To the clever dicks who think they are annoying me


One of the chores I got done this afternoon, after a much needed nap, was to go through the mail that accumulated during our long absence. Part of that job is sorting out the pile of magazines that I did not subscribe to, but that some people out there think they can sign me up for and annoy me — but which, since I did not authorize any payment, and which are usually sent to me under some sloppy permutation of my name, I simply never pay for, and eventually the publisher gets tired of sending me without recompense and the subscription fades away.

It’s a weird mix: lots of conservative political rags which get tossed into the recycling bin with barely a glance, and the rest is a mishmash of odd stuff that the sender seems to think says something about me. Out magazine I sort of understand — they want to imply that I’m gay, which they think I’d take as an insult because they do — but the yummy cover photo of Neil Patrick Harris and the nice interview inside just made me think there would be some perks to being gay. American Rider, though, is a strange choice. Am I supposed to be a leather-wearing Harley rider, too? It’s a very Tom of Finland combination, but sorry, ultimately uninteresting to me. Body+Soul is a better choice for something that would irritate, but it’s so dang silly that I can only laugh.

So I hate to say it since I am getting a giggle out of these random piles of glossy paper in my mailbox, but could you please stop wasting your time? The only people being hurt by this action are the mail carriers who have enough of a burden to haul every day, and possibly the publishers who might lose a little money on the printing (but might gain a little more ad revenue from the temporary addition to their subscriber rolls).

And planet Earth. Think of the Earth, man.

Comments

  1. MAJeff, OM says

    but the yummy cover photo of Neil Patrick Harris and the nice interview inside just made me think there would be some perks to being gay.

    It was quite yummy. Too bad none of us everyday gays have a shot at him. He’d make an awesome sugar daddy.

  2. Colin J says

    The last thing on most of these peoples’ minds is our planet. They have their visions set on the after party.

  3. Reginald Selkirk says

    You could make money by offering carbon sequestration. It’s the latest green thing. All you’d have to do is collect money from people on the promise that you will dig a hole and bury this load of trash.

  4. Owlmirror says

    Sure, right…. We believe you.

    I bet you only read Playcephalopod for the articles, too.

  5. says

    And planet Earth. Think of the Earth, man.

    But if there is no God…….oh, uh, never mind, how old is that refrain?

    And anyhow, what about all the wasted electrons (and energy) supporting delusional fantasies. If you’re going to support free speech on the web, you’re just asking for worn out electrons.

    So you know…., oh, well, the point is not to make any point, just to wear everything down through repetition. Did I do all right on that score?

    Glen D
    http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7

  6. Nibien says

    “Maybe if pz also stopped being such a dick, he wouldn’t get pestered by others.”

    It’s true, damn that man for going around harassing random people by posting on a personal blog! Has he no shame! I can’t even sleep in peace anymore because of his harassment!

    I’ll pray for him. I’ll pray hard.

  7. says

    And planet Earth. Think of the Earth, man.

    Yeah, fuckers. I know you douchebags don’t give a shit about the planet since you’re all expecting to ride your camels through that needle eye into cloudy tedium for all eternity, but some of us don’t roll like that, and we hope our kids might enjoy a whiff of oxygenated atmosphere before being buried in a deluge of consumerist ejaculate.

  8. says

    Maybe if pz also stopped being such a dick, he wouldn’t get pestered by others.

    Ah, theist reasoning at its finest: “But, but…he started it!” Whiny, ethically vacant little twats.

    One day a religious leader is going to show up, claim to be god, and say something to the effect of “turn the other cheek if you wanna get to heaven” and you dipshits’ll all be sorry.

  9. chuck says

    “Ah, theist reasoning at its finest: “But, but…he started it!” Whiny, ethically vacant little twats.”

    Ah, atheistic assumption building at its finest…

    “One day a religious leader is going to show up, claim to be god, and say something to the effect of “turn the other cheek if you wanna get to heaven” and you dipshits’ll all be sorry.”

    Stupid ^

  10. Nathan says

    I have been reading this blog for a while, although not that long and I would be interested in what magazines you do read PZ.

  11. chuck says

    “And in case it isn’t apparent to your little peabrain, I’m referring to you chuck, you dumbfuck.”

    Yeaahhhh, it’s not like you quoted me or anything. Please stop crying now. Thanks.

  12. says

    Chuck: you think like the people who send me these things in your assumption that I’m being “pestered”. I’m not. I’m being amused, but really don’t think it’s worth your effort or the cost to others of sending this stuff. So please stop. Your plan has failed miserably.

  13. Johnny says

    Wow, this is a really good idea.

    I don’t like Rush Limbaugh. I think I’ll send him a subscription to Details. That’ll really show him.

  14. says

    Maybe they think you’re a gay biker dude. *shrug* It’s funny that they think you’d be ashamed of being a gay biker dude, but whatevah.

    It would be funny as all get-out if one of the scuzballs tried to frame you with kiddie porn and they ended up going to jail because it was traced back to them. Now, that would be epic lulz.

  15. says

    Ah, as for the good magazines: I subscribe to Natural History personally. Otherwise, I take advantage of the institutional subscriptions to Nature, Science, Bioessays, Developmental Biology, Development, PNAS, Developmental Dynamics, Developmental Genetics, Genes and Development, and Mechanisms of Development pretty regularly. I prefer getting the issues electronically, since I really don’t read all of each issue, just the subset of articles that strike my fancy.

