While laying out the water slide
Behind the roller coaster,
Some workers felt an icy gaze
And so they called a ghoster.
If they had called the Scooby Gang
(in fact, I think they tried)
They’d see it was the guys who ran
The haunted water slide
They’re honest as the day is long
(at night, there’s some duplicity—
They started silly rumors for
A bit of free publicity!)
But no, they called a different man—
A paranormal whiz—
Who used, in part, a Ouija Board
To tell us what it is!
And Orbs showed up in photographs!
(I’ll tell you, if I must—
They’re just a well-known artifact
Of camera-flash and dust!)
It seems that this anomaly
While living, was a monk,
Who, having somehow lost his head
Was rather in a funk.
He wandered ‘round Thorpe Park at night
And sometimes in the day
Though having no more mouth, of course
There’s nothing he would say.
But workers felt his icy gaze,
I note (with some surprise—
It seems to me, a headless monk
Is also missing eyes)
There are, of course, some skeptics
Who deride this as a trick…
And we could not get a comment
Out of Nearly Headless Nick.
There’s a lot going on in the world today. Tough for a fluff story like “New Water Ride At Amusement Park” to, er, make a splash. Unless… didn’t I see this on Scooby Doo? (Even Tim Minchin’s “Storm” remembers this!) It’s a haunted water slide–and not just that, but one duly investigated by a paranormal expert! Who used the ideomotor effect a Ouija Board, and photos of lens flare and dust motes caught in the camera flash anomalous photos and orbs to verify, there really is something strange in your neighborhood!
The Southwest London Paranormal Team, though, are unashamed to use these long-debunked methods, and based on their testimony (and additional evidence of underground anomalies, found by a geophysicist), the ride was moved. Some months ago, it appears, given the progress on the ride in its new location. My, my, it wouldn’t surprise me a bit if it was up and running by the time the summer season opens. If only there were a way to get this park a bit of publicity…
They got a geophysicist to "X-ray the ground", huh? IANAG, but since the X-ray picture is created when your beam of X-rays hits a photographic film, I think that's unlikely.
They put the photographic film on the other side of the earth, of course.