Wow.
Dave Brubeck has died, and lives on like so very few will ever live on, in countless influenced lives and fond memories. [Read more…]
The Digital Cuttlefish
Since the music plays so briefly... Can you blame me if I dance?
Wow.
Dave Brubeck has died, and lives on like so very few will ever live on, in countless influenced lives and fond memories. [Read more…]
I don’t have time for this… but this song jumped into my skull earlier today, and I couldn’t focus until I chased it out. So here it is. It does have a tune, but it’s a very simple one and I suspect you can come up with a better one on your own (it’s in 6/8 time, about 130 bpm, for mine.)
The context, of course, is the classic song–there are both pro and anti war versions–of the little kid asking “what did you do in the war?” (In my generation, that always ended “daddy” or “grandpa”, but no longer.) I figure, if the war against christmas was a real war, it needed its own version of this song.
What did you do in the War Against Christmas?
What did you do in the War?
Did you ever get shot
By Fox news on the spot
As you battled the crowds at the store?
Did you tell all the elves
Who were stocking the shelves
They’d forgotten what Christmas is for?
Oh, what did you do in the War Against Christmas?
What did you do in the War?
How I remember the War Against Christmas!
How I remember the War!
When me and m’pal Davey
Signed up with Old Navy
And guarded the dressing room door!
We were there at the front
Like a couple of grunts
When the shoppers invaded the floor!
Oh, how I remember the War Against Christmas!
How I remember the War!
Let’s shed a tear for the War Against Christmas
Let’s shed a tear for the War!
We all know the cost
Of the memories lost
Of the simpler Christmas of yore
Now Christmas is here
Nearly half of the year
And it’s looking to take even more
Let’s shed a tear for the War Against Christmas
Let’s shed a tear for the war
What did you do in the War Against Christmas?
What did you do in the War?
Did you stand up and fight
For your Christmastime right
For nativity scenes by the shore?
Though you knew you would lose
Did you faithfully choose
The establishment clause to ignore?
Oh, what did you do in the War Against Christmas?
What did you do in the War?
I swear I had a dozen more verses going through my head as I walked Cuttledog, but this is enough to get it out of my system. As always, feel free to add verses in the comments!
Over at The Zingularity, they’ve discovered who the real enemy is in the War On Christmas. And it’s not the atheists (although we are still the ones on the propaganda posters)! The real enemy of Christmas is… Christmas! The Christmas that shows up in stores just before Halloween and lasts halfway through January, the Christmas favored by Lucy Van Pelt, the Santa Claus Christmas, the “peace, love, and happiness” Christmas? Evil, through and through. Christmas should be a solemn occasion, as befits the meaning–the birth of the ultimate human sacrifice.
Fox News, to be consistent (but why start now?), should refuse any and all Christmas advertising that aids and abets that first kind of Christmas. Fox should refuse to air any Christmas specials (other than perhaps live coverage of church services on Christmas day itself) that cheapen and commercialize this most solemn of holy days.
I warned them about this, years ago:
From the Cape of Good Hope to the Newfoundland islands,
The sands of Iran to the Panama isthmus;
From Outback Australia to Inverness Highlands
It’s time to take arms in the War Against Christmas!
My weapons are mistletoe, Christmas trees, holly,
A yule-log, and caroling out in the snow;
Sleigh-rides and snowball-fights, eggnog and Jolly
Old Santa Claus, laughing his loud “Ho! Ho! Ho!”
We’ll make them forget all the Truth of the season—
The sacrifice planned by a god up above—
And have them believing some bastardized reason
Like giving, or kindness, or caring or love!
I’ll cruelly and callously help out a stranger
Who’s down on his luck or has suffered some loss,
I won’t even speak of the babe in the manger
Whom God sent to Earth to get nailed to a cross;
When the winds of December conspire to freeze us
I’ll help collect sweaters and coats for the poor,
Neglecting to make any mention of Jesus,
Whose torture is really what Christmas is for.
My hatred of Christmas will focus my labors
On weaving an atheist fabric of lies—
For instance, I’m giving to all of my neighbors
Gift baskets, cookies, and fruitcakes and pies!
I’ll say “Merry Christmas!” I’ll say “Season’s Greetings!”
I’ll say “Happy Holidays—Joyous Noel!”
