Did former Presidential advisor Jared Kushner lose his laptop at a Bolingbrook restaurant? Computer repair person Joel X. Parker claims a waiter working at one of Bolingbrook’s restaurants gave it to him:

“He said Jared left it at his table.  It had a gold-plated casing and Jared’s name was engraved on it. Seemed legit.”

According to Parker, the waiter paid him to wipe the hard drive so he could use it himself. Parker denies he tried to hack into the laptop but admits he accessed it:

“As a joke, I typed ‘Jared’ in the password field. I didn’t realize it really was his password.”

Parker claims the laptop contained records of questionable financial dealings, and messages about illicit activities. As proof, Parker provided the Babbler alleged email exchanges with Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman over the assassination of Jamal Khashoggi. 

In one email, MBS wrote: “One of my associates was a bit too enthusiastic when I told him to deal with that reporter. Can you deal with your father-in-law? Otherwise, it would be a shame to stop doing business with our favorite customer.”

Kushner replied, “I don’t know if I can fit it into my very busy schedule as the best Presidential advisor. I’m so busy that I don’t have time to think about that satanic building I bought.”

MBS wrote a long reply which concluded with this offer: “If you find it in your oh so busy schedule to put in a good word for me, you might find yourself with a big B in the near future.”

Kushner sent a short reply: “Make it 2 Bs and I might send you an attachment about our anti-matter bomb program.”

Parker also showed an alleged email from Ivanka Trump. “Daddy says I’m no longer his favorite Trump. I’m telling on him!”

Before Parker could copy the entire contents of the hard drive, Kushner allegedly arrived at his shop with Bolingbrook police officers. Kushner, according to Parker, threatened to have compromising pictures of Parker, “found” on Hunter Biden’s stolen laptop. Parker surrendered the computer.

“I suppose I should feel lucky they didn’t cancel me, but I will always wonder what else is on that laptop.”

The Babbler could not afford Kushner’s interview fee and did not receive a comment from him.

A receptionist for Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta said she was in an important meeting and could not be disturbed.

In the background, a woman who sounded like Alexander-Basta, said: “Young lady, you have a lot of explaining to do. Why did you buy and return several copies of the Village’s ebook? You can get free copies from our library.”

“I’m sticking it to Amazon by taking advantage of their ebook return policy. They lost money because of me!”

“They didn’t lose money. We did because the village still has to pay the delivery fee for the books you returned, and they won’t waive that fee unless we enroll in their Kindle Unlimited program. In other words, you were extorting the Village on behalf of Amazon!”

Also in the Babbler:

Bolingbrook to require licensing of all psychics
FBI denies raiding the Bolingbrook Golf Club
Atheist missionaries annoy Bolingbrook residents
God to smite Bolingbrook on 8/25/22

Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  

My book series, The Bolingbrook Babbler Stories, is now available on Amazon and elsewhere. For book updates and a free ebook, sign up for my newsletter.