Apple gets it exactly right

Always on the cutting edge, Apple has announced a bio-organic laptop.

Cook presented the bizarre, malformed new product to stunned silence during a media event at Apple headquarters, revealing a device that, while vaguely similar to a computer in certain respects, appeared to be encased in a thick, flesh-like coating that was visibly moist and engorged.

"Oh, my sweet God," Apple employee Kurt Starfeldt said after viewing the MacBook up close. "It appeared to be discharging some sort of mucus-type substance from the headphone jack and making these weird murmuring sounds. And then it started quivering at one point when Tim was demonstrating how to use the touch pad. It was quite upsetting, actually."

The photos reveal that it is definitely squamous. I want one. I want two so I can breed them.

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Who watched the Academy Awards? Who cared?

I saw Birdman a while back. I didn’t actually like it very much, but I respected it — it’s a movie about actors acting about acting, and they acted the hell out of it. I was totally unsurprised that it won a bunch of Oscars last night, because the people voting on it were all in the acting business, and rightly enough, they all voted for the well-acted movie that was about them.

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A fabulous smackdown of O’Reilly

Brian Williams got smacked around hard for his confabulation of events, in which he placed himself in a helicopter that was shot at by insurgents (he wasn’t — it was a different helicopter in a group he was flying with). But he at least acknowledged that he was wrong.

Now Bill O’Reilly has been caught in a similar exaggeration. Do you think he backed down? Oh hell no..

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