    I don’t subscribe to much in the way of print magazines, which makes these weird attempts at harassment by magazine easy to sort out and handle appropriately.

  16. Barklikeadog says

    Chuck, did you know that at your name is a synonym for dick? Or is it prick? Or just the discarded foreskin?
    No one gives a fuck what your opinion is so go play with yourself, and remember jebus is watching you beat off.

  17. Ragutis says

    Posted by: Johnny | August 19, 2008 6:31 PM

    Wow, this is a really good idea.

    I don’t like Rush Limbaugh. I think I’ll send him a subscription to Details. That’ll really show him.

    YES! Finally the weapon we’ve been looking for to destroy the Neo-Cons and bring down the Religious Right…

    SPAM!

    We can turn their tools against them! How nefarious and cunning, if I do say so myself. The dawn of The Glorious United Workers’ Socialist States of the American Republic is just a few spoofed magazine subscriptions away! Why didn’t we think of this earlier? To action, Comrades!

  18. chuck says

    PZ snorts:

    “I’m being amused, but really don’t think it’s worth your effort or the cost to others of sending this stuff. So please stop. Your plan has failed miserably.”

    1. I haven’t sent you anything, but congrats on the groundless assumption.

    2. You’re a dick, so that must mean I have a “plan” that’s “failed miserably”. (wtf?) Nice logic there.

    Dick.

  19. says

    So, Chuck is saying at #14 that it would be a stupid thing that a religious leader claimed to be god and urge his followers to turn the other cheek? Who is being a dick towards Christians here? ;)

  20. says

    Oh, right! Seed! Yeah, I just forgot that one because I take it for granted, and I get it for free.

    Oh, and people…judging by the ineffectiveness of the right’s attempt to crush me with stupid spam, I don’t think your counter-campaign will have any effect, except to bring a fake tear to the eye of Iron Eyes Cody.

  21. CortxVortx says

    Re: #12

    One day a religious leader is going to show up, claim to be god, and say something to the effect of “turn the other cheek if you wanna get to heaven” and you dipshits’ll all be sorry.

    The purported words of Jesus never stopped Christians from being chucks.

  22. SC says

    chuck – another of the recent trolls too stupid to have mastered HTML tags or too lazy to use them.

    They don’t make ’em like they used to…

  23. Ragutis says

    Thank you for your beautiful example of proper blogosphere behavior, Chuck. I’ll be sure to model my internet persona after you.

    You stupid fuck.

    (How was that?)

  24. says

    Learn to read, Chuck! The reason the plan fails is the false assumption that I’m being pestered, which you share with whoever is sending me this stuff. Think!

  25. El Herring says

    I must be a weirdo because I don’t read magazines, newspapers, or any printed material that I don’t intend to keep (i.e. books are fine.) I get my news from TV and the net, and it seems to do for me. I haven’t bought a newspaper for … well, ever, except for ones with important world-shaking news stories which I keep, such as 9/11, Berlin Wall, Chernobyl (going back…), Challenger, Live Aid, Lennon, etc. Old important newspapers can become valuable, but everyday stuff – no way. It seems such a waste to me buying all that paper for one day then chucking it in the trash.

  26. syntyche says

    1. I haven’t sent you anything, but congrats on the groundless assumption.

    Chuck: you think like the people who send me these things in your assumption that I’m being “pestered”.

    Chuck: you think like the people who send me these things

    Chuck: you think like the people

    like the people

    Reading comprehension much, Chuck?

  27. says

    MAJeff @4,

    Hetero biology profs know Tom of Finland?

    Homonormativist, please. You’d be surprised how many of us heteros know about Tom. He might not be my cup of tea in the pr0n department, but he sure as hell was a gifted draughtsman. Why, even my own children… erm, well, no actually, SFAIK they haven’t met Tom’s work yet; and better, perhaps, if they didn’t in the very near future.

    But they probably will some day. And when they do, they’ll probably say either “kewl!” or else “hmm, that Tom sure as hell was a gifted draughtsman”. I think I’ll be OK with either option.

  28. MAJeff, OM says

    Homonormativist, please.

    Them’s fightin’ words! Time to plan a queer leather orgy!

  29. syntyche says

    Homonormativist, please.

    That’s right up there with “Drama Llama” in the list of my favorite linguistic additions of the month. Thanks.

  30. Qwerty says

    I was shocked a few years ago when I was in one of the major book retail chains to see a compilation of Tom of Finland’s work in the glbt section. It was only in the porn shops when I was younger.

    Mrs. Tilton, you’d better watch your children if they get near the glbt section!

    One of my favorites of his story-line drawings was the nude beach that had a guard who made sure you were NUDE!

  31. MAJeff, OM says

    That’s right up there with “Drama Llama” in the list of my favorite linguistic additions of the month.

    Unfortunately, it’s not Mrs. Tilton’s original. Lisa Duggan (I believe) coined it in the 1990s, referring to assimilationist gay folks who sort of align themselves with (or at least don’t challenge) heteronormative values, structures, etc. Basically the opposite of queer.

  32. says

    MAJeff @40,

    Time to plan a queer leather orgy!

