A creationist and a flat-earther
Perry hints he may now be a birther
Why, the reasons to laugh
Are too many to graph—
And the reasons for mirth just get mirther
Headline: Rick Perry doesn’t know if Obama’s birth certificate is real
If only there were some hard evidence, like the bible…
On the menu, you see what you wish
But it’s not what is served in your dish
If you’re looking to reel
In a mislabeled meal
Then the Globe has the answer: go fish!
Headline: On the menu, but not on your plate
A special section, actually, on a long-term investigation by the Boston Globe into restaurant fish. DNA analysis shows that what the menu advertised and what shows up on your plate are in agreement about half the time. The other half is a mix of innocent mixups and profitable deliberate switches.
Since the dates and the races are linked
Votes are easier, when they’re distinct
When Nevada encroached
Old New Hampshire felt poached
Till today, when the Silver State blinked
Headline: Nevada vote clears way for Jan. primary in New Hampshire
Because nothing can get in the way of the quadrennial rite of kissing New Hampshire’s ass.
It’s not that they think she’s a ditz
And their hearts are not soon to be Mitt’s
But to have her ignore
Her professional corps?
Bachmann’s Granite State team calls it quits!
Headline: Bachmann staff in New Hampshire quits
When a ship is sinking, the rats are the first to leave.
Don’t worry, Michele; Fox News loves telegenic losers! Don’t think of today as the harbinger of doom; that’s not a death knell, that’s a very slow “ka-ching!”.
Though it’s always liked Bobbies or Tims
And no problems with Saras or Kims
Google wasn’t a plus
For a subset of us
Now they’re changing their minds about ‘nyms
Headline: Google planning major upgrades to Google+ ‘within days’
The only change I’m wondering about is their change in policy regarding pseudonyms. Rumor has it they will be possible. Cynical rumor has it that pseudonyms will be possible, but for those who have a different sort of identity–that is, corporations (which are people, too, you know).
I will probably wait, out of paranoia, and by the time I try it out all the good appropriate cuttlefishy names will have been swept up by lesser cephalopods.
When “the man in the white shirt” let loose
His behavior was seen as abuse
Now he’ll lose accrued time
For his boneheaded crime:
Breaking standards of pepper spray use
Headline: NYC inspector broke pepper spray rule
He may appeal (but frankly, he’s not terribly appealing), but as it stands, the report (on conditions of anonymity) is that he’ll lose vacation time. Gee, I wonder what the penalties would have been if the roles were reversed, and the women he sprayed had sprayed him instead.
In his bracket, he’s captured the gold
With 9 distances now in his hold
Though a marathon’s rough
Fauja Singh had the stuff—
And, oh yeah… he’s one hundred years old.
Headline: Fauja Singh becomes oldest marathon runner
He finished in 8 hours, 25 minutes, 16 seconds, and ahead of five other runners. (Yes, behind 3,849 others, but so am I.) In his [100-yr-old] bracket, he now has the records for 8 other distances, from 100 meters to 5,000 meters.
I can do two miles, if I pace myself. I’m half his age.
What’s the news from the street? Have you heard?
Check out Ernie and Bert! Oh, my word!
Why, the people you meet
Here on Sesame Street—
And that certainly is a Big Bird!
Headline: Porn hackers hit ‘Sesame Street’ YouTube page
Somehow, only one comment seems appropriate:
Herman Cain has a brilliant design
He’s condensed to a simple one line:
Will the GOP grow
From the party of “no!”
To the party of “Nein! Nein! Nein!”?
Headline: Once a long shot, Cain’s surge continues
Front-runners in this year’s GOP race have demonstrated a half-life measured in mere days. Will Cain be anything more than the current flavor of the week? It won’t be long before we know.
Wouldn’t it be a cool thing to live in the alternate universe where the more we knew about a candidate, the better we liked her/him?
I am tempted to shout “Neener, neener!”
Or some other phrase, louder and keener
So, just why the excitement?
The bishop’s indictment!
What the fuck, though–a mere misdemeanor?
Headline: First Catholic bishop charged with sex abuse cover-up
Headline: Kansas City Bishop Indicted in Reporting of Abuse by Priest
25 years after the scandal hit the news, and this is the first bishop to be charged. Bishop Finn knew (as in, had seen photographic evidence) of the crimes, yet withheld that evidence for months, out of concern for the children who might be abused because the Catholic church protects its own.
The word “first” here has two connotations. In 25 years, this is the very first time such charges have been brought? What a horrible “first”. On the other hand, if this is the first of an onslaught of charges… it’s about time.