Intending of course, that with each of these meetings
The Truth About Christmas can just go to hell.
The truth is that Christmas is not about presents
It’s no time for songs, It’s not time to be nice
It’s not time for feasting on turkeys or pheasants—
It’s sin, and redemption by blood sacrifice.
No time to be jolly; no time to be merry
It’s time to be solemn, and grim, and devout!
The heathens might find it depressing or scary
But that is what Christmas is truly about.
Yes, Jesus is really the ultimate reason
And Christmas is really redemption and sin;
The war against Christmas is early this season—
For God’s sake, let’s hope that the atheists win!
As most of us know (except, of course, the people who need to the most), the beginnings of Christmas in America (home of The War On Christmas, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Fox News) were not festive in the least. The Puritans had better, purer things to do on December 25th (for a couple of decades in the 1600’s, Boston even had a law prohibiting the celebration of Christmas!); a Christmas holiday as we know it did not begin until the 1800’s. Interestingly, celebrating Christmas (as opposed to observing it) spread with the notion of Santa, “The Night Before Christmas”, and commercial connections to stores and products, not with the story of the birth of god’s human sacrifice.
Those who wish a return to the traditional values of Christmas, away from the secularization, are welcome to stay inside, draw their curtains tight and stick their noses in their bibles. I will expect them to show up at work on the 25th (as, indeed, Congress did in 1789, the first Christmas under our constitution). Myself, I will gladly take the opportunity to celebrate with Cuttlefamily and friends. We will probably feast, and may even sing–such decadence would surely have been frowned upon, even fined, by the founders of our Christian Nation (TM).
Good.
Ok, first a couple of things to get out of the way. One–got an announcement from the EvolveFish people that their stuff is on sale. I get no money from them at all, but I must say I am biased toward a couple of things on their site. Two–I wouldn’t say this at all, cuttlefish that I am, except that I noticed a commenter discovering just today that there is, in fact a volume of Cuttlefish verse available in both dead-tree and e-versions of some sort. And there are also cool things to wear and drink from. Not the same things, but… Anyway, those are found in the Cuttlestuff link.
But that’s not the purpose of this post.
There are many things I would give if I could… but can’t. There are actually very few things I want or need. Cuttlefamily is healthy (well, have chronic diseases that are well controlled by modern medicine), not in debt (not quite, anyway), happy (that one has no disclaimer), and far more fortunate than we have any right to be (chronic disease and all). Mind you, extended Cuttlefamily is not doing so well, which is a mixed thing–you see, many of them have lived long enough to be dying of cancer, which means a pretty good run at life so far (each life has some tragedies, but this is not the time for that).
I would give health. But I cannot. I would give travel, but I cannot afford that, and travel is a luxury. I would give things that no one can give… And for that, I consider myself extraordinarily fortunate. For my people, I don’t need to give food (but I will, some, but not because these items are needed, but because they are wanted–this makes all the difference in the world). I don’t need to give rent money, or an only pair of shoes without holes, or warmth. I can’t give a pancreas, or I would.
What do I want? Damn, isn’t that a fine question? I don’t have to ask “what do I need?. I want time. No one can give me that–especially in my size or style. I want hugs, and I’ll get them. That’s pretty much it. I begin to understand Dumbledore’s fondness for wool socks.
Mind you, if Nikon or Montblanc wanted me to write reviews of cameras, lenses, and fountain pens, in iambic pentameter, I could write you a list that would make your head spin. But just saying that… noting that such incredible luxury is what I think of, instead of fixing this car (the “new” one is 12+ years old, but it’s in good shape), or that furnace (new burner in 2 years ago, so we’re good) or that window (replaced 4 years ago)… Damn. I am the luckiest Cuttlefish on the planet.
So… comment thread…. what do you want to give, that you cannot? What do you want, that cannot be given? Do you consider yourself fortunate? (and no, I will not ask anyone if they have been naughty or nice. None of any of our damn business.)
This post is part of a blogosphere protest against the discriminatory practices of the Boy Scouts. Remember, if you buy a Christmas tree this season, that there are plenty of places to get them that do not support institutional homophobia and prejudice.
