A few years ago, several companies started producing luggage that had built-in power distribution systems and high capacity batteries. Naturally, the Department of Homeland Security concluded they looked too bomb-like and banned them from flights. Never mind that I could just as easily put a tactical(tm) battery in my Maxpedition tactical(tm) shoulder bag, and have a rat’s nest of wires in it, the new bags were not acceptable.
So, here’s a “indie go” project for a rollie bag that you can ride, or program to follow you, or fill with explosives and send rolling into a crowd of people stuck at the security checkpoint. [indie go]
There are other aspects of the system that just seem problematic: if it’s in follow mode, will it follow me down an escalator, then tip and cascade down, scattering my fellow travelers like bowling pins? [What don’t you travel with an anvil in your carryon?]*
You can tell the whole thing is a bullshit fantasy scenario because the actors pretending to be travelers look happy. That’s a dead giveaway. Anyone traveling through an airport, with luggage chasing after them, is going to be in a security room under harsh lights being threatened with a cavity search.
As a recovering security dweeb, let me explain how that product dies, instantly: it has a large battery pack, a wifi interface, and a remote control app. Not only is it a firing mechanism for a bomb, it can be a pretty fine incendiary device. All it takes is one person to put their bag in an overhead bin, then tell it “come to me my little one” until the motor burns out and starts a fire and then anyone who has a nice-looking bag is going to have security all over them.
Back in the day I hypothesized a whole series of attacks that could be launched against authority, which depended solely on triggering their fears in specific ways that were expensive to respond to. One could then force them to make time-consuming and expensive errors without the attacker having to actually do anything. Someone has built a vehicle for that; I wonder if they’re serious or if they are also trolling homeland security. Are they really advertising that the damn thing can carry 250lbs (whether it’s snappy euro-model or high explosive) and can be remote controlled?
Life imitates art, apparently. Some of you are no doubt, right now, thinking of The Luggage from Discworld. [dw]
The Luggage is a fictional object that appears in several of the Discworld novels by Terry Pratchett. It is a large chest made of Sapient Pearwood (a magical, intelligent plant which is nearly extinct, impervious to magic, and only grows in a few places outside the Agatean Empire, generally on sites of very old magic, such as Indian burial grounds and ancient monolithic sites). It can produce hundreds of little legs protruding from its underside and can move very fast if the need arises. It has been described as “half suitcase, half homicidal maniac”
The luggage also, like the euro-model, does not wear socks. Clearly, a deliberate reference. Someone needs to let the discworld database editors know that The Luggage is no longer “fictional.”
Next up: Tactical Luggage.
I have never traveled with an anvil. But it was a distinct possibility, once. I was wondering how the security guard would react:
Security: “What’s in it?”
Me: “Anvil.”
Security: “You mean one of those great big steel things?”
Me: “Yes.”
Security: “What’s in the anvil?”
Me: “More anvil.”
I have a certain photo I shot back around 2007, which I jokingly entitled “The Last Time Marcus Ranum Ever Boarded An Airplane” – I think that I would, seriously, have never been able to get off every no-fly list that they’d put me on. I never published it and I probably still shouldn’t, since I may have a flight I want to take next year. The problem with having an evil and creative mind is that I’m always coming up with things like that, and I have to keep stifling myself because – even though I might think it’s funny – it actually could get a lot of people very upset or even dead. It sucks being a grown-up sometimes.
Is there supposed to be room for stuff in there, or is it just a power supply and mini go-cart? It doesn’t look like there would be any room left for clothes and travel stuff.
I wouldn’t ride that thing with kneepads and a helmet, which would seem to be the bare minimum required here. The “speed bump” in the video must be the smoothest I have ever seen and probably part of a TV set. Even if it’s not, whoever laid it down must have put a fair bit of effort into getting it just right.
Normal floors in airports and trainstations are riddled with gutters, drains, specially patterned tiles and a myriad little cracks and whatnot. The sound rolling luggage makes is constantly punctuated by the clattering of it jumping, or being dragged, over these obstacles. The noise I’d expect from these things is not *zoom* but the same clatter accentuated by swearing, either by the owner or everyone nearby.
Incidentally, self-driving luggage would be a giant finger to other pople. It takes exactly zero specialist expertise to realise that an unfamiliar, unpredictable box is going to make everyone around it very nervous, to say the least. So had the designer given half a thought to human factors, as is their job, they’d have said no and gone home.
Having your luggage run into somone is also a great way to a) have someone smash it to pieces, b) have someone smash you to pieces, c) a giant lawsuit or d) the lot. In any case people wouldn’t rely on the unidentified rolling object to smartly drive around them. They’d jump out of the way or kick the damn thing over. (I can just see one of those boxes seriously hurting a small child who can do neither)
In short, it’s an awful idea even before the former secruity dweeb starts thinking of ways to weaponise it.
