This morning, I was holed up in the local hospital getting some routine tests done. I’m getting old, I get aches and pains, so every once in a while I have to go in and get inspected detected injected and selected, just because. If anything unusual is going on in my body, I go in to find out if it’s anything to worry about. The latest unusual thing is that for the last several years I often get arthritic flare-ups in my ankles and knees, but this year, to my surprise, my joint pains are gone. Just completely ache-free. I go for walks and my limbs are moving smoothly with hardly a glitch. This is not right, I am not at all used to this. Maybe my legs have died and are twitching zombie-like with no feeling?
I gave the doctor a small bucket of my blood and they measured all kinds of stuff, and to further my surprise, I am 100% grade-A normal, every indicator smack in the middle of the range. I have no excuses anymore. I am weirdly healthy.
We checked Vitamin D (because Minnesota) and Vitamin B12 (because Vegetarian) and again, boringly average and perfectly normal. My blood pressure is 120/70, like it’s supposed to be.
Oh, one enlightening exception: my %monocytes and %eosinophils were both absurdly high, but the doctor deflated my excitement by telling me that right now, that’s also entirely normal — those cell types are indicators of viral infections, and we’re still seeing symptoms of a recent pandemic. I guess if you’ve been exposed to some mystery virus in the last 4 years, you’re likely to have the proportions of those immune cells elevated.
Just to be sure, I also got my COVID and flu vaccines.
I am not accustomed to this degree of normality. I am not used to this at all. It might mean I’m about to die mysteriously.
“go in and get inspected detected injected and selected”
Excellent Thanksgiving reference.
I finally went to an orthopedist to have the crunchy (and painful) knuckle on my finger looked at. Aside from a normal amount of arthritis for my age, they diagnosed a trigger finger. They gave me a very uncomfortable injection and it aches for a few days, but today I noticed that it’s now more or less in line with the rest of my fingers comfort-wise. I wish I’d gone sooner. Hope it lasts.
At least you weren’t subjected, rejected, and dejected. (One could go on with this.)
A “trigger finger”? Are you a hit man in your spare time?
PZ isn’t your wording: ‘inspected detected injected and selected’ from Arlo’s Alice’s Restaurant?
Also, I’m glad you are ‘within established parameters’ and doing well, but we don’t use the word ‘normal’ anymore, there is no such thing in this society.
Also, a thanksgiving reference: congress is in recess until after thanksgiving because all those turkeys are in hiding.
Congratz! I’m slated to have my gallbladder removed in the next few weeks. Bah humbug!
PZ Myers @ #4 – A part-time hit man with an itchy trigger finger. There could be a movie script in that.
Had my trigger finger operated on about 8 years ago, the finger has been normal since the surgery, can’t even see the scar without a magnifying glass. Also suffer (big time) from OA and RA, yes, the good lord blessed me with both forms of arthritis. This year I started on a mild to moderate immunosuppressive for the RA and have had some moderate relief. Over the years I have had great results from steroid injections, both shoulders, base of both thumbs, both knees and multiple injections in my feet. Hips starting to become a concern and may be headed for more injections. The Orthopod has told me knee replacements are in my future due the bone on bone in both knees. The good news is my labs are within normal range.
Make the most of it my friend, make the most of it!
@pz #4
Trigger finger is essentially a swollen ligament that works the finger (don’t know the anatomical names) that causes it to catch in certain positions or severely reduce range of motion. In my case the middle joint would catch or grind sending shooting pain up my hand. After the injection, that joint is as normal as the rest of them
In preparation for the coming of the antivax regime I got myself some extra doses. I recommend (as a fellow citizen, not medical advice) to all US readers here (unless they have a known counter-indication) to get the MMR vaccine (even if they got it sometimes in the distant past), and make sure your Tdap vaccine is up to date. Even if he doesn’t ban them, just propagandizing against them is going to reduce vaccination rates in the population, and that will lead to outbreaks.
I also got the pneumococcal vaccine, because I read an article saying it was shown to be beneficial for all those aged 50 and above.