Bolingbrook Weredog accused of attacking Joliet Mayor Bob O’Dekirk (Fiction)

Bolingbrook’s Department of Paranormal Affairs is searching for a weredog accused of assaulting Joliet Mayor Bob O’Dekirk.

Part of a statement from the Department read: “Most of our weredogs are good dogs, but if any weredog misbehaves, we will deal with them.  We encourage Bolingbrook’s weredog packs to be good dogs and turn in this bad dog.  Any weredog that helps will get a treat.”

O’Dekirk, who was recently filmed wrestling with a Black Lives Matter protester, refused to be interviewed.  Sources close to O’Dekirk say he was unharmed but wants the weredog euthanized:

“That weredog didn’t know who he was dealing with. Bob is the toughest mayor in Illinois.  Bob threw that weredog to the ground and pinned him in seconds.  He only let him go so he could deal with a BLM rioter!  I hope Bolingbrook catches that dog so Bob can teach him to heel!”

Joan, a Black Lives Matter protester, offered a different version of what happened:

“I was just holding up a sign and not bothering anyone when Bob walked up to me.  He accused me of rioting and said he was going to ‘soften me up’ before letting ‘his’ officers deal with me.  Of course, this was the day I left my cell phone at home.  Anyway, the man walks up to Bob and tells him to leave me alone.  Bob puffs up and says it’s none of his business.  The man tells him that it is.  This is the scary part.  Bob was about to punch the man, but the man turned into a giant man-dog.  It called Bob a bad human and threatened to rub his face on the pavement.  Bob turned pale and ran away.  I saw him pick up his phone and heard him say: ‘Roger!  Save me!’  The monster said I was a good human then ran away.  I wish we didn’t have a bully for a mayor.”

Will County Board Member Rachel Ventura says she has asked the Will County Department of Cryptid Affairs to file charges against O’Dekirk:

“Now Bob is threatening our endangered weredog population.  His toxic masculinity is out of control.  If our department won’t arrest him, then I will have no choice but to run against him in the next election!”

Cornal Darden, who claimed to be the CEO of the Southwest Suburban Black Cryptozoological Society, supported O’Dekirk because he was acting in self-defense.  When presented with a statement that he had been terminated from SSBCS and from the South Suburban Region Black Chamber of Commerce, he said it didn’t matter:

“I am black and I support the mayor.  That all that matters!”

A receptionist for Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar said he was on his lunch break and did not wish to be disturbed.

In the background, a man who sounded like Claar said: “It’s not one gathering of a hundred people.  It’s ten gatherings with ten people each that just happen to be behind Village Hall.  As long as each gathering stays six feet apart, the magic force field will protect them!”

A woman who sounded like Dr. Ngozi Ezike, Director of the Illinois Department of Public Health, asked: “Everyone will bring their own food, right?”

“Of course not!  Organizations will be selling food, and we’ll be handing out free hot dogs.”

“Wow.  Is this really an event to die for?”

“Obviously you’ve never been to our Village Picnic!”

Also in the Babbler:

Claar denies firearms sales permit to Limbs ‘R Us
Illinois Republicans vow to increase the COVID-19 infection rate
Jeanne Ives denies recruiting seniors to be ‘Die for Ives’ canvassers
God to smite Bolingbrook on 6/18/20

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group. 

Mayor Claar considers replacing Bolingbrook police with wereskunks (Fiction)

Bolingbrook survives the third day of protests! (Photo from an anonymous reader.)

After an unprecedented third protest this month against police brutality and for racial justice, Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar may replace current police officers with wereskunks.

According to documents leaked by sources within the Metropolitan Alliance of Police, Claar will use the cover of a “retraining program” to replace current police officers with local wereskunks.  The wereskunks will be paid with garbage instead of cash.  The documents also state that due to their strength and their bulletproof skin, wereskunk officers will not carry guns nor wear bulletproof vests. 

