How to Play Right

I may have given the idea, by way of some cheek, that I am an inflexible taskmaster as a GM.  I think it’s possible to have standards in player behavior while also adapting to what the players want to do.  Observe the comments on this old post, where I GM’d a little adventure, wordpress style…

RP by Comment

If the whole thing is too much to read, the teal deer:  In the end I had one player left.  He wanted to cut jeezis some slack, which is not what I’d originally set out to do at all.  But he was being a good player, writing a story that worked, so I let it happen.

Maybe consistency isn’t the thing I’m desiring the most.  Maybe I just want to see players write characters that I would ever want to see in media.  Hero, antihero, villain, joker – just be entertaining.  Not to yourself alone; consider the audience of people you are playing with.

That includes the GM.

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TTRPGs as Writing

On my previous post, I suggested an alignment system – a declaration of a character’s moral inclinations – could be a useful tool to avoid some of the annoyances I’ve had in players having wildly inconsistent characters.  But why does that bother me?

On one level, the obvious.  Hard to plan the overarching path of a story if you have no idea how a character will respond to it.  But there’s something more.

I can’t help but see TTRPGs as an act of creative writing.  I’m bothered by shit characters because they are shit writing.  If I could just get with players on their level I’d be ok, right?

I can’t.  I can’t see it as disposable fluff time, a meaningless jackoff session.  Why not?  If it is, I’m just the fool distributing handjobs for free.

I would literally rather hold the unhygienic penii of strangers in both hands and tease them to climax on my t-shirt than GM for bad players.

Does that make sense of where I’m coming from?  heh.  coming.

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Alignment Systems or No?

I don’t have a computer right now (composing this on cellphone) so I can’t type well enough to really write.  But I’d like to start a little discussion.  Alignment systems in TTRPGs:  yea or nay?

For the longest I wasn’t going to include one in my home brew RPG, but as I reflected on my annoyance with inconsistent player morals, I think, yeah, I want that.  I want to be able to point at that entry on a character sheet and say, what are you doing now?

Wanna change that “nice” to “naughty”?  Again?  Why don’t you just start your next guy as naughty and save yourself the trouble?  Why do you keep doing this to me mothafuckas?  This was supposed to be a fun game, not a morality play, not a psychodrama.

I don’t want to make that alignment have metaphysical reality / game effect to it, just want a guardrail for player behavior.  Assuming it would even work, I dunno…

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Chronic Pain Tetris Game

Remember that news story about how a reporter randomly found out his wife had berserk record-breaking ultra Tetris skills?  I know a lot of AFAB people have chronic pain, fibromyalgia, endometriosis, shit like that.  And I know video games like Tetris can engage the mind in a way that helps distract from pain.  I wonder out my ass like an evopsych bro, are wimmenfolk better at Tetris because of chronic pain?  Could I have a career in pop science fluff pieces?

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Manoposting III: An Unfortunate Self-Immolation

I’m sure we’ve all been following the really important things happening in US culture at the moment, but it’s nice to see our humorists put them in perspective, cut through the haze of this whirlwind we’re all experiencing.  I present for you D’Angelo Wallace’s thoughts on ostensible feminist Katy Perry’s newest album, made with the help of notorious alleged rapist Dr. Luke.

Well worth watching.

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Manoposting I: Two Reasonable Things

Since Mano is doing light posting for the moment, the rest of us should be picking up the slack, but it’s looking slow around the network.  To fill the manohole, I’m going to do three manoposts today.  This be the first.  I am far from perfect at impressions, at capturing the essence of another’s voice, so apologies.  Since I am not plugged into the news the way he is, I’ll have to make up news to be reacting to.  Proceeding thus…

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As a rule of thumb, one should look askance on anyone who is too simpatico with one’s own beliefs.  Today I read an article by Hannikah Meier-Shalam on reporgo.com which, at first glance, seemed eminently reasonable – a return to the common sense punditry from her tenure at The Gotham City Gazette.  See if you can tell where her reasoning breaks down.

Pet grooming is a very popular subject of internet videos at the moment, from Youtube to Instagram, and everybody’s getting in on the act.  Some dogs stand with quiet dignity, offering sensitive and nervous side-eye to the camera.  Others whimper and shiver.  Others need to be restrained bodily – as do cats.  This suffering is mild, if melodramatic, and therefore quite cute.  We know the procedure is for the animal’s own good, that it is genuinely not painful, and that there is an end in sight – all comforting truths of which the hapless beast is not fully assured, in their own mind.

My pet turtle is, as any who have a passing familiarity with science can tell you, a reptile.  The thing about reptiles is that they have to shed their scales.  This includes the scales known as “scutes” that make up the outer surface of their shells, which are much larger than the tiny scales on the softer parts of their bodies.  It takes a long time to happen, during which they have a dull look to their shells.  Then they start to come up in great big chunks.

