From now until the end of May, you can get a free copy of Pathways to Bolingbrook, as well as free ebooks by and other fantasy authors.
Into the Pathway Village!
You can also get a copy of Pathways at Amazon and almost everywhere ebooks are sold. I’m also offering a print edition that includes bonus material bonus material.
Finally, I hope to have an update about The Rift, the next book in the series, soon.
No story this week because I’m focusing on what I hope are the final edits to my novel, The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story. I hope to get back to normal posting next week.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it’s not another train.
By Doug Fields
Reader’s Editor
(Out of character: Unless stated otherwise, these are not real letters.)
Sometimes I’m proud to say that I edit the Babbler’s letters to the editor. This is not one of those times. Maybe it’s all the readers with COVID dementia, or maybe the past five years have brought out the worst in us. No difference. These letters make me question the future of humanity. Judge for yourself.
While most Bolingbrook residents stand with the Ukrainian people against the Russian invasion, this reader just has to be special:
To the Editor:
The New York Times says Ukraine doesn’t have a Nazi problem. This is the same newspaper that published a Hitler editorial in 1941! Therefore Vladimir Putin is right. Let’s stop punishing Russia and start supporting Putin’s special military operation to rid the world of Nazis once and for all!
Julie X. Weimar
Bolingbrook, IL
Someone better warn Malcolm Nance before it’s too late.
Our descent into the abyss continues with this letter. This reader doesn’t know that Bolingbrook isn’t in the Sixth Congressional District. Then again, incumbent Congressional Representative Marie Newman doesn’t live there either.
To the Editor:
Days ago, Fake IL06 representative Sean Casten said the public was going to “level” Rep. Marie Newman and insurrectionist President Trump was still free. Yet the so-called ethics committee is investigating Newman instead of those two. How outrageous!.
Don’t let the media confuse you. Newman is running on the Green New Deal and Medicare for All. That’s all you need to know. Oh, and she’s not afraid to vote against Israel!
Newman shouldn’t be forced to violate her crypto agreement and she shouldn’t be stopped from investing in America. She shouldn’t be stopped period. Don’t let anyone tell you to think about it. Just vote for Newman and she’ll do the rest!
Bill Z. Blankenship
Downers Grove, IL
I’m not sorry to say that anyone who invested in cryptocurrencies shouldn’t be considered an environmentalist.
Locally, this next resident wants a certain book banned.
To the Editor:
We must prevent the most woke novel in history from reaching Bolingbrook! The Rift promises to be a story about aliens and monsters set in our fine village. Don’t be fooled! It has trans people and feminists in it! The author says it’s not marketed to children, but why does it have a gay magician in it? It also has suspicious references to elevators…
We must do everything in our power to stop the woke mob from canceling us by banning this book! Our freedom depends on it! Scream about it at every government meeting. Don’t worry about what to say. Have faith that God will put the right words in your mouth.
Jill “I have a gun and that’s all you need to know,”
Bolingbrook, IL
The novel mentioned is The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story, written by our webmaster. Let me assure you it is not pornographic, and probably will tick off a certain slimy part of the atheist community.
Now, this next resident is taking the suburban cancel culture scare to its logical conclusion:
To the Editor:
You know, there are so many positive things going on in Bolingbrook, like the opening of Eiffel Waffle. But there are too many “critical” distractions that are dividing our wonderful community, e.g. things like Critical Race Theory, Gender Critical Feminism, and scientific criticism.
The solution to this critical problem is simple: We must ban critical thinking in Bolingbrook. Instead of arguing over garbage toters, golf clubs, and COVID restrictions, we should shut out the negativity, and just enjoy all the fine businesses in Bolingbrook. Free your mind, and just follow the wonderful thought leaders who make our village first! In the First Party, we trust!
Marcus T. Fish
Bolingbrook, IL
I enjoy thinking for myself, while being grounded in the real world, thank you very much. People who want to think for you shouldn’t.
