My boobs are stock footage for Fox News (0:16). You can all stop sending me the video now.
Maybe that’s why we kept having earthquakes since boobquake. Maybe my cleavage keeps appearing on television! God, could Fox News get any more evil? Stop causing natural disasters!
The Manifesto of Mother Monster:
I love Lady Gaga so much. One, I was raised on Madonna and disco, so I love me some dance music. Two, she’s fucking insane. It’s awesome. I have no idea what I just watched or what sort of drugs went into the creation of it, but I love it.
Though I have to admit…I realized the new video was released because PZ posted about it. I’m lapsing in my haggery! How was I not alerted to this sooner?!
…Alright, time to take a research break to dance around to this song a couple more times.
The only way to summarize this video is my reaction:
“Oh lord, awful Native American stereotype. Wait, they’re cutting out to a diverse group. They’re not going to go through each – wait – yes, yes they are. Jesus, the Asian eyes aren’t even glued on properly. …Good lord it gets worse and worse. OH MY GOD THE BLACK PEOPLE WTF. …And the white people are from the South, of course. I’m so glad that’s ov-OH MY GOD JOSE! JOSE! I want to cry. I’m losing my mind watching this.”
You know you need to sit through the whole thing now.
Remember how Arizona wanted to instate horribly racist anti-immigration laws, and there was national uproar, from protests to boycotts? Well, apparently Indiana didn’t want to be left out of all the fun (emphasis mine):
A state lawmaker thinks it’s time Indiana followed Arizona’s lead in cracking down on illegal immigration — and wants to go even further by barring the use of any language but English in most government transactions.[…]
Like Arizona, the bill requires a state or local law enforcement officer who stops anyone for a violation of a law or ordinance to ask for proof that the person is here legally if the officer has “reasonable suspicion” the person is not either a citizen or a legal visitor. […]
Most government transactions, documents and meetings must be in English. That means the state would have to end the Spanish-language portal on its website, and stop issuing forms, such as voter registration or absentee ballots, in other languages. Exceptions are made for law enforcement and court proceedings; public health needs; tourism and international trade needs.[…]
The former home of the KKK just can’t be outdone in the battle for most racist state, can they? Come on, it’s a serious problem for Indiana – just look how close it is to the Mexican border. And those illegal immigrants are practically taking over. A whopping 5.5% of “Hoosiers” are Hispanic! They’re doomed!!! Better make sure even the legal immigrants can’t vote by making everything in English, or they’ll surely let all of their buddies in! And THEN where will we be?!
Though the Senator assures us it has nothing to do with race. I’m sure he’s very concerned about all the French speaking Canadians that have been dying to hide out in our corn fields.
Thanks, Indiana. This is why so many people in Seattle look at me with a mixture of horror and pity when I say where I’m from. You’re doing a great job living up to that image.
At least according to Conservapedia’s idiotic reply to all of the atheists giggling at their Fatty McFatterston argument. It’s impressively more brainless than the original article, but this part aimed at PZ Myers spoke to me, personally:
When faced with body weight challenges, real men set weight loss goals,
Done!
publicly declare their weight loss goals,
Ditto! And for charity, too!
and of course, use the Total Gym.
Awwwwww, and I was soooooo close to becoming a Real Man (TM)! All because I didn’t use Chuck Norris’s weight loss program. Apparently standing in front of an American flag in tight jeans burns a lot of calories.
I wonder how Conservapedia would deal with the fact that two prominent atheists started a public weight loss routine right before they made all of these ludicrous claims. Oh, right, the way they deal with all contrary evidence: ignoring it.
At least according to Conservapedia’s idiotic reply to all of the atheists giggling at their Fatty McFatterston argument. It’s impressively more brainless than the original article, but this part aimed at PZ Myers spoke to me, personally:
When faced with body weight challenges, real men set weight loss goals,
Done!
publicly declare their weight loss goals,
Ditto! And for charity, too!
and of course, use the Total Gym.
Awwwwww, and I was soooooo close to becoming a Real Man (TM)! All because I didn’t use Chuck Norris’s weight loss program. Apparently standing in front of an American flag in tight jeans burns a lot of calories.I wonder how Conservapedia would deal with the fact that two prominent atheists started a public weight loss routine right before they made all of these ludicrous claims. Oh, right, the way they deal with all contrary evidence: ignoring it.
No, really. Go watch the video
And he’s not the only one. Apparently there are nine of them, part of the “Rain City Supehero Movement.”
What.
PS: If you’ll allow me a bit of shallowness, Dan from near Seattle is super cute. I’d use my super powers to, uh, save him any day. …Unfortunately I have no super powers.
Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University sang an a capella version of the Bed Intruder song at their Christmas show. Wha?
It’s pretty good, though my mind is boggled by a Christmas show at a right-wing evangelical school singing a song by an openly gay man about attempted rape. Especially considering the Dean of Law at Liberty University is also the founder of the Liberty Counsel, which puts out a list of “naughty” stores that say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas.”
Bed Intruder Song? Totally appropriate for Christmas.
Saying “Happy Holidays?” OMG you’re undermining Christianity by being inclusive!!!!
Got it.
Last night I had a dream that I was discussing Harry Potter fanfiction on a bus with my friend Julie. Little did I know, Dan Radcliffe was also on that bus, so he came over and sat near us. He started flirting with me and lamented the fact that women only want to date him because he plays Harry Potter, not for his real personality. Before I’m able to say that I like his real personality, he has to leave because he’s playing Mulan in the live action version of Mulan. So he dresses up in Mulan-drag, but then aliens come and abduct everyone there but me. Then different benevolent aliens come and tell me that I’m the only one who can save them, but to do so I have to be transformed into a monkey. So I’m transformed into monkey-Jen, and transported to the alien ship by a collapsable R2D2. But I never actually rescue anyone because I waste too much time pondering why I can still speak English if I have a monkey body.
Lesson: Never eat suspect Chinese food right before going to bed. What the hell, subconscious.
Bonus Internet Poitns for whoever can come up with the best interpretation of my dream.
