By Reporter X

An Interplanetary Twitter server hosted at Clow UFO Base exploded, injuring 12 Clow employees and 18 IT employees. Clow officials confirmed that no one died in the explosion, and expect the injured employees to make a full recovery.

Clow employee Heather X. Norman described the scene moments before the explosion: “I was walking down the corridor when the alarms started blaring. I heard the engineers yell, ‘Eject server!’ repeatedly. Their AI kept telling them it couldn’t accept any commands until Monday.”

Peter X said he saw IT engineers fleeing the server room: “I was worried when I saw them running out of the server room, because they were the hardcore employees who remained with the company. They were fortunate the doors could be manually opened from the inside. I’d hate to imagine what would have happened if they had been trapped.”

Bolingbrook Mayor (and Clow Administrator) Mary Alexander-Basta released a statement claiming the server was overloaded due to heavy traffic from the Interplanetary Hockey Championship game. Mary blamed Elon Musk for the accident that drove away the engineers who could have prevented the explosion. She stated: “I wonder if someone bet Musk $1 trillion that he couldn’t squander $44 Billion? Otherwise I hate to think that the people who keep SpaceX and Tesla in business are seriously underpaid.”

When reached for comment, a receptionist for Musk said he was in an important meeting and couldn’t be disturbed.

In the background, a man who sounded like Musk said: “You’re looking at this the wrong way. I need one-third of all Americans to subscribe to Twitter. One-third of all Americans support Donald Trump. That’s why I had to let him back on to Twitter. It’s nothing more than a long-term business decision. So, we’re still good, right?”

A man who sounded like Florida Governor Ron DeSantis replied: “Actually, I’m starting to get this itching feeling your Starship project is part of the Woke agenda.”

“Maybe if you—”

“Stop. Don’t ask what I can do for you. Ask what you can do for me.”

Also in the Babbler:

Sources: Village to request new bids for 900 Foot Roger Statue
Opinion: It was aliens who helped the Pilgrims
Mayor has ‘constructive meeting’ with Native American ghosts
God to smite Bolingbrook on 11/25/22

Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  

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