If you’re looking for salvation, you don’t have to go to church
It’s the age of the computer, you can type it in and search
And you’ll find the words of Jesus from the comfort of your perch
Whether honest absolution, or you’d rather just pretend
Go to Facebook, and get Jesus as your friend

In a time of pain and trouble, one occasionally seeks
Words of comfort and support—the sort of thing that Jesus speaks
Wrapped in widdle kitty pictures! Hey, it’s marketing techniques
Cast your troubles to the internets, just close your eyes and “send”
Go to Facebook, and get Jesus as your friend

It’s a service to the people, and now millions daily try it
You would have to be a cynic to condemn it or deny it
And of course they’ll sell you supplements to help you with your diet
If you need someone to help you, and on whom you can depend
Go to Facebook, and get Jesus as your friend

It’s the minimum of effort; you can “like” Him with a click
He will comfort you in sorrow; maybe heal you if you’re sick
Or his answer might be “not today”—remember, that’s his schtick
It’s a saccharine collection of the worst stuff ever penned
But on Facebook, you’ve got Jesus as your friend

You are battling with cancer; you have bills you need to pay
You’ve been laid off at the factory; your spouse just ran away
There’s a list of looming problems, growing longer every day
Your relationships are rocky and your marriage at an end
But on Facebook, you’ve got Jesus as your friend

Thoughts, after the jump:

In the New York Times today (ok, I guess yesterday), a story about Jesus’s Facebook page. Seriously.

A North Carolina diet doctor has come up with a formula to create the most highly engaged audience on Facebook in the world, far surpassing marketing efforts by celebrities and sports teams. He draws on the words of Jesus and posts them four or five times a day.

Actually, he posts the most inane glurge I’ve ever seen. This morning’s for instance:

When I despair…….HE GIVE ME HOPE.
When I am sad…….HE BRIGHTENS ME.
When I stumble…….HE STABILIZES ME.
When I am damaged…….HE RENEWS MY LIFE. My Jesus. ♥

Posted about an hour ago, and with over 33,000 “likes” already.

I wondered whether, like on CNN’s Belief Blog, there were atheists in the comments. None I could see, but I don’t blame them; I couldn’t stomach much. Really, it’s creepy. And it’s sad. There are a lot of people with a lot of very real problems, reaching out for help and encouragement… to a badly written Facebook page.

The author of the page, the Times tells us, is a diet doctor who is applying his marketing knowledge to this page. Apparently, the key in marketing is not to underestimate your audience.