Coturnix has found a wonderful video–a reporter from the Chicago Tribune going out to a farm to… put lipstick on a pig. It really says so much about the focus the media has on the truly important issues this election season.

Link to original video. (I had it embedded, but frankly it got annoying, since it starts up automatically.)

The other day, when I went out
To give the pigs their slop,
I noticed something quite unique,
That caused my jaw to drop:
My eyes bugged out a little bit;
My brain was doing flips–
For every pig was waiting there
With lipstick on their lips!
It’s all the rage, apparently,
Among the barnyard swine;
It’s sweeping farms across the world,
Including, clearly, mine.
They still were pigs, don’t get me wrong,
Of course the saying’s true,
But now my pigs had lipstick on,
In quite a gaudy hue.

Who knew that porcine makeup could
Command the nightly news?
Of course, there would be bickering,
And neighs, and clucks, and moos.
And so, of course, I should have guessed
What I would see today
While crossing through the farmyard, as
I brought the cows their hay:
The chickens were all gathered ’round
And wore, to my surprise,
A sparkly blue mascara
On the lashes of their eyes!
The horses had their highlights done–
One pony wore a weave–
The goats had gotten small tattoos
(They matched, if you’ll believe!)
The cattle all had rouged their cheeks
The sheep had pierced their ears…
In short, it was the strangest thing
I’ve seen in all my years.

The networks want to bring a truck
And put it all on tape;
They say the viewers love this stuff–
It leaves their mouths agape.
They’re going to run a five-part piece
(Cos four would be too short);
It’s good to know there’s nothing
More important to report.