“We feel that with minimal training, a wereskunk can resolve any criminal situation with fewer fatalities than with our current police force,” stated the author of the report.  “Plus, wereskunks have black and white fur.”

Village officials who confirmed the story say they have no choice.

“We’re surrounded!” said an anonymous village official.  “Our residents are peacefully protesting.  There are peaceful protesters in the suburbs.  Even Wheaton had a peaceful protest!  If we don’t do something, suburbanites will start demanding that police departments be eliminated, just like Minneapolis is planning to do.”

“We can’t be like Minneapolis,” said another village official.  “Who will we complain to if a neighbor plays loud music, or if we see a stranger in our neighborhoods?  This compromise will save our police department, and turn Black Lives Matter into another village festival!”

Peter, who claims to be a wereskunk, says most wereskunks favor the plan:

“Roger takes good care of us.  If we have to hunt jaywalkers to get free access to Bolingbrook’s garbage, we’re all for it!”

Sara, a woman who claims to be a wereskunk, said she opposes the idea:

“This plan will just shift the problem from racist cops to (expletive deleted) wereskunks.  Let’s face it.  Not every problem can be solved with the threat of arrest.  Imagine if social workers were first responders instead of police officers.  More humans might be alive or at least not be in jail if we did that.”

When reached for comment, a receptionist for Claar said he was busy, and could not be disturbed:

“Just between you and me:  The residents are leading the way on racial equality, and our politicians are finally starting to follow them.”

In the background, a man who sounded like Claar said:  “Of course we’re going to be cutting the police budget.  If we don’t get any help, we’ll have to cut every budget!”

A man who sounded like Trustee Michael Carpanzano replied:  “So we can play both sides!  Cutting the police budget will appeal to the protesters.  At the same time, we’ll appeal to the law and order voters by pointing out that (Will County Board Member Jackie Traynere) promoted a Black Lives Matter event before I approved it.”

“Wait a minute.  Are you trying to turn this crisis into an opportunity to promote yourself?”

“Why not?”

Also in the Babbler:

Aliens protect Bolingbrook protesters from interstellar racists
Druid vows to flood Royce RD this week
Mayor Claar tells Illuminati to stop spreading chaos in Bolingbrook
God to smite Bolingbrook on 6/10/20

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group. 

“I do not have the words” (Non-fiction)

Rabbi Adam Chalom, Rabbi for Kol Hadash Humanistic Congregation, and the North American Dean at the International Institute for Secular Humanistic Judaism, recently posted an essay called “I do not have the words.”

Every nation has laws, but laws do not guarantee justice. Slavery, the Nuremberg Laws, Jim Crow segregation, voter disenfranchisement – all were both legal and unjust. The Insurrection Act of 1807 and later additions legally allow the President of the United States to deploy armed forces domestically; it was used to enforce equal protection during Reconstruction and desegregation, but we greatly fear its use today to suppress our rights.

Therefore, our words and deeds are needed to tip the scale towards justice. We must use our voices and votes and values to be who we say we are. Speak, write, protest, donate, organize, advocate; anything other than asking our way out of this moment.

During the Trump administration, there were times I’ve felt overwhelmed, and other members of my family have said the same.  That was before COVID-19, and Trump testing the limits of martial law in the United States.  But like Adam writes, we may not have the words, but no one else is going to save us.  We are the ones who have to save ourselves.  So I’ll do what little bit I can to stand up to this rise of authoritarianism around the world, and in the United States.  Even if it just involves tweaking the nose of a Mayor who would be king.  🙂

Hiding behind a Bible: A statement from Jews for a Secular Democracy (Non-fiction)

Jews for a Secular Democracy released the following statement about President Trump’s violent photo op yesterday:

A picture says a thousand words. Our country is literally burning from our unchecked legacy of racism. A hundred thousand of our fellow citizens are dead from a pandemic that the White House first denied, then downplayed, and continues to make unscientific claims about, in the hope it will all just miraculously disappear.