And no, I wasn’t thinking of Luggage until you brought it up. Luggage is better than that. Even Luggage, I should say, as it is itself is a flawed model. The discworld’s counter-weight continent is full of well-behaved luggages which (who?) don’t eat people or create chaos and destruction wherever they go. Well, some might not consider those things flaws.
I don’t know how we got to a point where pulling our luggage behind us on wheels got to be too arduous, though I wonder if this could fulfill a need for people with different physical needs. That doesn’t do anything about all the problems you’ve already laid out though.
I remember when luggage didn’t have wheels.
Marcus Ranum: … Security: “What’s in the anvil?”
Me: “More anvil.” …
LOL.
I can picture that bit.
I can also picture spending an extra six hours in security because the security guy lacks a sense of humor.
Totally worth it.
Personally, I wouldn’t like the idea of my luggage being behind me, because when out of sight stuff becomes easier to lose. Besides, thieves love to just pick up unattended bags. This is why travelers are advised not to take so many bags that they can no longer keep track of them.
Never mind that I’d simply be nervous with my bag following me from behind. I’d feel the urge to constantly look back at it to confirm that nothing bad has happened with my luggage.
I love travelling. Getting through airports might not be my favorite thing about travelling, but I’d still be in a good mood while looking forward to an exciting trip.
Now I’m super curious. Could you send me that photo to my e-mail?
Any chances you will be in Europe? It was fun for me to hang out with you last time you were in Europe.
Actually I didn’t think of the Luggage. I immediately thought of Red Dwarf, specifically…
https://youtu.be/K8KxyPmZluM
I don’t even like “dumb” luggage with wheels.
I know there are a lot of people who benefit from wheeled luggage, and I don’t want to disparage them, but personally I really like just using a backpack. Stairs, curbs, and uneven terrain are no issue, and I have both hands free.
And, since California passed the law requiring a charge for disposable bags, I get a lot less hassle from security guards at grocery stores.
As to airport security theater and anvils, I’m betting they would require it to get checked. I can’t remember the specifics, but I vaguely remember some stories about some geologists or something, and security having issues with their rock samples, because they were a “dangerous item”
Whilst this is a terrible idea for a number of reasons, you should be aware that much of the world still refuses to suffer under the insanity of American (and to a somewhat lesser extent, British) airport “security”.
I wonder how it tethers to follow you, and how hard that is to spoof to hijack them? Probably Bluetooth
Anvil? How much will you actually be able to fit in it?
dangerousbeans@#10:
I wonder how it tethers to follow you, and how hard that is to spoof to hijack them? Probably Bluetooth
Maybe. Maybe they put a WiFi hotspot in it, too, so you can just attach to that via WPA2 and have a “secure” connection. (and it’ll be another hotspot you can name “I have a bomb” so it shows up in the WiFi selection lists of everyone at the airport)
Andreas Avester@#6:
Now I’m super curious. Could you send me that photo to my e-mail?
Check your inbox. Please shred the pixels when you are done. ;)
I don’t know if I am ever going to Europe again. I may try to go to Paris for the food and museums but I’m not sure if I want to deal with the security theater any more.
lochaber@#8:
As to airport security theater and anvils, I’m betting they would require it to get checked. I can’t remember the specifics, but I vaguely remember some stories about some geologists or something, and security having issues with their rock samples, because they were a “dangerous item”
They are! If you drop an anvil on your toe, it is nowhere near as funny as it is when Wile E. Coyote does it.
Perhaps transatlantic cruise might be an option. I don’t recall any high-profile incidents involving cruise ships and bombs, so maybe terrorists haven’t figured out yet how to hijack and/or sink one of those with items that fit in one’s (non-magical) luggage. Of course I can’t think of something more dreadful than spending days to get somewhere. Transit time is wasted time no matter how you dress it up. Not that a crowded deluxe tin can sounds particularly appealing in any case.
Re: Anvils
A carry-on anvil could probably be used to break down the cockpit door before threatening the pilot. This may require a particularly muscular hijacker but still is not impossible. (Cue “random” bodybuilder profiling at airports) Maybe an anvils-forbidden logo should be added to the information flyers / posters / stickers at check-ins and security checkpoints. It must be upsetting having to throw away a perfectly good anvil just because you’ve already checked your suitcase.
komarov @#15
Not using bombs, but at least one cruise ship has been hijacked, the Achille Lauro – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Achille_Lauro_hijacking The aftermath included American war planes intercepting a civilian Egyptian plane and forcibly diverting it to Italy, which was illegal and never apologgised for.