As you all know, it was predicted that the world would end on 21 October. I understand many of you are puzzled to note that you are still here. The purpose of this post is to inform any of you who have been engaged in wild, drunken orgies all night and are now blearily and confusedly turning on your computers and turning immediately to Pharyngula (as you all do, I know) that unfortunately, you are very late to work. Shower quickly, get to your car, and get coffee at the drive-through on your way — with any luck, though, your boss is in the same state and will forgive you.

However, I have to inform you that the world did end yesterday, exactly as predicted. Note please, that today is Thursday. The world is created anew every Thursday, with all the evidence of great age, including memories of last week, implanted freshly in the universe. So you actually did a) die horribly in chaos and flames or b) loft nakedly and rapturously in a beam of light to heaven last night, but you are now living in a background of false memories that do not include such trauma, because God is good…at dicking around with your head.

As a side bonus, the Deep Rift between the LastThursdayists and LastTuesdayists has now been healed with the positive affirmation of the truth of the former’s position. Any LastTuesdayists who persist in their error can now be dealt with in an entirely justifiable and dire way.