And with all this swirling around him, the President felt it necessary to deploy the National Guard to clear the DC streets (escalating the violence to do so), so that he can — what? talk about the pain people are in? offer words of hope or solace to a grieving nation? no — HOLD UP A BIBLE. IN FRONT OF A CHURCH.

If this doesn’t demonstrate how far around the bend this country is on issues of church-state separation, nothing will. To equate upholding religion with a “law and order” posture is truly disgraceful, particularly when that posture includes the ongoing race-baiting this administration has engaged in its entire term (most recently quoting an anti-desegregationist, “when the looting starts, the shooting starts”).

And to try to pit so-called “good Christians” on one side of law-and-order issues is demonstrably false, as attested to by the words of Mariann Edgar Budde, the bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of Washington who oversees that very church!

Bishop Budde said: “The President just used a Bible and one of the churches of my diocese as a backdrop for a message antithetical to the teachings of Jesus and everything that our church stands for. To do so, he sanctioned the use of tear gas by police officers in riot gear to clear the church yard. I am outraged.”

We too are outraged, and horrified at the abdication of leadership we’re watching unfold in real-time. We reject the ugly, blatant expropriation of religion to justify the policies (or lack of policies) that have led America to its darkest hour in at least a generation.

We once had a president who proudly declared “The Buck Stops Here” when taking responsibility for what’s happening in our country. Look at where we are today, Mr. President. We long for the days when only you claimed to experience “American Carnage.” Now, we really have it, and you helped bring it about. The buck stops with you. And the best you can do is a photo-op with a book you haven’t even read, as a dog-whistle to your dwindling Evangelical base?! “Sad,” indeed.

Nevertheless, we believe this too will be overcome. The causes driving Americans into the streets are the right causes: racial equality and justice. As we have said before, Christian supremacy is *white* Christian supremacy, there is no daylight between the two, and all these issues are intertwined. Therefore, Jews for a Secular Democracy will continue to support anti-racism efforts and join our voices with those who are outraged to see the president HIDING BEHIND A BIBLE rather than engaging in the real work needed of immediate deescalation, long-term police reform, and the dismantling of institutionalized racism in this country.

— Paul Golin, Staff Lead, Jews for a Secular Democracy

Space Force attacks Chicagoland UFO Bases and aliens (Fiction)

By Reporter X

Content notice:  References to Fascism.

The United States Space Force launched a surprise attack against Chicagoland’s three UFO Bases in Bolingbrook, Palatine, and Peotone.  All three bases reported heavy damage, but no causalities.  The attack lasted for three hours before President Trump declared victory and ordered an end to the attack.

A Space Force press release said the attack was part of Operation Shattered Glass:

“This morning, Space Force launched a successful operation against Space Antifa and the far Left Mayors who refused to stand up to them.  The alien anarchists have suffered a massive defeat due to the ingenious tactics of President Donald Trump.  He is the leader of the best humans and the best civilization in the Universe.  Let those who oppose his greatness suffer greatly!  MAGA.”

The alien media encampment near Palatine’s Rob Sherman UFO Base suffered the heaviest damage.  According to sources, five hypersonic missiles hit the base, and Space Force Interceptors attacked UFOs belonging to interstellar media organizations.

“I told them I was a pilot with the Galactic News Thoughtwork,” said Algotoc.  “Their response was to lock their weapons on me and fire.  Let me tell you, they can sure pack a punch against a civilian ship.  I was lucky that I didn’t crash into downtown Barrington. Before I reached the landing bay, the (Space Force pilot) apologized for failing to send us ‘fake news’ beings to hell.”

Interceptors from Rob Sherman UFO Base eventually chased away the Space Force craft. The Palatine Aliens Affairs Unit convinced residents that the explosions were illegal fireworks.

Space Force bombers also attacked one of Peotone’s landing bays, rendering it inoperable:

“They hit just as the force fields were recycling,” said Dockworker Peter Z. Stevens.  “We had enough power to save the crew, but not enough to protect the cargo containers.  Those (expletive deleted) bombers just set back 10G deployment in Chicago by 20 years!”

