cn: sexual violence, and sexual coercion in particular
I’ve said before that sexual violence is a lot like drowning: it does not look like how it looks in the movies. That’s what every lifeguard needs to learn, if they are to help people in need. It is what advocates against sexual violence need to learn too.
When I point out that a story is an example sexual violence, I get shock and disbelief. That is understandable; it does not look how you expected. Now you can adjust your expectations to what sexual violence really looks like.
I recently read about Jerry Falwell Jr., and his alleged ménage à trois with his wife and a young man. That is, I read the perspective of the young man, Giancarlo Granda.
I don’t particularly care who Jerry is (he is not the famous pastor of the same name, he’s the son). But I could immediately see that Giancarlo Granda was describing sexual coercion. News articles do not make any attempt to say so, but everything is there in plain sight–the abuse of power differential, the promises that weren’t true, threats when he tried to end the relationship. And then there are other aspects of the story that you might not expect, if you do not know what sexual coercion looks like–such as the way Granda forgave and clung to his abusers for years and years.
This is what drowning looks like when nobody is trying to dress it up like the movies.
For reference:
My guide to sexual violence terminology
My guide to CDC classifications of sexual violence
It crossed my mind. i was right. It’s nice to see I was right.
I have misgivings about bringing up a positive about me given the situation. I hope it’s ok. It feels good to know I’m picking up the patterns even though they are bad. I don’t know how to feel about that.
@Brony,
Although the sexual coercion is right there, it can be difficult to point out when nobody else seems to be saying so. When I looked around, I could not find a single mainstream news article observing that this constituted sexual coercion. The closest I found was a blog post in No Longer Quivering. But it is what it is.
I agree with all this and did not mean to trivialize the situation.
(For context we’re referring to another discussion thread)
@PaulBC,
Once you seemed to be conceding, I did not want to press further–but obviously I cannot control what other people were saying. I never want people to feel bad about being persuaded. That’s the most self-defeating strategy I’ve ever heard of.
Siggy@5 To be clear, I am persuaded that I should not have shot off an ill-considered objection to your statement that it was not “consent”. I agree with you on second thought, and I have different take now than my initial one. But I already acknowledged that there was a power differential (in @10) and substantial naivete* on the part of the victim Giancarlo Granda.
I don’t take back anything else except that I wish I had the gift of concision and could make my points short enough to be readable.
I still see a wide gulf between a 20 year old adult showing poor judgment and being victimized and a child who is literally trafficked and has no recourse. I mean, I don’t know the circumstances. When I mention legal recourse, it’s not to side-step anything. I’d love to see him get competent legal counsel and successfully prosecute. I am not a lawyer and have no idea, though it does sound like he could potentially have a blackmail case. In the unlikely event that he could destroy the Falwells as a “power couple” that would give me a great deal of personal satisfaction. (Though Falwell Jr. is doing a bang up job at self-harm already.)
I’m not really sure how seeing nuances is equivalent to wanting to shut down discussion. If my @10 on PZ’s thread was mistaken for “shock and disbelief” then I suppose I really am a terrible communicator.
Note that if a 20 year old man fell in with a literal “gang of thieves” who literally drowned him for some reason (perhaps to cover up a witness) it would still be fair (and probably accurate) to note that he showed poor judgment to begin with, worse judgment than one expects from a young adult. (In contrast, if he was corrupted like something out of Oliver Twist, the fact that he’s a minor would be pertinent.)
*This is where it gets interesting to me, because I just wonder if I was that gullible at age 20. If someone is offering you gifts and claiming you are a valuable “business partner” do you believe them? It’s like the rule, if you can’t spot the sucker at the poker table, it’s you. But it’s also true that I was good bit older than 20 when I learned that. So to me the operative question is not precisely how this happened, but how a potential victim can avoid it.
@5
I write things in part so I can potentially be persuaded by opposing views. Do you only write things others will agree with?
@PaulBC #6,
If you have the expectation that it should look similar to child trafficking, that’s one of the expectations that I am suggesting needs readjustment.
The legal question is really complicated, and neither of us is qualified to judge. It would probably depend on the jurisdiction, and details we are not privy to. Whether Granda ought to pursue is another really complicated question. There are many reasons victims do not report sexual violence to authorities, and again it depends a lot on details we are not privy to.
In case it wasn’t clear, sexual coercion is not a legal category. It’s a category used by activists and public health experts. It is not always and everywhere illegal.
I observe that people of all ages become victims of scams–of the ordinary sort that don’t involve any sexual violence. Certainly it’s hard to imagine what goes on in the heads of victims. It still seems to happen a lot though so maybe we’re more vulnerable than we think.
Well, yes. I wholeheartedly agree, and that was the direction in which this incident takes my mind. Clearly, you put the focus somewhere else.
Another thing. I had a long comment that disappeared, but if you have seen The Graduate (or read the novel by Charles Webb, which is a lot less likely), would you consider Benjamin Braddock the victim of sexual coercion? My comment in @11 wasn’t intended to trivialize the situation. Granda’s case is different in many particulars, but The Graduate is in part the story of someone with social power victimizing a naive subject without regard to potentially destroying his future.
Because the story is glamorized and given a redemptive ending, it’s possible to see it as a comedy, but it’s still all about people being crappy to each other. Not to minimize Granda’s case or draw a false comparison, but it did come to mind. Also Brendan Fraser’s character in Gods and Monsters.
@PaulBC,
I have never heard of The Graduate, and did not understand you were making a reference until now. I don’t think I should comment on a story I don’t know anything about. In general though, it’s common for abusive dynamics to appear in fiction, but not be abusive “in-universe”. Sometimes it’s comedic, or romantic, or maybe it’s a jerk move but still not abusive. It’s fiction though so I’m not going to moralize about it that much.
Siggy@11 Huh, maybe The Graduate (1967) is a dated reference. It is one of the best known films ever made and singlehandedly propelled Dustin Hoffman to stardom. The novel was actually celebrated when it came out a few years earlier but has faded into obscurity–an unusual but not unknown case in which the film adaptation is a superior work of art.
That’s understandable, but I think stories are the traditional way to come to terms with right and wrong at a safe distance. (They are good for lots of other things too!) So I avail myself as needed.
My main point in bringing this up was to make it clear that I do not minimize Granda’s complaint at all, though drawing a reference to movies may appear to make it so. (And yes, of course I look for something funny or snarky to say when I probably shouldn’t. Shame on me!)
The more I read about Granda, the more inclined I am to sympathize. As Josh Kovensky in TPM writes:
I would not dispute this characterization in the slightest. He was a naif.