Kill The Atheists!

(The title is satire, not hate speech. I don’t want anybody killed.)

Atheists are hateful (1); they’re annoying, rude, and loud;
They’re a total waste of oxygen (2), the godless and the proud
They are spiteful un-Americans, rejecting Jesus’ call—
The solution? Let’s just shoot them. Shoot them all(3).

Those atheists are radicals, and militants as well;
For their blasphemous beliefs they’ll all be heading straight to hell
We could wipe them from the planet, and be grateful for the loss—
The solution? Fucking nail them to the cross(4).

They deny the Holy Spirit; they deny a God above
They deny that Christ was crucified to save us through His love
By rejecting God’s forgiveness, they choose nothingness instead
So they all deserve a shotgun to the head(5).

We should crucify their leader; shove a spear into his side
Let him know the pain that Jesus felt, the hours before He died(6)
So that maybe he’ll appreciate what Jesus Christ is worth—
Nah, let’s wipe the fucking godless from the earth.

I follow in Christ’s footsteps; I adore the Prince of Peace,
But these atheists grow bolder as their numbers have increased
It’s my patriotic duty now, to walk where Jesus led
And He wants these godless bastards fucking dead.

(1) Michael Perri
(2) Casey M Jones
(3) Joe Martinez, Casey M Jones, Bob O’Connell, Joseph Sneckenberg
(4) Chris Dunn, Mike Holeschek
(5) Joe Martinez
(6) Chris Dunn

Source.
Edited to add: Here’s another source for a bit more of the background. It is noted there that, although these comments were taken down quickly by site owners (Fox News’s facebook page), Chris Dunn’s comment got 19 “likes” in the few minutes it was up.

The Octopus Gods


Image: Michael McRae

Oh, the cephalopods have their Octopus Gods,
With tentacles stronger than steel,
Who have taken down ships with their powerful grips
And made many a sailor a meal.

They win wrestling matches with submarine hatches
Like popping a tin of sardines
Then it’s horrible cries, and tears in the eyes
Of the witnessing Merchant Marines.

Survivers are few, but they swear it is true—
“The monster, it started to throttle us!”
You can vividly note, from the scar on his throat
He survived the attack on the Nautilus.

These powerful deities loves spontaneity,
Thus, are well-loved by their followers
Who all serve as one, having octopus fun
Whether tiny, or submarine-swallowers

When I tell you (no lie) that the octopus eye
Is superior even to Man’s
It’s clear that this creature’s the centerpiece feature
In a sinister deity’s plans

They’ll take down a shark, like a walk in the park—
You’ve seen it on YouTube, I know
And to get to their goal they can squeeze through a hole,
Up the drain, in your tub, to your toe!

So guzzle your Folger’s—these octopus soldiers
Are coming for you while you sleep!
These eight-legged beauties will all do their duties;
Invisible devils, they creep.

So the next time you think, “could one hide in my sink?
Or my bathtub, or even my toilet?”
As a Cuttlefish, I would be seen as a spy
If I told you (besides, that would spoil it).

If you find an appeal in an octopus meal—
Say, for sushi you’ve got a real itch—
The cephalopods have their Octopus Gods
And I’m telling you, payback’s a bitch. [Read more…]

That’s Right, A Half-Ton Fungus

In China they’re saying, among us is fungus—
This new one’s a record, a king of the giants!
It grew where a log was decaying, they’re saying,
And this is the largest recorded by science!

The years that it grew, maybe twenty, were plenty
To see that it reached its improbable size
Such wonderful things may be found all around us
Just all the more reason to open your eyes!

Via the BBC, a story on the world’s largest yet documented (I love that phrase–not “world’s largest” but “world’s largest yet documented”–it gives me the same feeling that pirate stories used to when I was a young cuttlesquirt, that there are wonders out there for those willing to look for them) fungus fruiting body, weighing in at half a ton.

It’s a bracket fungus (or shelf fungus); I had always heard that all bracket fungi were edible, but wiki tells me (I know, I know) that bracket fungi are grouped by appearance rather than phylogeny, so there is no guarantee that they have just found dinner for 2,500.

