher? Jews need to know.
kiyaroru says
No one knows the real&trade nature of Jeezy’s body.
Maybe his tibia really&trade was connected to his scapula.
(dem bones dem bones dem dry bones)
Standard curve says
But yet it still tastes like styrofoam.
The Petey says
mmmmmmm
Brisket of Nazareth
nom nom nom
The Petey says
But Wait… Jeseus was Jewish,
You can’t eat below the rib-cage.
It’s not Kosher.
Rev. BigDumbChimp says
um
wow
Rolled in cornmeal and fried to a crisp.
RickR says
Oh! This reminds me- I need to pick up a pound of sliced, lean roast beef at the market.
Insightful Ape says
Oh, come on, now.
Some of us are vegetarians.
Benjamin Geiger says
The joke’s been made…
JD says
Call PETA!
aratina cage says
Come on, Rev. We can’t let any parts go to waste.
…and wrapped in bacon. Now that’s the spirit!
creating trons says
what are the numbers next to each cut for?
mmm…jebus, wrapped in bacon, on the grill, medium rare of course!
IslandBrewer says
Am I the only one here upset that they got most of the cuts completely wrong? The ribs and shank are all mixed up! As are the flank and rump.
As a tough muscley carpenter, Jesus should be corned or marinated for at least a good couple hours for most cuts. Or you can cross-cut some Jesus tri-tip and fry it for Jesus Fajitas.
Remember to limit your servings of Jesus to only a couple times a week, particularly if you’re watching your cholesterol.
CJO says
Is it free range, kosher-fed jesus, or that nasty stuff, full of hormones and antibiotics from a giant feedlot?
drf5n1 says
They’re hanging him upside down.
From the Meat Standards of Australia: beef chart
Paul Burnett says
Braise the Lord! 450 degrees F for ten minutes – salt and butter to taste.
The Atheist Jew says
I’d like to see a Mohammed meat chart.
Swampfoot says
Posting this on Facebook is a sure way to shed friends in a hurry, if you have any that can’t take a joke – I can tell you this from recent experience!
alistair.coleman says
Mmm… Holy Shepherd’s Pie
spaghettificatedgod says
@ #36
“Braise the Lord!”
Now that’s funny! I laughed out loud*.
*compliment requires more than the trendy acronym.
blf says
Yes, all that tasty meat if you leave it for too long.
IslandBrewer says
@Swampfoot #38
The more friends I have on Facebook, the more I have to self-censor. (Yes, assuming I actually want to keep my friends.) Shedding a few might not be an entirely bad idea.
tms says
What’s that the processors say?
“Everything’s used but the squeal.”
IslandBrewer says
Wait, can we eat Jesus if he doesn’t chew his cud? Isn’t he technically unclean according to Leviticus?
Oh, wait! I was thinking there was some consistency in religion! Silly me. Gimme a double bacon Jeeez(us)burger!
keenacat says
I’m not used to eating Zombie. Still, I guess a nice stew might be in order, simmer long and slowly for maximum tenderness and to prevent resurrection.
Some nice bread for dipping (avoid stale cracker though).
Jeez-Its says
Cannibalising Jesus has never looked so tasty!
Epikt says
IslandBrewer:
They also left off the meat thermometer insertion point in his side.
WashingMachine0 says
Reminds me of that picture I saw a while back that had Jesus crucified and said “If you’re Jesus and you know it, clap your hands!”
chuckgoecke says
For those of you who are really planning to carve up jebeus when he comes back, don’t use this diagram, its got the anatomy all wrong. I seem to remember seeing one by PETA of a young lady, with pretty much the right cuts properly identified. She looked a bit more tender and juicy, if I recall correctly.
Flea says
I have a vision of Colorectal cancer here.
mechanoid says
I know I shouldn’t eat thee, but — [bites] Mmm, sacrilicious.
jcmartz.myopenid.com says
Holy cow. I can almost picture Bill Donohue fuming and screaming, and ranting.
epicureanparadox says
Are these choice cuts available in a Carolina BBQ sauce/style? *smacks lips*
'Tis Himself, OM says
Since humans neither chew the cud nor cleave the hoof, no part of them is kosher.
https://me.yahoo.com/a/hMTnrH8JkegRx6gXqRPC43XjYan1vnC7vw--#c00c5 says
But where’s Jesus’ T-bone?
Surely the son of god is not all stew meat?
