Mandated Reporting and Our Local Clergy

I work for an arts program in a mental health organization, and since I sometimes work with kids, I am a mandated reporter. Last Monday, a social worker from our local children’s services gave a presentation on mandated reporting. I’m not going to lie – I thought it was going to be boring, but to my surprise, I actually learned quite a bit. It helped that the presenter coupled the information with interesting local stories. 

Several thoughts came up as I sat and listened to the presentation. 

First, I found the definitions and descriptions of the different kinds of abuse very helpful. I honestly didn’t know what constitutes emotional abuse. We were given a booklet on abuse and reporting and here’s how it defines emotional abuse:

“Repeated threats or insults to scare or embarrass a child, or to crush a child’s self-esteem. It can also include withholding affection and attention from a child.”

Second thought – is indoctrination considered emotional abuse? You got to admit, some of that definition touches on aspects of indoctrination. 

Third thought (which didn’t surprise me) – clergy is also mandated reporters in my state, but the presenter said that they are the worst group for compliance. Not only do they not report suspected abuse, they often blame the children. She even gave us plenty of local examples. Even some of my coworkers chimed in and gave examples. I was shocked because they acted like abuse in local churches is common knowledge among parishioners, but no one is doing anything about it.

Apparently, if you are a mandated reporter in my state and don’t report abuse, you can be given a six-month jail sentence. If they know the clergy isn’t complying, I’m wondering if they are following through with justice.

Here’s the really bizarre part – after telling us all this about local clergy and churches, the presenter invited us to a “faith-based celebration luncheon” to recruit foster and adoptive families. 

What?? I really feel they’re looking in the wrong place. 

I really don’t know how to help in this situation. I was born and raised in this area. I know what it’s like here, and yet when I heard about local clergy and churches along with a faith-based foster and adoption recruitment event, my gut just sank.

Surprisingly, I don’t have many questions in this post. I just wanted to share my story so you could join in my disgust. Can anyone relate? Do you have a similar story? Is indoctrination really abuse? What can be done about all this?

Would I be happier if I were a Christian?

Let’s pretend for a minute that I wasn’t a skeptical person – that I didn’t ask a million questions. Maybe I was lacking common sense and needed a far-fetched explanation to squash my fear of the unknown. Maybe I was raised in a church and didn’t know any different.

I am constantly bombarded with Christianity and sometimes it wears me down. What if I just gave in? If you can’t beat them, join them, right?

As much as I’m cringing writing this, you have to admit, there are a few positive aspects to Christianity. First, many Christians feel at home at their church. That’s a sense of community I don’t have. Religion provides rules and a certain plan for life so many Christians feel they have a purpose. Not to mention, the thought of going to heaven when you die is probably pretty comforting. Maybe not having to think for yourself is a relief to some. If you didn’t know any different, wouldn’t Christianity feel safe? Also, Christians are the majority here where as an atheist I often feel ostracized and judged — silenced even.

What if I had these things? If I was a Christian with blind faith, would I be happier? Would my life be simpler? 

I imagine bonding with my coworkers, having a sense of community I’ve longed for, and maybe getting a little more sleep — after all, I’m going to heaven when I die. I imagine feeling safer and more confident.

What I am describing would require blind faith, and it’s in my nature to question. To be honest, I find it hard to believe that there are people who don’t question anything. I think everyone questions but few are willing to admit it. Personally, I couldn’t call myself a Christian and live with those doubts.

So would I be happier? We all know the horror stories that accompany Christianity and certain churches, but if you just consider the aspects I listed above, I think I actually would be happier. Comfort, safety, purpose – I mean, who wouldn’t want those things? 

But it’s just not me. I was even skeptical as a child and I don’t like being lied to. I will live a more difficult life if it means evidence and common sense are valued. That’s what’s important to me. I feel strong and grounded as an atheist which has positively impacted my recovery – that’s also very important to me.

What do you guys think? Would you be happier if you were a Christian with blind faith? What would that look like in your life? I live in a red state in the Midwest so that definitely affects how I look at religion. What would these aspects look like where you live? I’m sure there have been many studies done on religion and happiness, but I think it’s really interesting to consider scenarios on a very personal level.

Competition is fierce — Is it more important to be different than good?

