This is the lounge. You can discuss anything you want, but you will do it kindly.
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Pharyngula
Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal
This is the lounge. You can discuss anything you want, but you will do it kindly.
Status: Heavily Moderated; Previous thread
page 2
Hi Anne :) Very good to see you too
::waves hi to Portia, aka The World’s Second Greatest Pictionary Champion::
Grrr. I just bought a new laptop and the resolution of the screen is horrible. It was impossible to really tell that in the store because the display model had nothing at all you could really test it with. Plus, I forgot what my current laptop’s resolution is and thought they were the same. Spent all afternoon going to get the thing, too.
Also, Windows 8 is an unholy mess of hideousness and fail, and I hope numerous people involved in its creation got fired for extreme incompetence.
@A Noyd:
Can you return it?
@Crip Dyke (#5) [#505]
Yeah, thankfully. But that’ll entail another trip of several hours, which I’ll have to take the day off to get out of the way. Also, I’m not sure if they have the higher resolution model in the box. If they don’t, then I either have to pay significantly more for a totally different laptop or go somewhere else after getting out there to return it. (Part of the problem is, I would really prefer a matte screen and the vast majority of laptops have glossy ones. I have a hard time differentiating between reflections and what’s actually on the screen.) Or order it and hope it could get to me before I leave the country.
It’s just a massive hassle I really didn’t need. I should have checked my current computer’s settings before I left, but I didn’t realize Windows had changed so much and thought the screen resolution would be more readily apparent. It was hard to tell what was the Win 8 changes and what was the resolution until I could get it back to my place and connect it to the internet.
ajb47
Sorry, I went off to bed. But the two movies were: PS I Love You and The Holiday.
Yes, you can all laugh at me now.
rq
Your bedding yourself (wait, what?) is no problem — I actually had problems getting to FtB for a bit, so it’s my fault you didn’t get my question beforehand. That said, I don’t think either of those movies had overly piqued my interest, though The Holiday was more interesting than the other to me.
I guess my tears are safe for a bit.
ajb47
It’s the cheap corn that gets me going sometimes. :)
What’s your favourite weepy movie?
Also, it appears that Putin has disappeared, and no one knows where he is.
Jinkies, rq, that’s a bit scary about Putin. Not for the evil bastard himself, but for what might replace him if he’s out somehow. Shift that doomsday clock closer to midnight. :/
Cait
When I say something like that, I can assign it to internalized and irrational local fear plus a wee bit of paranoia, and dismiss it.
When someone else says something like that (esp. someone whose opinion I value e.g. yourself), well, I start to think that maybe the background fear is a little justified…
Anyway, who knows what’s going on – I think yesterday there was a media article with photos about armoured vehicles in the Red Square, but it doesn’t seem to be turning up right now. Whatever’s going on, it’s not making anyone comfortable, and Putin’s probably out there laughing.
When dealing with Russian authoritarianism, especially across a single map line, a little healthy fear is probably not a bad idea. Putin is awful, but there’s no question there are worse behind him. And he’s so centralised all power that there’s little chance of meaningful intervention to stop it. Putin cares enough for his international rep to pay a modicum of attention to global opinion: he’s a politician. What waits behind may not be. :/
rq
Die Hard. Not really, but I did tear up the first couple of times I watched McLean finally meet Powell at the end. I also tear up when Buffy gets that dang umbrella at the prom.
I think I get weepy more at moments rather than whole movies.
rq, #9
Try watching The Road Home and The Color of Paradise without weeping. They’re also both really nice films. Even second viewings made me teary.
Good morning Lounge
hiya Cait :D
*gentlevirtualtacklehug*
2001: A Space Odyssey. HAL lost. “Daisy, daisy, …”
And in the book, Bowman / Starchild prevents the long pigs from blowing themselves up, thus allowing the universe to be subjected one of the most awful pieces of devolved shite… albeit the Vogons have a good go at eliminating the threat.
The movie does not have this happy ending.
Portia! My absolute favourite superhero firefighting legal crusader named after a car!
*is higged*
*higs back gratefully*
That’s Ruth Bader Ginsburg speaking in her usual acerbic and succinct manner.
I’m posting it here as an excuse to also say, “Happy Birthday Ruth Bader Ginsburg!”
President Bill Clinton swore her in on August 10, 1993, and she’s promoted justice and fairness as a Supreme Court Justice should. Ginsburg was born in 1933, in Brooklyn.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Legal Pioneer
Youtube Link
Excellent video.
http://notoriousrbg.tumblr.com
Lynna,
Awesome links there.
RBG needs to be on money ASAP.
That “Fear the Frill” t-shirt is awesome! Do want.
There’s money to be made as a result of some Moments Mormon of Madness, far rightwing politics category. Most Utah legislators are mormon:
Sixty percent of the population controls 90 percent of the legislative seats.
These mormons are not just conservative, most of them are riding the ragged edges of rightwing fanaticism, as is most obvious in their various efforts to do away with anything associated with federal government control. And they are spending large amounts of public money to do so.
http://www.sltrib.com/home/2283816-155/consultants-raking-in-millions-on-utahs
Well, since I’ve been known to cry at Spiderman movies, I’d have to say that the movie that’s most effective when I need a good cry?
Also?
ZOMFG! It’s PORTIA! Hai Hai!!!!
Worse, Lynna, I couldn’t do anything comprehensive, but it looks like 30% controls somewhere in the neighborhood of 70% of the seats…and it’s worse in the Senate than the house*1.
Also?
Greater sage grouse = what now?
How bout just calling Benson an “anti-life” activist or a “killing many things stone dead, preferably by shooting their asses off” activist?
His “Big Game Forever” group might also have one or two inappropriate words in its name. Though I concede “game” is not entirely illegitimate in reference to his activities.
*1 …Women are more tolerated in the house? Color me surprised.
Cooties feasting on the unfortunately-not-inert lumps of Kochroach-fed rancid lard which constitutes most USAresholierthanthou senators is neither a pretty sight nor conducive to rational people getting sufficient bribes to stand any change of being allowed to win an election.
Huh. Interesting. I know to me I’ve always sort of thought of an expatriate as “someone who left their home country permanently and is maintaining short-term residence in one or more other countries” vs. an immigrant as “someone who moves permanently to a specific other country.” I don’t know how universal that is, though.
After work today I went to a religious music concert with my mum at the Riga Dom (because I like religious music like I like opera, and if I go to the opera house for the opera, I can go to the church for the religious music, because it’s a large hollow stone building with beautiful acoustics). The centrepiece was a premiere by a local composer based on the story of Jonah and the Whale, for choir, string ensemble, a soloist and electronic music. And a bass sax. I’d never realized that Jonah gets mad at god for sparing Nineveh. Huh. Anyway, it was beautifully done and I enjoyed the performance very much.
The best part? The misspelled Latin, and I hereby present to you:
Agnus Dei, qui trollis peccata mundi, miserere mobis.
I can get behind the trolling of the world’s sins, sure. But the mobis: does it refer to (a) the mob; (b) the mobile or (c) Moby? Personally, considering the main attraction, I would guess Moby (Dick, as it were), but who really knows?
