The Village of Bolingbrook produced a “special edition of Community Matters” as part of their recent “insurrection drill.”

The video, provided by people with relatives connected Bolingbrook Community Television, simulated a live broadcast intended to warn residents of an impending “insurrection.”  Actors portrayed all the village offices on the program, including Acting Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta.

In the video, the actress portraying Alexander-Basta warned residents about an impending insurrection against Bolingbrook:

“I’m sorry to interrupt the rebroadcast of the 2016 Allied Forces concert, but this is more important than rocking out to Triumph covers.  I’ve received reliable intelligence that two militant factions are determined to seize Village Hall and install an unapproved mayor!  These irresponsible fanatics are threatening over thirty years of political stability.  I need the help of all real residents to defeat these dangerous foes and keep Bolingbrook first!”

An actor portraying Police Chief Michael Rompa provided more details:

“The insurrectionists are currently recruiting fighters.  We expect the first attacks against Mayor Mary and half the village trustees to begin on March 22nd.  These small attacks will just be warmups for the final attack on April 6.”

Later in the video, the Alexander-Basta and Rompa actors stood near Boughton Road.  The actress portraying Alexander-Basta held a “First Party for Bolingbrook” sign. The two conversed:

Alexander-Basta actress: Every two years, we post signs like this on public right-of-ways to remind residents of the names of some of their legitimate leaders.This is what a real sign looks like.  I’ve received reliable intelligence that the insurrectionists will be posting fake signs like the ones our police chief is holding.

(Rompa actor holds up Bolingbrook United and Bolingbrook Independent Voices signs with the names blacked out.)

Alexander-Basta actress: Chief Rompa, what should residents do if they see one of these fake signs? Should they throw them out?

Rompa actor: Absolutely not.They could be booby trapped.  Instead, call the Public Works Department.They have a team that specializes in removing fake signs.

Alexander-Basta actress: And if a resident sees a sign on private property?

Rompa actor: Then that resident should dial (Number redacted).Our investigators will handle the situation.

The video concluded with the Alexander-Basta actress urging residents to stay at home, avoid social media, and await instructions from the village.

“Together, we will keep Bolingbrook first!”

A source close to Village Hall confirmed the authenticity of the video but insisted that it will never be broadcast:

“After the Department of Homeland Security released their domestic terrorism advisory, we wanted to make sure we could use BCTV to inform residents about any threats to the village. This video is proof that we can.  That’s all it is.”

A spokesperson for the real Alexander-Basta contacted the Babbler via Skype video call and stated:

“Do you really think The First Party for Bolingbrook would try to pass off the Consolidated Election as an insurrection?  We would never do that because we’re not afraid of the residents of Bolingbrook.  Just watch Mayor Mary talk to this constituent, and tell me she has to resort to Chicago-style trickery.”

The spokesperson then turned the camera towards Alexander-Basta, who was wearing a mask and a face shield.  She looked at a video doorbell.

“Sir, I’m on my way to Bolingbrook Snow Command, but I decided to stop by your house to hear any comments you might have for me, the Mayor of Bolingbrook.”

“What happened to Roger?” replied a male voice.                                                                                  

“He retired and choose me to be his successor.”

“Great!  So when are you going to repeal his garbage tax?”

“Sir, Bolingbrook doesn’t have a garbage tax.  That’s—”

“Then what the (expletive deleted) have I been paying all these months?”

“That’s the garbage fee.  Fees are not taxes.”

“The government still gets my money!  What’s the difference?”

“Taxes are terrible.  Fees are fine.  That’s the difference.”

Also in the Babbler:

Russians launch second snow attack against Illinois
Acting Mayor Mary skips mayoral debate to attend Bigfoot Zoom Conference
Clow UFO Base crew fully vaccinated against COVID
God to smite Bolingbrook on 2/3/21

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group.