This will not stand. It’s a site called Octopus Faith, and it’s a promotion for a Christian women’s speaker, and her premise is analogizing faith to an octopus.
Every octopus is an atheist, though … they told me so personally. And they are not amused.
erm, i think this site is below pharyngula’s threshold.
…but then again who am i to know?
She’s creepy, and her site sucks.
That woman looks really annoying, like the Avon Lady on steroids. There’s perky, and then there’s insane Christian wild-eyed fervor, the kind exhibited by Ted Haggard or Tammy Faye. Her faith / octopus analogy is inappropriate. Faith is more like a Trap Door Spider. Or better yet, a leach.
All the cloying nautical slogans had me automatically think of my own:
“scraping the bottom of the barrel”
Cthulhu is not amused with her website nor with her metaphorical abuse of His sacred octopus.
Isn’t amazing to think that this woman is of the same species as Einstein and Mozart? I wonder why there’s such apparent variation amongst human intelligence.
Doesn’t stuff like this just make your copper-based blood boil?
That is just plain weird, even by evangelical standards.
What do they call it when they cut off a woman’s
tentacles? Do you take her to the vet to have it done?
Those eyes are terrifying, surely the look of a serial killer. Won’t somebody please think of the children?
Here I prefer to believe that she is being attacked by our cephalopod friend and is not abusing one for her own promotion.
So that’s what the opium of the masses does to people. Weird.
I preferred the usual animal husbandry analogy, myself.
Shepherds guiding their flocks to the fleecing, bishops using their crooks to drag strays by the neck back into the fold, pastors preparing the lambs for the slaughter, that kind of thing.
*Considers her analogy*
Slimy, spineless, venemous, able to insinuate itself into tiny cracks, happily makes a home in discarded rubbish, obsessively cares for unborn children then abandons them to their fate once they’re actually born…
yeah, I can see her point.
Well, at least she’s happy. Weird, but happy.
Bob
Drhoz!
That was outstanding!
The copyright marker all over it. Faith is now licensed?
I think from her photo she’s on meth.
Slimy, spineless, venemous, able to insinuate itself into tiny cracks, happily makes a home in discarded rubbish, obsessively cares for unborn children then abandons them to their fate once they’re actually born…
yeah, I can see her point.
That was outstanding!
thankyou :)
Her faith / octopus analogy is inappropriate. Faith is more like a Trap Door Spider. Or better yet, a leach.
How about a hagfish? Hagfish are very primative vertebrates that latch onto their victims and suck their innards out while they are still alive. Unlike leaches, they are not content with a small amount of blood but take everything the victim has to offer and leave it an empty shell. Oh, and they produce a disgusting and distracting slime when caught.
There are some processes or descriptions that merit being numbered to help people remember the individual points or ‘steps’ – but one of the indicators of woo is the arbitrary analogy and forced fit of concepts into some numbered scheme.
Apparently Newton declared that there were 7 colours in a rainbow because the number 7 had a mystical meaning for him. Previously most people counted 5 colours in the rainbow (and 4 in Iceland).
Did the Octopus woman really have an enlightenment moment, or did she struggle to make up 8 tentacles of faith, all starting with P, just to make a neat package?
Do religious people generally try to force nature into apparently designed, balanced, meaningful pattern?
8 Pass It On: Lead Someone Else into the Deep
Oh dear. This is going to give me nightmares.
(Off to pharmacy for Oxazepam.)
Is that woman from Innsmouth Massachusetts? From the Deep Reef ministry of Cthulhu? Something tells me that it isn’t going to be too long before she is an aquatic sea going amphibian.
But, but… it HAS to be true!! It was PROPHESIED by the four Holy of Holies!!! (‘I’d like to be/ Under the sea/ In an octopus’s garden with you/’ Dah dah, dum, and Ringo comes in on the drums….)
If Jesus gives you that manic look I think I’ll pass.
You know, Raven, now that you mention it, her eyes are kind of staring and unwinking…
“The Deep Ones could never be destroyed, even though the palaeogean magic of the forgotten Old Ones might sometimes check them. For the present they would rest; but some day, if they remembered, they would rise again for the tribute Great Cthulhu craved. It would be a city greater than Innsmouth next time. They had planned to spread, and had brought up that which would help them, but now they must wait once more.”
