Job Duties VS Voices In Head

Rose Marie Belforti was
A brave and honest clerk
Who said that God himself decreed
She could not do her work

To serve the state, her job required,
But Rose observed a flaw—
She could not serve New York; instead,
She served a higher law

She will not sign certificates
When same-sex couples wed;
The path to hell goes that way, and
She simply won’t be led.

She could not “hold her nose and sign”
She could not “go along”
She could not in good conscience
When her God said it was wrong.

Mind you, other people said
That God was fine with gays
But Rose Marie Belforti’s God
Sees things in other ways.

Her God is quite the homophobe
So Rose Marie is, too;
Her bigotry is there , cos
It’s what Christ himself would do.

Well, Christ as she perceives him,
Not the Christ from in that book
So really, not a claim that’s gonna
Let her off the hook.

She’s asking dispensation; could
Some clerk sign those instead?
Her job is making troubles for
The voices in her head

Story at Camels With Hammers.

The Spiritual Guide To Losing

When life gives you lemons, when life steals your hope,
When tragedy o’erflows your cup
When suffering comes, amidst crisis and loss
The key is to learn to give up.

The things you’ve achieved, and the battles you’ve won
Your possessions—your piece of the pie
Your retirement savings from decades of work,
It’s much better to just let them die.

Refocus your mind from the things of the world
To redemption, forgiveness from sin
The key to it all, in the spiritual sense?
Re-defining a loss as a win.

Rant, after the jump:
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Pluck It Out

If thy right eye should offend thee, pluck it out and cast it from thee
You should sacrifice the bad to save the good
But to rip up Bible sections, is to flaunt the lord’s protections
So you shouldn’t do it, even if you could!
Every word, nay, every letter, couldn’t ever be made better
It’s the only perfect book that’s ever been!
So the Backyard Skeptics Rip-Off is the thinking person’s tip-off
That they’re really only there to make a scene.

Who could disagree, that urgin’, if your wife is not a virgin,
That by biblical pronouncement she be stoned?
If we start to choose and edit—challenge whether Jesus said it,
We’re committing sins that cannot be atoned!
End the sin of eating shellfish? Why, that’s nothing less than selfish!
What the bible says is good enough for me!
Why, these godless pick-and-choosers are the saddest sort of losers
With their addle-pated game of “thinking free”!

Explanation, after the jump:
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No Disrespect Intended…

Our daughter’s getting married!
What a joyous, joyous day!
But we’re going to skip the wedding,
Cos you see, our daughter’s gay.

We love her more than life itself
And love her wife-to-be;
We’d never be judgmental, but
We simply can’t agree!

I mean no disrespect, of course,
I love her to the core—
It’s just that, when it comes to this,
I love religion more.

comments, after the jump:
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Your Prayers Mean So Much To Me

We thank you for your heartfelt prayers;
We know they helped a lot.
In times like these, it’s nice to know
How many friends we’ve got

So many folks concerned enough
To bow their heads and pray;
It makes us smile while struggling through
Our many tasks each day

It’s tough to do the household chores
With both of us in pain
But hey, you’re busy praying, so
We really can’t complain

Of hands in prayer, and hands at work,
I’m sure you know the saying—
And yeah, the lawn could use a trim,
But really, thanks for praying
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This Is My Body You Eat…

After very thorough searches
Of some Arizona churches
Cops arrested 20 people whose religion didn’t pass
But their reasoning was shoddy
Christ demanded, “Eat my body”,
Is partaking of a wafer less ridiculous than ass?

Is a brothel with a madam
Where they’re dressed like Eve and Adam
Necessarily deserving of the prosecutor’s wrath?
If the act is prostitution
But it comes with absolution
Could the Phoenix Goddess Temple tread a holy, righteous path?

“It’s a blight on the community”,
They don’t deserve immunity
The First Amendment doesn’t mean you get to break the law
But I wonder if the papists
With their pedophiles and rapists
Will consider Arizona an exemplar or a flaw?

