With a range of them all found together
The question’s now “how?” and not “whether”
And at last, you and I know
Our favorite dino
Was covered in pigmented feather!
Headline: Dinosaur feather evolution trapped in Canadian amber
Yeah, we knew already, but does this make the plastic dinosaurs I played with as a kid collectors items, or merely obsolete?
When doctors, of patients, inquired
About guns, it’s as if they’d conspired!
So a gag law was passed
Starting now (that was fast)—
Seems the gun rights supporters mis-fired
Headline: Judge blocks Florida law gagging doctors’ gun talk
But wait–I thought gun lobbyists were in favor of responsible gun ownership.
I’ll admit to a bias here; my best friend in Junior High accidentally shot and killed himself. His brother was in the room when it happened. If a doctor’s routine question might lead to gun owners keeping their kids a bit safer, I would hope the lobbyists can live with that.
Cuttlecap tip to Pal MD.
When he said “the earth orbits the sun”
Huntsman’s spin-men cried “what have you done?!?”
And alas, his reliance
On non-Bible “science”
Has him polling at negative one!
Headline: Perry Leads but Romney Gaining in GOP Favorability
Ok, again, it’s not technically a headline, but work with me.
The money shot (to be fair, it’s “strongly favorable – strongly unfavorable”):
New changes in customs and laws
Show success in a worthwhile cause
Life as a shark
Is no walk in the park
Cos Man is the bad guy in “Jaws”
Headline: Making Headway in the Movement to Protect the World’s Sharks
A mostly optimistic article–successes on several fronts, including both legal prohibitions on possession of shark fin (unless you happen to be a shark), and social and ad campaigns which have cut the popularity of shark fin soup in China and elsewhere.
This is no small problem:
In an increasingly prosperous Asia, the market for the soup has grown drastically, causing overfishing around the globe. The presence of the once-common hammerhead in large parts of the western Atlantic, for example, has decreased by up to 89 percent over the last 25 years.
And it is not easy to stop, when money is involved, even when appropriate laws are in place. But as the headline suggests, change is at hand.
At the tail of the red distribution
Where they love to deny evolution
There’s a troglodyte sort
With a strange sense of sport,
Who will cheer and applaud execution
Headline: GOP Debate: Thou shalt kill, cheer the Republicans
MODERATOR BRIAN WILLIAMS: Governor Perry, a question about Texas. Your state has executed 234 death row inmates, more than any other governor in modern times. Have you…
(APPLAUSE)
Have you struggled to sleep at night with the idea that any one of those might have been innocent?
PERRY: No, sir. I’ve never struggled with that at all. The state of Texas has a very thoughtful, a very clear process in place of which — when someone commits the most heinous of crimes against our citizens, they get a fair hearing, they go through an appellate process, they go up to the Supreme Court of the United States, if that’s required.
But in the state of Texas, if you come into our state and you kill one of our children, you kill a police officer, you’re involved with another crime and you kill one of our citizens, you will face the ultimate justice in the state of Texas, and that is, you will be executed.
WILLIAMS: What do you make of…
(APPLAUSE)
What do you make of that dynamic that just happened here, the mention of the execution of 234 people drew applause?
PERRY: I think Americans understand justice. I think Americans are clearly, in the vast majority of — of cases, supportive of capital punishment. When you have committed heinous crimes against our citizens — and it’s a state-by-state issue, but in the state of Texas, our citizens have made that decision, and they made it clear, and they don’t want you to commit those crimes against our citizens. And if you do, you will face the ultimate justice.
I once worked in a lab where we occasionally had to cull rats. It was not taken lightly; if you wanted that job, you could not have it. The idea was, killing is not trivial. This was with rats.
Perry has never struggled with killing his fellow human beings. Not even Cameron Todd Willingham, who (read the link) very likely did not commit the crime he was executed for. If Perry does not struggle with that, he is (not a professional diagnosis, but true nonetheless) a sociopath.
Edited to add…
I was so outraged by Perry’s comments that I completely forgot to be outraged by the fact that the fucking audience fucking applauded his fucking words. And the odds are that the vast preponderance of those clapping bastards are self-professed christians.
Near as anyone there can deduce
He’d been hitting too much of the juice
Because “stuck in a tree”
Isn’t common to see
When the subject involved is a moose.
Headline: Drunken moose ends up stuck in Swedish apple tree
A Møøse once bit my sister …
When the candidates go on the air
Perry no longer plans to be there
All of Texas is burning
So the governor’s yearning
To fly back and flood it with prayer
Headline: Rick Perry pulls out of S.C. forum due to Texas wildfires
Texas is in desperate need of rain. If only God didn’t demonstrably hate Rick Perry.
So they don’t go the way of the dinos
Or so many more species that I knows
We’ll try cloning, or stem cells,
To make more of them cells,
The ones that grow up to be rhinos
Headline: Endangered species set for stem cell rescue
Good luck to them!
Though it seems, to most pundits, misguided,
Some scenarios have been provided
It may take all your cunning
To see: is she running?
But Palin says “still undecided”
Headline: Palin still undecided on White House run.
She makes Hamlet look positively brash, in comparison.
In a cop-based “reality” show
Starring Steven Seagal as a pro
If he thinks a cool prank
Involves driving a tank
I suspect the right answer is “NO!”
Headline: Steven Seagal denies role in dog’s death
Actually, there are quite a few stories out, with conflicting claims. Apparently, Seagal took part in a sheriff’s raid, as part of his reality show, and at one point commandeered a tank. Sources disagree as to whether the suspect’s dog was killed in the raid. Sources also disagree as to how much money the suspect is suing for.
No sources disagree that this is precisely the sort of thing that anyone who would watch a Steven Seagal-based reality show is tuning in to see.