Creative types, have you ever heard this before? “It’s more important to be different than good.” I first heard this quote when I was doing a lot of art shows in my twenties. I’ve actually been told this a couple of times and someone once explained it as millions of people are good at any one thing, so it is crucial that you stand out. 

At first, I would think this would work in my favor because I’m pretty damn weird. Maybe if I’m weird enough people will look past the fact that I’m not well-educated. 

I’ve been given a lot of opportunities as an artist and writer despite my lack of education, but of course, I’ve heard “no” way more than “yes” which is always discouraging. In those moments I always wonder if people with a degree have a leg up on me. 

What’s really interesting is when I was younger, other artists said I should consider myself an outsider artist because I was mentally ill and untrained. Some even suggested that I never seek any kind of training so I could always remain an outsider.

However, I went against their advice and took some classes and I am so glad I did. To my surprise, the training did not push me to conform in any way; they just gave me more tools to use in expressing myself and creating art. At times I complained in my drawing class – maybe I was a little frustrated or bored – but my instructor told me you have to learn the rules before you can break them. That seemed like much better advice than telling someone not to get any training.

This could apply to so many different fields and interests. So what do you think – educated/skilled vs. different/standing out? Is one more important than another? Of course, it would be best to have both, but if you had to pick one, what do you feel is more helpful? 

Psychosis, Religion, and Lingering Fear

Tomorrow afternoon I have a meeting at one of the oldest structures in the city which happens to be known as one of the most haunted locations in the state. In its current form, the structure is an arts center infamous for the many spirits that supposedly roam its halls. I am going there tomorrow because the arts program I work for is considering renting space there.

I’ve been to this building several times and each time I get a little nervous and hope I don’t experience anything strange – even though I’m an atheist who doesn’t believe in ghosts.

I’m returning to a question I’ve asked before: if you’re afraid of something you don’t believe in, does that mean you actually believe in it?

I don’t believe in spirits or people rising from the dead, but I still get a little scared.

I definitely have my reasons. As someone who struggles with schizoaffective disorder, many of my psychotic symptoms have been related to the paranormal. Antipsychotic medication changed my whole world and that’s actually when I decided to become an atheist. All of these unexplained things that were happening were suddenly explained when the medication worked. 

Even the revelations I experienced from taking medication don’t stop me from getting a little worked up about anything paranormal. Logically I know it isn’t real, but the fear is still there.

Can this question relate to anyone raised in religion?

I just wanted to ask this question again because I was curious if anyone could relate – perhaps a lingering fear from a religious history. For example, were you ever told you were going to hell, and even though you’re no longer a believer, you still get nervous that something bad might happen to you? Like an irrational fear you can’t shake? 

When you became a nonbeliever, were there any rules/sins you were still scared of? When you broke a rule or sinned and nothing happened, was it empowering?

The Evidence 

I bring up the paranormal thing a lot. I’m absolutely fascinated with it even though I’m a little scared. I don’t believe in ghosts or spirits but I do think there’s something to people’s experiences – we just don’t have a clear explanation yet.

As I mentioned above, I’ve already been to this building several times, and even though I get nervous, I have never once experienced anything weird there. That should be evidence enough to keep me calm. I know I’ll be anxious, but I also know that most likely nothing is going to happen.

Whether it’s mental illness, religion, or something else, I’m sure lingering fear can be trauma-related.

So what do you think? If you’re afraid of something you don’t believe in, does that mean you actually believe in it?

An Atheist in a Red State: How do I make it better?

“How do I make it better?” is a huge question that probably has a complicated answer. But really, how do I improve the lives of atheists where I live?

I don’t feel threatened physically where I live, but I think being more open as an atheist would affect my job and relationships. My husband and I live paycheck to paycheck so I’m in no position to jeopardize my job.

I have schizoaffective disorder and I’ve dealt with my fair share of stigma surrounding mental illness. When it comes to mental health, the best I can do is tell my story, but it makes me vulnerable and I’m usually crushed when it doesn’t help. But most of the time, it actually does help. Either way, at least I gave it a shot. Nothing will change if no one speaks up.

With that in mind, I feel if I open up to the people around me that eventually, it will make things easier for other atheists. That’s how I feel at the moment. Do you think that helps? But I’m talking a big game here – at the moment I don’t have the guts to open up.

Will it get better with time? I’m assuming being an atheist in Ohio in the 1950s was very different from what I experience now. Isn’t it? Will we feel safer in the future?

