Over in the UK Boris Johnson, the man strongly favored to win the contest for the Conservative party leadership and thus take over from Theresa May as prime minister, has found himself in an awkward situation when neighbors called the police because they heard angry words and loud noises from the apartment where his girlfriend was living. Johnson is apparently estranged from his wife and was staying with her. The police came and then left without taking any action after being reassured that everything was fine.
But Johnson has refused to answer questions about what happened and his efforts to deflect attention have been risible. Johnson’s supporters have been irate at what they feel is excessive media attention to Johnson’s private life and have been angrily attacking the neighbors for releasing the news to the media. But Gaby Hinsliff and Lewis Goodall say that these critics would have been singing a different tune if the person involved had been a woman or a working class politician.
Yep. See also; if a twice divorced woman with a boyfriend half her age & kids by several different men ran for leader we’d literally never hear of anything else https://t.co/SggGMnhObe
— Gaby Hinsliff (@gabyhinsliff) June 24, 2019
In this and other ways, Johnson is a lot like Donald Trump. Johnson had an affair with his second wife while still married to the first and then had an out-of-wedlock child with another woman while married to his second wife. As for Trump, just this week yet another woman came forward with a serious sexual assault allegation against him and already it seems to be disappearing from the news cycle, likely because even if people think the charge is true, they have resigned themselves to the fact that it will have no effect.
No wonder Trump and Johnson form a mutual admiration society. Because they are both wealthy white men from highly privileged backgrounds, events that would have been career ending for anyone else are shrugged off as peccadilloes, mere bumps in the road that will soon be forgotten. They are part of a very exclusive cub that plays by very different rules from the rest of us.
I remember early in 2016 US presidential campaign a couple of talking heads laughing at Trump’s chances and going on to say something to the effect of “Just think of Trump as president and Boris as P.M.” .
So what? Other people’s sex lives are none of our business. As long as everybody is adult and consenting, they are free to do whatever the hell they want.
Personally, I have a strong preference for open relationships. I have no intention of ever getting married, because the idea of making a promise of lifelong monogamy seems just silly in my opinion. I rather not give a promise that I probably won’t want to keep after a few years. Moreover, the idea of somebody else being able to control what I can or cannot do with my body seems repulsive to me. Same goes for my finances—nobody else is going to have a say about those.
Nonetheless, I know some happily married couples who have agreed to treat their marriage as an open relationship where both spouses have a right to pursue sex with other people. There are people who can make it work.
I think everybody ought to be free to do with their sex organs whatever they want as long as it’s a mutual agreement between consenting adults. I only oppose lying. If some politician lies to his wife about an affair, that’s a problem. It would be better for everybody involved to be informed and in agreement about the rules of their relationship.
Still, when some politician gets caught with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, we, the public, cannot know what their spouse is thinking about the whole thing. Maybe the spouse is informed about what’s going on and has agreed with it. Who knows? More importantly, even if the spouse is unhappy with the situation, it’s still none of our business. It’s a private matter between both spouses; it’s up to them to decide whether to get a divorce and how to proceed with their relationship. It’s nobody else’s business and we, the public, shouldn’t get involved.
Ultimately, some person’s love life in no way influences whether they are capable of doing some job. Their employers or the public in case of politicians shouldn’t even ask questions about some person’s sex life. It’s none of our business.
I’m really sick of all the scandals about some politician’s or celebrity’s sex life. I don’t care. I don’t even want to know. It doesn’t concern me.
I would get annoyed only if said politician was a hypocrite and publicly talked about the virtue of heterosexual marriage while secretly having same sex affairs or hiring gay sex workers.
If you are happily married and have been having sex with only one person for years, that’s great, as long as you are happy, you are welcome to choose a lifelong monogamous relationship. I’m not criticizing this choice, and I know that many people are truly happy in such relationships. But you don’t get a right to enforce your relationship model upon the rest of the society. You don’t get to tell me that my choice to have open relationships with several people is somehow worse or inferior.
@2. Andreas
In principle I agree that the private lives of people are just that-private. The problem is that, at least in US politics, it is not uncommon for conservative politicians to run on a so-called “family values” platform that ridicules sex outside of monogamous marriage, seeks to abolish abortion, limit access to family planning and all the rest; and then said politicians get caught cheating on their spouses, attempting to force a mistress to get an abortion, etc. When that sort of hypocrisy happens, I believe their private affairs become fair game for critique.
jimf@#3:
The problem is that, at least in US politics, it is not uncommon for conservative politicians to run on a so-called “family values” platform that ridicules sex outside of monogamous marriage, seeks to abolish abortion, limit access to family planning and all the rest
There’s the hypocrisy to attack. It ought to be impossible (especially post-Trump) to claim to have any values at all, other than power.
jimf @#3
I agree with your point and that’s exactly why I wrote:
I should have expanded this point also with the kind of examples you mentioned, like talking about family values and opposing abortion while secretly engaging in the behaviors that the politician publicly condemns.
In such situations a politician shouldn’t be criticized for having extramarital sex. As long as it’s between consenting adults, there’s no problem with sex or babies born out of wedlock. The problem in such cases is the hypocrisy and lying.
I’m lucky that where I live “family values” and “let’s ban abortions” aren’t so common in election campaigns.
Still, I do get the impression that all politicians’ sex lives are publicly scrutinized even when said politician never campaigned about “family values.” That’s wrong.
Besides, casual sex is great, same goes also for open relationships. The society should just stop trying to enforce monogamy upon everybody. Monogamy may work well for some couples, but it is ill suited for a significant portion of people who just prefer more diversity in their sex lives.
@Andreas
The society should just stop trying to enforce monogamy upon everybody. Monogamy may work well for some couples, but it is ill suited for a significant portion of people who just prefer more diversity in their sex lives.
To me monogamy, and marriage, are all about providing stability for children. I don’t see the point in either if you don’t want kids; conversely, to me the whole point of marriage is making a commitment to keeping together for the children’s sake. And if you’re not up to making that commitment then perhaps being a parent isn’t for you.
I’m not saying solo-parenthood is unethical, just much harder, because there’s no avoiding having to split your time between earning a living and being attentive to the children. Couplehood, however you slice the roles, avoids that dilemma.
Does that then mean the more parents the better? Theoretically if social relationships were more stable, but even a lasting marriage of two sometimes seems to be a stretch. My guess is the more adults in a relationship, the less stable it would be, so couplehood seems preferable. Admittedly I don’t know anyone in other situations.
I kind of wish I had another person around full time in case I have a stroke, now that I am older. I think I’d be likely to die if that happens