    Suddenly my mind floods with that scene from Dodgeball where Vince Vaughan says “you must be ‘Daddy'”…

    OK, you win.

  33. Longtime Lurker says

    Re:

    He’d make an awesome sugar daddy.

    He’s not that old, wouldn’t it be “sugar brother” or “sugar nephew”?

    Hetero biology profs know Tom of Finland?

    Most of us heteros know of him from Malcolm McLaren’s iconic “cowboys” T-shirt, popularized by the Sex Pistols.

    I’d post a link, but I don’t want to give any “Think of the children!” types any ammunition against our beloved PZ.

    Did any other immature type get a kick out of “PNAS” magazine? No wonder teh fundies r getting it rong about biology professors.

  34. chuck says

    In drops PZ again, pretending that he hasn’t been read properly in order to backpedal out of his illogical assumptions:

    “Learn to read, Chuck! The reason the plan fails is the false assumption that I’m being pestered, which you share with whoever is sending me this stuff.”

    Learn to stop backpedaling, PZ. You readers aren’t that gullible (I hope).

    “You think like the people who send me these things in your assumption that I’m being “pestered”. I’m not. I’m being amused, but really don’t think it’s worth your effort or the cost to others of sending this stuff. So please stop. Your plan has failed miserably.”

    You made a stupid assumption. Deal with it. I doubt the mail you get manages to do more than amuse you. The point is: if you weren’t such a fanatical dick, they wouldn’t pester you (or attempt to pester you) in the first place. Think!

  35. Longtime Lurker says

    Sorry about posting again so soon, but “chuck”, are you really Mr. Kroll, Stupidest Man in the History of Teh Tubes?

    If so, I don’t think I am feeling sorry about your wife anymore. If not, I don’t think I am feeling sorry about that other guy’s wife anymore. Either way, I will now refrain from giving you any more tasty, tasty troll chow.

  36. says

    Qwerty @42,

    you’d better watch your children if they get near the glbt section!

    But why? I mean, I wouldn’t want them perusing Tom of F. till they’re bit older, for the same reason I wouldn’t want them reading Tom’s straight counterparts just yet. But as far as glbt subjects in general: possibly one of my kids is gay, and if so, he or she might find something on those shelves that they’ll find helpful, growing up in a still all too homophobic world. Statistically, it’s likelier that none of them is gay. And in that case, maybe exposure to glbt lit will help them understand that being gay is “non-normal” only in a statistical sense.

    MAJeff @43,

    Lisa Duggan (I believe) coined it in the 1990s

    Wow. I honestly had not known that. Indeed, I don’t know who Lisa Duggan is. But that just makes it all the cooler, because obviously I am channeling her.

  37. says

    Excuse me for being so indelicate as to mention this, but the Harold & Kumar movies demonstrate that Neil Patrick Harris is uncommonly good at portraying a pussy-crazed straight guy. Harris also does this as a regular on the sitcom How I Met Your Mother. He is, of course, a professional actor, but Harris is nevertheless proof that gay people could be lurking unsuspected while mingling with the straight population of America. There could be one standing right next to you right now! Eek!

    (That’ll shrink the testicles of the putzes who put PZ on the mailing list for Out magazine.)

    Vote No on 8 in California

  38. Gingerbaker says

    PZ said:

    “I subscribe to Natural History personally. Otherwise, I take advantage of the institutional subscriptions to Nature, Science, Bioessays, Developmental Biology, Development, PNAS, Developmental Dynamics, Developmental Genetics, Genes and Development, and Mechanisms of Development pretty regularly. ”

    Hmmm… no Scientific American on that list.

    I guess you are not interested in keeping your finger on the pulse of any new published data on whale evolution. ;D ;D

  39. syntyche says

    I think while Chuck may understand the actual words, that strange way they’re all strung together confuses him a little bit.

    It’s OK. He’ll think through it and eventually get it. Just give him some time.

    Here’s a hint. The word “your” can be used to designate groups as well as individuals. Now run along and think about it for a bit.

  40. MAJeff, OM says

    Wow. I honestly had not known that. Indeed, I don’t know who Lisa Duggan is. But that just makes it all the cooler, because obviously I am channeling her.

    Lisa Duggan rocks my world. She’s a historian; one of the historians whose amicus brief was instrumental in the SCOTUS decision in Lawrence v. Texas (along with George Chauncey, Jonathan Ned Katz, and others). I’d suggest her books Sex Wars (with Nan Hunter-a law professor) and Twilight of Equality.

  41. chuck says

    To the guy who keeps assuming I’m religious:

    I’m not. For future reference, it doesn’t follow from

    (1) Somebody disagrees with PZ

    that

    (2) They must be a theist/religious.

    PZ, you really should encourage your readers to keep the elementary logical errors to a minimum. It’d be much more convenient for angry agnostics like me to wade through the comments here. Just a thought.

  42. BMurray says

    So that’s what they meant when they said they were coming to your home to beat you up — it was a euphemism for “send you magazines”. You should post your phone number — I bet they send you pizza.

  43. MAJeff, OM says

    OK, i have ask…is anyone else having an issue where capitalize letters are not showing up?

  44. Will K. says

    A couple years ago, someone sent him a DVD of The Calamari Wrestler.

    Hey, I’ve seen that one! Squilla Boxer was a nice suprise.

