My introduction to death and grief came at a very young age — my mother was in a car accident when I was five years old. It was tragic and sudden — she was pronounced dead at the scene.

At that age, I didn’t understand death or that it was final, and following my mother’s death, I remember feeling a lot of confusion. I was sure she was alive, just away somewhere, but she never came home. Eventually, I realized she was gone.

My family isn’t very religious but most of my relatives do identify as Christians, and even at a young age, I was aware of my family’s belief in an afterlife. I found it comforting that one day I would meet my mother. I liked to think she was still in my life watching over me. She knew what I thought and felt. 

Now I’m an atheist, and I know death is final. That’s it. It’s important to really make the most of life because there’s nothing after it. So with that in mind, I no longer hope to see my mom again one day, but I do spend time admiring what she did in life. She was an accomplished artist and art teacher and I think it’s awesome to have her paintings all over our house. 

So maybe it was that early experience with death and grief — maybe it’s not — but people have told me that I’m weird about death. 

I don’t like funerals. I don’t need to look at a dead body and I don’t need closure. 

I’m cold and I don’t like to be touchy-feely. Sometimes it takes me a long time to show emotion. Sometimes I don’t react at all.  

And as you can imagine, I cringe when I hear, “they’re in a better place” or “we’ll see each other again one day”, but I’m obviously not going to say anything about it. 

I’d just like to say that we all approach death and grief differently, and for me, being an atheist plays a part.

How about you? How do you feel about death? Are you weird like me?

I’m so excited to be speaking to new groups — a couple will even be in person!

 

August 15th — Zoom meeting with Washington (DC) Area Secular Humanists

September 26th — Zoom meeting with the Humanist Association of San Diego

October 9th — Western Lake Erie Humanist Alliance (in-person, Ohio)

November 14th — Eastern Shore Humanists (in-person, Delaware)

 

I will post more info when times and locations are figured out. Looking forward to meeting you all!

1. Know you are not alone — not even a little bit. 

If you are in the States, here are American Atheists local groups and American Humanist Association local groups.

2. Whatever brought you to this decision, it was for a good reason. You did your research. You responded to questions lingering in your mind and came to a solid conclusion.

3. There’s nothing wrong with you (a misconception I grew up with).

4. Not everyone has to know, but you shouldn’t have to hide either. Share as much or as little as you want.

5. You don’t have to prove anything — that falls squarely on the shoulders of believers.

6. Be prepared to face backlash — which may or may not come. (You might be surprised.) 

7. There are resources — books, blogs, groups, podcasts, etc. If you found Freethought Blogs you’re on the right track.

My publisher, Freethought House, has a nice collection of secular books. I suggest Atheist Voices of Minnesota. This isn’t my book and I’m not from Minnesota, but I really enjoyed this anthology of personal stories. If you want something relatable, this is it.

8. Reach out for support if you need it.

Check out this organization — Recovering from Religion. 

9. Stay safe.

 

Please add advice and resources to the comments!

So, I’ve been writing a lot about my relatives that were in the KKK lately, but there is so much more to my family’s story. These relatives were in my mom’s family, but what about my dad’s?

My mom, being the badass that she was, fell in love with a Catholic boy — my dad! 

If you’re not already aware, Klansmen hate Catholics for one silly argument — should god be able to talk directly to me or only through the pope? If you ask me, something that ridiculous is a pretty good endorsement for atheism. 

There’s a little more. Klansmen asked if you’re loyal to the pope, how can be loyal to America? 

My mom and dad dated through high school and college and got married in their early twenties. 

As an adult, my dad was not a practicing Catholic. In fact, he’s not very religious at all. But still, there was always tension. There were fights. There were times that people weren’t speaking to each other. 

My dad’s a good guy — a hard-working single parent — and he didn’t deserve the treatment he received.

People have died. People have moved on, and now our lives are relatively quiet.

It’s just so amazing what makes a family. It’s like we’re all a bit of everything. 

My dad’s family is made up of Catholics, immigrants, railroad workers, and a fire chief. 

And my mom’s family wasn’t just Klansmen. They were farmers and suffragists. 

Both of my grandpas served in WWII.

I just find this all so interesting and I’m looking forward to writing more. I can’t wait to break out the poetry!

A tweet I saw today inspired this post.

My husband is a little older than me and it’s just enough to put us in different generations. He’s in Gen X and I’m a Millennial. 

My husband is sort of a bleeding heart. He’s passionate about causes and politics and is skeptical of authority and people in power. He’s always seeking balance and keeps his work and home life separate. He’s a little rebellious and believes in giving our daughter freedom.

I love all of that about him. 

I’m definitely more high-strung. I’ve always been ambitious and I do a lot of work at home. I have a long list of side hustles. I’m all about multi-tasking and I’m the queen of the helicopter parents.

I think we fit the stereotypes pretty well even though there are really only five years between us.

Enter Gen Z

Almost two years ago I took a poetry class at a local university. It was in-person and just before the pandemic. 

I was nervous. Times have changed since I first went to college and I was by far the oldest person in the class. Most of my classmates were just barely young adults. 

As the semester went on, I became more and more impressed with these young people. They were so considerate and respectful. This was probably most visible to me when it came to pronouns. When I was younger, a person’s pronoun preference wasn’t really considered, but these students not only introduced themselves with their pronouns, they would ask you for your pronouns if they were unsure instead of assuming. Could you imagine the heartache this could have saved people if students did this when I was younger? It was amazing. 

I was so impressed with their writing as well. These students were open, thoughtful, and articulate. When they shared their poetry, they were wise beyond their years.

I was extremely apprehensive about sharing a poem I wrote about being an atheist, but apparently, it was only a big deal to me. Everyone was supportive and many came up to me after class to compliment my poem. Is Gen Z more secular? I really don’t think that would have gone so well when I was younger. 

Obviously, you can’t judge a whole generation by just one college class, but the tiny glimpse I got of Gen Z was incredible. Everything I was impressed with came so naturally to them. These were obviously things they were used to and expected.

 

Maybe these generation stereotypes aren’t always true, but you have to admit the time period you grow up in is going to affect your values.

The good news is I have hope for the future.

 

What generation are you in? Do you fit the stereotypes? How about the rest of your family/friends?

What are some secular/atheist/humanist podcasts you listen to?

I started “From the Ashes of Faith” back in December 2019 and I have now reached my 200th post.

When I applied to be a blogger at Freethought Blogs, I had been writing for Healthy Place for just over two years. Healthy Place is a mental health website where I posted articles every other Wednesday about mental illness recovery. Mental health is very important to me but there were a lot of rules writing for Healthy Place and I was looking to branch out.

Being an atheist is also really important to me as well as important to my recovery from schizoaffective disorder. I was looking for a platform where I could express that and I was lucky enough to be accepted into Freethought Blogs.

I really enjoy the freedom of blogging for FtB.

Prior to FtB, I had very little contact with other atheists. I was very certain in what I felt and believed but I feel the readers with their comments and support really brought me out of my shell. 

Thank you!

My blog has been a place where I could work out ideas and find my voice.

Today I am working on getting the word out about my poetry book which was published and released back in February. I also have several other book projects I’m working on. 

I’m looking forward to many more posts and thank you for your support!