Be prepared! That’s the Boy Scout’s marching song
Be prepared! Though your moral stance is wrong—
Be prepared to hide the fact that you are gay
Let our antiquated stands lead you astray… [Read more…]
It’s not like I would wish harm to befall him, and thus open up his staff writing position at The Nation. But Calvin Trillin, well, comments on things, in verse, and makes a living at it.
You can see where I might have mixed feelings toward the man.
He was on the Daily Show last night (video down below), with Jon Stewart singing the praises of his new book, Dogfight: The 2012 Presidential Campaign In Verse. The presidential campaign in verse? What am I, chopped liver?
You want political doggerel? You’ve come to the right place! Being paid to write it for a magazine can’t hold a candle to obsessively writing it to get it out of your skull. You want Mitt? We’ve got Mitt. A meaningful percentage of Mitt. You want Newt? We got Newt. Plenty. Perry? Lots. And lots. Bachmann? Santorum? Yes, Santorum. Value Voters Summit? The Republican Primary Race? Tons. Seriously. The Convention? And a few commentaries on the voters themselves.
Akin? Beer? The debates? More debates? Horses and bayonets? The debate over whether polling works?
It’s enough to drive one mad. But despite it all, encouragement.
Ah, the video. Trillin has a poem title that alone is worth the price of the book. He mentions it at about the 6 minute mark.
| The Daily Show with Jon Stewart | Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Calvin Trillin | ||||
| www.thedailyshow.com | ||||
|
||||
Now… Retire, Mr. Trillin. Call me, Nation.
The sad thing is… this isn’t even my whole collection of appropriate verses. Just a sampling.
Seriously, I had to check the calendar. Billo had American Atheists president David Silverman on, and… Oh, go see for yourself. Or, frankly, don’t. You already know the dance. The steps are the same, the music is the same, the dancers are the same… only the date has changed.
Dammit, if Billo can do it, so can I. (consults random number generator…)
‘Twas the night before Christmas; the Christians all hunkered
In basements of buildings they’d armored and bunkered.
They huddled in silence; they huddled in fear,
With thoughts that the atheists soon would draw near
The War Against Christmas had started on Fox—
Just a couple of fools on the idiot-box
Who were looking for noise to give ratings a boost—
But lately, those chickens have come home to roost:
Believers are frightened; they’re panicked; they’re scared,
And not one among them will go unprepared;
They’ve heard that the atheists roam, Christmas night,
So Christians stay hidden, and safe out of sight.
It’s serious business, the whole Christmas season,
When people of faith fend off people of reason—
At least, that’s the story you hear on TV,
So the basement’s the place meant for children to be
There’ll be no “Silent Night”, or “Away in the Manger”
The godless might hear it! Consider the danger!
And then, they’d attack—Why, they’ve done it for years,
With that vile “Season’s Greetings!” invading the ears!
“Happy Holidays!” may seem inclusive and nice,
But it just isn’t Christmas, unless it’s got Christ;
Those words are no less than a form of assault!
So it’s war (and it’s clearly the atheists’ fault!)
(Plus, it’s unpatriotic, and now it’s high time
We made non-Christian greetings a federal crime!
The clear, true intent of our great founding fathers—
Which someone should check, although nobody bothers)
The elders remember an earlier time,
When a bottle of Coke only cost you a dime,
Each Christmas the snowfall was brilliant and white
And there wasn’t an atheist heathen in sight!
Folks visited neighbors; they caroled with friends;
They hand-crafted gifts out of old odds and ends;
They knew that the joys of the season would last…
But now, such delights are a thing of the past.
There are rifles to oil; there is ammo to check;
There’s a radio, straining to tune in Glen Beck;
No time to sing carols, or even say prayers,
With the danger that some may be caught unawares!
A war—manufactured, but war nonetheless—
Could kill hundreds, or thousands, it’s anyone’s guess;
They’re under attack, and that is the reason
They’re locked and they’re loaded, the whole Christmas season!
***
The atheists, meanwhile, are feasting and singing;
Our stockings are hung and our sleigh-bells are ringing—
Though Jesus had nothing to do with a sleigh,
We’re all unbelievers, and so it’s ok!