Also, I’m watching this Russian movie with English subtitles, and I have to wonder at the translator: every now and then, when the characters mumble something, the caption reads – instead of [mumbles] – [speaks Russian]. Um, well, duh…
Has anyone seen Putin? See photo.
CD:
Hi hi hi hi! :D
Well, I forgot about the boil order, and thankfully I feel ok anyway : / Apparently it’s in place all the way to Wednesday.
But the water tower is full again, so it’s a little less nervewracking in terms of firefighting.
I bet it’s even funnier in German, but this is what happens when a door breaks down and the memeticists are hungry.
rq
That is awesome!
rq,
The bits I got were very funny.
15 Awesome Ruth Bader Ginsburg Quotes for her 82nd Birthday.
@rq:
That was fantastic!
And yay for the Dean who obviously was walking a line between enforcing regulations and not being a jerkface. Taking down all the memes when the places was completely wallpapered but not “noticing” the memes starting to accumulate again? Brilliant. Sorry for everyone involved that it was necessary of course, but we wouldn’t want people who simply want all the memes! to, um, die in a fire.
Here’s an eyebrow raising, suitable for work link-
http://www.gaystarnews.com/article/daniel-radciffe-talks-about-gay-sex-being-painful-especially-first-time151013
Morning
This is basically my morning. The woman says “If you slept late because you didn’t hear the alarm clock, where is it then?
Of course, this happens the day #1 has a class test, right?
We still made it on time.
+++
Re:reading my Tamora Pierce stuff for the thesis I’m at the point where Kel falls in love with Cleon. I must say that it’s probably one of my favourite parts: Not only are they both nervous and not quite sure about things, he’s also sensitive and notices when she gets uncomfortable and STOPS.
And then there’s the conversation with her mother. First of, as a parent I really like how this series has involved, supportive parents. And secondly, it’s probably one of the best dialogues a mother of a teenage daughter has ever gotten in literature. The very best part is when in the end Kel says something like “yes mum, I’ll do what you said” and he mother is “No! Think about it and then do what you want!”
+++
I still want to know what that gay sex thing is. What marvelous feat can only be performed by two people with the same gender identity?
Interesting article on the no science anti feminism ideology of the paleo diet.
With the improvements in microsurgery, this was just a matter of time …
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penis_transplantation
I would certainly want a truckload of cash before I volunteer as an organ donor.
I suppose you can use organs from dead people but that might be an embarrassment in social situations.
****
“Darling, about those stitches?”
“Yes”
“Is that a schlong from a dead man?”
“well, technically, yes, but…”
SLAM!
rq:
It would be a pretty bizarre ensemble even with bari… but you really mean a bass sax?
Follow-up question: it represented the whale?
Re-watching some Was it Something I Said episodes at work. Sally Philips just described the Tea Party as being “keen on America” and I thought, “What a nice way of putting it.”
Imam: Porn Leads to Atheism, Every Other Problem http://www.egyptindependent.com/news/former-grand-mufti-watching-porn-leads-atheism
“Pornography, which is made public and is circulated through magazines and movies and has its stars, was an industry initiated in 1960 in the US and is the cause of all affliction in which the world now lives,” Gomaa added.
Dingojack at Ed Brayton’s blog:
Apparently the ex-Mufti needs to take a holiday to the Bay of Naples —
specifically to Pompeii & Herculaneum (destroyed 24th August 79ce)
Tear-inducing films: The 1972 Solaris version?
.
Fantasy books where gender identity plays a role: “Deadly Quicksilver Lies”, Glen Cook.
.
Network theory sheds new light on origins of consciousness http://medicalxpress.com/news/2015-03-network-theory-consciousness.html
.
Drug restores brain function and memory in early Alzheimer’s disease http://medicalxpress.com/news/2015-03-drug-brain-function-memory-early.html
.
Successful in vivo test of breakthrough Staphylococcus aureus vaccine
http://medicalxpress.com/news/2015-03-successful-vivo-breakthrough-staphylococcus-aureus.html
rq a bass sax is a big beast. A Contrabass sax is hernia inducing!
consciousness razor
It is entirely possible and more than plausible that I meant a baritone sax, but I just google-image-searched and it was, in fact, a bass clarinet… In my defense, my choir’s basses are indistinguishable from the baritones (except for one guy, he’s definitely a bass) and I’ve forgotten what a clarinet looks like. So now someone somewhere can look at me like this.
While its application was somewhat unclear and seemingly random, it was probably the whale, yes.
bassmike
I had a friend in high school who was slightly shorter than me (and I’m not tall, around 160 cm or so, I can hit 162 in heels!) and she played the baritone sax in music class. She had issues with doing so sitting down.
Bass saxophones are very rare (and forget about the contrabass), but bass clarinets and bari saxes aren’t at all. You wouldn’t need to scour everything in a thousand mile radius to find a person who has one to play. So I’m less surprised now, thank you.
Somewhat pointless text to follow. Because.
Also, I have this Friend pissing me off.
Today is March 16, which for those of you who don’t know, is the day when the Latvian was veteran community commemorates those who fought in the German army during WWII (many if not most forcibly conscripted, but that’s for another day). Now, we all know what the German army represented, but because the Latvians had their own divisions, and were deployed in country, they were the last line of defense before the advancing Red Army, allowing many families to escape. Anyway, many of them consider themselves to have fought for the country. The problem is that (a) they did it in the wrong uniform and (b) the subject has turned into a pretty hot topic among the nationalist and anti-fascist groupings, and the day is usually marked by a huge police (incl. riot) around the Monument to Freedom, where everyone goes to lay their flowers or to chant their chants. Most years pretty much nothing happens, except a few administrative things about being drunk and disorderly, but no real physical clashes.
Friend is a bit paranoid about these things. She lives in the Old Town, moved here end of last summer, and has never been around for the event, so she’s been going on and on on Facebook about the massive police presence and expecting provocations and all kinds of violence. I’ve been trying to explain that it’s an annual police parade more than anything, but she keeps going on and on about how the shit’s about to go down and frankly it’s kind of annoying.
[/pointless rant]
consciousness razor
Damn. Now I’m going to have to find a concert that includes the bass sax just to impress you.
@Tony!:
Really painful? Hmm. It certainly is possible to have painful sex, I’m sure. I won’t minimize that. But not all “gay sex” is painful, not even the first time. I suppose they were trying to skirt some issues in an interview meant for the public, but even if one presumes losing one’s receptive anal virginity here, that’s not **necessarily** painful. I’m sure it would depend on each individual’s body and on lots of other circumstantial/environmental things. Like, do y’all know to use lube?
Anyway, it’s Radcliffe, there’s lots of attention, he’s not obligated to talk about all that. But, as nice as it is to see a taboo topic receive some attention from someone who wants to explore the topic with care and truth, only telling that much of the truth seems problematic. Not hugely so or anything, but still. That’s the not so great part.
On the plus side, fuck yeah for a movie about Ginsburg!
