You may recall Ted Storck from his greatest hits here in Morris: he’s the guy who donated the chimes that annoyed everyone for years, who wrote bitter letters to the local newspaper when asked to turn them down, who complained when a vandal cut the wires (OK, that was wrong to do, but he also accused me of having done it), who, when the chimes were finally silenced by the city council, whined about how he should never do anything nice for the community, before stomping off to his retirement in Arizona.
I thought we were done with crotchety ol’ Ted — the chimes are gone, he’s moved away — but no! He’s taken to writing cranky letters to the local newspaper, about things that have annoyed him. And the paper is publishing them! Ah, Morris.
Last October[Note: he’s complaining about a meal 6 months ago], my sister took an out-of-town guest and me[Ted: you’re an out-of-towner now, too] to a restaurant in Morris. Two of us ordered the taco salad, only to discover it was the worse[“worse”? <twitch>] taco salad we had ever eaten or not eaten. The next day I called and told the male[Be precise. “Male Homo sapiens“] who answered the phone of our dissatisfaction. His response: “We have never had a complaint about our food.”[If accurate, that’s not a good response. Every restaurant gets complaints. You can have a place with 3 Michelin stars, there will be someone who dislikes it.]
Then about six weeks ago, there was an article in the paper here about how to keep customers happy; the writer pointed out he had gone to a new restaurant, and he was extremely unhappy with the meal. He wrote that his first thought was to leave, never return, and, of course, tell his friends how unhappy he was. Then he said, “I decided to tell the manager.” He said the manager took care of the problem and now he goes back three to four times a month. He said had he not said anything, and had the manager not made things right, the restaurant would have lost his business, plus others he would tell about his unhappiness.[“The Morris paper confirmed the importance of my complaint, therefore I will complain some more.”]
So, I sent this article to the Morris restaurant[Note timing: he writes to the restaurant 4½ months after his meal to complain], writing about my displeasure with the taco salads[It’s just been eating at him all these months. That bad taco salad! He lies awake at night, its badness gnawing at him.]. Well, no answer from them. So, you can be certain I’ll never climb those stairs to eat there again.
I learned when I owned radio stations[Yeah, Ted Storck is one of those people who polluted the American air waves with talk radio], you always kept the advertisers happy. That was so even if I felt there was not a problem. A happy customers returns. That is why my radio stations were so successful.[Because you pandered to advertisers, not listeners? OK.]
Businesses in Morris need to keep their customers happy. It appears that is not happening as Alexandria and other towns each week fill the Morris Sun Tribune with ads enticing folks to shop there.[What? That businesses in other towns advertise in the largest town in the county is a sign that Morris businesses are bad? This makes no sense.]
It didn’t use to be that way.[Why, in my day, everyone ignored Morris! Other communities shunned us! We didn’t need no foreign trade with Shelbyville!]
Take care of your customers, and they’ll take care of you.[But we know from our experience with the Storck Chimes that making Ted Storck happy makes everyone else miserable. Maybe the restaurant was making Morris residents happy by driving the Tedster away. I know I’m more likely to eat there, confident that bilious ol’ Ted won’t be there.]
The restaurant he’s whining about is our shiny new Mexican place, Mi Mexico, which is actually quite good and a happy addition to the dining choices in our small town. It’s tasty food, and a good choice if you’re passing through. There were complaints when it first opened — service was overwhelmed, because everyone in the county wanted to go there the first few weeks — but otherwise, it’s been great.
And now, suddenly, I have a strong craving to try their taco salad. I’ve never had it before, but I’ve heard it recommended.
Too bad it’s closed on Sundays. Maybe later this week…
Impressive that he got that construction right, given the rest of the slip-ups.
My, such a joyless person. One would think that his having religion would make him more supportive of his fellow man, rather than being an obnoxious creature, totally dedicated to spreading misery throughout one small town.
Maybe he needs a partner, so that he and the partner can reenact “Grumpy Old Men” and leave the community alone.
Nah, that fellow appears to be one who loves to share his misery with the world.
But.. but… you are at least fairly cranky, right? I thought that was why you ran this blog.
I’d like to know how much of the taco salad he consumed before he complained about it/returned it.
Is this one of those “I ate the entire pizza except for the last slice and now I’m going to complain to the waiter and hope for a discount” type deals?