  45. MAJeff, OM says

    Wait.. Dr. Horrible is gay?

    very. Some of us would actually like to see him in a gay romantic comedy. That was actually a point of conversation when PZ posted about Dr. Horrible, but a lot of folks were like “Who’d want to see something like that?!”

  46. chuck says

    “Here’s a hint. The word “your” can be used to designate groups as well as individuals. Now run along and think about it for a bit.”

    Interpreted that way too, it is assumed that I am in a “group” with religious nuts who obsessively spam PZ. Why? Um. Well, ahem…because I called PZ a bad name. See how irrational you’re being?

  47. Qwerty says

    Mrs. T. – About your children, I was just kidding. When I grew up, there were no glbt sections in libraries or book stores. It might have made it easier for me. In actuality, “dirty” bookstores were the only place you might see a nonjudgemental view of queer life in the ’60s. (Ooops, I am dating myself. It’s like my favorite line from the musical Chicago, “I’m older than I ever intended to be.”)

    PZ, don’t trash those glbt magazines, give them to UMMorris’s libarary until you don’t get them anymore. There may be a stray gay or two at the school.

  48. Alex says

    “I’ll bet PZ keeps the subscription to Mollusxxx Magazine.”

    No way. Magazine porn is so 1990’s. Everyone knows that the Internet is for porn.

    (Don’t worry, it’s safe….mostly)

  49. Qwerty says

    Chuck # 66: You are full of yourself. So, why don’t you pat yourself on the back and move along.

  50. anyvainlegend says

    Ultimately, someone like chuck is only looking to draw PZ and his readers into a match of words… ‘you said’, ‘but i didn’t say’… ‘he said/she said’… thinking that if they win that little ‘victory’ in his own mind it successfully discredits everything else. Nope, doesn’t work that way.

    People like Myers really just get under his skin! He just cannot tolerate what PZ stands for, one little bit. “Fanatic”? For keeping a personal blog? Puhleeeeze. If people want to read it and comment on it, what’s the harm?

    Shoo fly!! *bzzzz*

  51. Nobody says

    Ah, yes. Planet earth. that same one you just added to the despoiling of by flying from Minnesota to Miami to Guayaquil/Quito to the Galapagos? And back? Know how big a “carbon footprint” THAT sort of shit makes?

    Preachy damned hypocrite.

  52. says

    MAJeff @56,

    thanks. I’ll check that out; Nan Hunter actually does ring a bell.

    I should also mention that Randy Barnett, a rather different law prof (and one whom I find politically far less sympathetic), also deserves props for his amicus brief in Lawrence. He’s a principled libertarian, which of course means that his principles are insane. But he does at least regard them as, well, principles, and acts accordingly. If nothing else he is consistent; compared to “libertarians” like Glenn Reynolds he comes off rather well.

    Lawrence is a gem, isn’t it. If my kids ever ask me why I so admire the US constitution and the tradition of jurisprudence it has engendered, despite the many horrible things America has done and the many horrible decisions rendered under American constitutional jurisprudence (not least the atrocious Bowers decision that Lawrence consigned to the dungheap), I will tell them: because under that constitution and that jurisprudential system, decisions like Lawrence are possible.

  53. LanceR says

    Chuckles? Is that you? What happened to the Trollympics? You drop out? Did it get too hard for you? You were doing so well, too!

    I see your debate tactics haven’t changed any, you miserable vomitus mass.

  54. Spook says

    Chuck;

    Given the number of religious folk who come by here spewing inanity all over the place, it isn’t such an unreasonable conclusion to jump to — given the inane bullshit you’ve been spewing.

    Bye!

    *plonk*

  55. says

    Ah, “The Internet is for Porn” by Avenue Q!

    MAJeff, I missed the thread on Neil Patrick Harris. Honestly, I had no clue that he was gay. I remember him from his Doogie days, and from “How I met your Mother” and he had always come across as straight to me. But that was his plan. Good actor.

  56. MAJeff, OM says

    Lawrence is a gem, isn’t it.

    I’m not ashamed to admit that I wept like a baby reading it the day it was released. It probably could have been stronger in some regards (just like Goodridge here in MA–the CA in re Marriage cases was MUCH stronger) but Bowers was so awful. For the first time, I felt like a full American citizen.

  57. bgbaysjr says

    Zeno @ 52 and Calladus @ 58:

    This reminds me of something I read (in Out, maybe) back when Sir Nigel Hawthorne came out. The interviewer commented that he was so impressed that, as a gay man, Sir Nigel was so convincing in portraying George’s love for the Queen. Hawthorne noted that love is love, and wondered why the interviewer was not equally impressed with his ability to portray a mentally ill 18th Century monarch…

    (It has been a long time, but that is how I remember it…)

  58. MarcusA says

    Chucky Said

    “The point is: if you weren’t such a fanatical dick, they wouldn’t pester you (or attempt to pester you) in the first place. Think!”

    They’re just sending PZ a list of magazines they wish they could subscribe to.

    And Chuck, is it too much to ask that public discourse not be turned into pointless magazine attacks on people’s homes? Why do conservative Christian wankers turn into such childish pranksters when their arguments fail them. All that’s happened is that their delicate sensibilities have been tested by a provocative college professor. Some people pay good money for that privilege.