See, religion’s found excuses
For all measure of abuses
They’re the arbiter of morals more in theory than in fact
And they’re headed for the poorhouse
If they let some Phoenix whorehouse
Say they’re really a religion… cos they’re messing up the act!

Story, after the jump:
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No Clergy At 9/11 Ceremony?

We’d like a moment of your time
At most, a single minute—
We’ve noticed, the memorial
Has got no clergy in it.

There are both friends and family,
And those who joined the search,
But missing from the program here?
The Southern Baptist Church!

New York is such a melting pot—
It always has been thus—
The program can’t fit everyone;
I’m sure there’s room for us

Some churches might not want a spot
Like Methodists, or Jews—
If you asked the local Muslims, why
I’m sure that they’d refuse

The Mormons probably want to,
But they’re really just a cult
And I really think they ought to be
Turned down, as a result.

When you look with cold-eyed reason
It is obvious to see
There’s no reason for inviting
Any clergymen but me

I’ve considered all the angles, and
I really think it’s best…

And it’s simply un-American,
Denying my request!

A bit more after the jump:
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Billboards And Billboards

Stephanie Zvan, over at Almost Diamonds, has a nice bit up on privilege, billboards, and thinking of the children. Oh, and an introduction to yet another person you should be reading. Given how busy today is about to be, I’ll post this one from the old blog and let you go read Almost Diamonds.

When they pass the plate on Sunday, and we put our money in,
They assure us that it lets the Church do good
So we dig a little deeper—being selfish is a sin—
And we donate like the Bible says we should.

Though we haven’t got much money, we still give as best we can,
Every Sunday morning, roughly ten o’clock
Now we see our small donations help a much, much bigger plan,
Cos we’ve got the biggest billboard on the block!

Every church around has got one, and there’s some with five or six
Praising Jesus and inviting folks to come
There are dozens in the city, and there’s more out in the sticks
And they must have cost a mighty godly sum!

When “Our Lady Of The Blessed Heart”, the local Catholic Church,
Put their new one by the highway overpass
We just couldn’t let it stand like that, with us left in the lurch;
Our humongous billboard really kicked their ass!

We’ve competed now for decades, with our steeples and our signs,
Till the megachurches left us in their dust;
And it might be steeple envy, if you read between the lines,
But there’s something now that fills us with disgust!

Yes, the godless heathen atheists, the lowest of the low,
Have a billboard that they want to put in town!
If they try it, though, I’m telling you (and really, I should know)
If they put it up, we’re gonna burn it down.

What a waste of their resources! Why, that money’s better spent
Housing homeless, feeding hungry, helping poor;
For a message on a billboard should be strictly heaven-sent—
That for all your problems, Jesus is the cure!

quite a bit more, after the jump:
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Facebook Jesus?

If you’re looking for salvation, you don’t have to go to church
It’s the age of the computer, you can type it in and search
And you’ll find the words of Jesus from the comfort of your perch
Whether honest absolution, or you’d rather just pretend
Go to Facebook, and get Jesus as your friend

In a time of pain and trouble, one occasionally seeks
Words of comfort and support—the sort of thing that Jesus speaks
Wrapped in widdle kitty pictures! Hey, it’s marketing techniques
Cast your troubles to the internets, just close your eyes and “send”
Go to Facebook, and get Jesus as your friend

It’s a service to the people, and now millions daily try it
You would have to be a cynic to condemn it or deny it
And of course they’ll sell you supplements to help you with your diet
If you need someone to help you, and on whom you can depend
Go to Facebook, and get Jesus as your friend

It’s the minimum of effort; you can “like” Him with a click
He will comfort you in sorrow; maybe heal you if you’re sick
Or his answer might be “not today”—remember, that’s his schtick
It’s a saccharine collection of the worst stuff ever penned
But on Facebook, you’ve got Jesus as your friend

You are battling with cancer; you have bills you need to pay
You’ve been laid off at the factory; your spouse just ran away
There’s a list of looming problems, growing longer every day
Your relationships are rocky and your marriage at an end
But on Facebook, you’ve got Jesus as your friend

Thoughts, after the jump:
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