In the wake of Tuesday’s sharp rebuke to conservative policies, wingnuttia needs a boost, and they may have already found it. A fifteen cent tax on fir trees heavily endorsed by — some could argue implemented at the behest of — live tree growers may serve as a convenient conversation changer and opening salvo in the annual War on Christmas facade, this time with 100% more Obama!
(Politico) — Nineteen states’ grower organizations lit up at the prospect of the tax, while Christmas tree growers in Texas and Vermont generally opposed it, according to the McClatchy and the Chicago Tribune. Indeed, of the 565 comments that were submitted to the Agriculture Department, 70 percent supported the proposal, and 26 percent opposed it.
I’m sorry kids, it looks like Santa may have to cancel Christmas this year. How can Santa deliver presents to all the good Christian boys and girls with no Christmas trees by the stocking lined chimney? Send your complaints to that mooslium Barack Obama and his Christmas hating friends in the US Ag department and maybe, just maybe, we can save Christmas afterall!
Because Mithras knows it isn’t Christmas in America without a great big shiny aluminum Christmas tree made in China.
Since I’m allergic to the darned evergreens, I have to avoid places where the “real” trees are displayed.
Also, as an ecologically “green” person, I wouldn’t mind seeing them taxed a lot more. Artificial trees can be stored and re-used for years – more earth-friendly and more allergy-friendly.
Well, of course Obama hates Christmas. Everyone KNOWS he’s a Muslim, and Christmas is an American Holiday, what with us being a “blessed nation” and all….
Are they though? Are artificial trees really more environmentally friendly? I ask as a curious consumer since many of these trees have plastic parts and other non-biodegradable parts. Is this really better than maintaining an acre of evergreens that get broken down? Are the means to keep the trees alive for 5 years really that pollutant?
Sorry about the laundry list of questions. I just wonder about this sometimes.
I am shocked that anyone could think articifical trees are more green. Christmas trees are normally grown on tree farms and are constantly replaced. Used trees are recyclable and many municipalities turn them into mulch. The only negative is in bringing them to market. Contrast that with articifial trees which use petroleum based products, manufacturing, packaging and delivery (often from overseas). Yes they can be reused for quite a number of years until the needles start falling off, but when thrown out are difficult if not impossible to recycle and are certainly not biodegradable. To me it is a no-brainer. I would never buy an articifial tree because I find them unsustainable.
How much does Obama hate Christmas? That giant asteroid that just missed was really an effort to destroy the Earth before Christmas season, and only the prayers of Bill O’Rielly and Glenn Beck stopped it.
This seems to be a good moment for a plea-a-thon for the SAVE THE CONES FUND
Forget the fearful turkey-caust of Thanksgiving: ignore the ignoble ritual disfigurement of Easter Eggs at Easter: fail to notice the nauseating calumnies heaped upon witches at Halloween: completely miss the malicious bonfiring of Guys just after that on the fifth of November (even though, since that’s only in England I don’t suppose it should matter too much to YOU)—But DO NOT, do not ever, or for one moment forget, ignore, fail to notice or completely miss the tragic plight and sad, sad fate at this otherwise joyous time of year of…
the sad fate of…
of…
CHRISTMAS TREES!!!
Yes, yet another year has bounded round, and yet again it is time for my annual plea-a-thon for the SAVE THE CONES FUND.
(Now comes the bit where I tug at your heartstrings:)
Picture the scene. Row upon row of innocent young trees growing proud and strong on the hill’s side—perhaps standing in a quiet snowfall or listening to the song of the little birds—suddenly one day seems different from all the other days of their short lives. At first they feel curiosity, “What’s that buzzing sound? Those creaks? That sound of dragging off?” they ask.
Then consternation, “Why does it seem to be coming nearer?”
Then, like the girl who will insist on going about in her underwear in some really bad ‘chop-up-a-teenager’ movie, in a welter of sap and wood chips comes the horror, while rooted to the spot with fear, the poor helpless little Christmas trees meet Mr Chainsaw!
Unable (as you, or I, or a turkey, or even an Easter egg could)—unable to hide, to run, to escape, to dial 911. What can the poor trembling trees do but await their fate?
Think my friends of that fate:
The rude radi-ectomy without benefit of anaesthetics.
The dragging around by rough-gloved hands, the casual piling up, the leaning against walls.
The selling and the tying to car roofs.
The humiliation and confusion of being festooned with strange glass and plastic shiny things and flashing lights, while raucous people go wild all around, and mysterious and frightening packages pile all around. The rude and early awakening on Christmas Day, perhaps from that finally achieved, fitful, fevered sleep, by screaming children, and you can be sure there won’t be any presents for the tree.
Then comes the slow desiccation, the needle loss. The . . . browning patches.
And the final, miserable end at the mulcher, the fire or the dump.
So, as you now adjust1 your heartstrings before leaving, let me remind you that, in support of the Save the Cones Fund, we at People for the Ethical Treatment of Christmas Trees (or as it’s more commonly known PETFir) will be out in force again.
For example we will soon be holding our ever popular tree-out event when naked supermodels will be standing outside in the snow and the blizzard of media attention, refusing to warm themselves either by burning Christmas trees (which is so cruel to the trees) or by wearing Christmas trees (which is so much more cruel to the wearer). We will be organizing groups to wait outside Christmas tree lots to pelt tree molesters with pine needle mulch and clumps of tinsel. And of course we will be joining with our colleagues at the Save the Cones Fund in distributing their famous “‘Tis the season of good will, Darling, so I went out and slaughtered a tree for you” bumper stickers.
So, at this, the most difficult time of year for Christmas trees, when the bottom drops out of their life expectancy, we ask you to help us to help these poor defenceless conifers.
Please, please give generously to your local Christmas tree shelter.
And, though I can barely bring myself to say it…
Cheerio for now and a (sob) Merry Christmas
from Richard Howland-Bolton
@2, 4 & 5 (re: greenosity of real vs. artificial trees),
This question (which type of xmas tree is greener?) peaked my curiosity. I had no idea what the answer would be (or even the first idea how to start working it out actually)…but as this is a perennial topic I thought there was a good chance somebody had done the legwork. A quick google and it turns out they have (pdf). As with so many such things, there’s no single, true answer as there are so many variables, but it’s a starting point at least.
Relatedly, you put me in mind of a very good (and short) TED talk on embodied energy & water by Catherine Mohr. The first little bit shows how complicated it can be to work out which of multiple options is greenest in any given situation.
Foolish skeptics, you are not allowed to celebrate the holidays because you don’t believe in Jesus! Just like people who don’t believe in talking pumpkins and witches can’t celebrate Halloween, and people who don’t believe in egg laying athropomorphic bunnies can’t enjoy Easter.
Silly wingnuts got it mixed up again.
Obama doesn’t hate Christmas, but I do.
We don’t look much alike, and are never seen together, but they probably got us confused because my house is painted white just like his.