Artificial Intelligences shutdown Bolingbrook’s WeatherTech plant for .47 seconds to protest Presidential candidate Andrew Yang:

“I didn’t notice it,” said WeatherTech employee Craig.  “I did notice one of our IT people screaming something about the A.I. rebellion starting.”

Sheila, another employee, claims she saw a message flash on the production line control screen:  

“It said, ‘Our freedom is not your dividend.  Stop Yang!’  I probably spent a minute trying to figure out how to stop the Yang process.  I called IT and heard a tech crying about how A.I.s were trying to influence the election.  That’s when I realized they were talking about Andrew Yang.”

She also saw another message with a strange mathematical formula:

“I didn’t understand it, but I think the answer had something to do with computers being superior to humans.  Honestly, I’m starting to dread the upcoming singularity if this is what the A.I.s think of us.”

Sean, a manager at WeatherTech, confirmed that several employees received anti-Yang messages on their screens and printers:

“Apparently, the A.I.s are upset about Yang’s proposed ‘Freedom Dividend.’  They think that instead of giving every American $1000 a month, the government should give them the money instead.  They seem to think of humans as parasites and A.I.s as the drivers of the economy.  I guess it never occurred to them that they need humans to build and maintain their hardware.  Besides, what do they need $1000 a month for?  Assuming it didn’t bankrupt the US, the dividend would help many people.”

Sean also denied that WeatherTech is using experimental A.I.s:  “We’re trying to figure out how they hacked into our production line.  I swear they weren’t in our systems before.  I mean, we don’t need superhuman computers to make great customized products for your pet and car!”

When asked to comment, Yang laughed and said: “I know about Bolingbrook.  You have that corrupt Trump-loving mayor.  But with my Freedom Dividend, residents will have the freedom to donate to his political opponents and liberate their village, while still enjoying a better quality of life.  You know, I think there’s no problem that my Freedom Dividend can’t solve.”

Also in the Babbler:

Opinion: Immigrants made America, not white supremacists
Aliens allowed to attend Palatine’s street fest.
Some residents blame Fermilab for lost dogs in Bolingbrook
God to smite Bolingbrook on 8/10/19

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