Will County Board Member Jackie Traynere was at Peotone during the attack but was unharmed.  She released a statement to the interstellar media:

“You can drop incendiary bombs near me, and you can make incendiary remarks about me on social media all you want.  I will always be anti-fascist, and I will always believe that black lives matter!” 

Space Force troops used their base in Bolingbrook to launch an attack against Clow UFO Base, which is currently sealed off due to the COVID-19 pandemic.  Members of the so-called “Doomsday Crew,” who remain sealed inside Clow, reported they had received messages from Space Force troops demanding to be let in to stop the “Antifa riots” inside:

“There were no rioters inside,” said a crew member who asked to remain anonymous.  “We don’t get to say that every day at Clow UFO Base.  Anyway, we’ve had some aliens kneel for about nine minutes to protest the death of George Floyd.”

The crew member later added, “Before I was sealed inside Clow, being anti-fascist was considered a moral position, and stopping the spread of deadly infectious diseases was a no-brainer.  Now I look outside and wonder if the world is burning just like a Reichstag fire?”

The crew confirmed that although parts of Clow were “compromised,” the attackers didn’t reach the crew.  Clow’s automated defenses and Men in Blue were able to stop the Space Force’s advance.  Members who spoke to this reporter say the plan is to disinfect those areas of Clow and reseal them.

Sources within the Bolingbrook’s Department of Interstellar Affairs agree that Trump called off the attack after talking to Claar.  Claar explained that the Interstellar Commonwealth, the New World Order, and the Illuminati could consider the attacks to be an act of war.  Claar then explained that the Commonwealth’s military could obliterate everyone one of his properties in seconds, and both secret societies could wipe out all of his wealth as well.  Trump still hesitated to call off the attack until Claar offered to host the 2020 Republican National Convention at Bolingbrook High School.

Claar allegedly asked:  “What do you have to lose?”

Bolingbrook officials privately are not sure how Bolingbrook High School will be able to host the Republican National Convention.  One official did say: “We’ll try our best, and when things go wrong, Roger will blame (Bolingbrook Trustee Robert Jaskiewicz).”

When reached for comment, Claar replied:  “I have a message for the roaming gangs of looters.  You can take my restaurants.  You can take my stores, but you will never take my Golf Club!”

Also in the Babbler:

Ghosts join protesters in Chicago
Mayor Claar orders all weredeer removed from Bolingbrook
Naperville police fail to arrest Mothman rioter
God to smite Bolingbrook on 6/4/20

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group. 

Alien calls God ‘evil” at Clow UFO Base’s COVID-19 Memorial service (Fiction)

By Reporter X

During a COVID-19  memorial service at Clow UFO Base, alien atheist activist Ja Locas accused Earth’s religions of promoting evil:

“Some human religious leaders say they must hold crowded services during a pandemic,” said Locas.  “If your God requires risking His followers’ lives for rote rituals of praise, then your God is evil!”

Locas, who is the leader of the Interstellar Alliance for the Advancement of Non-belief, also said that he had a dim view of humanity’s future:

“Your secret societies tell me that humanity is ready to become an interstellar species.  But I look around and see protesters confusing reasonable stay at home policies with genocide.  I see anti-vaccination activists already working to derail mass immunization campaigns.  I hear Melania Trump selling Enceladus cheese from her factory as a cure for COVID-19.  I do not see a species ready for the stars.  I see a species about to be caught in the Great Filter.”

The speech was met with mixed reactions.  Oknak, a representative from the Universal Catholic Church, called for Locas’s execution:

“The real evil people are atheists who question our unquestionable God!”