I’ll be damned! Umeå University is working on a potential medicine that might work against diabetes type 2. And possibly against the “bad” cholesterol as well.
— — — —
The biggest eruption in Iceland for the last 200 years has just ended.
Inside the Holuhraun Crater in Iceland http://www.wired.com/2015/03/inside-holuhraun-crater-iceland/
— — — —
This is how I want to go. Bwahahahahahaha! http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?id=3672
— — — —
Tarantino film project about Moses? : http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?id=3669
Oh, I’ve heard them. I’ve seen them. I’ve touched them, even. It was like petting a unicorn made of brass which produces thunder. If you know what that’s like.
So you’ll have to do better than that.
Our orchestra once did the Grainger Children’s March with the last refrain played on contrabass sax. It had to be wheeled on just before it was played. consciousness razor is right; there’s not much call for bass/contrabass saxes.
rq am I allowed to be a little disappointed that you mistook the bass clarinet for a bass sax?
bassmike
You are, because I’m disappointed in myself.
consciousness razor
Something like this then, yes?
Crip Dyke @26, I tried to post a reply yesterday, but the website wouldn’t respond, server was not responding or something like that.
I appreciated your comment.
Now I’m too busy to look up my references again. I should have composed my text in another application. I need to change my commenting habits so that failed posts are still on my hard drive for later use.
I’m not sure that last part helps your case. ;/
I will see your bass sax and raise you a bass flute.
I literally laughed out loud at this one:
Just how ignorant is Cotton?!
For no reason I can fathom, our society seems to be absolutely obsessed with indoctrinating everyone in it with the idea that receptive anal sex is an inherently horrible, miserable, likely injurious experience that no one should ever find appealing, or want to engage in for any ulterior reason unless their body and sexual orientation are flatly incompatible with PIV intercourse.
TTP attacks churches in Lahore.
ajb47
How’s about a bass singer?
Saad
You mean Tehran is… in Iran? Don’t tell me – Iran is not just a loose affiliation of people, but an entire country with borders and everything. Am I close?
I just killed three mosquitoes (the bloodsucking kind!) as a warning to the rest. They don’t seem to be getting the message.
It seems we have either (a) an infestation at work (from the open window) or (b) an incubator at work (anything is possible with the plumbing).
rq,
What makes it even more facepalmy is that it’s the capital. That’s like ominously saying France is already in control of Paris.
Cotton continues to amaze me with just how stupid he can be.
Saad
Well, I’ve never had a particularly high opinion of his intelligence… but if you’re going to speak on foreign affairs, you might as well – no? no research or background info? Okay then.
Also,
Shh, don’t tell him!
rq, 67
He’d probably think I mean Paris, Texas and will panic.
O.O
I are shocked, I tell you, shocked. Next thing you know the Italians will take Rome … and where did Berlin get to, anyway??!?!?!
Extra, extra! Spain takes Madrid!
What next? Barcelona?!?
Okay, so maybe I could have picked a better example than Barcelona :)
Well, if the French had done better with their colonizing… Also, more than just Texas.
As for Berlin, which one, exactly?
Also, not happy making (warning: Russian military shenanigans within, of the
threateningviolent kind).Mike Huckabee, Republican presidential hopeful, is a huckster.
Link
As you might expect, the American Diabetes Association and the Canadian Diabetes Association do not endorse the treatment Huckabee is peddling, in fact, they warn against it.
Um, yeah. All true, though you missed out the last part:
Feel free to ignore what follows.
Whoa, brainwave.
So at work, inspectors, when requesting DNA analysis, have to write up the paperwork with the questions they want answered. Usually, the question is phrased something like ‘traces of biological origin conducive to identification of the person’ (and trust me, it rarely sounds better in Latvian).
Sometimes they write a ‘complex’ (*ahem* ‘combined’ would be more accurate, but ‘complex’ just sounds better!) request, combining a request for fingerprint analysis with DNA analysis, and they also oh-so-lovelily list all the questions, not necessarily sorted by topic, that they want answered. Fine.
I have to type out those questions, word-for-word (tpyos and all, and sometimes they’re glorious), when writing my reply. But, in the case of a complex request, I only have to type out the questions applying to DNA analysis, presuming that the person writing the report for fingerprint analysis types out only those questions pertaining to fingerprint analysis. So I look for the keywords like ‘traces of biological origin’, and type out those questions… but here’s the thing: technically speaking, fingerprints are also biological in origin. The whole point of this being that, technically, that poor fingerprint person would have to type out all 12 paragraph-length questions as applicable, instead of just the 6 mentioning fingerprints specifically. Perhaps avoiding those that mention the DNA database.
This is all long and convoluted because I’m avoiding the paperwork right now. And the whole point is the realization that fingerprints are biological in origin.
Also, there’s got to be a better way to do the paperwork – both from a request perspective and from a report perspective. I’ve been trying to work out a short, simple and clear checlist-type version of both that I can submit to the upaboves in the hopes that maybe we’ll have less typing in the future.
But alas, the implementation of any new thing here takes years, so for now, I wade through the useless morass of spare words and superfluous phrasing. And the tpyos. The glorious tpyos.
[/pointless story about my work]
@rq:
Pointless is good! Think about how awesome is the broad, soft flat of the tongue? There are other unpointed things that are also quite delightful.
Celebrating only pointed things would just be rude. If not misogyny. If not violence.
A temple to the Norse gods is being built in Iceland! I’m not sure how to feel about this news: It’s more new age BS in a part of the world that showcases the value of secular humanism to society, but it’s also part of their cultural heritage that they’re allowed to display for the first time in 1000 years, showing how they’ve cast off the shackles of Christian imperialism.
In fact, though we may not agree with the persuasiveness of the evidence, apparently many people who do interact with the broad, soft flat of the tongue exclaim that God must be the cause of such wonder.
To wit, Pat Parker comments on the evidence provided of this phenomenon by Willyce Kim, in the aptly named, “For Willyce”:
Crip Dyke
Almost by definition.
Crip Dyke
That was excellent.
And definitely misandry, because if you can’t give a guy the credit, who else is there to receive it??
tbtabby
The more non-christian religions get promoted as mainstream and acceptable and up to personal decision, the better!
@tbtabby.
I think it’s good news, on the non-oppression front. Even if the actual builders (and I don’t know anything about the project or its people, I’m just going of the implications of what you said) were shamelessly idiotic, a la Banana Man, that would still be a very good thing. And knowing about history is a good thing too, so even if a group of Banana Folks built it for the purpose of extolling how no human could ever cultivate such a perfect fruit as the Olafson West Arctic Banana, there’s still a public benefit.
A thing can be good in some senses and not good in others.
Hybrid cars may be seen as extending the gasoline economy, and by extension the fossil economy, but they also may be seen as trying out the batter and power-transfer technologies in a context that permits motivated consumers to help fund the research and development that is going to be needed to ditch fossil fuels once and for all.