My Place (In The Dance Of The Universe)

I am accident on accident
And chance on random chance
I’m the product of environment
And changing circumstance

The odds of my occurrence
Are incalculably small—
If you round off to the m b trillionth place
I don’t exist at all!

Every atom in my body
From an ancient star’s collapse;
I’m a long time in my making—
Several billion years, perhaps!

In a corner of infinity,
A cold and hostile place
On a tiny blue oasis
Set adrift in empty space

I’m a subset of the universe
That’s learned to look around—
And which cannot help but wonder
At the marvels I have found!

The descendent of bacteria,
Of annelids, of fish,
I’m a member of the primates,
Just an ape-man, if you wish

Through the engine of selection
Some would live and some would die—
“From so simple a beginning”
Just how fortunate am I!

And I pass along my molecules
And take my place in line
So some distant, future life form
Will have carbon that was mine

And perhaps my DNA as well—
Unlikely, though, my friend—
I have ridden quite a lucky streak,
And lucky streaks must end.

So it is, and so it must be
When so much depends on chance
But…
Since the music plays so briefly,
Can you blame me if I dance? [Read more…]

On Pseudonymity

Pseudonymous writing
For some, is exciting,
For others, it’s something they need.
They may face retribution
For each contribution,
Or be given a warning to heed;

To offer some sort
Of a helpful support
To such people, is good (I should think);
They’re a little more free
When allowed (like, say, me)
A disguise made of cuttlefish ink!

The pseudonym wars continue. While Google+ fans remind us that the product is still in development, potential users like GrrlScientist and BugGirl continue to be frustrated in their attempts to extend their working personas with a tool that is easily available… at the cost of their pseudonymity.

My dear friend Podblack has a new interview up, with some new freethoughtblogs writer named Cuttlefish, that I think is well worth reading. Odd, though… it doesn’t rhyme.

What An Atheist Believes

I believe in love and kindness
I believe in helping hands
I believe in strong opinions
I believe in taking stands
I believe cooperation
Overcomes the steepest odds
I believe we have a fighting chance

I don’t believe in gods.

I believe in education
I believe in learning science
I believe we see much further
When we climb atop of giants
I believe in writing poetry
And verses praising love
I believe that there are mysteries

But not a god above.

I believe in art and music
And the power of a voice
I believe in nature’s beauty
I believe we have a choice
I believe we have a future—
We’re in charge of how it looks—
I believe in sharing knowledge, too

But not in holy books

I believe we came from nothing
And to nothing we’ll return
I believe we don’t know everything
But much of it, we’ll learn
I believe we’re all connected
I believe all sorts of stuff
I believe we are humanity

And isn’t that enough? [Read more…]

Please Allow Me To Introduce Myself…

Or not.

I suspect that I am the least well-known of the bloggers making up this new network. The people who spend a bit of time reading the comment threads might know me, but this past April 1st, I spent a day being P. Z. Myers, and found out that the vast majority of readers don’t regularly dive into the comments. So it is entirely possible that there are more people reading my blog today than have ever looked at it in the past 3.5 years.

So, how do I introduce myself?

“Slowly”, I suspect, is the answer. Over the next couple of weeks or so, in addition to doing what I always do (that is, commenting on stuff, in verse), I’ll also post some of my older verses, with a bit of context, so you don’t have to stick around for a whole year to see what sort of Cuttlefish I am.

You will find verses on atheism, on religion, on science and nature, on philosophy, on politics, on current events (well, they were current when I wrote about them), on love. Verses, not poems; I don’t write poetry. I write commentary, that just happens to be in verse. It’s up there in the FAQ at the top of the page.

Anyway, welcome to the new digs, make yourself at home (for those who made the trip from my old blog, you know where the drinks are kept), and have fun. I hope you stick around for a while.

The Official Announcement

Hey, it’s past midnight here.  Time for a press release.

Please, if you are a member of a forum, or own a major newspaper or television network, feel free to post the following:

Freethought Blogs debuts Aug. 1


A new blog network is hitting the web on August 1. Led by two of the most prominent and widely read secular-minded blogs in the country – PZ Myers’ Pharyngula and Ed Brayton’s Dispatches from the Culture Wars – Freethoughtblogs.com <https://proxy.freethought.online/>  will, we hope, quickly become and important  gathering place for atheists, humanists, skeptics and freethinkers in the blogosphere.

