I have suspected for some time that Jesus was not really that into presidential politics. The candidates who are his most fervent and vocal admirers never seem to get very far despite being specifically asked by Jesus to run. After going AWOL during the Iowa caucuses and not giving Michele Bachmann the miracle win he had promised her but leaving her in last place, Jesus also dumped Rick Santorum into fifth place yesterday in New Hampshire. Meanwhile Rick Perry came in fifth in Iowa and last yesterday.
But you can always depend on Jesus when it comes to his one true love, sports, and last weekend he unambiguously played a big role in giving Denver quarterback Tim Tebow a huge win over the Steelers on Sunday.
How do I know that it was Jesus behind that? The head of a Denver Broncos fan site spoke on part 2 of the radio program As It Happens about all the telltale signs that god was actively involved.
He said there was a strange cloud formation in the shape of a halo over the stadium during the game that suggests that Jesus was actually present, in person.
Furthermore Tebow passed for exactly 316 yards and his yards per completion was 31.6. You know what else has that sequence of digits? John 3:16, the one and only biblical verse that many Christians can recite. Tebow would sometimes write that verse number on his eye black and although he did not do so last Sunday, that game was played three years to the day after the first time he did that.
The fan actually missed some other signs. Tebow 10 completed passes, exactly the same number as the commandments god gave to Moses. He had three touchdowns (two passing, one rushing), which of course symbolizes that each member of the Trinity took turns to help with them.
That wealth of evidence is good enough for me. Jesus is back, baby!
I think they should expand their repertoire, and frequently encourage them to learn Matthew 6:5-6.
Heh, that 316 thing is a bit of a striking coincidence, so I guess I’m not surprised that those who are so inclined are reading into it like that. Especially since Tebow’s been averaging about 100 yards passing per game, so him having a big game like that is an anomaly to begin with.
I think one of the best parts of being humans is that are lives are so infused with significance that apparent synchronicities like this happen all the time. Of course it is nothing more than coincidence… but we are so good at spotting patterns, and we attach so much rich meaning to so many different symbols, that if we’re paying attention then we are going to see coincidences like this everywhere. It’s rather beautiful (except when people take it too seriously, of course)
I’m always struck by how amateurish people believe their god to be.
He’s the omnipotent Creator of the Universe, and all he can manage is to tweak Tebow’s performance so that one of his stats corresponds to the number of a well-known Bible verse.
All he can do is produce a cloud of dubiously suggestive shape.
It’s rather conspicuous (and suspicious) that he never does anything truly impressive. For some reason, Jesus is never seen to descend from heaven to anoint Tebow with oil after a touch down. Angels are never seen to appear in the sky singing his praises. And the clouds don’t even form in the shape of his name, which you’d think is the least they could do.
Believers should face it -- their god wouldn’t stand out in a crowd of children’s party magicians.
Shame about all the kids who starved to death while Jesus was busy rigging the football game, but hey, omelets, eggs…
Doesn’t Jesus involvement in a sporting event play dangerously close to interfering with free will? Isn’t that cheating?
Hmmm. 31.6? Shouldn’t that mean we should look at a random Bible verse that is 31:6, not 3:16? The number of books with a verse 31:6 is about 12. If they chose a random verse that was 31:6, it would not only be more consistent with the “sign” they are supposedly basing their leaping to conclusion on, but the odds would be greater that the verse they chose was actually the one that Numerology Jesus wanted. Because the number of books with a verse 3:16 is about 44, nearly every book in the Bible. Whoops.
Well, that’s just perfect. Jesus is back and he’s a fan of football? And here I am, an atheist and I hate football.
Doesn’t it just figure? Come Rapture-time, I’m screwed.
Tebow would be awfully surprised if the ref would call out Jesus for interference and dock Tebow’s team ten yards…
Tim and Team seem like poor sportsmenn to me. Instead of enlisting time and effort from Jesus to help him win, why didn’t he pray something like this,
“Jesus, even though I know I can’t win this silly game on my own and I need your help, why don’t you feed some hungry people or stop a war or help someone wrongly imprisoned. After all this win will only affect a few rich people and maybe make some armchair quarterback feel better for a few more beers. I’ll win or lose on the merits and efforts of me and my team.”
That would be the Christian thing to do wouldn’t it?
Jack
I am afraid that you are breaking the rules for discussions about religion. You are NOT supposed to start with the evidence and then see what can be inferred from it. You are supposed to start with the conclusion and then find something that looks like evidence for it.
I’m not sure why Jesus loves Tim Tebow more than Troy Polamalu (Steelers safety). Polamalu crosses himself after every play, while Tebow only “Tebows” a few times per game.
I would never recommend the Bible as a good source of ethical guidance, but among those who supposedly accept it as such, Mat 6:5-6 seems to be easily forgotten.
Excellent reposte! 🙂
Isn’t it interesting how God loves American football, but hates African babies by not feeding them? A bit racist of the Old Boy now, isn’t it?
Mano, I love the posts. Keep ’em coming. I’d like to see the referee call 3 penalties in a row on a number 16 on Tebow’s team, and then claim that Jesus told him to do so as a sign.