Oh, joy. It’s a proof-of-god email.
I have proof that there is a God. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. I think you are a good person who is confused. I worry for your salvation. I think the fact that as humans we share the same biology proves there’s a God. Think about it, there are racist, sexist and bigots, all who miss this point. But to God he gave us the same biology.
There is a saying “you think your shit don’t stink?” But to God everyones shit stinks. Which is the point, that were all equal in his eyes. That’s why he made humans shit and he added humor by making shit stink.
I call this your shit stinks theory proof of God. If there was no God than the queen of England wouldn’t shit. People of high status wouldn’t shit, and they would be categorically better that the rest of the shitters. Yet god made all living things shit for the most part. This is the clue he gave us of his existence. Yet people keep missing this part. If your Indian you shit, if your white you shit, if you’re an attractive woman you shit, if you’re a conservative you shit and if you’re a billionaire you shit. No matter what class of person you are your shit stink.
This can’t be a coincidence. Theologians are to polite to say this. It’s not politically correct. I know this is proof of God. I think once you think about this you will see the light Mr Myers and give yourself to Jesus. Please let me know if you convert to Christianity as a result of this proof.
I didn’t.
Alternative observation: plants don’t shit. Therefore, all the flowers are independent, godless, evolved entities.
Alternative explanation: shitting is a consequence of having a digestive tract, that is, being a particular kind of heterotroph, and the production of waste material is a necessary consequence of inefficiencies in the digestion of consumed material. We are all descendants of creatures with digestive tracts, which sufficiently explains the shared attribute without invoking supernatural entities.
Further observation: this approach will not work on the kind of person who will consider your joke seriously and dissect it dispassionately. Especially not on a day on which he is kind of grouchy.
Which is every day.
Someone’s winding you up there, PZ. No one could be that feckin’ stupid. Oh wait, there are Trump supporters.
I’m convinced. This, along with most of the events of 2016, makes for some solid proof of the existence of a Trickster god.
I now await the debates among theologians for which Trickster god is in control of our universe. Is it Loki? Coyote? Anansi? Eris? Satan? Mxyzptlk? We’ve identified the species of god, now it’s time to figure out the individual in charge.
It’s clearly Sterquilinus.
Shiiit. I had it sdrawkcab. I thought shit was proof of god nonexistence. If god exists, the Queen would not shit, given divine right of king. Shit would be punishment for plebes, being sinners.
Gosh me so wrong. Why me see this proof so late?
Proof of god. QED
he want to stay behind the curtain, secretly controlling everything as a “mystery”
This email is a godsend /s
For those contemplating reincarnation, a good argument against coming back as a cnidarian is the lack of an anus. Once we got triploabastic metazoans, we got a gut and assembly line processing of food with the waste going out the other end. Big advantage! So presumably jellyfish are godless.
Holy shit!
OK, this grammatical error really bugs me. The grammatically correct (but still factually incorrect) statement is “I have proof that there is a god.” You only capitalize the G when referring to the biblical god (or similar) because in that case it’s a proper noun— “God” is his name.
There’s plenty of bigots but only one racist and sexist? That’s as hard to believe as your proof of gods.
Dude, seriously?
ARGH!
That’s mechanics, not grammar.
I’ve read worse.
“Further observation: this approach will not work on the kind of person who will consider your joke seriously and dissect it dispassionately. Especially not on a day on which he is kind of grouchy.:
Well aren’t you little Miss Sunshine!
So… the Scatological Humor Argument, huh?
Well, I have always thought that ass hair was proof that there is no god.
So… CHECKMATE, THEISTS !!
Church lady says: “How conveeeenient. ”
In this universe: Shit stinks. Therefore god.
In alternate universe: Shit mildly odiferous. Like strong cheese. Therefore god.
In another universe: Hey, this shit smells pretty good. Therefore god.
Church lady punch-line: “Can we say… confirmation bias???
Incorrect, sure, start to finish. But not “politically” correct? I take it that term now just means “avoiding things I know sensible people would never say”?
funny (not) how this seems to coincide with the Pope talking about shit. Though he used the more highfalutin, elitist, term, “excrement”. The conspiracy side of my brain (yes you exist stop talking at me) says the Pope’s dis at ‘fake news’ inspired this ‘enlightened one’ to share his ‘grace’ with the godless liberul perfesser.
Would be nice shit if he shared with us more of his enlightenment, about what is so godly about shit. Why does it make us sick to keep around? Cow and Horse poo fertilizes, okay, but human poo don’t work that way. One word: cholera.
Oh, I get it. God made us shit as our task, something to do to stay helthy [sic] and not keep God distracted from his holy work by having to always come heal the sick. sheeesh. we too small to see god’s plan fully. *bows with arms extended*
—————————————————————-
shit where’s my coffee (bitter fluid) *sip*
Typical shitty thinking from a godbot. Explained by science, with no need for their imaginary deity. What a useless phantasm.
Holy Cracker; avoiding homographs is apparently extremely hard.