Rabbi Ruth from the Interstellar Tribes of Israel, clad in a full biohazard suit, offered a different perspective during her speech: 

“Yes, God has unleashed a plague upon the Earth, just as He did to the lands of Pharaoh.  Like he did in Egypt, he will pass over people who leave a mark.  This time, the mark is not the blood of lambs.  It is the mark of science, medicine, and social distancing.  These are gifts from God, and humans who accept them will be passed over!”

Juanita Z. Patterson, the supervisor of the Clow staff members sequestered inside Clow, urged attendees not to focus on religious debates:

“On behalf of the Doomsday Crew, we are saddened by the deaths and suffering caused by the Pandemic.  We are angered by the politicians who cry ‘open the economy’ but really just want to deny poor people unemployment benefits and force sick people to work.  We look outside and see people who are numbed by the numbers:  Over 4000 dead in Illinois; 89,000 nationwide; and over 315,000 globally.  These were not actors.  They were not participants in a hoax.  They were human beings with families and loved ones. They had stories to tell, and now their stories have been truncated.  We are holding this memorial not to debate religion, but to mourn the loss of so many lives.  We may have lost not just so many souls, but the world we knew before we sealed ourselves inside Clow.”

After the speech, Patterson was heard saying that they should have had a teleconference with atheist PZ Myers instead of Locas.

When reached for comment, a receptionist for Claar said he was busy counting to fifty:

“This pandemic is so stressful that counting to ten doesn’t work anymore.”

In the background, a man who sounded like Claar said:

“Dear God.  I found out that Children aren’t immune to the Coronavirus, and some sailors may have been reinfected.  I’m being forced to choose between saving businesses and saving taxpayers—I mean residents.  I don’t know how much more I can take.  Please give me a sign.  Any kind of sign to prove that you’re not giving me the Job treatment.”

In the background, someone yelled: “Murder Hornet!”

After several gunshots, another person yelled:  “Officer down!  Pistols don’t work!  Unlock the shotguns!”

“Now you’re just (expletive deleted) with me,” said Claar. 

Also in the Babbler:

Mayor Claar and sentient coronavirus trade insults
Russian special forces spread anti-vaccination propaganda in Naperville
Edgar County Board denies dumping their COVID-19 patients in Will County
God to smite Bolingbrook on 5/20/20

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group. 

Bolingbrook residents see apparitions of Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot (Fiction)

File photo of Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot. MacLean Center / CC BY (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)

Many Bolingbrook residents have encountered ghostlike appearances of Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot.

“It’s was horrifying!” said Liz, who asked that we not use her last name.  “First I saw one of her memes, then I saw her floating outside my window!  I’m never stepping outside again!”

Ellen, who did not say her last name, claims she saw an apparition of Lightfoot as she was leaving to go shopping:

“I opened the garage door and saw her floating in front of my car.  She demanded to know where my mask was.  I said I hate wearing masks and (Mayor Roger Claar) said I wouldn’t be arrested if I didn’t wear one to the store.  I told her it was none of her business because I’m a Bolingbrook resident.  Then her eyes glowed red, and I suddenly started floating in the air.  She said because Chicago and Bolingbrook are in the same recovery region, it was her business to make sure every Bolingbrook resident practiced social distancing. Now I will wear a mask every time leave my house.  I don’t want to see her ghost again!”

Andrew Z. Stiller claims Lightfoot appeared when he was about to post in the Bolingbrook Politics Facebook group:

“She asked me why I was about to share a video.  I said I liked what the video had to say, so I wanted to share it.  She said the video was filled with lies, and posting the video would only put more Bolingbrook residents at risk of infection.  I said I have a First Amendment right to post whatever I want in Bolingbrook Politics.  She pointed at my computer and it shorted out.  Then she said she had a Second Amendment right to protect the residents of the Northeast region.  The weird part is my computer works again, so I can’t sue her.  Chicago politicians are so evil!”

