I finally found the book. A small green book. A guide. A to Z guide to all things feminist. It is called ”The Guy’s Guide to Feminism.”
I just love the book.
If you do not like to read books on feminism by women, fine. Then read this one, written by two guys, Michael Kaufman and Michael Kimmel. It’s funny. Remarkable. Straight to the point explanation how and why feminism improves men’s life.
There are fascinating pieces —
”Do you believe that women should have the right to:
- Vote?
- Go to college?
- Drive a car?
- Open bank accounts in their own names?
- Enjoy sex?
- Work in whatever occupation they might choose, and get paid the same as men when they do the same work?
Did you answer yes?
Then you better lie down. . . . You’ve probably caught feminism.
The feminist contagion has spread far and wide. It infects both women and men. Most people in North America, Europe and many parts of the rest of the world have caught it. The terrible truth is that, nowadays, most of us support these rights and actually see them as basic rights of individuals in a democracy.”
”It’s true. As that Harvard professor observed way back in 1873, when women get more education, they do have fewer babies.
It’s not because their wombs shrink.
It’s because their options grow.”
”Does feminism Virus Target men? The virus really has it in for men. doesn’t believe that male biology causes men to rape or pillage or not listen or hog the channel changer. It actually believes that men are basically good!!!! It believes that men can (and should) be ethical, emotionally present, and accountable to our values in our interactions with women — as well as with other men.
Women who’ve caught feminism not only expect men to act in honorable ways, but have a deep belief in our ability to do so.
Beware, my friend. This is very insidious stuff.”
”A minister, a rabbi, and an imam were having coffee.
The imam said, “This sounds like the beginning of a bad joke.”
The minister said, “We’re all the children of Abraham.”
The rabbi said, “Yes, but which of his wives?”
The imam said, “Is that why feminists are so angry?”
The minister said, “What do you mean?”
The imam said, “They’re angry at us for several millennia of bad things that men have done.”
The minister said, “I like to tell my flock that women aren’t angry. They’re just insistent.”
The rabbi said, “What’s so wrong about a little anger? Imagine the world from their perspective.”
At that moment another friend, a Buddhist monk, arrived. They told him what they were talking about. The monk said, “See the world from women’s perspective? Well, let me start: How would you feel if every time you went out on a date, you worry you could join the one in four women who’d been sexually assaulted?”
The rabbi said, “Or what if there were people who wanted to make it illegal for you to have control over your own reproductive system?”
The imam said, “Or if you earned less for doing the same work as a man?”
The minister said, “If half the human race felt it was entitled to stare at your body or make comments about your breasts.
“And then, if you get angry, they accuse you of being a lesbian—”
“—as if that were a crime —”
“—or say how pretty you are when you’re angry.”
The four men thought about this for a moment.
“And it gets worse,” said the minister. “Imagine that you start speaking out against these daily injustices and people start telling you to lighten up. Stop taking things so seriously. It’s only a joke.”
The rabbi said, “I wouldn’t just be angry. I’d go ballistic.”
It was Friday, and the imam soon went off to Friday prayers. “Anger,” he said to the worshippers, “is a rational response to injustice. Anger can be a healthy emotion to feel, an expression that something is wrong.”
The next morning at Sabbath services, the rabbi said, “Anger can be a motivating force, an impulse to get up off your hiney and do something, to at least say this inequality is not okay.”
That afternoon, the monk said to those he had meditated with, “The problem isn’t anger, it’s finding appropriate ways to express it. Perhaps only by expressing it, can we ever let it go.”
The next morning in his sermon, the minister told his congregants, “Anger can also be coupled with a desire to change things. It can carry a belief that things can change for the better. Resigned despair is what happens when you don’t think you can change things. Anger can mean hope.”
On Monday, the four men got together again for coffee. They were joined by another friend, a Hindu priest.
The priest said, “But you’re not saying that anger is the main thing that these feminists feel.”
Now, this coffee shop had a waiter who’d been serving perfect cups of coffee for years. He’d heard the men talking the previous week and now heard this exchange. He’d often had this very discussion about women’s anger with his girlfriend, so when the priest asked whether anger was the main thing feminists felt, he didn’t hesitate to jump in.
“Excuse me,” he said, “But when a woman feels angry, perhaps she is most angry that she has to feel anything but love and trust and how it feels to be an equal in the world.”
The minister, rabbi, imam, monk, and priest nodded sagely to each other.
And that is no joke.”
Cool.
By the way, not only I bought the book, I bought a dozen of my male- friends the same T-shirts that says, “A Man of Quality Isn’t Threatened by Women’s Equality.” They love it.
I need to buy a few of those shirts. The book sounds like something I’d enjoy reading, but the short and to the point shirt version may have more of an impact on some people.
I have been a feminist far longer than I ever identified as a one. Simply because I thought the girls and women I have known deserved every right that I have.
The funny thing is that my partner, despite believing exactly the same thing, is somewhat reluctant to think of herself as a feminist. I have never been sure why.
I should pick this up. I fully embraced feminism when i finally realized just how much pain Ive gone through because of social pressure to enforce gender roles and its something I fight so my children wont have to feel. Women free from gender rolls means men will be free too and equality for women improves everyones life. Also, its just the right thing to do!
I was expecting the punchline to be about the fact that the imam, priest, rabbi and monk were all men and were discussing what feminist women were so angry about amongst themselves without ever actually asking one directly.
“Work in whatever occupation they might choose,”
Except prostitution or pornography, presumably…
If I’ve read her right, the same applies to men who are sex workers.
Try a different snippy one liner. You might come up with a good one. It’s unlikely but, hey, ya never know.