I often ask myself, “Is it the organization I work for? Is it the field I work in?” I’m not sure but I doubt it. 

I’m way more open about my mental illness than I am about being an atheist. You might assume it would be the other way around. I’m willing to tell someone what psychosis feels like but I can’t even tell someone I don’t believe in god.

What do you think? Do you have any practical tips for right now? What about the bigger picture? Do you have dreams for the future? This is a short post but I’m really curious to read your ideas.

We are resilient! How have you adapted in life?

I posted a little about this before. It’s a tiny example, but still, I’m proud of myself.

I work for an arts program at a mental health nonprofit. When things are slow at work, I paint and write poetry independently.

I used to paint all the time but I gave it up for several years. I take lithium, which has some awful side effects, one of which is shaking in my hands. Using a paintbrush became nearly impossible so I gave up. Last summer I couldn’t resist – I decided to try painting again while I was at work, and I realized I have a little more control if I put my fingers directly on the canvas. I’ve been fingerpainting ever since.

So lately in my downtime at work, I’ve been making fingerpaintings of flowers. They’re simple and colorful. I was getting a lot of compliments, especially from my supervisor. She has several of my flower paintings in her office and says the story of why I use my fingers makes the paintings interesting. My coworkers encouraged me to sell them.

I decided to give it a go and started cranking out paintings. Earlier this month I took seventeen paintings to a local consignment shop. The shop has some funky and eclectic items. It’s a true treasure hunt and I felt it was the perfect atmosphere for my paintings.

When I submitted photos of my work to the consignment shop, I felt I needed to explain why I use my fingers, but they didn’t really care. The shop owner said the paintings were “very nice” and I dropped them off a couple of days later. That kind of blew me away. My hands are shaky and my paintings are a little messy. I didn’t think they could just stand on their own with no explanation needed. 

I don’t know if any of my paintings at the consignment shop have sold yet, but I’m trying to stay patient and just keep painting.

I absolutely love painting again, and I’m proud of myself for finding a way to adapt to my shaking hands. 

 

Humans are resilient creatures and we can adapt to all sorts of situations. I would love to read some stories on how you have adapted to the challenges in your life.

 

Edit to add photos:

How do you feel about where you grew up?

I can’t believe I’m even writing this.

I grew up in a conservative rural area in Ohio and I spent most of my childhood counting down the days until I could leave. It’s not a friendly place for atheists or for anyone even the slightest bit different. I never fit in even though my family has lived in the area for generations. 

After graduating high school, I left for college in the Cleveland area. It wasn’t a huge shock living in an urban area for the first time, although people would pick on me for my little country accent. My friends called me “fresh off the farm”. Still, I thought it was really exciting. I was convinced that I was made to live in the city.

I’ve moved around a bit since then – even spending some time in Los Angeles. 

Ten years ago my husband and I moved to Toledo, a medium-sized city just forty minutes from where I grew up. We live in the middle of the city – no suburbs for us – and for the most part, it’s been a great place to live. I’m happy to be raising my daughter here.

Lately, however, I have been thinking about home – fondly for once. My childhood in the country was actually a lot of fun. My sister and I had a lot of freedom and every day felt like an adventure. 

I never regretted leaving, but now I wonder, was it really that bad? Times have changed; maybe it’s better now. 

Since leaving a new highway was built making Toledo a lot more accessible to the outlying rural area. Not to mention advances in technology making it possible to work from anywhere. I’m sure that opened up a lot of doors for people back home. 

But here’s the big question – have the attitudes of the people changed back home? Could it ever be a welcoming community?

Maybe it’s all the country music I’ve been listening to lately but it’s nice to think about home in a positive light after years of resentment. Maybe this just comes with age?

I sometimes get the itch to explore new places, but for now, Toledo is home.

Can you guys relate? What was it like where you grew up? Do you look at it differently now than when you were a kid? 

There’s good and evil in all of us. Do you know what you’re truly capable of?

There are two people who have entered my life in the last several years who I am genuinely afraid of. The first was a client who abused me at work. I felt uneasy about this client from the very beginning and voiced my concerns numerous times. The abuse went on for eleven months before this client was finally kicked out of the program. I thought I would feel better once they were gone but I didn’t. I was diagnosed with PTSD and went through months of therapy.