    And religious people never resort to pestering? [The entire world]

  59. Keith B says

    Chuck, either way, you’re still being unnecessarily annoying. PZ’s whole point in this post is: don’t waste paper and time sending him magazines. It accomplishes nothing and is terribly wasteful. If you’re not one of the ones sending him the magazines, then he isn’t really addressing you, now is he? You came off sounding like a possible suspect early on, but you’ve since denied that you’re one of the culprits. That has probably been duly noted now. Great? Great. Move on.

  60. Patricia says

    Oh joy! Someone used the word ‘indelicate’.
    Now if someone were to use the word ‘buzzcocks’ in a manner that would help me understand just what the heck one is – my day would be perfect.

  61. druidbros says

    “it is assumed that I am in a “group” with religious nuts who obsessively spam PZ. Why?”….

    Ummmm…because you do? Spam PZ I mean.

  62. says

    Qwerty @68,

    goodness, it seems as though you are even older than I am, and I am feckin ancient. Seriously: I hate to think what it must have been like growing up gay back then, fair play to you for making it through.

    Actually, I hope that one day soon there will be no more glbt sections in book shops, but for a very different reason. When it comes to categorising books, I think “books about gay people” is not nearly as good a category as “books about human people”. Roll on the day.

  63. USAtheist says

    Chuck said: “See how irrational you’re being?”

    Hey, starting a fight seems pretty irrational too, especially if you’re not associated with the people whom PZ was referring to in his post. Why you do you even care, Mr. irrational?

  64. Danio says

    Now if someone were to use the word ‘buzzcocks’ in a manner that would help me understand just what the heck one is – my day would be perfect.

    Allow me:

    “Chuck’s girlfriend bought a buzzcock from Castle and promptly lost all interest in him”

  65. says

    Chuck,

    Way back in your firs comment you made the unsupported assertion that PZ is a dick. Care to back that up with some data or is that just your personal belief?

    I’ve alsways loved Tom of Finland’s work. Such yummy macho men.

    Now for some real controversy, Neal Patrick Harris is one of my least favorite actors. I have yet to liek anything he’s done.

    Check, Why so serious?

    Let’s put a smile on that face!

  66. Patricia says

    Gad, now I feel ancient too. Mother Earth Magazine and Organic Gardening grace my mailbox. Organic Gardening has gone all ‘dumb it down’ suddenly, so this will be my last year. The quarterly Oak Leaves raises the fundy mail carriers eyebrows. Poor baby.

  67. says

    Patricia @84,

    knowing what “buzzcocks” means is much less important than knowing that it never takes the definite article. As for what it means, listening to Singles Going Steady will tell you all you need to know.

    (Seriously: the name is a mashup of some 1970s Mancunian slang terms. Wikipedia has the skinny.)

    (Even more seriously: when I said you should listen to Singles Going Steady I wasn’t joking.)

  68. says

    @7

    Maybe if pz also stopped being such a dick, he wouldn’t get pestered by others.

    There is, of course, a grain of truth in Chuck’s comment: PZ’s actions caused (or played a causal role in their so doing) certain people to sign him up for said magazine subscriptions. Where he wrong, however, is in his suggestion that PZ’z actions had the property of dickishness. To be a dick is to do something you know will piss someone off for the sole purpose of pissing them off. PZ has, of course, said and done things which knew would piss off lots of people. But that was hardly his central reason for doing them. Chuck on the other hand …

  69. says

    PZ: Please consider donating the magazines (or some of them, at least) to literacy programs and libraries. They can be put to good use!

  70. Patricia says

    What?!
    Those naughty Brits have a game show about – naughty toys!
    Oh for crying out loud.
    Patricia, you ignorant slut.
    headdesk

  71. Hairhead says

    Having heard of “Tom of Finland” from an article in Playboy, I went to my local gay bookstore (I’m in Vancouver, B.C.) and perused his stuff. I noticed a couple of things. 1) He is a fine artist of great technical ability. 2)All of his gay guys (and the occasional girl — yes, he did put in some het sex) are demonstrably *happy*, if not outright *jolly*. Which I consider a fine thing, compared to the unhappy way gays have been represented for so long.

    Oh, and chuck. What is a fanatic? Someone who posts continually on someone else’s personal blog without ever making an actual substative point? Make a point, Chuck. Show us yer brain, yer *sexy* *sexy* brain (oops, I’m channeling Tom of F . . .)

  72. JoJo says

    There’s a few print magazines that I get. The Economist as a general news magazine, Naval Institute Proceedings keeps me informed as to what’s going on in the Navy, Model Railroader covers one of my hobbies and Astronomy covers another.

  73. Rob J says

    Too bad none of us everyday gays have a shot at him. He’d make an awesome sugar daddy.

    Don’t give up so easily, look at Andrew Cunanan. He was an everyday guy who scored Versace as a sugar daddy. Granted, he was a homicidal lunatic, but if a homicidal lunatic can do it so can you!

  74. says

    PZ, you should’ve title this post “I Get Magazines.” Oh well.

    Still, that sounds pretty funny. I’d buy you a six month subscription to the 700 Club, but I don’t give money to crazies.

  75. ChrisKG says

    PZ,

    Please post a photo of a week’s worth of magazines so we can see the idiocy in action.