So it is what it is, and to the extent that it means that persons who formerly wouldn’t allow non-Christian monuments in the country …
(that seems to be what you’re saying, I don’t know about Icelands laws-relating-to-religion, but I do know that they restrict certain freedoms pretty massively in order to “preserve the culture” of Iceland, so it’s believable that there could be (or have been) significant barriers)
…We can all be happy. To the extent that perhaps there exist some fools spending money foolishly, I say happy humanity.
Mm, I assume this means a car that makes pancakes! Yes!
tbtabby,
My uninformed opinion of Iceland is that it doesn’t have a problem with religious encroachment on public life and people’s private lives. If so, then I think it’s just silly new age stuff. But then again, it’s harmless. It’s not like a cult will now start in Iceland because of these temples that will start oppressing all kinds of people.
Now what I would be pleased to see is some monuments to Egyptian deities in the southern United States. We can start with Isis.
Oh that delightful acid burn you get from eating too much pineapple…
rq
I think you’ll be fine until some administrative nitpick notices that, too
Giliell
Nah, they haven’t been noticing since forever, and anyway, I have to write the biological origin questions anyway. I get to ignore everything else. It’s those poor fingerprint people I worry about.
(This is what you were referring to, right?)
I’m all for the car that makes pancakes. Yes!
In other news: Wall Street bonuses have gotten even more outrageous.
Link
Another attorney has participated in the lawyer listserv with an email containing “portia”. I always thought her name was Portia, but today she emailed me directly and her signature was “Jane Doe”.
I had to ask, and yes, she also referenced Merchant of Venice ^_^
Seriously… if you guys have Netflix or other means of watching it, Dicte is such a good show. The lead (eponymous) character is so good.
Saad,
Thanks for the rec. I like good shows on Netflix :D
I think I saw you mention Broadchurch earlier, I enjoyed that too. The Fox version is on Netflix. It’s kind of fun to watch it and say “Same shot, same shot, same angle, same script”
JAL #37
Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Awesome is a good word.
Also, hybrids can in principle be designed to be seamlessly switched over to biofuel, which can in principle be made carbon-neutral (if we can pretty please stop pretending “corn for ethanol” and “soybeans for biodiesel” are the only possible approaches) and have significant energy density advantages over batteries or capacitors.
Similarly, a “temple to the Norse Gods” could be seamlessly converted into a museum, or “interactive learning” experience, once people re-realized how silly the actual observance was.
Good morning
Shameless self promotion:
Yours truely is now writing for School of Doubt over on the Skepchick network. I think we could all use some of you awesome readers.
+++
Portia
Funny thing is, I’ve been using “Doe” as a short form for my last name long before I ever learned about the Jane/John Doe thingy.
Welp, I tried replacing my brand new bad resolution computer with a better resolution one for like $450 more. Got it home and opened it up and the shift key was busted straight out of the box. The screen was crappy, too. So when I took it back I asked for a complete refund.
Then I went and bought a goddamn MacBook Pro at the Mac store where they spent all the time in the world going over my questions with me and, after I bought one, actually encouraged me to open it up and fuck around with it before I left. What was freaky was how three seconds after entering my Apple ID (I have an iPhone and iPad), it had synchronized my data from those devices and was already notifying me about tomorrow’s schedule.
I figure I haven’t really liked OSX, but since Windows shit the bed with Win8, it’s become a toss up between the two. Plus, it turns out that the current Mac OS is very, keyboard shortcut friendly—maybe even more so than Windows. Certainly, Macs do a better job at keeping keyboard shortcuts confined within a minimalist keyboard instead of trying to stick unnecessary extra keys everywhere. And what it doesn’t offer with keys, it lets you do through gestures on the trackpad.
It’s going to take me a while to relearn all the shortcuts I use without even thinking about, but that would be true with Windows: Unwashed Butthole and the shitty PC laptop keyboards, too.
Giliell
Congratulations!!! I don’t get around much to other blogs, but yay for you, and for the network!
Azkyroth, the point is porn predating 1960.
(The Romans were assholes even before they started making mosaics)
.
Before the Romans and their pornographic mosaics, the Scythians had Greek craftsmen make golden wine goblets with very raunchy images on them. And those temple sculptures in India…
But the imam can only find such information by research, which is unecessary for people who know they know The Truth. Sorta like that flat-earth guy.
— — — —
If Huckabee had bothered to come to umeå University he could have learned something about a real cure for diabetes. But his lot would not find Scandinavia on a map.
Gilliell,
conga rats!
Teddybears – What’s Your Problem? ft. Baby Trish (from the Swedish pop music festival 2015) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YplD65OWjA
If your read the T-shirts or the digital text on the wall, you see a long list of categories, ending with “=” and “Swedish” (svensk). This is a reaction to bigots like the SD party.
Text: “kvinna”(woman) “Tornedaling” “Muslim” “Protestant” “Kurd” “hetero” ”gay”
= ”svensk”
Alert: Personal story ahead, skip if you like :P
I don’t know why, but i feel like talking about this so please bare with me xD
I had a great conversation with a friend last night. I came out to him about 11 or 12 years ago, at the time i was terrified and it was very awkward, i couldn’t even bring myself to do it in person so i basically had him read about it, like some kind of confession too dark to be uttered in words. To this day, he still reminds me every once in a blue moon how bad my coming out skills were and we both laugh. We don’t usually talk much about it, because it’s not like my sexual orientation is that interesting a topic of conversation anyway, but i know that i have the freedom to discuss it or make a comment if i choose to, which is all i would want in any case, and that’s what happened last night after we had been talking about something else for some time and suddenly the subject of bisexuality came up. I immediately noticed that, like in a handful of previous times, even though i spoke frankly i still felt slightly embarrashed in a way that i’m not when i talk to a female friend. And so was he. It wasn’t that bad, but the realisation that i still get slightly nervous and i can’t stop smirking when i talk about it with him kind of hurt at first….it made me angry, first at myself, for feeling and behaving that way, then for perpetuating the idea that there is something to be nervous about at all, and then at everything for ever making me feel nervous about it. I fucking exploded xD Don’t get me wrong, even though i had a hard time growing up and as a young adult, my sexual orientation has not been a source of anything but joy for many years. To put it succinctly, i used to feel guilty and ashamed as well as aroused when thinking about men…now i just feel happy and aroused, because why the fuck wouldn’t i? :)
Anyway, once i got angry with the universe at large during that conversation i realised i wasn’t feeling nervous or embarrashed anymore, but more significantly, neither was he. The veneer of uneasiness that clouded the situation previously, as it so often happens when “blokes talk about personal stuff”, was just gone. For the first time since i’ve known him i was completely at ease. I wasn’t controlling myself…i wasn’t meassuring the situation or trying to decide which way to say something to make it less uncomfortable, or whether to share a particular thing or keep it to myself. Most of the time, it comes so naturally that i don’t even notice that’s what i’m doing. But at that moment, i just wanted him to know that i was angry at everyone who had ever made me feel uncomfortable, or self-conscious, or made me feel that i wasn’t a part of the rest of the world, that i didn’t get to talk about a guy i liked because that would make everybody feel weird. And i did. And i told him that every time he uses the word “marica”, with whatever meaning, it hurts, and that when you are in a room and someone does, it spoils the fucking fun. And i told him that the mere idea of coming out makes me angry now…that i hate it, that when i did it, i did it because i needed to in order not to explode, but that i didn’t need it anymore…that i have no explanations to give…to anyone….ever, and that the suggestion that i do makes me furious. And the thing that felt so good about this was not that i had just realised all of these things, because i’ve known and felt them for years now, it was that it was not just in my head, it wasn’t just the things i know and the things i feel, it was suddenly true because i was sharing it with someone with whom it had never been true before, but who was visibly agreeing with me. There was no opposition, no funny looks, just a smile. We were both, for the first time, talking to each other without that weight hanging over our heads, and that weight had been there for about 11 years….I wasn’t nervous, and neither was he. Plus he now knows how i trully feel about it, and that turned out to be important. This was exemplified by him reminding me that when i came out to him i asked him , kind of trembling, not to say anything to anyone unless he had my consent, and it turns out that’s pretty much where he was at, he still thought i was afraid, and ashamed, and that i’d rather not talk about any of it, which is why he was nervous and uneasy to begin with, because he thought i’d rather not have that conversation. But then he saw that what i really was, was angry, and that seemed to make him as happy as it did me :D
Like i said, i’ve felt all those things for a long time now, none of it is new, the quiet satisfaction of knowing you are just another example of the biological diversity, that there is nothing wrong with you and nothing to be ashamed of, that if only everybody else stopped being an arsehole, you wouldn’t even have to waste your time thinking about something that’s not worth that much attention…but it felt fucking great to live it rather than just feeling it inside my own head and wishing it to be true. As much as things have changed since i was a kid, last night was the first time that i trully felt free of all the shit, even if it was just for a while, with one person. If the 12 year old me could have felt that way for just a few seconds, who would i be?