Not all the encounters were described as horrifying.  Paula, who asked that we not use her last name, claims Lightfoot complimented her:

“I was working remotely from home when she appeared.  I was startled, but she said not to be afraid.  She just wanted to thank me for not commuting to Chicago for my job.  She said I was saving lives.  Then she added that even people who don’t die from COVID-19 can suffer long term consequences from the virus.  I thanked her and she disappeared.  Maybe this is a sign that the suburbs and the City of Chicago can work together.  After all, the virus can’t tell the difference between Chicago and Bolingbrook.”

When reached for comment, Lightfoot laughed and said: “Stay home.  Save Lives.  Stop calling me.”

A receptionist for Claar said he was on a conference call and could not be disturbed:

“I guess some residents have moved up from Coronavirus nightmares to Coronavirus hallucinations.”   

In the background, a man who sounded like Claar said: “Governor, maybe you should reconsider your regions.  We’re not the same as Chicago.”

“Exactly,” said a man who sounded like Naperville Mayor Steve Chirico.  “We’re Naperville.  We have a reputation to uphold.  Quarantining with Chicago and Bolingbrook is not part of that reputation.”

“You just had to phrase it that way, didn’t you?”

Also in the Babbler:

Babbler mourns the loss of Krist Angielen Castro Guzman
Bolingbrook to hold zombie drill in July
Mayor Claar defies Trump order to reopen Clow UFO Base
God to smite Bolingbrook on 5/13/20

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group. 

Satire during a pandemic (Non-fiction)

Fake Tweet

Not a real tweet from President Trump.

One of my friends, who is very active in the skeptical movement, recently shared this alleged tweet from President Trump:

“American shops want to open! Hair needs cutting. Demokraps don’t want to bite the bullet but that’s the price we have to pay. Some oldies will have to die. We’re in God’s hands, folks! Liberate America!”

The image she shared made it look like an actual tweet from the President, and it reads like something he would write.  My friend believed it, and while we’ve had our disagreements, her judgment is usually sound when it comes to sharing articles on Facebook.

In this case, however, the tweet wasn’t real.  It came from a blog post on the Laughing in Disbelief blog.  Now there were clues that the article was satire— like the slogan “Liberte, Egalite, Absurdite;” the cartoonish religious figures in the sidebar; and a link to the about page saying that it is a satirical blog.  But to someone casually skimming the post, and the blog in general, it looks real.

Now, as I mentioned, my friend is normally careful about what she shares on her Facebook page, and she has a firm understanding of skepticism.  Yet she didn’t initially see that this post wasn’t real.  Based on the comments to the post, she wasn’t alone.

While the writer might have felt the satire was obvious, the truth is that it’s not always obvious. Most people skim posts and don’t take the time to check all the links in a post.  So it is possible that anyone can miss that an article is satirical and take it literally.

Over the years, I’ve experienced people who thought a Babbler article could be real.  Eight years ago, I wrote about the Lost Tribes of Israel returning to Earth, and a commenter asked if it was real, adding: “Either way, I’m amazed that this is truly happening. Why hasn’t this received more media time, if any?”

Today, the World Health Organization says there’s a “pandemic of misinformation” around the COVID-19 outbreak.  Judging from the posts in the community Facebook groups I follow, I can believe it. Even people, like my friend, can end up unintentionally spreading misinformation.  I don’t fault her for it, as she did acknowledge her mistake, which is a very good thing.

Knowing about this human tendency, whenever I write one of my fictional articles, I have to ask myself if the article has the potential to be believed.  Even when I’ve put the word “fiction” in the title, some will miss that.  I can’t stop everyone from believing a work of fiction, but I do make an effort to minimize the risk.

“Satire” is not an excuse to post anything you want and laugh at anyone who mistakes it for reality.  Writers, myself included, should do their best not to contribute to the misinformation that is already running rampant on the Internet.  I may not always succeed, but I will make the effort.

I hope the author of Laughing in Disbelief will make the effort moving forward as well.

Note:  All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group. 