With holly, and eggnog, and mistletoe kisses,
We’ll watch “It’s a wonderful life” (just like this is)
With family and friends—with the people who love us—
With no one beneath us, nor no one above us
We’ll celebrate all the things Christmas is for,
Like giving, and loving, not hatred or war
And we’ll say to the world (cos we’ve got every right):
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
(yes, I linked to this in my very most recent post. Complain to Billo–if he can put himself on autopilot, so can I)
The latest silliness from Pat Robertson and from Bill O’Reilly has been making the rounds–Lawrence O’Donnell offers a simple counter-example (video at link) to the claim of the bitter, hateful atheist who wants everybody to be miserable at Christmas the end of December. That counter-example?
Ricky Gervais.
In a 2010 article in the Wall Street Journal, Gervais answers questions about atheism; the last question asked is “How do you plan on celebrating Christmas?”
Eating and drinking too much with friends and family. Celebrating life and remembering those that did, but can no longer.
They are not looking down on me but they live in my mind and heart more than they ever did probably. Some, I was lucky enough to bump into on this planet of six billion people. Others shared much of my genetic material. One selflessly did her best for me all my life. That’s what mums do though. They do it for no other reason than love. Not for reward. Not for recognition. They create you. From nothing. Miracle? They do those every day. No big deal. They are not worshiped. They would give their life without the promise of heaven. They teach you everything they know yet they are not declared prophets. And you only have one.
I am crying as I write this.
His full answer is beautiful. Go read it.
Related posts:
The Night Before (The War On) Christmas. A scary story, but with a happy ending.
(The War On) The War On The War On The War On Christmas You know, in case you feel like denying that there is such a war.
The War Against Christmas Comes Early One of my favorites, contrasting the solemn observation of Christmas in early America with the modern celebration.
An Atheist’s Christmas Answers the question “why would an atheist want to celebrate Christmas?” Another favorite.
An Atheist Christmas Card Just a wee bit snarky. Mostly sweet. Historically accurate.
Another Atheist Christmas Card Weapons-grade glurge, but I’ve already had some people tell me this one is their favorite.
‘Tis The Season Last year’s earlier offering. It’s actually a song, if only I were a singer.
The War On Christmas, Explained Blunt, for those who are unclear on the concept. Not terribly poetic, though.
It’s Tough To Be Christian (When Christmastime Comes) A lament. It’s always nice to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
This Means War! (on Christmas) A brief explanation of the War.
It’s Time–that is, it’s time for Time,
If I could make that clear
For me to plead for votes, in rhyme,
For Person Of The Year.
Yep, Time Magazine is getting ready to name their Person of the Year. There are the usual politicians (failed and successful), the usual power brokers (failed and successful), the usual celebrities, the obligatory quirky mentions (Higgs-Boson Particle and Mars Rover) and (this being an Olympic year) the occasional Olympic athlete.
And there is Malala Yousafzai.
You can vote people up or vote them down. I was surprised and pleased to see her name at the top of the list after I voted, but there are many days to go.
I can’t pharyngulate a poll, but I can certainly try to Sepiate one.
(And yes, you can vote for more than one, so the Rover can be runner-up…)
First, read this (rather lengthy but excellent) comic.
I agree with a great deal of what is said there about the creative process. Sadly, I’m a bit more obsessive than the artist is–I do try to have something up every day, or nearly so. (Which, when you see his example of “if I had to produce a new comic every single day, this is what would happen”, now explains quite a bit about the lack of quality control here at the Digital Cuttlefish.)
But that’s not what I’m talking about today.
Even further down the comic… the talk about comments.
Anyway, I just wanted to say a sincere thank you, to all my readers and commenters, for not being typical of commentary on the internet. Hey, part of what I do is read the comments at news and opinion sites, and then write about that commentary. Sure, part of the difference in comment quality might be due to the nature of the topics… but it isn’t. I don’t much like reading about the sorts of things I don’t write about. I don’t write about, say, celebrity pop culture, so I don’t get into those sorts of squabbles. I don’t write about sports, because I’m a Cleveland Browns fan. And of course, people who don’t like stuff written in verse have all the rest of Freethought Blogs to read from without clicking on my site, so I don’t even get a lot of style haters. I write about atheism, skepticism, nature, science, love, politics…. and I have seen what the comments look like on news sites (CNN, FOX, etc.) on these topics.
So, yes, thank you all, for being the best group of readers/commenters I could possibly hope for. And thanks, also, to The Oatmeal, for reminding me of what it’s like in the rest of the interwebs.