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The original hashtag, #MaybeHeDoesn’tHitYou, was an attempt to expand the conversation on abuse to include emotional abuse and not just physical violence. It was a heterosexual-centric strategy. I’ve heard plenty of anecdotal stories about queer women not seeking help for domestic violence because, of course, queer DV is seldom represented, so they get odd ideas about abuse that rely on the assumption of a straight man and straight woman being together.

So here’s my version:

Maybe she doesn’t hit you, but she threatens to leave you if you dare to mention your boundaries again.

Maybe she doesn’t hit you, but you can’t remember what conversation you started because she made it about her again.

Maybe she doesn’t hit you, but you can’t finish a sentence without being interrupted and told you’re being oversensitive.

Maybe she doesn’t hit you, but you find yourself apologizing for trying to explain why you’re upset.

Maybe she doesn’t hit you, but she convinces you to try risky things and then blames you for being scared when she offers no support.

Maybe she doesn’t hit you, but she takes your consent for granted and feels entitled to push your buttons without discussion.

Maybe she doesn’t hit you, but you feel like you deserve to be hit.

Maybe she doesn’t hit you, but she calls your life passion a waste of time.

Maybe she doesn’t hit you, but she psychoanalyses you without invitation and suggests motives to you that were never there.

I get to go to the domestic violence women’s survivor group this week. We’ll see how it goes.

-Shiv