  76. scooter says

    Take a 3″ stack of magazines, roll it up, cinch tight with bailing wire, burn in fireplace, free energy, they last quite a while.

  77. Longtime Lurker says

    Re:

    (Even more seriously: when I said you should listen to Singles Going Steady I wasn’t joking.)

    Wow, when I picked this album up in an indie record store (sigh) while in high school, I felt like an action hero making that cliched “big score”. The record still sounds as great as ever, and is required listening… although Gang of Four’s “Entertainment” is more crucial in our current political climate.

  78. says

    Oh, and people…judging by the ineffectiveness of the right’s attempt to crush me with stupid spam, I don’t think your counter-campaign will have any effect.

    You’ve obviously never seen what ten thousand free shipping boxes look like. Nor do you know what happens when one requests three dozen complimentary bibles and korans.

  79. scooter says

    Chuck @ 48

    The point is: if you weren’t such a fanatical dick, they wouldn’t pester you

    That’s what they kept telling Jesus.
    But would he LISTEN?

    NOOOOOOOOOOOO

  80. genesgalore says

    think chuck!!! why doesn’t jesus, “the cloned son of god” use email??? not too omniponent now is he. can hardly wait for the old man to perform the cloned trick again.

  81. Patricia says

    Thankyou Danio and Mrs. Tilton! I’m now not a complete ignorant ass regarding Buzzcocks.
    Can’t say I’ll ever be a fan. My tastes run more to Irfan, Nawang Khechog and Loreena Mckennitt. My favorite American artists are Layne Redmond and Leone Redbone.
    I’m not going to go there with the naughty toys Danio… but the picture from the link you posted IS probably much cuter than Chuckles.

  82. says

    A troll had arrived, damn the luck;
    And we all had to listen to Chuck
    As he rambled his sermon
    To all of us vermin–
    But no one–not one–gave a fuck.

  83. truth machine, OM says

    Maybe if pz also stopped being such a dick, he wouldn’t get pestered by others.

    Maybe if Matthew Shepard had stopped being such a sissie, those nice boys wouldn’t have hit him so hard.

    </troll asshole blaming victim>

  84. Patricia says

    Aaahh, there it is, the perfect end to another perfectly godless day.
    Cuttlefish, being indelicate.
    *swoon*

    Goodnight, and thanks for all the Buzzcocks!

  85. truth machine, OM says

    “Chuck’s girlfriend bought a buzzcock from Castle and promptly lost all interest in him”

    Just don’t say Buzzcocks didn’t warn you:

    well you tried it just for once found it all right for kicks.
    but now you found out that it’s a habit that sticks.
    and you’re an orgasm addict.
    you’re an orgasm addict.
    sneaking in the back door with dirty magazines.
    now your mother wants to know what all those stains on your jeans.
    and you’re an orgasm addict.
    you’re an orgasm addict.
    uh huh, uh huh, uhhhhh, uhhhhh [x3]
    you get in a heat, you get in a sulk.
    but you still keep a beating your meat to pulp.
    and you’re an orgasm addict.
    you’re an orgasm addict.
    you’re a kid cassanova.
    you’re a no-josep it’s a labour of love fucking yourself to death.
    orgasm addict.
    you’re an orgasm addict.
    uh huh, uhhhhh [x10] you’re makin’ out with school kids, winos and heads of state.
    you even made it with the lady, who puts the little plastic bobins on the christmas cakes.
    butchers’ assistants and bellhops, you’ve had them all here and there.
    children of god and their joy-strings, international women with no body hair.
    oooh, so where they’re askin’ in an alley and your voice ain’t steady.
    if your sex mechanic’s rough you’re more than ready.
    you’re an orgasm addict.
    you’re an orgasm addict.
    johnny want fuckie always and all ways.
    he’s got the energy, he will remain.
    he’s an orgasm addict.
    he’s an orgasm addict.
    he’s always at it.
    he’s always at it.
    and he’s an orgasm addict.
    he’s an orgasm addict.

  86. LisaJ says

    Really nice work Cuttlefish, very impressive.

    It never ceases to amaze me the childish games these theists play with you, PZ. So infantile.

  87. says

    Honestly, besides the obvious waste issues I wouldn’t mind someone signing me up for a bunch of magazines I wouldn’t normally buy. Hell i was getting Rolling stone and Relix for years and i never signed up for them. No idea why i was getting them.

    If anyone wants to sign me up for magazines I’ll take whatever, just try and throw some food and photography ones in there.

  88. Eric says

    All I know is that I’m jealous. Dammit PZ, you get everything from a cyperpistol to free magazine subscriptions.

  89. Azkyroth says

    It would be funny as all get-out if one of the scuzballs tried to frame you with kiddie porn and they ended up going to jail because it was traced back to them. Now, that would be epic lulz.

    Don’t give them ideas. Most of them probably have plenty lying around…

  90. Becca says

    PZ, you don’t understand. Catholic youth groups are selling magazines as fundraisers. Since they already have all the reading they need in the Bible, they have to send them to someone- might as well be something that might annoy you (kill two birds with one stone).

    I recommend you return the favor. Collect them all in a big box and ask a local chuch if they would like some. I’d really wanna see a Priest’s reaction when he thinks you’re the kind of guy who reads that particular combination of magazines.
    On a serious note, you could see if there’s a Ronald McDonald house that can recycle them for you (though it looks like the nearest is probably Minneapolis, and I don’t suppose you get out there often enough to take them with you). But seriously, there might be a charity that does recycle them where you’re at.