The Shadow Over Innsmouth, H.P. Lovecraft.
Ia ia fthagn!
“Octopus Faith® is a faith that is too big for the box. It’s a faith that calls you to the deep things of God, keeps you connected to your Oxygen Line, and assures you can handle the underwater pressure.”
Does she know that as the partial pressure of O2 increases with depth it becomes increasingly toxic? Hehehe!
Faith in an octopus? Is this the sign of the return of the Great Old Ones?
Octopus Faith®. That little ® says it all. Another scam to talk the sheep into giving up their fleece.
Drhoz (12) definitely gets commentater of the day and king Neptunes seaweedy blessing.
The octopi are atheists? Now, this is good news! When the Overlords take their rightful place, (which I eagerly await, as I, for one welcome them) I need not fear for my wallet.
But this Octopus Faith, well this is the sort of nonsense up with which I will not put!
It is kind of amusing really. Well on the theological level it’s both meaningless and useless, but it is interesting on the psychological level, sort of turning the abstract concepts into more concrete ones. It does remind me of the Druze star, which is David’s star but with each hand (or tentacle lol) has a different color and symbolizes one of the 5 pillars of their faith (wiki page).
But the Druze star is actually more meaningful and spiritual if you ask me, not to mention that it addressed a different public, a medieval, druze public (but let’s not go there, it takes too much explication).
This woman actually seems WAY too bored and feeling WAY too much emptiness so she’s filling her time with pseudo-meaningful things… If it helps her sleep better at night, then sure why not
Tentacles? Oh, it all makes sense now. I thought she’d written the eight testicles of faith and was talking a load of bollocks.
I thought she’d written the eight testicles of faith and was talking a load of bollocks.
Half right.
I think she’s hypomanic – those bug eyes, the frantic expressions and postures, the octopus hat, and take a look at her schedule. She needs to get that lithium level checked.
Isn’t the octopus shy, intelligent and prone to blend into its surroundings? The exact opposite of the Octopus lady…
She scares me.
And last I checked, octopus had 8 arms, not 8 tentacles. Surely they would have told her that by now.
This is nothing short of disturbing. Octopi are every bit as atheist as pirates are.
I mean, it could be well worth hiring this speaker Janet(fees ?). Look at all the really interesting stuff you will be able to make at the end of one of these “octopus Faith” (R) workshops :
Decoration ideas: a) anything under the sea – fish, shells, beach chairs, sand toys, snorkel & fins; b) fishbowls (containing real fish OR containing rocks and candles) as centerpieces; c) treasure chests filled with chocolate coins, beads, etc. as centerpieces; d) cover stage floor with blue sheets rumpled to like ocean water; e) stuffed animal octopus; f) blow up octopus (available from OrientalTrading.com) as centerpieces or other decoration around the room
Craft ideas: a) yarn octopus (“yarn octopus craft kit” available at OrientalTrading.com or you can make your own); b) Faith beaded bracelets representing the life of Christ; c) beach flip flops – cover the rubber straps with shells, silk/plastic flowers, beads
Giveaway ideas: a) octopus silver charms (available at http://www.secharms.com); b) mini stuffed animal octopus; c) beach tote bags
I think the proper analogy she is looking for is “blind you with ink in your eyes then crush you with overwhelming tentacles and then eat you”
Please note the use of the word “OR” (capital letters) refering to the b) fishbowls. I infer from this that her “Octupus faith” (R) prohibits the manufacutre of fishbowls that contain both real fish AND rocks and candles. She got that from her deep relationship with god and her biblical knowledge.
Jesus, the scariest part is that I bet that some people do hire her.
She seems to also have a “biblical” understanding of what lies under the sea :
check this one :
Decoration ideas: a) anything under the sea – fish, shells, beach chairs, sand toys, snorkel & fins
I really need to register to one of these workshops, I am going to learn how to find beach chairs under the sea.