A few years have passed and I’m doing much better now.

The second person was more recent – a person close to the family. I had my guard up because I had known for a while that this person lacked empathy and can be pretty selfish. I didn’t want them around but I felt I didn’t have a choice. After months of being disrespectful, they finally lashed out at me in a very cruel way. 

But it turns out I do have a choice. I chose distance. These people are no longer a part of my life. I am finally protecting myself and putting my well-being first. 

Yes, I’m scared, but these experiences also left me confused. Why did they act like that? Do they think it’s okay to act like that? They revealed their true colors and I wonder what else are they capable of. 

True Crime TV

This past winter I watched a lot of true crime documentaries. I think it’s absolutely fascinating and clever how detectives solve murders and other violent crimes. The shows all seem to start the same – “they were a normal family from a quiet community…”

Normal family from a quiet community? I’ve never been a victim of violent crime and I don’t know anyone who has been a victim either, but you can’t deny that it’s a possibility for all of us.

These shows leave me with the same confusion I felt from the two people I mentioned above – Why did they do that? Do they think it’s okay to do that?

If these are just normal people, how do they end up in these situations? This brings me to my next cringe-worthy question…

What am I capable of?

I know what it feels like to snap or be unhinged, but in those few desperate moments I never even thought about turning to violence. In those instances, I tend to turn inward. I think it would be far more likely that I would hurt myself rather than someone else. 

But at some level, are we all capable of violence? Or does it take a certain person to carry out violent acts?

I definitely have my guard up a lot more than when I was younger – especially with the abuse and malice I’ve experienced in the last several years. I’m weary of meeting new people and worry about who my daughter comes in contact with. You just never know what people are capable of.

Sorry for being so dark. I just think it’s an interesting topic.

However, I started this post with “there’s good and evil in all of us”. Usually, when I publish a post like this there are some positive and optimistic comments so I’m going to take your advice and focus on the good. What good am I capable of? What good are others capable of?

So what do you think? Have you ever met a person that left you afraid and confused? How do you protect yourself? And on the flip side, what are you capable of?

My coworker wants to tell me about her higher power. Should I welcome the conversation?

The other day I had a coworker tell me that once she gets to know me better she wants to tell me how her higher power changed her life. How do I respond?

I really like this coworker. We’ve really connected recently and although we’ve never spent time together outside of work, I think we could become good friends. 

But we’re definitely an unlikely pair.

She’s Christian and everybody knows it. She’s proud of her faith and is pretty vocal about it – even on the clock.

I don’t think she knows I’m an atheist. I told her I don’t go to church and that’s as far as I got.

So if this conversation about her “higher power” takes place, can I tell her why I’m an atheist? It seems only fair but I’m extremely skeptical. I feel like a conversation like this could either leave me feeling liberated or feeling ostracized. 

Deep down, I really want someone I can be open with. 

I really think this coworker is an awesome person which has made it easier for me to overlook our differences. She’s very resilient and her heart is in the right place.

Have you ever been in this situation? Would you welcome a conversation like this or avoid it? How should I respond? Please keep in mind that I live in a red state in the Midwest and I have to work with this coworker every week.

Where Lies My Empathy — Animals vs. Humans

I spend a lot of time watching true crime documentaries. Out of all the outrageous, horrible, violent stories I’ve heard about humans, it bothers me more when an animal gets hurt.

Does anyone else feel this way?

A few days ago I was watching a show where an alpaca was attacked. While they didn’t actually show the attack you could hear the alpaca crying out in pain. It was the most disturbing thing I’ve experienced in a long time. I keep hearing the alpaca’s cry in my head and found it necessary to cuddle with an alpaca plushie I bought a few years ago. My throat just stays in my stomach.

The true crime documentaries never made me do that. 

Am I sensitive about animals? Desensitized to human suffering? Both?

I am an animal person. As I write this, five of our eight cats are enjoying their new gigantic kitty condo. But even if my house wasn’t ruled by a small army of cats, I think I would still feel the same way.

Humans are capable of evil whereas animals are innocent and just trying to survive. I think that’s why it bothers me so much.

I am a sensitive and emotional person in general. I cry a lot when I watch TV. I just thought it was interesting how the alpaca had such an emotional impact on me – more so than other stories involving people.

Can anyone relate?