azhael, that was beautiful. And I understand on a deep level, about coming out and shame and…just yeah. You are grokked, sir. Grokked, I say.
azhael I read every word that you wrote. I’m very pleased for you and what you wrote helps me understanding my fellow human beings just a little bit more.
azhael, thank you for letting us read that.
Just thinking about pi day; it’s coming up soon – the 31st of April this year, yay! (I know a couple of nations in the world have already celebrated it last Saturday, but they are a weird lot anyway).
Oh dear, April only has 30 days. I haz a disappoint. :-(
No pi day until the 3rd of January ’41 :-(
Thank you, azhael, for sharing that – that was beautiful. Very very happy on your behalf. :)
opposablethumbs
It’s okay, my boss nearly signed me up for a conference from the 27th to the 31st of April. ;)
But yes, disappointing, for those of us who write the date in the right order!!
azhael
Thank you for sharing
opposablethumbs
Let’S just eat cake instead…
Also, somebody tell me am I just being an oversensitive SJW? It seems like so surreal to me that folks are defending that as “good humoured”?
azhael, that was very moving.
Giliell, I read your blog post about hats – well said. About Conan in Cuba – Husband and I tried to watch the actual show, and only managed about ten minutes (and half of that was commercials). It was excruciatingly bad, and I’m not surprised that the rest of the show didn’t improve. He really didn’t seem to have a plan, other than “make a fool of myself and embarrass the locals”.
I forgot to say: Giliell, I don’t think you’re overreacting at all.
Giliell,
I personally find the “I’m going abroad to look at how something is done so I’m going to play the fool” to be quite irritating. It also feels very overdone. As for the appropriateness of it, I think that all depends on how much of that was discussed and agreed to beforehand. If a popular celebrity from another country was coming to show an aspect of my life to his home country, I would want it to be taken seriously. I don’t think I’d like the focus to be on the guy being a clown.
I can’t imagine what possessed the first letter writer to seek advice on THAT issue from Emily Yoffe of all people. I almost think she made it up just so she could have an opportunity to tell black people to stop whining when whites have good intentions.
I wish Slate would finally dump her column…
It feels sort of like Conan making it about Conan instead of the factory and how cigars are made. That’s just the vibe I got from the video. In short, I don’t think you’re overreacting.
The only Conan worth any attention is the Cimmerian one.
BTW didn’t the Canadian one sell out Terrence and Phil to the feds in that film?
Now, if that Oliver fellow had gone to Cuba to find things out it would have been interesting.
Giliell @109
No, I had the same reaction to that Conan bit. But then, I’m a pretty oversensitive SJW according to the world around me : /
–
Seconding rq:
(Sheesh I’ve lost my touch, it took me seven tries to spell blockquote)
Well, at least we can all be oversensitive here together.
Little story about Cuba:
I lived there for a few months in 2004, coordinating a youth project. At the end of my time Mr came over and we spent the holidays there together.
One day we’d been roaming Havana all day and went to the “Don Cangrejo” in the evening. That place is a restaurant dedicated to langustinos run by the Cuban ministry for fisihing. If you ever make it to Havana, go there.
Since we’d been out all day we arrived there sweaty, in t-shirts, shorts and sandals. The people were nothing but unfalteringly polite to us. But I knew that we’d be totally insulting them, so we’d packed in advance. A quick trip to the bathroom and we re-emerged in long pants, shirt, dress, faces washed and in my case painted.
At that point the waiters were totally happy and even chatted with us about how they’re always getting tourists who come to this wonderful posh space and are dressed and act as if they were buying a pizza at the corner stand.
Cubans are a very proud, but also very hospitable and friendly people. Just because they’re not showing that they feel disrespected doesn’t mean they don’t feel it.
And of course the little one is falling sick now, when I have to leave for this congress tomorrow. Perfect timing.
I’ll still be a bad mother and go on…
ajb47: Flutes are wonderful sounding instruments. However I present you the contrabass clarinet:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaSJfUD5Tx4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUM792_qls4
(Granted, the bass flute sounds nicer.)
Don Cangrejo sounds really excellent, Giliell – I love that you had the foresight to take the change of clothes :-)
Hope little one is OK, and that the conference is really good and useful.
Ice Swimmer 121
I had never seen or heard one of those before. Interesting sound, and I mean that in a good way, it makes me ear interested in hearing it.
Nice things about working from home (occasionally): making my coffee with 2oz Bailey’s instead of milk. ^.^
…and I just randomly realized that this in fact gives me some insight into the actual volume of milk I normally use.
I’m sure someone will find the following amusing: If the US had given Curtis Lemay even more nukes we could have conquered the solar system by now.
http://www.thespacereview.com/article/2714/1
ajb47 @ 123
Yes, it’s definitely an interesting sound and can be used to produce good music. However, it’s more like a handsome/awe-inspiring sound than a beautiful/sweet sound.
But then again, you often need all kinds of sounds and timbres to make interesting music from nice (like flute, lute, clean guitar, piano) to awe-inspiring (like bass, distorted guitar, sax) to downright nasty (like cymbals). At least so I’ve come to realize as I’m learning how to make music (with my computer, I can’t play any actual instrument).
Are you dreaming or awake?