Taco salad. I haven’t made that in ages, now I must have the taco salad. Off to root about in the kitchen.
I’m sure that somewhere, in the wilds of Arizona, Ted can find an adequate taco salad.
Nah, you are not nearly cranky enough to be shot! Besides, you can act out your crankiness through your creativity.
I recall that you suggested that if *this* guy thinks chimes are nice, and want to share them with the community, then *you* should be allowed to share Scandinavian lutefish with the community!
Later, I realised this is a perfect script for “Family Guy”!
The story practically writes itself: Peter and Brian are drunk, and listening to a heartwarming story on the radio about Ted Storck generously sharing the sound of chimes at Christmas. Peter gets so enthusiastic he decides to do the same to increase the happiness of the neighborhood, but with lutefish!
(Scene: Peter and Brian are welding a kind of air pressure gun on a flatbed truck)
(Nighttime scene: Peter and Brian sneak out to “borrow” a big crate of lutefish from their Swedish-Dutch neighbor Jorg van der Ploog)
(Aerial scene: flatbed truck zig-zagging drunkenly along the street while Peter and Brian fires lutefisk at terrified neighbors)
Peter: “HO! HO! HO!” (fires lutefisk gun)
(sound of window shattering)
(Womans’ voice screaming): “My God1 My husband is dead!”
Brian: “What was that?”
Peter: “She said something about God. Go on, we are on the right track!”
Taco salads are an abomination. Have a taco, or have a salad. Or have Tacos and a salad. But never put those two together ever again. The quality of the taco salad was never the issue, the existence was.
Taco salad in Arizona? But it might be served by brown people!
One thing you have to understand is that Mi Mexico is also part of a wave of new, non-Scandinavian/German people moving into this part of Minnesota, and some people are…uneasy. I’m pretty sure that whatever that restaurant served, Storck was looking for a reason to complain about how bad the food was, and an excuse to never ever go there again.
I think he’s more of a DeToy’s Family Restaurant kind of guy. (For those who don’t know Morris, it’s the local cheap, bland, generic American restaurant in town — the one the students avoid, that’s full of old people, and that we visited once and never again.)
PZ:
Yeah, that’s happening in Bismarck, too. Uneasy is one way to describe it. I have to say, it’s nice to see a dent in the sheer whitebread of ND.
Waydude:
Each to their own, dude. You can have my Indian Tacos after I’m dead. No fuckin’ way I’m giving them up. That’s like asking me to give up frybread.
Hey, come on. A “Letters to the Editor” page which publishes virtually anything it gets is one of the best things about small city/town newspapers. When I lived in Chicago I’d see only letters from Educated People and Important Organizations writing succinctly and knowledgeably about Significant Issues. Sheboygan Press? “Somebody stole my garden gnome that’s been on my porch for many years and here’s what I think about the kind of person who would do a thing like that.” It’s awesome.
You must be getting cranky.
To paraphrase Shakespeare, now is the letter of our malcontent.
Shouldn’t that be “… taco salad of malcontent”?
I think Now is the taco salad letter of our malcontent covers it.
Come to Winona. We have three Mexicam restaurants. To this former Texan one isn’t very good, one is pretty darn good, and the walk up/food truck based one is awesome.
This guy sounds like he needs a hug, or to be hit with a high pressure stream of taco salad, either one.
If I’m ever in Morris (unlikely) I would now have to stop at this restaurant to eat. and order a “taco salad of malcontent”* so my life would be made glorious summer by that son of Morris. Or something like that.
*thanks blf@12, that was brilliant!
Ray @ 15:
Oh, it would be utterly awesome if the restaurant in question framed Storck’s complaint, and changed the menu to read Taco Salad of Malcontent.
I hope the owner of the restaurant does the correct thing with Ted’s complaint and posts it on Not Always Right.
Speaking of Mexican salads, Ray’s full handle reminds me of a salad I rather suspect would not just leave this fruitcake(Storck, not Ray) not only malcontented, but positively Hamlet-like raving loopy: Chapulines.
