The Associated Press is generally impartial. Or, granting that true impartiality is impossible, they can at least be seen as more objective in their reportage than the dumpster fire of media conglomerates from which the majority of Americans get their news.

One of the small joys Trump’s presidency is reading the AP’s coverage of him. I picture the authors questioning their lives, staring internally into the abyss, as they’re forced to write with gravitas about a fucking dipshit with almost unfathomable power and responsibility.

Here’s their story about his profound thoughts on the American Civil War:

“People don’t realize, you know, the Civil War, if you think about it, why?” Trump said in an interview with The Washington Examiner that also aired on Sirius XM radio. “People don’t ask that question, but why was there the Civil War? Why could that one not have been worked out?”

In fact, the causes of the Civil War are frequently discussed, from middle school classrooms to university lecture halls and in countless books. Immigrants seeking to become naturalized are sometimes asked to name a cause of the war in their citizenship tests.

And:

“He was really angry that he saw what was happening with regard to the Civil War. He said, ‘There’s no reason for this,'” Trump continued.

Jackson died in 1845. The Civil War began in 1861.

And:

Trump, during an African-American history month event, seemed to imply that the 19th century abolitionist Frederick Douglass was still alive. Trump said in February that Douglass “is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is getting recognized more and more, I notice.”

While justifying his argument for a border wall with Mexico, Trump said last week that human trafficking is “a problem that’s probably worse than any time in the history of this world,” a claim that seemed to omit the African slave trade.

In just about every mundane Trump-related article one can picture the author dying a little more each time they quote him and, immediately after, clarify and correct his barely coherent ramblings. Reading these stories can be simultaneously amusing, brain-melting and infuriating. Fun times!