Ice Swimmer
This is why I like giant pipe organs, an array of sounds at the push of a button!!
Saad @22:
Yes! I love that idea. In “RBG We Trust” as well.
Here is a YouTube video of the thing to “forget”…
(Whilst searching for a rather good version (as I recall) of Yakety Sax played on a Bass saxophone, I stumbled across this, Yakety Sax played on a Bass helicon.)
Which, when played by the right organist, such as the Librarian, explodes. Especially if the organ / missile launcher was designed by a certain Mr Johnson.
Last I checked, FtB is not using
X-Clacks-Overhead, Terry Pratchett’s name lives on in ‘the clacks’ with hidden web code: “…the encoding of Pratchett’s name into the fabric of the internet seems a fitting modern homage, as though millions of computers were whispering his name, and chuckling softly to themselves.”GNU Terry PratchettThe subtle art of not giving a fuck, starting with one of the best photos ever.
Build your own Israeli coalition!
I strongly urge everyone to read the link in David Marjanović’s #133 about
The subtle art of not giving a fuck.
Strongly Urge.
Really.
Especially if you’re Old.
This is probably the best thing I’ve read all month.
My university library is going to take about 9/10ths of my embarrassingly large¹ collection of untranslated Japanese comics that no used bookstores want to buy and that I don’t have time to try to sell off volume by volume or series by series on my own. They’re getting it for free, but it was going to be that or throw them in the recycle. It would have saved time but broken my heart to just dump them all. Now the library’s all trying to thank me, and I’m all like, “Nooooo, I thank you. You’re saving my precious darlings from becoming brand new toilet paper.”
……………
¹ About 1100 volumes. And it’s been pared down once or twice before, but I’ve added to it since.
A. Noyd
YAY for preserving ephemera!
YAY librarians!
YAY archivists!
@chigau (#137)
YAY for bubble tea restaurants, too! They often act as congregation areas for Asian exchange students and Asian American youth. This one in particular encourages customers to use their shop as a hangout, so they were really glad to get the remainder of the collection for free. And a decent remainder it was, since the rejected titles were only rejected because they were too popular or classic and the library had them already.
And the city library took several dozen prose books off my hands, though those probably won’t enter circulation proper. There’s some sort of secondary, honor-based borrowing system, or they’ll try to sell them at their big fundraising book sale.
MOrning
NObody. Nobody. Really NOBODY can guilt trip you like your sick child when you have to leave for a congress. Not even your mother. That’s probably because your sick child does in fact deserve sympathy.
But I’ll just take my guilt, wrap it in pretty paper and take it with me, because I simply cannot NOT go.
One, this trip is college sponsored. Getting sponsoring in times when the buildings are luterally literally falling apart is not easy and I’d be in hell’s kitchen peeling potatoes for my own roast if I cancelled the day of the trip.
Two, I agreed on exam topics woth the prof and I’m getting the latest research in that area there.
Yes, I’m giving a lot of fucks right now and I don’t give a fuck if you judge me.
Hi all the Pharyngula commenters. I am a long time lurker, first time poster. I hope as this is casual chat area I can ask for a bit of unusual advice. Forgive me for interrupting the current conversations, I had hoped there was a newer thread soon so I could post there.
I’ve been playing a few computer games lately and feel some of my thoughts on them would make for some good blog fodder. The idea is to not talk about gender, etc in games so much as to see how they deal with chat, reporting systems and harassment, compare them to each other game; but also compare it with how that informs and impacts game mechanics, visuals, etc. I can also offer an insider experience on a beta test and how the developers approached their moderation ‘system’ as they built it which was interesting – and totally something people here would get riled up over. It certainly turned me off playing and supporting the developers.
I’ve followed Gamergate from a safe distance and am not keen on posting such thoughts attached to my real name, for obvious reasons. However I have no site and am not interested in setting one up anonymously, because it would basically not be noticed by anyone and frankly I am not wanting to start a long-term relationship with it either. I just want to post maybe three articles, unpaid, unattributed, and somewhere they might add to discussion.
I’d love to hear if anyone knows of a gaming site that might be interested in having some free content. (And no this isn’t one of those ’embedded ad’ things, I really have nothing to sell.) I am not familiar with game sites, just skeptical blogs like FtB. So I don’t know who to approach if at all.
Or else does anyone have other suggestions of how to grab some attention if I set up a blogger account or something?
I know I’ve never commented here before so I appreciate there will be wariness coming in my direction. But half the reason I’m asking is because a lot of the posts and comments here got me to think a bit more about how I experience games and I guess I’d like to contribute back in a small but positive way.
Feel free to tell me to get lost. Wasn’t sure where to post or who to ask but figured a few people here might have some leads I could follow.
Thanks for humouring me thus far. :)
Be well!
Beta Gal
Welcome in!
Unfortunately, I’m not a gamer by any definition of the word (don’t even make ‘ casual’), but there’s at least several people on here who might be able to help you out, and I hope you get some good advice and/or starting points. You do, however, have my full support, and best wishes in moving forward with this project!
Here’s another science clothing line for girls. I hope this becomes a trend. And popular.
Beta Gal
You’re not interrupting. All the conversations here overlap one another. Welcome in!
I also do not have constructive advice but good luck, that sounds neat.
Giliell, go, learn, enjoy yourself. This is important work-related stuff, and nobody’d think twice if it was your husband going instead.
Beta Gal, welcome! The pillow fort is over in this corner, I have tea and cookies, and Hobbes is always up for a snuggle, if you don’t mind whiskers and the occasional tuna-breath.
Purr-gatory awaits? Cathedral cat blamed for dog attacks http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2015/03/purr-gatory-awaits-cathedral-cat-blamed-for-dog-attacks/ So that is why it is called cathedtral. But I thought hellcats were playing for the other team?
.
— — —
Starfleet was closer than you think http://www.thespacereview.com/article/2714/1
Few know how seriously the idea was taken by the top leadership of the US Air Force
Article by Major Brent Ziarnick and Lt. Col. Peter Garretson
.
— — —
How Tea Party Republicans Stunned A Room Full Of Scientific Research Activists http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/17/science-research-funding-republicans_n_6890374.html Wow. Two Tea Party guys that actually do something right
Accused of trying to decapitate 3-Month-Old Baby http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/17/deasia-watkins-decapitati_n_6888724.html
She seems bona fide mental. But guess what they would have called her if she had been a muslim?
— — — —
15 Once-Popular Baby Names On The Verge Of Extinction http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/17/unpopular-baby-names-going-extinct_n_6859318.html?cps=gravity_1787_-2176465060117438744 How come “Alpha” is not popular??? There are also names that are forbidden in some countries. I am totally changing my name to Judas.
And to piss off the anti-semites I would change my last name to Cohen-Goldman-Shylock.
Beta Gal, I’d be interested, though my site is small:
http://theexpansionboard.wordpress.com
Drop a comment there and we’ll talk. :)
Anne
My beloved husband is away every week, but somehow that’s different…
+++
Now, I got undies, money, a toothbrush, a million calories in sweets and even a nice dress. See you on Sunday, just in case I don’t get WiFi
Giliell, good luck and godlessspeed.