If we’re going to be lazy, let’s at least dial it up to 9:
Testing, my most recent post has vanished into phantom zone. testing testing, anybody there…
gee @16 worked, calling phantom zone, please return my post you ate.
This argument is not even all that original. Many puritan theologians (including Cotton Mather) urged their flock to contemplate God while straining stool, as the stench would put them into the proper frame of humility. Xtianity–the shitty religion.
I’ll be adding this to my short list of The Dumbest Religious Arguments I’ve Ever Heard.
Some other honorable mentions:
“God is love. Love exists. Therefore God exists.”
“Jesus rose from the dead, therefore God exists.”
‘You cannot imagine something as grand as God if He does not exist, therefore God exists.’ (paraphrased)
‘The Quran’s prose is such a unique style it could not possibly have been written by humans.’ (paraphrased)
‘Natural disasters only kill people who make bad decisions’ (a response to difficulties in the design argument).
while waiting for phantom zone, I’ll try reposting a slightly edited version of the one phantom zone ate:
So Shit is proof that A God exists. eh? More than one, eh. What about THE God? You know, Yahweh.
Did you figure out what God intended us to do with all this shit lying around? How ’bout when that shit coalesces into our President elect. I guess I knew this before I knew it by trying to rename him POS-elect. *pat myself on back*
Still aside from that instance of pseudo-sentient shit, my first guess is God would make our shit edible, to provide for those who need their food pre-digested.
shit this rat-hole is too full of shit to escape.
where’s that coffee again, *sips*
I had no idea that Everyone Poops had such deep theological implications.
I guess that’s why God made punctuation so hard for this godbot, as proof a gawd exists.
*gulp*, Gawd has a shitty sense of humor, if he thinks stink is a form of humor he added to shit. What, was shit odorless before this shitty god stuck his finger in it?
humorless me, I don;t get’s it. [to continue punctuation difficulties]
—
sure, godbot, tell us this was “just a joke, don;t you see?” To which, at least I’ll say “I get it, a pretty shitty joke” flush yourself.
“This can’t be a coincidence.” Ah, I think I see a flaw in his thinking.
Jake @ #7
He probably is referring to the Biblical god…I’m sure it’s “the one” rather than the other gods in the Bible. Of course, none of those Biblical gods are called “God,” having other names like YHWH, or El, or Elohim, or Yahweh Elohim, usd. Besides, “god” is Germanic, a language that would have been exceedingly rare in the ancient Levant.
Setting aside the ridiculousness of the “proof,” there is a common sentiment I see here that really bothers me:
If one is a good person who is merely confused, why would their salvation be in jeopardy? If their god is the sort to damn someone for being confused, I wouldn’t want to associate with them anyway. So saying that either means nothing, because there is no god, or (assuming they’re right) there is a God and he’s a shithead.
Jake @ 7 – I just assume the capital G is for the same reason they capitalize the pronouns when talking about the rage monster they worship.
As for poo, it’s funny because I’ve long considered that an argument against creationism and “intelligent design”. That we have to take in so much nourishment and so much of that is ejected as waste always seemed like poor design to me. If someone wants to believe a loving rage monster made them, at least ask why it didn’t do a better job.
His argument smells like shit.
An AD&D Paladin’s shit doesn’t stink.
@laurian #9:
I’ve shat better.
Stinky poop? Blame the Yo-Kai!
(Yōkai, as it says, are spirits/monsters/demons/ghosts. Interestingly, another term for those sorts of things in Japanese is “mononoke“, which puts an interesting spin on the Studio Ghibli film)
I’m deciding to read this email as argument for equality and ignore the god bits. Which means… I think I would like this person, we just shouldn’t talk about religion.
Very very difficult to argue against the Argument from Royal Defecation, at least in its modern, sophisticated form. I think it’s one of Plantinga’s go-tos.
haha, very funny.
It’s long been rumored that Dan Janzen wrote an article called “Why Shit Stinks” as a companion piece to this more publishable one.
Apparently not everyone shits. And this is jo joking matter, if not remedied the shit can back up until it reaches the skull.
I think you’re all missing the point. If there were no god, then how could he make shit stink? And we all know shit stinks (well, mine doesn’t). So there must be a god to have made it so.
Constipation will do that to you. Get ye to a church!
Shit ergo Jesus. This fellow is right up there with Descartes.
UN Declaration of Human Rights:
” Everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate for the health and well-being of himself and of his family, including food,”
If you have the right to eat, you have the right to shit. Therefore you have the duty to be a Christian. I’m convinced.
if taken in isolation maybe but all organisms that exist, exist with all other organisms together in the biosphere at the same time none are really totally independent instead it is a vast interdependent system there are many organisms that relish waste and see it as a rich resource of energy supplying compounds that they can use. Shit is only one part of the biosphere. I was really shown that when I “baby sat” a parrot for someone and besides the shit I was anticipating I was amazed by the amount of food scraps he managed to through so far from his perch which would make available the insides of things like Brazil nuts to all the organisms below had he been in a forest and not in my living room. waste feeding the forest below
I see no god in that
as for “if there were no god then the queen would not shit” that does not even make sense.
uncle frogy
They’ve obviously never spent time around horses.
