I had a grandmother who could be very judgemental and just downright mean. When she died, I learned more about her life and realized she was miserable. It’s kind of weird how that works out — if you’re miserable, you want to make everyone else miserable, too. Does anyone else see this play out with people in their lives?
I wrote this poem a few days ago about another person close to the family. This person has been absolutely horrible to me — selfish and disrespectful — but unfortunately, I think we share some of the same struggles. It’s really hard to feel empathy for someone who lacks it, but it’s there.
Push Me Away
You pushed
and pushed
and pushed
and when I broke,
you pointed your finger at me –
a classic case of
villain playing the victim.
You fabricated your facts
to ensure I was gone for good.
You tried to build an image –
a good person
with a good life –
but we saw right through it.
Carry on
with your lies and drama –
I feel your sadness.
If you weren’t miserable,
you wouldn’t treat me this way.
Months of silence
and broken hearts go by.
Despite the damage you’ve caused,
I hope you get the help
that you so desperately need.
I just have to keep reminding myself, “feelings are temporary.”
Heh. I know quite a few people who are utterly miserable and mistreat everyone around them. Hurt people, hurt people.
Nice of you to wish the person would get help. My experience of these people is that they’re firmly in denial about how much they need it.
It is only in the movies that you encounter the stoic hero who suffers through all kinds of hardships and still be gentle with everyone else. I have never met a person in real life who has a tough time and yet is nice to others.
“I just have to keep reminding myself, “feelings are temporary.””
Feelings matter. They’re what motivates us.
“I wrote this poem a few days ago about another person close to the family. This person has been absolutely horrible to me — selfish and disrespectful — but unfortunately, I think we share some of the same struggles. It’s really hard to feel empathy for someone who lacks it, but it’s there.”
I noticed how you wrote it in the second person.
—
Anyway, for every sentiment, there is its opposite.
“Misery loves company”, but also, “Fellow sufferers make unhappiness easier to bear”.
All very complicated, but very human.
I just have to keep reminding myself, “feelings are temporary.”
So is life. That’s no reason not to take serious action to make things better.
Hurt people hurt people.
Luckily the opposite is frequently true. Happy people tend to be kinder. It means that someone like Terry Pratchett probably sent out considerable ripples of kindness. Read one of his books, get in a good mood, go out and hold doors open for people.
Reminds me of my mother in not-law (I was not married to my partner). She was abusive and fucking useless while my partner had cancer, so after my partner’s death everyone cut MINL out. She’s suffering, she doesn’t know how to process her daughters death or her situation in life, but i’m not dealing with her abusive shit. My partner gave MINL more chances than she deserved.
I want to help people grow, but i have to keep myself and others safe.
Both of my late parents. I avoided them as much as I could as a child and only saw them at family gatherings ( and made sure I was never in the same room at the same time) They were both extremely unpleasant to be around. Insulting, belittling, unnecessarily cruel and he was violent. Made sure I kept my children away from them in general and especially my oldest away from my mother as she saw him as prey . If there is a hell , toxic parents belong there!