Maybe next time I’ll be able to feature letters that don’t fill me with despair.
Also in the Babbler:
Russia threatens heatwave and snowstorms this weekend
Downstate judge threatens to declare atheism unconstitutional
Governor Pritzker buys UFO display ads attacking Mayor Irvin
God to smite Bolingbrook on 4/21/22
Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.
My new novel, The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story, is coming out soon. Pathways to Bolingbrook: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story is free and available now. For book updates, sign up for my newsletter.
Doing some very last-minute rewriting of the novel and recovering from my weekend getaway. But here’s a music video for Brighter Days by Michael Franti and Spearhead to kick off the week:
Hopefully more news about the novel soon.
Is WeatherTech, one of Bolingbrook’s largest employers, developing liners to turn any basement into a nuclear fallout shelter? Some insiders insist they are, and WeatherTech hopes to distribute them in May.
“This marketing opportunity is too good to pass up,” said Stacy, who asked that we not use her last name. “Everyone wants protection from a nuclear attack, and WeatherTech is in the protection business. It’s a natural fit.”
Don, a WeatherTech materials specialist, explained that since rubber is resistant to radiation and WeatherTech’s products are made with rubber, it wasn’t hard to come up with prototypes. “The only problem is size. Let’s face it. A basement floor usually requires more coverage than a car floor.”
Is this an ad for WeatherTech’s newest product?
All the sources agree that WeatherTech will sell liners that can be cut to fit the shape of any basement. WeatherTech will also sell “NukeTech” glue to attach the liners to walls and ceilings.
“We hope we never go to war, but if you live in the suburbs, we think you can ride it out inside your WeatherTech enhanced basement. We’ll even have a line of Faraday cages to protect your electronics. You’ll be prepped in style. Too much?”
Larry Z. Carter, a Bolingbrook resident trying to read every post-apocalyptic novel, says the liners are a good idea, but they won’t be enough. “There are so many things we take for granted. Like toilets, electricity, windows, access to ammunition, and grocery stores. WeatherTech has great rubber, but you can’t eat it.”
Paula X. Carter, Larry’s wife, asked Larry if he was going to visit her parents. He replied he needed to read another novel.
“Haven’t you finished already?”
“By the time I finish one series, there are 15 more series released on Amazon. I can’t stop reading until they stop publishing. Trust me, one of those novels will come in handy when the world finally ends.”
Stacy claims the Village of Bolingbrook has already placed an order to turn Town Center into a fallout shelter. She also stressed that the liners will not protect against a nuclear blast.
“There are limits to what our products can do. Hard to believe, I know.”
Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta denied knowing about WeatherTech’s proposed liners and said the village had no plans to buy any.
“If you would attend our board meetings, you’d know what the village was buying.”
Alexander-Basta then received a video chat request. She accepted. A woman appeared on the screen. An anti-tank weapon was mounted on the wall behind her.
“This is Congresswoman Lauren Boebert,” she said. “My pronouns are big and gun.”
“Those aren’t pronouns.”
“Now they are. Anyway, tell (Former Mayor Roger Claar) that he’d better make Congressman Key Bump disappear, or I’ll tweet about Roger, and not in a good way.”
“Do I look like his secretary?”
“No. You look like you have cooties.”
“Are you an overgrown ten-year-old?”
“I am the future of the Republican Party. In fact, if I’m reelected, I will be the representative leading the 24 impeachments of President Biden.”
“24?”
“Yes. We’re going to have an impeachment a month, and I’m going to start the first one against the criminal in the White House!”
“Wait a minute. You have a criminal record, and what role did you play in the insurrection?”
“Let’s go Brandon!”
Also in the Babbler:
Russia launches cold air attack against Bolingbrook
Alien injured in Ukraine treated at Palatine’s UFO Base
DuPage Township wins award for its off-world programs.
God to smite Bolingbrook on 4/1/22.
Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.