…blow up octopus (available from OrientalTrading.com)
Now THAT gives me some very disturbing thoughts…
That photo is more proof that religion is no longer the opiate of the masses and is instead the meth.
I’d love to hire her for our staff Christmas dinner. I can’t think of many things that would be funnier than a whole roomful of drunk scientists going into attack mode on her.
VWXYnot,
If you do that, please please please put on teh youtubes.
Otherwise, all I see is caphalopod abuse.
Hey. It works for me.
Faith is a railroad.
Our just rewards? The Rapture.
Each nun, each Bride of Christ, gets to wear this.
Where do I sign up?
Now that is a claim I can believe. Lead someone into the deep, black pit of fuzzy thinking.
Folks, not that I have read her “deep sea travel guide”, but the “keeps you connected to your Oxygen Line, and assures you can handle the underwater pressure” phrase suggest to me that she is describing traveling with the help of an octopus regulator in a scuba set.
OTOH, her frightening photo is eerily showing fixed eyes, a prominent beak, twisted manipulator members.
But it can’t be true, real octopuses knows atheism on their eight arms.
[Joke about religion and oxygen starvation to the brain deleted due to concern for the brain damaged.]
Folks, not that I have read her “deep sea travel guide”, but the “keeps you connected to your Oxygen Line, and assures you can handle the underwater pressure” phrase suggest to me that she is describing traveling with the help of an octopus regulator in a scuba set.
OTOH, her frightening photo is eerily showing fixed eyes, a prominent beak, twisted manipulator members.
But it can’t be true, real octopuses knows atheism on their eight arms.
[Joke about religion and oxygen starvation to the brain deleted due to concern for the brain damaged.]
But you probably know that, so the joke is on me. :-P Must…drink……more……….coffeeee.
But you probably know that, so the joke is on me. :-P Must…drink……more……….coffeeee.
Looks like “mind-mapping” analogized and marketed into a “new” religious teaching strategy.
Mike: “…this is the sort of nonsense up with which I will not put!”
nice.
I thought Octopi were made in the image of their creator, Shiva. I mean, where else would all the arms come from.
I’ve never seen pictures of “God” or “Jesus” with multiple arms. Why would the biblical artists leave out such an important detail when they were sketching the creator?
Is it just me, or have most organized religions and their advertising attempts become a replacement for sitcoms?
I never thought I would miss sitcoms, with their predicatable plots and lame characters. But now with these trite and contrived “reality” shows, Gong-show-esque “talent” shows, and uber-lame game shows, I actually miss the old crappy sitcoms. Whodathunkit?
Did anyone else notice this:
Who exactly is in possession of these women? Who’s her target reader?
“Who exactly is in possession of these women? Who’s her target reader?”
My guess is the men running Concerned Women of America
Ksniya, that octopus ring is pretty cool looking.
“What do they call it when they cut off a woman’s
tentacles?
nonconstubtion?
“I will give you the treasures of the deep, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord…” Isaiah 45:3
“Deep calls to deep in the roar of Your waterfalls.” Psalm 42:7
“Now faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see.” Hebrews 11:1
“I’d like to be under the sea in an octupus’s garden with you.” Ringo 5:23
She’s a Ringoist; what’d you expect? Reason?
It’s true, every octopus is an atheist.
Also a communist.
Bob:
Unfortunately I would probably be fired. It would be a great way to go out in a blaze of glory if I ever win the lottery though.
You gotta love how Octopusfaith® is a registered trademark. That’s because most American Christianity® is more of a tax-free legally legitimate business for hucksters than anything else.
That woman reminds me of my sister-in-law, pastor’s wife, kindergarten teacher, and Conservative Christian®. As the family says, “she has a good heart”, because we were all told that if you can’t say something nice…
Indeed it was, because after drinking a lot of coffee and following a link I see that Drez has a pink octopus hat.
Well, color me surprised – anything can be support for a faith.
Indeed it was, because after drinking a lot of coffee and following a link I see that Drez has a pink octopus hat.
Well, color me surprised – anything can be support for a faith.
Stogoe:
Yeah, it is cool! I think the message is “Marriage is for suckers.”
Heh.