I had some at the local Mexican restaurant — run by really nice young couple, and getting rave reviews — fried, served with slices of fresh lime and maize tortillas. I found it slightly “meh”, as I now recall, but I would have it again. (They haven’t served it since…)
“To eat thy bugs, or not, that is the question…”
So a taco salad is really a taco served on a plate and eaten with a fork.
Rather than served hand-held and eaten with a fork after it disintegrates and sprays shrapnel everywhere.
Blf @ 18:
I’ve had chapulines in Oaxaca, delicious.
Chigau @ 19:
Indian taco is a taco served on frybread. You can eat it however you want.
I got curious and looked up taco salad on Google. Many different recipes. Ted’s problem is that he expects it the same way it is served in his restaurant in AZ. One has to allow for local variations.
We have many small “Hispanic” restaurants here in Chiwaukee. The cuisine served ranges from Tex-Mex, with stops to the south all the way down to Columbia. The regional variations can be significant. Everybody has their favorites. Viva la variety.
Tacos only spray shrapnel if it’s the idiotic kind using those bent hard “tortillas”. Which are basically the “Mexican” equivalent of British Industrial Cheddar, albeit edible: Disgusting, a mockery of the real thing, and may contain peas.
Fresh tortillas are soft, much tastier, much much less salty, and notably shrapnel-less. And often are not folded in the absurd bent-U shape of the hardened kind, instead folded to form an envelope-ish shape, similar to a burrito, but lacking one fold so as to keep one end open. (Styles and preferences do, however, differ…)
Caine, Frybread-built tacos? Sounds fantastic…
I love frybread, but haven’t had it for so long there must have been a couple of intervening Ice Ages. Possibly also a Big Bang.
Every time I make bread, there is always a little bit that doesn’t make it into a loaf.
It does make it to the frying pan.
Whereupin it dissolves down through the frying pan, stove, floor, foundation, and into the very bowels of the Earth… the infamous “Chigau Syndrome”.
</snark>I’m really going to have to divert some of my dough to the frier.
Currently, the lot of it goes into a cheese and meat stuffed loaf.
Oh, no, blf.
My bread is Divine, it would rise unto heaven…
Wow, chigau! Mine only rises unto heathen.
I foresee a visit by the mildly deranged penguin in yer future…
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Actually, this whole discussion has me wondering if I can cook up some frybread without melting the Universe. I’m a notoriously bad baker — which I’ve always put down to a habit of treating recipes as guidelines, not instructions, and freely deviating from them — but, with one massively important exception, the recipes I’ve been browsing suggest it is fairly easy to make.
That exception? Frying. In litres (or so it seems!) of fat / lard / “vegetable oil” / stuff I never have at-hand ‘cuz I (with exceptions) loathe dry-frying. “It” always seems to taste of oil, frequently burnt oil, with “french fries” being a close relative of the pea in terms of disgustingness, albeit fries do actually have a taste.
Isn’t there a variation of frybread with is pan-fried? Sort-of like bacon is pan-fried, in not very much oil? That is what I recall…
My grandmother, from Tennessee, used to pan-fry corn bread (about 2-3 inches thick). Gave it hard crispy crust, and melt-in-your mouth interior. She had well seasoned cast iron fry pans that she used on the stove top. The whole fry pan was used (don’t over fill, half-way at most with wet batter). For the neophyte, flipping the bread half-way to crisp the crust on the other side could be problematic.
blf, recipes are indeed guides, few of my recipes are tightly controlled in any quantity of ingredient or spicing, within reason.
Bread: Flour, yeast, sugar (for the yeast), salt (to moderate yeast reproduction rate) and water. Texture depends upon what one is making, from a thick and sticky batter through a well formed loaf.
For frying, it’d have to be a well formed loaf, lest it dissolve into the oil.
I’m also known for deep frying in olive oil, which requires a low temperature to avoid reaching the smoke point.
Nerd, you can’t beat a well seasoned cast iron skillet. I have three and a dutch oven. :)
blf
Frying doesn’t need to be deep.
Enough oil to keep the dough from sticking is enough.
chigau et al., Yeah, as I hinted, my recollection of frybread — both as prepared by my family and also by our First Nations’s neighbours (from whom the family got the receipe) — was quite shallow frying. So the recipes I was reading which all(?) called for deep-frying were puzzling…
blf, any chance of sharing those First Nation recipes?
wzrd1, Very slim. It depends on whether-or-not I can now find the book of family recipes given to me as I was leaving for University. I haven’t seen in several Ice Ages, and suspect that, by now, it’s either fossilized or migrated to a saner part of the Universe.