My new novel, The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story, is coming out soon. Pathways to Bolingbrook: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story is free and available now. For book updates, sign up for my newsletter.
I just got the print copy of Pathways to Bolingbrook today. Overall, I’m pleased with it.
Callie approves too.
The print version has a preview of my upcoming novel, The Rift. The ebook does not, but it’s free. To find a retailer, you can go to books2read.com/pathwaystobolingbrook.
By Reporter X
Palatine police officers arrested a Russian pilot who landed a UFO interceptor at the local McDonald’s and tried to steal its food.
Sue, an employee who asked that we not use her last name, described the attempted food heist: “First I was wondering why all these cars were speeding in the parking lot. Then when I took an order, this guy with a really bad Russian accent demanded all of our food. When I looked at the monitor, I saw he was inside a weird airplane. That’s when I pressed the panic button and quit my job.”
A recording obtained by the Babbler confirms her story. The pilot describes himself as a member of Russia’s Star Strike, a covert branch of the Russian Air Force tasked with protecting Russians from alien attacks. The pilot tells Sue, “Give me all your combo meals, all your Happy Meals, and all your dollar food! I can pay in lead or you can give me a free discount!”
While most drive-through customers tried to escape, Gary, a recent Russian immigrant, approached the pilot. Gary described the conversation afterward: “I told the pilot Putin was making all Russian people look bad, and asked why he was helping the military commit atrocities? He said, ‘Whatabout’ and listed US atrocities like the Iraq invasion, Afghanistan, and the treatment of Native Americans. I replied, ‘What about this?’ And then I punched him. I knocked him out. Just because the US has done terrible things doesn’t make it okay for Putin to do terrible things.”
Police officers from the Interstellar Division arrested the pilot. Both the pilot and the craft are at Palatine’s Sherman UFO Base.
According to Sheila Z. Blake, head of the Interstellar Division, the pilot was trying to secure food for Russian soldiers: “The Russian military has terrible logistics. He also has an addiction to McDonald’s food, so that’s another reason.”
Blake added that although the craft flew through air space monitored by Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base, Clow officials never warned Palatine officials about the craft.
“This is yet another example of how the war between the New World Order and the Illuminati is hurting Chicagoland.”
Sherman UFO Base is affiliated with the New World Order, while Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base is affiliated with the Illuminati.
Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta emailed this statement to the Babbler: “This would be a good time to tell your readers which charities they should support if they want to help Ukrainian refugees.”
Also in the Babbler:
Will permanent Daylight Savings Time destroy the fabric of Space-Time?
Sentient COVID Virus accepts humanities terms of surrender
Putin vows to liberate the Ukrainian Village from the US
God will not smite Bolingbrook this week
Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.
My new novel, The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story, is coming out soon. Pathways to Bolingbrook: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story is free and available now. For book updates, sign up for my newsletter.
By Reporter X
Congresswoman Katie Porter, Deputy Chair of the Progressive Caucus, toured Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO base as part of a fact-finding tour for the Sub-subcommittee for Nuts and Bolts Spending.
“I’m happy to see such a well-maintained Illuminati base,” said Porter to a gathering of staff and alien ambassadors. “I have to remind the other base administrators that spreading global chaos does not mean spreading corruption. Fnord!”
Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta then praised Porter’s achievements for the Illuminati: “Representative Porter has done more with her whiteboard than someone performing 100 Rites of the Pyramid’s Eye. She’s exposed the greed and stagnation of the New World Order and shown how the Illuminati can make positive changes in everyone’s lives. As a woman of global excellence, I salute you.”
Porter pulled out a whiteboard. “Mayor Alexander-Basta, can you state the reasons why Bolingbrook was one of the last communities to allow garbage toters?”
“Mayor Emeritus Roger Claar.”
“Makes sense. I like direct answers to my questions.”
An ambassador from Alpha Centauri asked Porter why the Illuminati wasn’t trying to form an alliance with the Martian Colonies. Porter wrote out the reasons why:
“Any questions?”