  91. LanceR says

    Cuttlefish FTW!

    I can’t compete with the great Cuttlefish. I’m going to bed.

    Say goodnight, Chuck. (Goodnight, Chuck!)

  92. Susan says

    Hey, PZ, at least you’re not getting inquisitive calls and unsolicited information packets from our fine Army, Navy and Marine recruiters. That’s what the dicky immature kids used to sign their enemies up for when I was a youngster.

  93. Benjamin Franklin says

    PZ-

    What? You didn’t get a subscription to “Acts & Facts”?

    I guess it’s not Catlick enough.

    I got a subscription to it 10 years ago, and I can’t shut the damn thing off!

  94. bastion says

    Fraudulently subscribing someone to a magazine is merely a particularly immature variation of Lying for Jesus.

  95. Brain Hertz says

    Hmmm… no Scientific American on that list.

    Scientific American is boring these days… would be so much better if they could just do reprints of issues from the 1950’s with all those suggestions for home experiments which typically involved a 50% probability of blowing up/incinerating/irradiating your garage…

  96. zy says

    I had a similar experience when a not-quite-ex sent me everything from admissions apps for correspondence gunsmithing school to tweener fan magazines. The sheer WTF?-ness of the experience is enough to permanently break a person’s WTF?-meter. He wasn’t religious but took that up later.

    Oh, and UpChuck? No it doesn’t happen to people because we’re dicks. See, if you read your Bible really hard between the lines there’s all kinds of commands telling you to go out and kill trees and be a litterbug and rip off publishing companies. You must not be reading it right.

  97. Susan says

    suggestions for home experiments which typically involved a 50% probability of blowing up/incinerating/irradiating your garage…

    That stuff’s all in Make Magazine now. My kids love it. And my kitchen hasn’t been the same since…

  98. Beelzebub says

    they want to imply that I’m gay, which they think I’d take as an insult because they do —

    There’s nothing quite so pathetic as people who imply that you’re gay and think that’s the ultimate insult. When that doesn’t get a rise out of you they simply repeat it, thinking that somehow you’re attempting to “ignore” this devastating epithet, but actually you “got it” but it just hasn’t made an impact. As it happens, I’m not gay — but wouldn’t care one way or the other if I was and certainly don’t see how it’s an insult.

  99. wrpd says

    There was a gay artist in Chicago named Etienne. His style was similar to Tom of Finland. He was also the brother of my sister’s best friend, but I didn’t find that out until much later. We could have made such good music together.
    But I still had my study hall WPA murals to dream about. My school was a technical high school and the theme of the murals was Industry. The walls were covered with hunky, muscular, sweaty, shirtless men. Needless to say, I never studied in study hall.

  100. Submoron says

    The Tentacle Porn magazine was “Big Tentacles: The Magazine for the Dominant Squid”. I’d attach a pdf if I could but “BT Cruising: Classified ads” included “Lonely octopus, non effem. Likes Wh, Squ, Herr, Tr Net fun, dolph & Porp. Water sports and Pondage.” and “Masochistic limpet seeks suckers for punishment.” I found this in a book by Marshall and Renwick by the way.

  101. nicknick bobick says

    Someone (or two) said “Cuttlefish FTW” for his poetic reply to Chuck.

    OK, I know what “wtf” means… FTW = “fut the wuck”?

  102. Ragutis says

    @ Valhar2000:

    You might be new here (your nom de plume is new to me), so you may not be aware that, tragically, many of us suffer from incurable SIWOTI Syndrome. It’s terribly sad. Pray for us.

    @ nicknick bobick:

    FTW = For The Win

  103. Lee Picton says

    Now that the tagline is at the top, I was able to just scroll on past anything by “Chuck.” Yay! (Though I still had to read the feeding sessions).

    Also wanted to say what a hoot it is to be regaled by the inimitable Cuttlefish. For this newbie, is it Madame Cuttlefish, or Monsieur Cuttlefish?

  104. says

    Posted by: Valhar2000 | August 20, 2008 6:36 AM

    Peopl! Are you all new to the internet or something? Stop feeding the troll!

    Then what, pray tell, do you suggest we do with all of these troll biscuits? I’m certainly not going to eat them, they give me the vapors, and make me more stoopider.

  105. OctoberMermaid says

    I wish people would sign me up for magazines. What do I have to do?

    Hey, Catholics! Fuck you guys! Now send me an issue of Out magazine, you self-righteous kiddy diddlers.

    I promise it’ll bother me super badly. You can bust a nut imagining my impotent rage when I have random unexpected to stuff to read during boring car trips.

  106. BlackCentaur says

    Wow – what a great thread.

    #70 Alex – thanks for the google video – YOMANK!

    #88 Danio – Thanks for the link. The advert on the Castle front page look um… interesting. It’s about time I got her some new toys.

    We were talking about TWINKs today at work, and the gay scene in Melbourne. Will be interesting to hear our local token’s opinion on Tom.

    Now if only Firefox had an add-on to block ‘Chuck’ related posts and their ilk it’d be perfect.