I’m not ordering a side if there’s no Savior Steaks.
Longstreet63
(who needs to stop logging in with a Yahoo account)
blf says
I just had a nice pork risotto for dinner. Wasn’t made with Mythical Long Pig.
hznfrst says
Hannibal Lecter could give “I love Jesus” a whole new meaning – with a nice Chianti.
Rev. BigDumbChimp says
then that processor doesn’t know what he’s doing
From the rooter to the tooter
hznfrst says
Hannibal Lecter could give “I love Jesus” a whole new meaning – with a nice Chianti.
JackC says
As was pointed out – several times – earlier, they are hanging Jeebus upside down. No excuse, I know.
JC
peter.waine says
I’d love a Pop Tart
Cath the Canberra Cook says
Yes, they are surely going to burn in hell. Their knowledge of butchery is total crap. Just about everything is pointing to the wrong spot on the carcass.
Yeah, I know it’s been said already but I take my cooking seriously damnit! I had lamb shanks with rosemary, red wine & bacon slow cooking overnight. Try that with saviour shanks!
Brain Hertz says
It’s an outrage!
The rump, short loin and brisket are all in totally the wrong places. Sheesh.
melior says
Paul Burnett @36:
Win!
chgo_liz says
Insightful Ape @ #28:
Since the guy supposedly doesn’t die, I think it’s OK for us vegetarians to eat him. Kind of like eating cheese or eggs.
But, because he’s working his job there on the cross, a vegan would consider eating his manhandles (oh, yes, I had to go there) similar to eating honey: in other words, treif.
JohnnieCanuck says
A few more like that, Paul @36 and you’ll be Order of the Molly material.
Braise Him, Braise Him, Braise the Lamb of Cod. Wait…
Should that be with a white or a red wine?
Robbie says
Bet you, it tastes like tripe.
Screechy_Monkey says
“I can almost picture Bill Donohue fuming and screaming, and ranting.”
Donohue is like Old Faithful — he erupts and spouts a lot of hot air every 90 minutes or so.
If you could run a turbine off outrage, Donohue would single-handedly end the world’s energy problems.
Peter H says
Has no one noticed that the depiction of crucifixion is quite in error? And every crucifix I’ve ever seen. Roman era churchmen and artists were not expected to be so much up on their anatomy – even though the centurions were, but these present-day threads have many folk who are more aware of the physical aspects of human (is that perhaps my error?) physiology in staging a successful crucifixion?
ironflange says
Nothing sacrilegious here. Jesus himself said “Take and eat, this is my body.” I’ll go fire up the grill now.
John Twilley says
One word: TRIPE
For those of you NOT ROTFLYAO…look it up.
OK, OK.
Fried Chitterlings and Hog Maws.
You wouldn’t want to waste the intestines or stomach!
neurosink says
@chgo_liz #65
Yup, I’ve known vegans who have stated (if they were interested) that human flesh would be acceptable if the individual consciously made the decision to donate it. I think they were joking.
But still, the guy is supposed to be a half-god. Maybe eating him will give us limited god powers (not sure if you can get limited god powers, since they’re…you know…god powers). I’d possibly give up my veganism temporarily for that chance!
deriamis says
I prefer my Jesus ground up and on bun with mushrooms and swiss. *chomp* Mmmmf gwth!
neurosink says
Quoting failure :(
https://www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawmVT1LBhwmO9ej9LNg7a5e9d-AVJ8ezfmE says
Soylent Green is god!
Timaahy says
Shanks be to God.
Levi in NY says
Christianity and meat. Two things I’m very glad I live without.
Menyambal says
“The only way that I am ever going to understand Christianity is to kill Jesus and eat his brain.”
Pitini says
What about his but cheeks? Hot cross buns anyone?
Twin-Skies says
Perhaps now is a good time to introduce one particular bit of Philippine Cuisine:
Soup Number 5, anyone? ;)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soup_Number_Five
the.annabelle.morris.effect says
Is it bad that my first thought was that you can’t possibly get that much meat from one skinny guy?
Rev. BigDumbChimp says
Why would I be laughing at tripe?
Been there for the chitlins, not so much on the Hog Maws.
tiggerthewing#8a4e4 says
Even some religious people might find this funny. They post similar stuff.
Last week, on the bus, Number Four Son pointed out a billboard outside a church. Above a sketch image of a crucified Jesus (top half only, fully clothed) were the words:
“I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH”.