Donald Trump cannot be trusted—
See how quickly he explodes!—
Just imagine, him with access
To the nation’s warhead codes!
He’s unfit to hold the office
By unanimous report…
I denounce his every action,
But I give him my support. [Read more…]
We have to prune the registries
Of enemies of note—
What sort of country would we have
If everyone could vote? [Read more…]
You can pry my pistol from me when my hands are cold and dead
And my bigotry is sacred, as the first amendment said
All infringements on our liberty are bad, it’s understood—
But the slaves who built the White House? Well, they had it pretty good. [Read more…]
Long, long ago, Man’s primal sins
Were washed out in The Flood
Our modern sins are washed away
In Jesus’ precious blood.
The rainbow was God’s Promise
That He would not let us drown—
The waters here are rising…
But I’m sure He’ll bring them down. [Read more…]
For those readers unfamiliar with Australia (“a large island of the coast of New Zealand”), The Australian Sex Party is a minor political party with major concerns over the influence of religion in politics. Good people. Their latest ad makes us militant FtB atheist types look like lightweights. [Read more…]
The senators all mobilized (by “mobilized”, I mean
They were “praying for Orlando”, and they wanted to be seen)
Yes, the dead were “in my thoughts and prayers”—the right response, because
Doing anything about it would require changing laws. [Read more…]
They’re gonna count the Aussies
It’s a census, by design—
First they’ll write it up in English
Then translate it into ‘Strine [Read more…]
“If I don’t get what I wish for—
If the changes aren’t profound—
Then I’m voting for The Donald
And we’ll burn it to the ground
Yes, we’ll torch the old foundation
And set fire to the rot
And what rises from the ashes
Can’t be worse than what we’ve got” [Read more…]
#CruzSexScandal, the twitterverse cried
Though, of course, Ted assures us “they lied!
This Good Friday, you see,
No one’s suffered like me!”
Yes, this candidate’s been Cruzcified!
[Read more…]
If we waterboard The Donald,
Oh, the things that he might say!
True, he may not really mean them,
But he’ll say them anyway
We could manage his confession
We could torture him a bit
He would sing like a canary—
It would mean, precisely, shit. [Read more…]