My recollection of that actual recipe is also very very poor; it dates back to when I was a young child and furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were still trying to master this new-flanged thing called “DNA”. I did make it (with varying success) on occasion over the years, but the last time was so long ago fire had not yet been discovered (it was a real nuisance waiting for a helpful lightening bolt to cook your lunch) and my recollection of the details, et el., is extremely weak.
Mmmm, cast iron frypans. My mother ruined some perfectly good family heirloom recipes by switching to lighter and shinier pans. When I left home I found myself a couple of decent pans and bliss has returned to those recipes.
I remember those days, blf!
I was working on the great Earth dirt delivery project, so I am indeed older than dirt, but am younger than rocks.
We got our iron the good, old fashioned way – biting meteorites.
wzrd1#36. If your cable company gets the First Nations eXperience (FNX) (we get it from one of digital channels from WCCY PBS Chicago), there is show called Cooking With the Wolfman, who is a First Nations chef trained in French cuisine, who adapts the style to Native cooking ingredients. One season had aboriginal/European fusion cooking. His web site has some recipes.
Nerd, I’m on the site now. It’s making me hungry and I just ate! ;)
I don’t see that channel on my Suddenlink subscription, I’ll have to see if its available here.
Blf:
Oh yeah. Indian tacos are a serious thing, have been for years. Main staple food at wacipis (pow wow) everywhere. Frybread is always pan fried. If someone is deep frying something and calling it frybread, they are white.
You can try out some of the frybread recipes at Native Tech, but there are a fucktonne of frybread recipes out there. You gotta try a bunch, and figure out your fave. Something to watch out for – there should not be a hole in frybread. Steer clear of recipes that mention holes. There’s also Frybread 101: A Basic Recipe and Timeline.
You got yer iron from meteorites? You had it easy! Back in the day, we had to wait for the first stars to evolve and go nova just to collect a few atoms of the stuff.
Wzrd1#41, the Wolfman is also on the APTN (Aboriginal Peoples Television Network). He just started season 8, but the episode won’t play for me.
I’m going to take a guess and assume Mr. Complainer was vaccinated as a child, right Tommy Hall?
blf@18, “Chapulines”? Aren’t those, like, deep fried grasshoppers?
Caine@20,
Did you meet Griffin from “Jumper, Griffin’s story” there?
blf@18,
PZ used both of those last two words in my “handle” a while back in almost consecutive posts (as I recall) and in my twisted mind they just had to go together!
Ray@46, Spot on. Actually, the ones I had were not deep-fried, but that’s a quibble. And I suppose there are different methods of preparing them.
There used to be a restaurant called Mi Mexico down here (I’m sure unrelated to the MN one).
I wonder if this is why they closed.
Speaking of fry bread, here’s a thing you can do:
make a batch of pizza dough
cut it into smallish blobs
flour the blobs and flatten them (I use the side of a wine bottle, which requires first emptying the wine from it) (see what I did there?
wrap in plastic and put in freezer
I have a small stack in the freezer at any time
You can whip ’em into a frying pan and cook them right up when you need a bready thing. They make great breakfast stuffs: when they’re nearly done frying just dump some chopped tomatoes and a scrambled egg and some onions and cholula sauce or sun dried tomatoes olive oil or pesto. Whatever. Or you can heat the oven and bake them, your choice whether to let them rise a bit or just whack on the heat. I usually just whack on the heat, pull them out partway through, and top them with chopped garlic, olive oil, and black olive tapenade and cheese then finish baking them.
PS – you can fill ’em with mushrooms and cheese and garlic and shrimp and fold ’em over, baste the upper side with olive oil, and bake. INstacalzone!
Chigau at #34: Frying doesn’t need to be deep
I can’t recall if it was Muddy Waters said that, or William Blake.
Maybe it was Ray Wylie Hubbard.
Sili @#1:
It should have been “It didn’t used to be that way,” actually. Even if he’d gotten it right, “It wasn’t always that way” or “Once it wasn’t that way” are much less awkward ways to say the same thing.