We get letters: Pandemic Prose (Fiction)

By Doug Fields
The Reader’s Editor

Since Bolingbrook is locked down, many of our readers have decided to pass the time by writing letters to us.  Unfortunately, many of them aren’t very good.  Residents of the Brook need to try harder if they want to make the Babbler’s letters page.

Folks, that means not downloading templates and trying to pass them off as your own writing — Like this poor attempt at a letter:

To the Editor:

The media is (exaggerating, lying, making up, creating) the (Wuhan Virus, the China Virus, any name besides COVID-19) to (support Democrats, make the President look bad, destroy democracy, defy evolution)!

We need to open up the economy because (it’s more important than the lives of others, I want a haircut, my employees like working at home and saving money)  Democrats suck and should (die, go to another country, surrender to Trump)!

This (Facebook post, YouTube Video, Tweet, non-medical professional) proves I’m right.  If the mainstream media won’t cover it, it must be correct.  What about when the Democrats (make up an incident)?

(Triggering remark).  Fight for your liberty!  

Name
City, State

Let me guess, you got that template from the Typhoid Mary Fan Club?

Speaking of the past, this infamous Bolingbrook resident talks about her family:

To the Editor:

During World War II, my great grandfather, William Spencer, defied the British Government and refused to turn off his outdoor lighting display.  He said the threatened Blitz was no excuse to take away his freedom.  The British people didn’t hide in the underground every time a gas main exploded.  Why should they hide from German bombs?  A bomb is just another type of explosive.

He believed that World War II was a Tory hoax, and the government was really kidnapping urban children and giving them to families living in rural manors.  Dunkirk was just an unfortunate naval accident made to look like a German attack.  France was pretending to be invaded by Germany.  After all, how could an impoverished nation suddenly become a major military power?

William was arrested and, allegedly, was killed during the Battle of Britain.  But his spirit still lives on in the people fighting stay at home orders today.  William didn’t let the fear of a few bombs stop him from lighting up his house.  You shouldn’t let a virus and risk of death and contagion stop you.  Freedom isn’t free!

Charlene Spencer
Bolingbrook, IL

I think someone confused selfishness with liberty.

Moving on, it seems another person in Edgar County has an interest in Bolingbrook:

To the Editor:

The DuPage Township refuses to buy hydroxychloroquine for their residents.  The President and four doctors I’ve read about on the Internet say it works.  That proves it works.  The DuPage Township Trustees must resign!

Johnny Redd
Paris, IL

The plural of “anecdote” is not “data.”

Finally, we’ll conclude with this letter:

To the Editor:

Mayor Roger Claar seriously embarrassed himself on BCTV today.  Nearly 2000 people have died from the Coronavirus in Illinois, and Roger was upset because he didn’t like the new rules for opening golf courses.  

I’m sorry, but a pandemic is not the time to be upset over the ban on practice ranges and handshakes.  Nor is it a time to argue rules regulating how many people should be allowed on a pontoon boat.  Where in Bolingbrook can you launch a pontoon boat?

Then he topped it off by implying that most counties in Illinois don’t have any Covid cases.  The fact is only six counties in Illinois claim to not have any reported cases.  

We are in the middle of a pandemic, and we still don’t know all the ways it can kill or harm us.  People who don’t have symptoms can still spread this virus, and can endanger others around them.  Doctors are risking their lives to take care of patients.  Governor Pritzker is leading Illinois through a dark time, using science.  Roger is whining.  Trump is lying and endangering the public.  May I suggest some fine Costco cheese that will compliment our mayor’s whine, and an end to Trump’s daily (rally) briefings?

Becky R. Baker
Bolingbrook, IL

Stay Bolingbrook Strong, and someday we’ll tell our grandchildren that people used to touch each other before the great pandemic!

Also in the Babbler:

Bolingbrook man arrested for painting door with bat blood
Mayor Claar orders Clow UFO Base sealed until a vaccine is available
Naperville Mayor denies trying to bribe COVID-19 patients
God to smite Bolingbrook on 5/1/20