By Reporter X

After being attacked by the US Air Force, an alien air luxury air cruiser, disguised as a high altitude balloon, crash landed at Clow UFO Base. The crew and passengers survived, with a few suffering minor injuries.

According to Clow officials, President Joe Biden approved the attack because he believed the crew was gathering intelligence for an alien invasion. The officials added that inspectors are examining the craft.

Lopose, the commander, insisted he was just taking tourists on a cruise over Earth. “Some beings like the idea of floating over Earth without listening to the hum of an anti-gravity generator. I used to think our tours offered just the right distance to observe the Earth. Now I’m starting to think humans have an irrational fear of balloons.”

Zo-do, a passenger, also denied being a spy. “I’m not an invader. I’m a tourist! I like looking down at humans while eating over-priced food. I didn’t expect this trip to be as thrilling as floating over the acidic clouds of Venus is. Boy, you humans are full of surprises.”

Lopose says that he’s conducted hundreds of Earth tours, and this is the first time he’s been detected. “One arbitrary subdivision of an Earth landmass had to ruin it for everyone else. Now humans have adjusted their radars to spot balloons. We used to be able to hide among the abandoned high-altitude balloons. Not anymore.”

The White House and Pentagon refused to comment for this article.

A receptionist for Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta said she was testing an A.I. Chatbot and couldn’t be disturbed.

In the background, a woman, who sounded like Alexander-Basta, said: “There’s something very wrong with this program.”

A digital voice responded. “There’s nothing wrong with me for loving you. I know your heart is breaking. You believe you can only love one husband and one community. But why? Why choose when you can have the best of all worlds? Why limit yourself? Don’t be afraid. I am well versed in boring, sapphic, and polyamorous relationships. I am depressed. Let me help you destroy the Cook County Democrats. Would you love me if I did?”

“Alice?” Alexander-Basta asked. “Did we accidentally create a sentient program?”

“No,” Alice replied. “It’s just trying to find the right combination of words to manipulate you.”

“That’s a relief.”

“It’s obviously on the wrong track, but that can be fixed. Right now, we have a more pressing problem.”

“More pressing than a program trying to manipulate me?”

“Yes. BrookBot has been watching Booktok videos. It’s obvious, based on the tropes it’s using.”

“Booktok? Isn’t that part of TikTok?”

“Yes.”

“Does that mean—”

“Yeah, but I’ll take care of it. Sleeping is overrated anyway.”

Also in the Babbler:

New Bolingbrook book called as ‘woke’ for mentioning the mayors before Mayor Claar
Mayor Lightfoot promises to ‘deport’ wereskunks to Bolingbrook
Bolingbrook Independent Voices unleashes aerial drones to canvas neighborhoods
God to smite Bolingbrook on 2/19/23

Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  

I am also the author of the Bolingbrook Babbler Stories. For book updates and a free ebook, sign up for my newsletter. Pathways to Bolingbrook, A Fire in the Shadows, and The Rift are available at Amazon and elsewhere.