“Your Whiteboard skills are amazing. You should lead a first contact mission.”
A Clow staff member said he was “sort of” asked by Rep. Marie Newman’s campaign why she endorsed a “corporate Democrat” over Newman.
“First, let’s define what a ‘corporate Democrat’ is. Corporations and their supporters love the stock market, right? And they love to trade stocks, yes? So a corporate Democrat would love to trade stocks, right? So someone who can afford to trade over $6 million in stocks must really love trading stocks. And if that person also trades in cryptocurrency? Well, that’s the icing on the cake. Right. Well, I just described (Rep. Marie Newman). (Representative Sean Casten), on the other hand, doesn’t trade stocks and wants to ban congressional members from trading stocks. Remember, just because someone owned a business, does not mean they are a corporate Democrat.”
When the staff member pointed out that Newman was also a co-sponsor of the bill, she replied, “She profited from stock trading before she opposed stock trading. Go figure.”
Before returning to Washington, DC, Porter praised the Interstellar Commonwealth. “Whenever I get frustrated in Washington, I just remember how efficient and ethical the Commonwealth is. A good government that helps its constituents is possible in this universe!”
Also in the Babbler:
Alien mercenaries denied access to Clow
Mayor Alexander-Basta insists anti-matter storage units are safe
Leprechauns approve of parades this year
God to smite Bolingbrook on 3/17/22
Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.
My new novel, The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story, is coming out soon. Pathways to Bolingbrook: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story is free and available now. For book updates, sign up for my newsletter.
I made an appearance with my fellow Freethought Bloggers last weekend. This month we talked about propaganda, how it works, and what it is exactly:
My additional thoughts: Obviously propaganda isn’t limited to certain ideologies, and everyone has the potential to be swayed by it. In college, I got caught up in the arm-chair revolutionary left, and at times I can see similarities in the mindset with Q-anon and Trump followers. Likewise, there were people I knew in college who were swept up in far-Right propaganda.
We touched on getting out of the propaganda trap. It took a while for me to get out. It probably helped that I didn’t fully buy into the Tankie mindset, and that was one reason I had a falling out with the group I was in. I also took the time to find sources I could trust that were outside the bubble I was in. It also helped me to find a new group of friends and discover one of the earliest online communities. Unfortunately, there is no magic pill or method that can reprogram anyone.
Lastly, I think the panel discussed the difference between propaganda and marketing. After the podcast, I realized that one difference is that good marketing is about presenting a product or service to an audience that might be interested. I’m still working on the marketing for my stories, but I certainly won’t be trying to convert Christian Fundamentalists to love them. My focus will be more on fans of the Babbler, FtB readers, and others who might like it. Propaganda, in some sense, is a more sinister version of Marketing that tries to suck you in and keep you trapped.
Thoughts?
Into the Pathway Village!
I had a productive week as a self-publisher. My short story collection, Pathways to Bolingbrook, is free and available at Amazon, Kobo, and other retailers. If you want to copy, the link will let you select your preferred eBook retailer. While it might have been easier to distribute only with Amazon, I don’t want to be trapped in their ecosystem.
Pathways is a short introduction to two characters, Miriam and Sara, who have important roles in my upcoming series. It already has some reviews:
“William Brinkman’s Pathways to Bolingbrook is such a delicious tease of fantasy, paranormal, and science fiction.”
“A compelling, fun (in a dark, mysterious way…) introduction to the mysteries of Bolingbrook! (…) Looking forward to the next installment!”
The next installment, The Rift, is still on track for release this year. I’ll set the release date once I’m finally finished editing it. Hopefully soon, but I won’t rush it.
I’m also close to assembling a collection of Babbler stories from before I started at Freethought Blogs. Working title is UFOs over Bolingbrook. More details about that one later.
Now back to the redlines!
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My new novel, The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story, is coming out soon. Pathways to Bolingbrook: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story is free and available now. For book updates, sign up for my newsletter.