I actually totally agree that feminism has a higher opinion of men that most traditionalists or MRAs do. Feminism looks at the negative aspects of masculinity as something that’s socially conditioned and reinforced and accepts the possibility that men and women can exist, if not without any oppression, at least with a lot less of it. We have at least seen some improvements.
The whole ‘traditional’ idea is that men can’t change. It’s kind of an insult to most men, but for men who don’t want to change it’s a kind of free pass – a dominant group embracing a negative stereotype of themselves so that they can better enjoy privilege.
I’ve always wondered if the idea is that some men can’t stand the possibility of equal relationships with women, so they have to put pressure on other men not to upset the status quo and that they routinely freak out once men start accepting feminist ideas and calling out other men for misogyny and sexism. I think that might be the real reason for the sort of resurgance in aggressive sexism.
Anger, bitterness and resentment are emotions that are necessary for progress to happen on any front. If people can’t feel entitled to feeling bad about how things are, things never change.
Michael Kimmel has engaged in serious trans-hating in the past. I know of no renouncement of that position or apologies for those actions. I’ll continue recommending bell hooks’ Feminism is for Everyone, even with her history of trans nastiness, before I’ll recommend anything by Kimmel because I have some evidence that hooks’ position, words, and behavior have changed over time.
That doesn’t mean I won’t be happy if someone gets something out of this book, but I won’t recommend giving money to the guy by buying his book.
I tried to find this, but came up empty. What did he say? He does seem rather sex negative and views all sex acts as one person subjugating another, if I’m reading between the lines correctly in his latest Ms article, but couldn’t find anything solid he said about trans one way or another.
feminism is nothing but humanism. And if i m not a feminist, i m a criminal.
Like somebody eles on here, I too have been a feminist for far longer than I ever identified as one.
There was a time back there when I wouldn’t have used the term feminist because it was rejected by other men and feminists alike.
Now, I use the term gladly, regardless who objects.
I don’t need the T-shirt, btw. My mouth seems to be effective at pissing people off 😀 😀 😀
el[s]e
I am so proud of you.
”Do you believe that women should have the right to:
Vote?
Go to college?
Drive a car?
Open bank accounts in their own names?
Enjoy sex?
Work in whatever occupation they might choose, and get paid the same as men when they do the same work?”
This should be true for *all* human beings, regardless of gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, age, etc. Feminism is a subset of humanism. In fact, possibly the only criticism of feminism is that it is fighting on too narrow a front. We need to fight prejudice and discrimination on any grounds, not just on grounds of gender. Ask a gay or coloured male about discrimination.
Do you tell gay rights activists or black activists that they are fighting on too narrow front because they do not fight for women’s rights?
I think you’re mistaking my point. People who are impacted will always fight for their own rights (women for women’s rights, gays for gay rights, etc.) This topic was about men being feminists. I’m questioning the narrow focus here. I think of myself as a humanist, not as a feminist. I’m male, straight and coloured. I’m against prejudice and discrimination on grounds of gender, sexual orientation as well as race, even though I’m potentially impacted on only one of them. Am I making sense?
Yes, you are making sense, and yes, I agree with your statement that all people should have all those rights. Feminism is the act of women fighting for those rights for women. If you fight for the rights of another group of people, it’s called something else. All these fights for equality can be lumped together in the Fighting for Civil Rights category, but to get specific results you have to set specific goals. I don’t understand why the criticism of feminism is that it’s “too narrow” is being used here. I’ve seen legit complaints that feminists focus on too narrow a population of women sometimes, but that doesn’t seem to be what you are talking about.
“I think of myself as a humanist, not as a feminist.” As though the two are mutually exclusive. As though most of the world is not patriarchal. WOW for fear of feminism.
Disturbing, to say the least.
::applauds:: Quite right. Feminism enriches men as well as women.
I’ve never viewed myself as a feminist, because I didn’t think that answering yes to questions like those was feminism. I thought it was normal and civilized. But yes, I am a feminist, and you know what? I’m proud of it.
Close, but not quite:
No, the real answer is “yes, but only if they’re white and live in the first world”. THEN you’ve caught “feminism”. If you insist that these ideas are universal then you’re a RAAAAAACIST!
(case in point: the attack on “Reading Lolita in Tehran”)
Oh, what do you call someone who says that logical thinking is an exclusively male quality and that it’s unfair to expect girls to perform it? Answer: Germaine Greer, famed feminist.
More over at Maryam Namazie’s blog.
The problem isn’t that feminism is a bad idea. The problem is that it has become associated with a collection of frauds, failures, and fakes.
You have not described feminism. You have described what the public-relations campaign wants people to think that feminism is. Here are some more relevant questions to help identify whether you are a feminist.
Do you think that women should be abe to have men castrated on a whim?
Do you think that if a woman gets bored in a marriage, she should be able to get a “no-fault” divorce and require the ex-husband to have to pay her 90% of his income automatically?
Do you think that women should be exempt from the draft while still claiming “equality”?
Do you think that women should be able to use abortion to avoid the financial obligations of raising a child as a matter of “choice” but that a man “made his choice when he decided to have sex”?
Do you believe that women should be allowed to hit men with impunity and that men should not defend themselves?
Do you think that when something harmful or fatal happens to a woman it is a tragedy, but if it happens to a man that it is funny?
If you answer “yes” to these questions, then you might be a feminist. Feminism is as good for men as “Jim Crow” laws were for Blacks. Feminism is not the same as equalism or humanism. I agree with equalism and humanism. I do not agree with feminism. Feminism has given a lower bar for entry into (for example) firefighting and police work for women. As a result, we have people in the positions that can’t do the job.