Giliell
Safe travels, and have fun!!!
And don’t forget your towel. ;)
rq
Got the towel, albeit not the one with “Don’t panic” on it.
Giliell,
Good luck and have some nice away-from-family time
Giliell, have a good trip and conference!
Giliell
Have a great time!
A. Noyd @136:
Get a receipt. Seriously. I regularly donate books to our library (a few have ended up on the shelves, most get sold) and can write of $10 to $20 for hard cover and $1.00 to $3.00 for softcover (depending on condition). Last year, I took almost $600 off of my taxable income. Something unusual like that may get a better valuation but, at the least, that’s around $1100 to $3300 in charitable donations.
chigau @137:
No love for those who perserve ephemeroptera?
Giliell @139:
I feel for you.
About a decade ago, I was sent to a September fire out in California and left behind Wife, Boy (sick with the flu) and Girl (also sick with the flu). I felt so bad about but, as you say, no way I could not not go.
I don’t judge you. No, actually, I do. And I judge that you know your situation, and your child’s situation, far better than I (or anyone else, for that matter). Life is all about choices and you made the right choice for you in that circumstance. Hugs to you. And, for what it is worth, I understand your decision and judge it to be right for your circumstances.
Have a great time. I hope your
Beta Gal:
Welcome. Not really a gamer (well, Civ, Sim City, Blitzkrieg, Formula 1, but nothing on line).
If you decide to hang around, great.
Though we do need to know your stance on peas, horses, Jell-O, scrapple, beer and whisky.
—–
Wife and I are recovering from a bad cold. Yesterday, I had a sinus headache so bad that I could not move my eyes without tearing up in pain. I also accidently OD’d on sinus meds. To me, the world was a little fuzzy and was moving too slow. Wife, however, describles my actions as hilarious. Apparently, I got up at 5:30 and insisted I had to go downstairs to check the weather. Naked. And I don’t remember it. Well, I remember being naked (that’s my pyjamas) but I don’t remember getting out of bed and going on line.
Much better today.
=======
Since I am out of touch with what has been happening, I am tossing a large pile of lightly-used hugs onto the spunking chair and the comfy couch for those who need them.
Wow, Ogvorbis really expanded on the questionnaire. :) And forgot cheese!!!!
rq:
I hang my head in shame. How could I forget cheese.
Beta Gal: What is your stand on British Industrial Cheddar and American Style Cheese Food Product?
At least you didn’t insist on checking the weather personally by going outside.
re the horses and peas and such – don’t we also interrogate re something called …. um …. Miraculous Flagellation or Wonder Flogger or something like that??
opposablethumbs:
Is this a reference to Brownian Pilling?
um, you mean Brownian piling-on, for the enjoyment thereof???? Or was that something else?
No, I was thinking of the strange entity known as Miracle Whip that sometimes gets mentioned in the Questionnaire, and which I wot not of :-)
NB!
Chemists claim to have solved riddle of how life began on Earth http://phys.org/news/2015-03-chemists-riddle-life-began-earth.html
.
Extent of Moon’s giant volcanic eruption (3.5 Gy ago) is revealed http://phys.org/news/2015-03-extent-moon-giant-volcanic-eruption.html
.
Socially intelligent computers can turn difficult online negotiations into win−win situations http://phys.org/news/2015-03-socially-intelligent-difficult-online-winwin.html
.
Center of the Universe http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?id=3676
I.
Haz.
Functional.
Laptop.
BACK!
opposablethumgs:
I was referring to Brownian Pilling, not piling. As in, it pills up in the shower.
rq:
And yet you used your functional laptop to respond to one of my comments. That’s sad.
I think Wonder Flogger is a dandy name for something.
I’m just not sure what that something might be.
Ogvorbis
Nope, I haven’t used it for the Lounge yet. :)
Well, this should be fun.
MSNBC link.
Trump’s press announcement included this sentence: “I am the only one who can make America truly great again!”
Good news:
USA Today link.
@Chigau, #165:
Good point. Hmmm.
Warning: More whining, venting crap
So the last few days have been good. I’m “off” schedule with the rest of the world but on my own, so I’m getting shit done and feeling better.
Then this morning Mom called. She needed a simple favor, which I was willing to do. Not really happy since pushing her mobility scooter inside hurts like hell and usually kills my activity for the day, but w/e. It needs to be done and it’s at least something I can help with. It sucks seeing her like that and not being able to do shit.
The problem comes in with her fuckface husband. He was burning something on the asphalt in the bike lane and screaming and cussing. He’s usually unintelligible but I did catch bits: talk of skinning cops and other oppressive assholes. That anger is understandable but damn, that’s not the fucking way to handle it. at. all.
So as I was walking back inside from talking with Mom, I see a cop car pull up. Well, fuck. But if I was anybody else and not worried about the victim in that abusive relationship, I’d call them too after seeing fuckface act like that.
There’s more but w/e. I’m so fucking exhausted. They walked away but fuckface was screaming again and I couldn’t find out what all happened with the cops when I was inside dealing with Little One.
Dear lord, do I need them out of my life. I love my mother, I’ll take her in a heartbeat. But I can’t deal with her husband. And she’s attached to his hip. And calling cops just makes it worse, he becomes more of a martyr and she’s sucked in deeper and farther from me.
They better get a fucking place on when Mom gets her check. She gets enough money every month. I don’t know what I’m going to do if they don’t. I can’t keep dealing with them. I feel awful for them being homeless and how hard that is, and with injustice raining down all the time. (Genuine, getting beat up by shelter workers and shit) And I want them to get a place because it’s best for them, but I’ve been wanting that for almost a year. I’m just drained now. I need them stable so I don’t get sucked down into their shit. I just can’t do it anymore.
JAL
Hugs and hugs and sympathies. Take care of yourself.
Mormon Moments of Madness: somewhat ameliorated anti-gay marriage stance followed by weasel words that amount to “obey mormon leaders.”
I guess the people they excommunicated are an exception … because they were organized.
Salt Lake Tribune link.
From the readers comments below the article:
JAL:
Please take care of yourself. I understand wanting, needing, to help others, but you need to keep yourself in a safe place to be able to do that.
JAL, what Ogvorbis says, and hugs if you want them.
I don’t know what to say JAL, but I wish you well.
Nerd and Redhead, be well.
In other news, Seth Meyers skewered Ted Cruz. Meyers showed a hard edge I didn’t know he had. Salon link. Scroll down for video.
Thanks everyone. Posting that helped, and using my nervous energy to speak to the manager about changing our filter (it’s not like I can do that next month if we don’t have rent…) and she’s so nice and on top of it, which helped too.
But it really helps to have at least one safe place filled with awesome people like ya’ll talking me through this shit.
True but the context of our relationship is she paid my rent last month instead of getting a place. Kind of hard to say “Give me your money and no, I won’t use the electricity and shit you paid for to help you”. :/ So, I’m kind of stuck atm. Roomie and I are still job hunting but if something doesn’t turn up soon, we’re really fucking totally screwed.