“But to God everyones shit stinks.”
It is not for us to know how God perceives the world. With His divine eye (and nose) he sees (and smells) far more deeply than we can imagine. He loves all of His creation. Perhaps that’s why he made shit smell the way it does. Maybe He likes it that way. Glory be His Name.
Come on, let’s hand it to him, at least this is a different way of going about this.
Yep, it’s in the Bible (Matthew 15:17): “Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body?”
Can discussions about shit jump the shark?
When I had chemo for rectal cancer, and antibiotics for surgery, my intestinal and rectal flora were almost totally wiped out. So for several months afterwards, MY SHIT REALLY DID NOT STINK!!! It was unsettling.
handsomemrtoad #44
I think you win.
And lo, he made the dog in his own image!
Shit has an odour. It smells. It only stinks because we learned to feel disgust at the smell.
Watch a baby or toddler playing with his shit, smearing it on the walls, himself, his face. He’s happy. This is interesting stuff!
Then along comes a parent, making Ewwwwww! sounds, scolds or laughs according to hir style, and hurries to eradicate all signs of shit, to the accompaniment of more “Icks” and “Ewwws” and a disgusted face.
The kid learns. Mommy and Daddy are always right. (At least when you’re under 2.) Sometimes they even stand in for God.
“It’s clearly Sterquilinus.”
That god made his first public appearence in 2000 years in a pilot episode of Beavis and Butt-Head… approxmately the same time Trump started to become (in)famous. Coincidence?
Altough I would have figured Trump for a Priapus follower, considering his being a big putz.
— – — — — — — — — — —
What about parasitic organisms who -like parasitic plants, or vampire bats -ingest a liquid from the host.? Are they as godless/godly as the organisms that produce solid droppings?
@handsomemrtoad:
I guess that means you can throw the first stone? For Jeebus quoth:
“Let any one of you whose shit does not stink be the first to throw a stone at her.”
(Seriously, though, hope you’re better now.)
@38, unclefroggy:
I think the argument is supposed to be something along the lines of this:
1. Assume that it is completely given and completely unquestionable that the universe must have a hierarchy in which some people are Inherently and Innately Superior. This idea is sufficiently ingrained into religious belief that many apologists are unable to even understand the alternative, let alone see the evidence for it.
2. All humans that actually exist on the Earth have certain weaknesses, such as mortality and vulnerability to disease and the obligation to shit. This greatly limits the extent to which any human can be Inherently and Innately Superior to any other.
3. Therefore, as per (1), there must necessarily be another human somewhere in the universe who is Inherently and Innately Superior to all the real ones. Such a person would be called a god by most common definitions of the term.
Or in other words:
P1: God exists.
P2: The existence of shit proves that no human is God.
C: God exists.
Hey, it’s not any more circular than the “Bible proves God” argument they like to make.
Shit stinks because the our noses evolved to have receptors that match and detect the kinds of bacteria and bacteria-created compounds that can live in human beings.
And in turn the nerves attached to those receptors evolved tightly coupled connections to lower-brain functions that trigger the emotion we call disgust, which triggers an avoidant response.
That made our ancestors less likely to die of fecal transmitted infections.
So… no. Shit doesn’t stink as a big cosmic joke to some designer whose main goal is irony.
ironflange@41, see my #19. No, the argument isn’t even that original. The association between theology and defecation is an old one. Supposedly, Martin Luther developed some of his theology (e.g. the idea of predestination) in the throne. Cotton Mather felt that defecation placed one in the proper spirit of humility to receive the word of God. I wish I were making this up.
Marcoli
Then you have the practical applications — “Shit is just fertilizer. Put it to use.”
Two points:
1)
There is a saying, Icelandic in origin I believe, which states “Everyone likes the smell of their own fart”.
2)
Apart from the fact that she is the Queen of the United Kingdom (and bits of the Commonwealth) not just England, yes she does shit. I know this because I used to do some work for the Houses of Parliament here in the UK. One day I arrived to find a major kerfuffle going on. Someone had apparently used the toilet exclusively set aside for the use of Her Maj. should she be caught short whilst on the premises and hadn’t bothered to flush.
I feel Leviticus 23:12-13 might be an appropriate Bible verse to quote …..
But seriously, though. The question “Why does shit stink?” is an interesting one. And there is a very strong temptation to over-think it. Because the simplistic answer, “To keep you away from it” is actually perfectly adequate to explain it.
If you think back to a time before antibiotics, before even ordinary soap, you can see we’re all basically walking disease factories, kept in check only by our own immune systems. Take something that has recently been inside a human being away from the influence of the immune system that has been controlling the germs, and those germs are going to start breeding like crazy. Or stop that immune system working in place; and now you have a whole full human-sized colony of germs to start from.
There is enough of a survival advantage from not wanting to be around shit or dead bodies any longer than necessary, for any inheritable mechanism providing that functionality to have taken hold.