Pings maybe 1/10 on the NSFW scale. No explicit imagery.

Glamour gives us an interview with a journalist-turned-dominatrix, who initially apprenticed with another dominatrix for a piece and ended up entering the career herself:

What first appealed to you about being a dominatrix?

I first thought, I’ll just do this so I can learn some things and then I’ll quit, because I was like, “I don’t need to be a sex worker. I have a master’s degree.” But I was just amazed by all of these smart, interesting, vivid women. I found myself suddenly in the company of women who really did not have to apologize for anything, women who really were themselves, their unedited selves. Among my fellow apprentices, one was a Fulbright scholar who spoke five languages and played classical piano. Another was a math prodigy.

It was an incredible opportunity to engage with men who were finally in a space where they could be their whole selves, to reveal a part of themselves that they weren’t able to share or felt uncomfortable sharing with their family or being public about. There was a safe space where we could celebrate and honor that, and it felt like an incredible privilege. It just satisfied me on so many levels. It was intellectually and emotionally challenging. It allowed me to be sexual and flirtatious. It also allowed me in a healing way to hold people accountable for promises they made. It exists in a space where actions and consequences are genuine. It has been and is some of the most challenging work I’ve ever done

…

What other reasons lead people to get into BDSM?

I actually call BDSM a roller-coaster ride for adults because you get the opportunity to experience the thrill of fear, but in a way you know you ultimately are going to be safe. There’s the excitement and that anticipation as you stare at this ride, then you go through this series of sensations and exhilaration and intense movements, and at the end of it, you’re like, “Oh, my gosh, that was amazing. I can’t believe I did that.” And the same is true for BDSM. There’s the excitement and anticipation when you choose a dominatrix. There’s the time leading up to the appointment, when you are wondering what she’s going to be like, and then the roller-coaster ride is going, and no matter how long it takes, it’s like you’re so vivid and alive in that moment, and it’s exciting. It’s addictive. It’s gratifying.

What have you learned from all of your different work related to sexuality?

We are in this incredible moment where women who do sex work and women who want to feel empowered in their lives and our cultural conversation about kink and desire and expressions of sexuality are in this real synergy, and one of the things that I think is wonderful abut the work that I’m doing as a consultant and as the host of “Bedtime Stories,” having had the perspective of being a dominatrix, is really capturing that moment. We’re in this space where women are actually thinking about what brings them pleasure, what they want sexually, and in ways that are not so typical—”Oh, well, I just want a man to love me and provide for me”—but instead it’s like, “I am in charge of my own orgasms. Here are the things that turn me on.”

It’s certainly jarring hearing so many affirming messages from dominatrices given my experience, but I also had the displeasure of apprenticing with a narcissist. While I do recommend the apprenticing model for getting into kink (especially but not limited to pro kink), I’d also say you have to vet your mentor thoroughly. This woman sounds like someone I’d train under assuming the rest of that process checked out.

Stay hot and bothered lovelies,

-Shiv

Edit: The link was broken. I have fixed it.