Motivation for vegetarians

All right, jokers, first I was horrified, and then as I read that read sidebar, I realized this had to be a joke. I’m in Minnesota, though, home of spam, so it was reasonable to think this kind of processed meat product was a possibility.

It’s a relief to realize this is fake, but it really is a good photoshop job, and I had to wonder if maybe there was a grain of truth here, so I had to google “boned rolled pig” and … DEAR GOD, NO. THE REALITY IS FAR WORSE.

Do not read anything below the fold, if you fear the horrors that will haunt your dreams.

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Colonoscopy complete. A bit of a letdown, but I’m probably going to live

It was highly anti-climactic.I went in, laid down on a hospital bed, nearly fell asleep while they were doing the prep work, and then once the drugs hit, I was out cold for the entire procedure. They apparently zapped a couple of polyps, and that was it. Now I’m home. Still feeling wobbly and woozy, and making typos all over the place, so I should stop here.

I get to go back through it in a few years, but yeah, not such a big deal. It kind of disrupted a day, but +1, will let a doctor stuff things up my butt again.

Colonoscopy phase II: Completed!

I did it. I drank all 4 liters in 4 hours.The cat was clearly hoping to gnaw on my dying flesh, but all she got was a couple of dead soldiers.

I have to say…it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. God help me, I was even beginning to sort of half-like the flavor by the end, and was a little disappointed. There were all these warnings about how I might feel nauseous and it’s OK if I took a break…but it was relatively easy, didn’t even feel a twinge. Also, a bonus: I haven’t eaten in 24 hours now, but I’m so full of fluid that I’m not hungry in the slightest.

The worst part was just the volume. I slosh when I walk now.

The next step is to just get through the night. I’m supposed to drink another liter of water after midnight and before 6am, to be hydrated for the procedure.

Colonoscopy, Phase II: The nasty stuff

OK, I’ve begun guzzling down this solution.

(Note: evil cat lurking on windowsill, waiting for me to show a moment of weakness.)

I’m following some commenters’ suggestions — I made it up warm, to go into solution, chilled it, and am sucking it down with a straw. It’s not too bad so far. I wouldn’t drink this stuff by choice, as it’s mainly just thick and salty and flavorless, but I’m feeling like it’s doable right now. Of course, I’ve just started, and I have 4 liters to go.

I’ll post proof that I’ve finished it, if and when I finish it.

It begins: colonoscopy time!

Four tiny little pills.

That’s bisacodyl, trade name Dulcolax. I just took them. My colonoscopy prep begins…NOW.

I’m also on a 24 hour fast, which shouldn’t be intolerable, since I’ve got padding to spare. Then this afternoon I’m supposed to guzzle down an awful lot of this stuff called NuLYTELY, which is basically just polyethylene glycol + salt, which doesn’t sound good.

I optimistically think I’ll be able to finish up my grading while doing all of this. Right? No problem? Reassure me!

Then bright and early tomorrow morning I get some good drugs, an anal probe, and a surprise. Will it be a good surprise, like a new kitchen set and an all-expenses paid vacation for two in Cabo? Or will it be a goat? It’s like “Let’s Make A Deal” in my colon!

ContraPoints does it again

This is a phenomenal deconstruction of the incoherence of Jordan Peterson — I do wonder if some of her sarcasm is going to sail right over the heads of the people she’s criticizing, though. This thing is full of post-modern neo-Marxist dogwhistles (oops, I just did it, too.)

Also, even though she strongly criticizes academia, I know very few people who are as entertainingly soaking in academic culture as ContraPoints. A lot of what makes her so informative is the constructive tension in her arguments.

Do they also ban diet Coke?

The organization run by our coke-guzzling president has just banned Irn-Bru from their golf courses in Scotland, because, they say, it stains the carpets. It’s a lie. I’m pretty sure that it’s because its iron content — I understand it’s made by dissolving an entire medieval claymore into each bottle — makes the Scots unstoppable in any athletic competition, and we all know how much Trump hates to lose.

(I have drunk the stuff, and it’s OK — it’s got a distinctive and vaguely medicinal flavor. I recommend sticking to the whisky. It’s the top selling soft drink in Scotland, though, so this is kind of a rude order.)

I haven’t ever fantasized about this

Good morning! I know you all love to wake up to stories about exotic sexual fetishes, so here you go.

The idea is to replicate the act of being impregnated with eggs. Usually from an alien or insect. If you’ve seen the Aliens movies, you’ll get the picture. Many people find this sort of thing very arousing. The toys are simply phallic-shaped hollow tubes that can be used to insert gelatin eggs into oneself. There is a funnel-shaped hole in the bottom to receive the eggs, which are inserted one by one, forcing them up the tube and out the top.

There’s a video so you can see how it works.

OK, being injected with parasites isn’t one of my turn-ons, but hey, if that’s your thing, now you know where to go.

However, I’m concerned by the maker’s cavalier attitude towards infection.

We are not doctors, and we’re not about to comment on what is safe or unsafe to do to one’s body as it varies from person to person. I can say that I have used them many times without hurting myself, but frankly it is up to the person using it to know their own limits. For instance, if you are allergic to gelatin. If made properly, the eggs are firm, but rubbery, similar to the consistency of gummy bears. They dissolve with body heat rather quickly.

I have made gelatin plates many, many times, and while they’re nice and cushiony for embryos, they are also pure protein and a delicious medium for growing bacteria and fungi. Mmmm, carbon and nitrogen in an easily digestible form. Talk to a microbiologist — there ought to be serious concerns about the sterility of that lovely growth medium you’re stuffing up your whereevers.