  107. BlackCentaur says

    #144 Karen – Thanks Heaps! I’ve seen Greasemonkey mentioned several times on the tubes, but never been game to try it. Your mozilla and userscripts links are fine, but the greasespot link includes the trailing ‘),’. Thanks again, it’s straightforward to install and works brilliantly. Cheers BC

  108. says

    #145 BlackCentaur, you’re most welcome! (Thanks for the corrective info re one of the links I posted.)

    I can’t recall which Pharyngula poster in which thread (although I’m pretty certain it was one of the crackergate ones) first drew our attention to Killfile, but their heads-up has made blog-reading-life much more pleasant for many of us, and all kudos are really owed to them (and of course to the person who wrote the Killfile script in the first place ;) )

  109. says

    Bright Side Dept: The Magazine Subscription Prank is at least a little more civilized than the Ordering Twelve Pizzas Delivered Prank. Even if they both still fall under the heading of Maliciously Puerile. (“That jerk! Let’s send him some pizzas! Or gay magazines! Wait! … Let’s send him some GAY PIZZAS!”)

    Anyway, in this case “jerk” (or your favorite risque synonym) is just shorthand for “He keeps saying true stuff I wish he wouldn’t say.”

  110. tsig says

    I just don’t get them sending you bad (in their perception) magazines. If they think you are so evil then aren’t they doing you a favor?

    A list of titles would be nice.

  111. sphex says

    I just need to second (third?) what a joy it is to see Cuttlefish. It makes my day. thank you!

  112. Kseniya says

    “… Let’s send him some GAY PIZZAS!”

    “Hello? Yes, I’d like twelve double-sausage pizzas delivered to … yes, that’s right, twelve… no, double-sausage… uh, yeah, to 36 University Ave… Right. Thanks.”

  113. GirBoBytons says

    Man, I wish I had been around when this was originally posted. Perhaps if Chuck can read all the way to this comment I would tell him to scroll back up to some lovely poetry by Cuttlefish at #110. Read it, Learn it, Love it…because Chuck…seriously…no one gives a fuck about what you have to say. Whats worse is you think you are accomplishing something by coming into PZ’s territory trying to trash talk, when, if you havent noticed, its you vs. you. We try to reason with your stupidity but you just defeat yourself…do the math if it doesn’t make your head explode.

  114. Kagehi says

    The truly sad thing about this is that, unlike someone signing you up via email, snail mail is likely harder, or impossible, to trace back to the idiot that did it. Would be damn funny if you could have started a page dedicated to, “Thanking people for sharing their favorite publications with me.”, complete with their home cities (or if you wanted to be real nasty, street addresses). lol Now, ***that*** would amuse the hell out of me.

  115. bastion says

    At #149 tsig wrote:
    I just don’t get them sending you bad (in their perception) magazines. If they think you are so evil then aren’t they doing you a favor?

    I’m not sure how the minds of Liars and Fraudsters for Jesus work, but if I had to guess, the members of LAFFJ feel that if the gay and other magazines they don’t approve of get ripped off, that’s “a good thing”. That’s fully in keeping with the general LAFFJ policy that the ends–doing god’s work–justifies the means–lying and committing fraud, among other otherwise-considered-immoral acts.

    While one might think that the LAFFJ should be ordering P.Z. religious magazines–for his own good–the LAFFJs know ripping off religious magazines is “not a good thing” and makes Jesus sad.

  116. IceFarmer says

    PZ, does this mean that you chucked out the Ninja magazines I sent you? I thought you’d think they were cool…… I’m so disappointed.

  117. Tom fan says

    Some ToF info. Tom of Finland has recently been collected by the MOMA – 4 of his masterworks are now in the MOMA permanent collection.

    Tom of Finland and Mapplethorpe did indeed know each other – they did portraits of each other. I’ve recently seen both protraits hanging at the Tom of Finland Foundation Museum.

  118. HennepinCountyLawyer says

    At some point while I was reading this thread the words “cephalopod” and “dickhead” popped into my head at the same time.

    Lucky for me my brain’s not very good at turning words into mental pictures.

  119. says

    PZ, donate some to UMM’s library and take the rest with you on camping trips. Shredded magazines make excellent campfire tinder; newsprint is even better.

    And for those wondering what this marvelous “killfile” is that all the cool kids here are discussing:

    1) Download and use Firefox, if you don’t already.

    2) Get the Greasemonkey add-on.

    3) Go to http://userscripts.org/scripts/show/10791 and follow the easy-peasy instructions.

    Now whenever a trollie shows up at any of your favorite blogs, you can eliminate the temptation to give it the response it craves and feeds upon, and let it starve unheeded and unread, its greatest fear. Simply click the ‘kill’ link that now appears next to the trollie’s name. (You can, if desired, post “Comment by [name of troll] blocked” to let the trollie know that it’s being ignored, in order to hasten its departure.)

  120. bernard quatermass says

    “And planet Earth. Think of the Earth, man.”

    They do, unfortunately: they think of it as a public toilet. Is the lid up? Shake the handle!

    Fortunately for them (I guess), they also think God is some kind of janitor.

    I cannot navigate through the concept of “freedom” including the freedom to be as stupid and thoughtless as I want to be … I suppose this is a limitation of mine.

  121. says

    I say leave them in the various bathroom stalls you use around town. Give lots of people a chance to read something they wouldn’t otherwise :P