Next was the Ark room. To be completely honest, I don’t have a ton to say about it. The story of Noah’s Ark was probably the first Biblical story I learned, so the ludicrous things presenting here weren’t so shocking since I had heard them all already. I mean, we all know due to size and construction method the Ark would have sank in a couple of days, if it made it that long at all. Part of the room was made to look like part of the Ark, and guys were sitting around talking about how crazy Noah is in super stereotypical Jewish accents:
I also have to point out that this is where I found the single black mannequin in the entire museum, and he’s ostracized and drinking out of a flask:
An astute museum goer pointed out that some of the mannequins seemed to be borrowed from a Discount Fake Celebrity store. For example, here we have Kiera Knightley weaving away:
With her friend Angelina Jolie:
I also found this sign particularly funny, and tweeted it with the comment of “That’s what she said”:
To which Hemant (who was apparently further back in the museum) replied “No, that’s what she said” with this photo.
Hemant wins.
And in case you didn’t notice, by this part of the museum I was going a little insane.
The next room was full of disturbing miniatures of what happened when the flood began. There were a bunch of tiny humans trying to make animal sacrifices, or running in fear, or clinging to rocks, or being swept away by waves. Like I said, very family friendly. There was a funny one where they explained that Noah’s family fed themselves by growing a small garden deep within the boat. In the dark. Again with the photosynthesis fail – I’m pretty sure they didn’t have heat lamps back then and that a couple of candles aren’t going to be enough. Oh, and let’s not forget the diorama of dinosaurs getting on the Ark too:
This room also had what I think (may have missed others) was the only interactive exhibit in the museum. It was just some computer screens with a simple jigsaw puzzle you could put together, and a couple of real life puzzles. That’s it. This is one part where you can tell this really is more of a theme park than a museum (well, other than all the mind numbingly stupid inaccuracies and lies, of course). You’re not supposed to interact or ask questions, you’re supposed to just accept what you’re being told. God did it, the end. Yet another reason to be terrified that small children are learning this – not only are their minds being filled with rot, but they’re not encouraged to question anything at all.
And since we haven’t had anything extraordinarily stupid yet, here you go:
Yes, you read that right. They believe that the earth had a different set of continents before the flood, that the flood was so disruptive that everything moved around and that Pangaea formed under water, and by the time the flood ended Pangaea had already broken up and formed our modern continents.
…
WHAT?!?! Why do they even bother saying this?! They outright deny so many other facts, why even bother claiming that Pangaea existed at all? How is the theory of plate tectonics (which they bastardized by saying the flood moved everything) necessary to somewhat include, but we can just say evolution never happened at all?!?! This is where all of my coherent mental thoughts were replaced by repeated screaming. I was just trying to keep it mental and not actually start yelling at the exhibits.
Then I saw signs talking about evolution, and I knew it was about to get much, much worse.
(Thanks to Vanessa and Josh for extra photos)
Part1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9
Lucky how God created Florida when He broke up Pangaea with His flood. Otherwise, where would old people go to wait to die to be with Him?
Lucky how God created Florida when He broke up Pangaea with His flood. Otherwise, where would old people go to wait to die to be with Him?
Also, Jen? When you said just before the picture of Pangaea breaking up that, "since we haven't had anything extraordinarily stupid yet", but the picture before it was of humans herding dinosaurs onto a boat.
THAT tells you how incredibly insane this place was.
Also, Jen? When you said just before the picture of Pangaea breaking up that, “since we haven’t had anything extraordinarily stupid yet”, but the picture before it was of humans herding dinosaurs onto a boat.THAT tells you how incredibly insane this place was.
I was numb to the idea of dinosaurs and humans coexisting by that part D:
I was numb to the idea of dinosaurs and humans coexisting by that part D:
You're still numb to it when recounting it a few days later. I'm scared.
You’re still numb to it when recounting it a few days later. I’m scared.
Don't think that's Angelina Jolie-Pitt. Pretty sure it's Katie Holmes-Couchjumper.
Don’t think that’s Angelina Jolie-Pitt. Pretty sure it’s Katie Holmes-Couchjumper.
As Kanye West has kindly informed us, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. If Jen is alive by the end of this mind-wrenching retelling, she should rise again as some kind of superhuman atheo-bot.
As Kanye West has kindly informed us, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. If Jen is alive by the end of this mind-wrenching retelling, she should rise again as some kind of superhuman atheo-bot.
I had lost you, Jen, by this point in the hamseum, so my inane comments were of no help anymore.
I had lost you, Jen, by this point in the hamseum, so my inane comments were of no help anymore.
I've actually seen someone do mathematical models for both the engineering of Noah's Ark and the amount of energy required for the continents to go from Pangaea to present day locations. Let's just say that Noah's ark would have lasted minutes, not days thanks to the strain caused by motion of the waves, but that's ok because the heat given off by moving trillions of tons of rocks thousands of miles in a matter of days would have vaporized all of the water and everything else on earth.
I’ve actually seen someone do mathematical models for both the engineering of Noah’s Ark and the amount of energy required for the continents to go from Pangaea to present day locations. Let’s just say that Noah’s ark would have lasted minutes, not days thanks to the strain caused by motion of the waves, but that’s ok because the heat given off by moving trillions of tons of rocks thousands of miles in a matter of days would have vaporized all of the water and everything else on earth.
Ouabache: If there's anything I've learned about the fundamentalist Christian movement, it's that they don't really understand the concept of "energy". One told me that global warming was false, and even so, a difference of one degree is nothing. I explained that warming the entire earth by a degree involved the retention of billions of joules, and they kinda just went…slack.
Ouabache: If there’s anything I’ve learned about the fundamentalist Christian movement, it’s that they don’t really understand the concept of “energy”. One told me that global warming was false, and even so, a difference of one degree is nothing. I explained that warming the entire earth by a degree involved the retention of billions of joules, and they kinda just went…slack.
I’m at work, and after reading that Pangaea exhibit I yelled “WHAT!” really loudly at my computer. Our secretary came in and asked what was wrong, and all I could tell her was that my brain really, really hurt. I think I may stop reading these posts, as I feel I may catch some of the stupid…
I’m at work, and after reading that Pangaea exhibit I yelled “WHAT!” really loudly at my computer. Our secretary came in and asked what was wrong, and all I could tell her was that my brain really, really hurt. I think I may stop reading these posts, as I feel I may catch some of the stupid…
That's not Keira Knightley, it's Natalie Portman.
That’s not Keira Knightley, it’s Natalie Portman.
Did they play 'All You Zombies' by the Hooters on loop in the flood room?
If not, they should.
Did they play ‘All You Zombies’ by the Hooters on loop in the flood room?If not, they should.