The madmen of the WAAGNFNP have gone too far—now they’ve put out a warrant for my arrest (scroll down through the comments). Chris Clarke wasn’t enough to slake their bloodlust, I guess, so now they’ve just picked out a random, innocent target.
Watch out, or you’ll be next.
I recommend a 3-prong legal <strike>
offense</strike>defense.1) Blame the Victim: If the accuser had tentacles, you would have been so busy ogling them that you would never have noticed the lack of nipples.
2) Blame Society: Your accusers enabled your crime, and as members of society, any judgment rendered against you must be rendered upon themselves as well.
3) Blame God: If God was doing His job, this sort of terrible thing would never happen. Therefore, God is responsible for this terrible thing happening.
And speaking as your lawyer, I recommend you shave so as not to get caught. Besides, facial hair makes one inherently untrustworthy.
Quick, PZ… take a sabbatical in Australia. You might be safe here. (You’ll have to learn about the cricket but stirring the British should come easily enough.) John Wilkins can hide you up in Brisbane if Sydney is too multicultural for you. (signed) marc
` You can hide out on our couch for a while, buddy. Eat our squid…. You can even have orgies, as long as we’re invited! :D
I think it would be of value to shed more light on the exact nature of the accuser’s nipples. Can we see those and evaluate them independantly?
` Promise it isn’t a setup to press more charges! ^^
And now we know how the Prophecy Implicit in the Party’s name shall be Fulfilled. Soon – too soon – Astaroth will discover how they have defaced and debased Her image. When She sees the Nippleless Image, She will cause the whole of the Earth to undergo Thermo-Nuclear Fusion.
There’s no escape, PZ. Astaroth will not be placated by your tiny voice.
This is actually an interesting evo-devo case study. How many genes would you need to knock out to eliminate one’s nipples? Or perhaps it’s not that simple. Maybe there’s a whole series of genes that need to be activated or blocked at key moments. You could really turn the trial to your advatage if you concentrate on your strengths.
Just a question: What is the WAAGNFNP?
“Just a question: What is the WAAGNFNP?”
The We Are All Giant Nuclear Fireballs Now Party. Don’t you know anything?
Prof. Myers, you may have to work on your 19th century poetic forms:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Villanelle
I suppose Villanelle still are the prefered mode of communication during the WAAGNFNP show trials. Obviously, they will have to catch you first.
I hope they do: I just managed to wean myself from the comments section at Michael Berube’s blog and now you managed to get me hooked again!
Forget the wimpy villanelle. Go for the sestina. It’s got a lot going for it: complex organization that evolves by simple reshuffling thtrough each stanza, repeating segments, a longer pedigree (going back to the 1300s) and, most important of all no stupid rhyming.
It’s well suited for “complaints” and descriptions of battles or rigorous challenges.
Joe Haldeman won some sort of prize for his science fiction sestina (complete with alien biology references), Saul’s Death.
If I got it right, here’s a link to Haldeman’s sestina (where it is reprinted with permission):
http://www.writing-world.com/poetry/schimel4.shtml
The We Are All Giant Nuclear Fireballs Now Party. Don’t you know anything?
No :(
Is there a reward?
Actually, he could play for us down there in the last two tests: there are some spaces in our middle order where he could hide. And PZ wouldn’t do any worse than our current players.
*weeps*
Bob
I fear that the radio situation in western Minnesota may not be as dire as you say… surely the WAAGNFNP can afford to give its enforcers (dum dum DUMMMMM) satellite radio?
Is there a reward?
Why, yes!
As the WAAGNFNP Minister of Justice, I promise you that anyone who is forthcoming with information leading to the capture of the Fugitive will be guaranteed a quick and painless death should The Purge come before the Giant Nuclear Fireball. In addition, you will receive luxury box seating (with all the perks) at the next WAAGNFNP sponsored event. You can’t beat that with a stick.
But all prizes aside, if you truly love and care about PZ, you will assist us in locating him. This pugnacious acting out is nothing more than an elaborate distress signal. Help us to help him.
As an added benefit, you good people of Pharyngula now have a safe place to express your grievances against this tyrant fugitive who has been oppressing you all these years. The Ministry of Justice has your back.
To Arnaud – We welcome you, and invite you speak up on the Berube thread. (Same goes for all of you).
Oaktown Girl
Minister of Justice
WAAGNFNP