Freethoughtblogs will be more than just a place for people to read the opinions of their favorite bloggers. It will be a community of like-minded people exchanging ideas and joining forces to advocate for a more secular and rational world.

The network will launch Aug. 1 with a handful of blogs with many more to be added after the first three months of operation. Here are the five blogs that will lead the way:

Pharyngula <https://proxy.freethought.online/pharyngula/> . PZ Myers has built one of the most popular atheist blogs in the world. Never one to shy away from controversy, Myers has built an astonishing following over the last few years and has traveled around the world speaking to skeptical audiences. As a PhD biologist he is the scourge of creationists everywhere but he takes on a wide range of subjects in his blogging, including religious criticism, women’s rights and progressive politics.

Dispatches from the Culture Wars <https://proxy.freethought.online/dispatches/> . Ed Brayton was raised by a Pentecostal and an atheist, sealing his fate forever as someone who is endlessly fascinated by how religion intersects with other subject, particularly science, law, history and politics. He is a popular speaker for secular organizations around the country, has appeared on the Rachel Maddow show and is pretty certain he’s the only person who has ever made fun of Chuck Norris on C-SPAN.

The Digital Cuttlefish <https://proxy.freethought.online/cuttlefish/> : Cuttlefish are shy and elusive creatures; when necessary, they hide in their own ink.  This particular cuttlefish has chosen as its habitat the comment threads of science, religion, and news sites, where it feeds on the opinions of those who are emboldened by the cloak of internet anonymity. Cuttlefish is an atheist, a skeptic, and is madly, passionately in love with science. The Digital Cuttlefish has, since October of 2007, been a repository of commentary and satire, usually (but not exclusively) in verse and now moves to Freethoughtblogs.

This Week in Christian Nationalism <https://proxy.freethought.online/rodda/> . Chris Rodda is the author of “Liars For Jesus: The Religious Right’s Alternate Version of American History.” Since the release of her book in 2006, Chris has been blogging at Talk2Action.org and Huffington Post about the use of historical revisionism in everything from education to legislation. Chris is now launching her own blog on Freethoughtblogs.com that will accompany her weekly podcast, This Week in Christian Nationalism.

Zingularity <https://proxy.freethought.online/zingularity/> . Steven “DarkSyde” Andrew is a 40 something former stock and bond trader and one time moderate conservative. He grew up in the Southwest and has long been fascinated by science, particularly evolutionary biology, physics, and astronomy. He is a frequest contributor to the popular progressive website Daily Kos and now blogs at Zingularity, where legit science disappears forever down an event horizon of petty snark and cynicism.

Comradde PhysioProffe <https://proxy.freethought.online/physioprof/> . The pseudonymous PhysioProffe is, as the name suggests, a physiology professor at a private medical school who blogs about politics, academia, food, booze and sports. Not necessarily in that order.
 This is only the beginning. Over the next few months we will add many more blogs to the network, including Greta Christina’s brilliant blog, a new companion to the award winning Reasonable Doubts podcast and many others.

  

Headline Muse, 7/31

The verdict was certainly binding
But the pathways to justice are winding
Though “an eye for an eye”
Was the law to apply
Now the victim has pardoned a blinding

Headline: Iranian sentenced to blinding for acid attack pardoned

Ameneh Bahrami, after years of fighting for “justice” (read: for her attacker to be blinded with acid, as he had done to her), has pardoned Majd Movahedi, her attacker, at the last minute. She is still, quite understandably, seeking compensation for medical fees.

The state television website reported: “With the request of Ameneh Bahrami, the acid attack victim, Majid (Movahedi) who was sentenced for ‘qisas’ was pardoned at the last minute.”

The Isna news agency quoted Tehran prosecutor Abbas Jafari Dolatabadi as saying: “Today in hospital the blinding of Majid Movahedi was to have been carried out in the presence of an eye specialist and judiciary representative, when Ameneh pardoned him.”

Isna quoted Ms Bahrami as saying: “I struggled for seven years with this verdict to prove to people that the person who hurls acid should be punished through ‘qisas’, but today I pardoned him because it was my right.