Well, nerts to that.  If I can’t yard that stuff off Donatello and it’s hangin’ there like a blowed-off hurricane shingle, I’m gonna glue that shits down and polish his ass with turtle wax.  They say it’s for cars, don’t use it on animals or people, but these are the same Deep Staters that want to bury the truth about hydrochloroquine, so make of that what you will.

It seems she is now following that old post-Ferengian rhetorical technique of saying two reasonable things as cover to slip in a third outrageous statement – something no one would believe if given to them straight.  It’s a shame, but after her self-styled cancellation at the Gazette, she has completed her transformation into a right wing hack at reporgo.com.

I like to think that my readership has the discernment and mental powers to avoid using harsh cleaning chemicals on their pet turtles.  Please do not prove me wrong in the comments.  Thank you.

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The Politics of Not Working, in Song

Hey anybody here remember the Wham Rap?  Is this song for or against leaning on welfare when you’re young and sexy?  I literally can’t tell.  The lyrics about how people should not do things they do not enjoy, those feel earnest.  But the characterization of the narrator, who advocates living off of welfare programs, is as selfish, looking out for number one.  It’s ironic people see social welfare as greedy when the main reason rich people don’t want to pay a reasonable tax to support society is because of absolutely inarguable baldfaced greed.  People “on the dole” need food and shelter.  Rich people don’t need a second yacht.  They just fucken don’t.  Anyway, dubious politics aside, it’s a bop.  Glad I remembered it exists.

One could make a whole study of references to welfare in music, and what they say about social perspectives.  Roots Manuva had a song called Mind 2 Motion with the line “Social survivor still scratching on, I’ll pay that money back when I get my hit song.”  This is eminently reasonable.  Rely on what you need when you are needy, pay your taxes when you are not.  And yet, I heard that he’s just another boring conservative greedlord.  Unsurprising if true.  One day Biggie Smalls was talking about how he lived in the projects and suffered poverty, feels blessed by his wealth.  The next he was literally saying “fuck the world, don’t ask me for shit.”

Sticking to the UK for another moment, commie rapper Bobbi from QELD and Pavlov’s House reliably hates on working for a living.  Warnings for flashing lights, doom-tinged chorus, and tankie feelz.  Austerity politics will get you feelin’ that kind of way.

The USA has its own communist rappers.  Boots Riley from The Coup is the number one guy on that scene, blowing up the World Trade Center on an album cover before that became unpopular for reasons.  But on the topic of social survivin’, I’d like to quote Killer Mike’s guest rap on The Coup’s WAVIP:  “I’m over here with the welfare recipients, we ain’t ever payin’ but we stay gettin’ shit, I am with the people on the bottom fella, we gon’ riot loot rob ’til we rich as Rockefeller… The one percent better learn this shit is VIP, if we don’t nut up everybody gonna D-I-E.”

There are more low-key ways to say Fuck a Job.  In Bachman-Turner Overdrive’s seminal extremely hateable dogshit buttrock classic “Takin’ Care of Business,” the drunk guy on the mic sez, “If you ever get annoyed, look at me I’m self-employed, I love to work at nothing all day.”  I don’t know why I find that more offensive than intentionally offensive punk rock on the subject.  All he’s saying is “get an easy job.”  Could be worse.  I just don’t like the genre.  Speaking of punk rock on the subject, little known Desperate Bicycles had a song about making rock, with a very likeable message.  Backup vocals by the literal child on the drums.  “It was easy, it was cheap, go and do it.”

As for the intentionally offensive punk rock on the genre, the Dead Milkmen have two strong examples.  Nutrition is an all-around classic, covered by other bands, well-liked, and a good tune.  It captures the vibe of feeling like you were born to work but just don’t wanna, feeling simultaneously petulant and ashamed about it.  A lesser tune with a more didactic message, just literally “fuck working,” is Chaos Theory, from a later album.  “I used to get up and do my job, now I enjoy doing nothing better, I think I’ll go bum around, I think I’ll enjoy this lovely weather.  Maybe some day there’ll be a revolution, maybe some day we’ll have meaningful jobs, until that day I’m gonna be lazy, I’m not gonna be no working slob.  I am the god of unemployment, the antichrist of the american dream, I used to fight for church and country, but now I don’t give into the corporate schemes.”

That’s just being a bitch about it.  Not saying that’s my number, but I did spend a few years on unemployment at one point, and spent a lot of time back then walking around under blue skies.  Like the part in One Bourbon One Scotch One Beer when George’s landlady saw him leanin’ up against a post…  This could go on forever.

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Edit to Add:  How in the fuck did I forget Agenda Suicide by The Faint?  Content Warning:  The Obvious, Generally Grim as Balls.