Ah, the joys of poverty.
JAL, all the higs and poverty-grokking support.
So I’m reading the latest issue of Loki: Agent of Asgard, when what do I find?
Loki’s commentary on the new female Thor.
Well played, Laufeyson. Well played.
Thanks, CaitieCat :)
One last thing, I swear. I’ll leave ya’ll alone and go to fantasy land where this shit doesn’t exist or where I’m super powerful and allowed to kill the bad guys.
Fuckface husband is now bugging me. “Why won’t you let me see [Little One]? I haven’t done anything wrong. I’m just so upset and heartbroken you won’t let me see her!” Blah blah blah.
ARGHLBARGL SHUT THE FUCK UP. Christ, it’s not like I’ve explained a million fucking times. It’s not like it’s goddamn obvious to everyone except Mom and Husbad. I see the manipulation and guilt there, asshole. Every fucking time he starts with this shit, it just cements my resolve. I see what he’s playing at. Been there, done that. Got the souvenir child, thank you very much. His unwillingness to listen or at the very least respect boundaries screams fucking volumes. Louder than his “normal” speaking voice, which is megaphone level.
Of course, I tell him to stop. He doesn’t. I tell him to let me speak to Mom. He does. But then keeps yelling on “Maybe you can get through to her [Mom]”. Mom comes on, defends him, says she doesn’t understand either and drops the “We help you guys so much but won’t help us back.” I say “Yes, we do. Just a half an hour ago.” Her response? “But we help you more.” Thank mom, my decision that you’re still okay now looks dumb as fuck.
She’s previously said she understood my position on Husband and even defended me to him. But I’ve finally noticed something. That changes when they need something and if they can guilt or manipulate me into doing it. If they can’t, like when we’re paying our own bills or she needs to stay with us, she’s very..deferential.
o.0
Well. fuck.
On top of the previous revelations about my mother and our relationship, I think it’s damn time I stop.
I feel relieved. But there’s this underlying feeling that I’m an asshole for even thinking about cutting off their line of support since they’re so bad off and so close to getting a place. (Hopefully. Maybe. W.e) Now I feel like I should do it, even if I feel like an asshole because not doing it would make me stupid. And what if I say no but they don’t listen? It’s not like they have a great track record of understanding.
Fuck. Shit is hard. :/
JAL, it’s not only okay for you to make that decision, you can justify it quite clearly, on behalf of Little One. I hope I’ve earned the trust to say the following, and I apologise profoundly if I’m wrong.
Noticing that about your mother’s behaviour is, I think, important. Her behaviour is narcissistic: it focuses entirely on how you relate to her needs, and not the other way around. She provides help because she expects help; you provide help because you think it’s the right thing to do.
He’s an anchor, dragging her down, and if you don’t let go of her, she’ll drag you with. Both of them are manipulating you; your insight reveals that. I doubt they explicitly resolve to do so, but they probably reinforce one another through shared “injustices” of your treatment of them (his complaining sounds like that kind of thing). I’ve seen this pattern way, WAY too many times not to recognise it. If ongoing homelessness isn’t enough to get her to leave his useless ass, nothing will – save maybe losing access to her daughter and granddaughter.
Your own insight says it: they’re preying on your instinct to do good by someone, just as Little One’s dad did. Dear lady, you’re near drowning your own self. At some point, you’ve got to say “I can’t save you,” and look to saving whom you can: Little One. And I know how hard it is to cut off one’s mother; I’ve done it. But I had to, her negativity about my transition could have killed me.
Again, I apologise if I’ve been too frank. All the hugs and understanding, and good luck in your hard decisions ahead. If you want to email, I’m at the cave emphasized words babe in this 21 sentence, all served up by the usual gmail.com people.
*higs* for JAL.
(if CaitieCat and Ogvorbis don’t mind that I’ve appropriated their expression)
@the Mellow Monkey:
I have those waiting at the comic store for me. I shouldn’t have looked. That was awesome, but it would have been more awesome, I’m sure, in context. Le sigh.
Well, if that’s the worst problem I face in the next 6 hours, I’ll be mighty surprised.
@JAL
Hey. I don’t know what to say now that CaitieCat has said:
except, even though you probably **feel** like you can’t justify it quite clearly to your mom, it’s also more than fair to justify in on behalf of **you**.
You can’t help your mom if you end up helpless from stress, right?
I’m sorry, JAL, that situation sounds truly exhausting. All the hugs.
As most of you probably already know, religious conservatives joined with conservative politicians to hold an “Awakening Conference” last weekend. Some of the attendees: Bobby Jindal, Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum, Rafael Cruz (Ted’s dad), phony ex-terrorists, phony ex-gays, and various others who want to criminalize homosexuality.
Panic and fear were the two most obvious flavors on offer:
Right Wing Watch link
Popping in to remind people that if you can donate to the HordeFund for JAL, we’re about $350 short of our target. You can email me (esteleth at gmail) or PayPal to that same address.
Scott Walker, governor of Wisconsin, is going forward with his plan to kill public education in his state. He plans to cripple one of the best, most lauded public education systems (state level) by starving it of funds. Bobby Jindal, governor of Louisiana, is doing the same thing in his state. Ditto for Governor Bruce Rauner of Illinois.
Think Progress link.
JAL
All the *higs* and all the *hugs* for you tonight.
Cait and others have pretty much said it all: you’re allowed to care about you, and about Little One. And to do what you need to do to reduce your own stress.
All my spare spoons.
♥
Yesterday, Republicans in the House of Congress released their budget proposal. Here are two of the highlights:
– reduce funding for SNAP (food stamps)
– reduce funding for Medicaid
The have a sneaky method of stripping about $5.5 trillion out of the federal budget with these reductions and others. That sneaky method is to “block grant” funds to the state. Poor people will suffer a lot if the support programs are “reformed” by Republican methods.
Under current laws, the federal government and the states share costs for programs like SNAP and Medicaid. If an economic downturn or other emergency means more people need support, the feds help the states pay for the increase. Block grants are not flexible like this. The feds give a set amount of money to the state, and when that’s gone, it’s gone.
A myth used to back this block grant plan is that the states know better how to run support programs for the poor, and the states will foster efficiency at all levels. Hogwash. The states, especially Republican-run states, will not cut down on fraud and abuse (which they wildly exaggerate as part of their non-reality approach), and they have already proven to be less efficient in many instances.
The block grants let Republicans get away with drastic cuts to public assistance programs while simultaneously avoiding the pesky detail of actually identifying those cuts by name. They are also ignoring how many people will be negatively affected.
Here’s some Republican bullshit describing their new budget plan, which is full of accounting tricks that have been derided in the past (these politicians never learn):
Think Progress link.
Oh, yeah, the Republican budget also cuts spending on Social Security and Affordable Care Act. It purportedly saves money on the latter by repealing it — an proposal which conveniently ignores the fact that deficits increase if the ACA is repealed. https://www.cbo.gov/publication/43471
Beck is leaving because the Republican Party is not conservative enough. [raised eyebrows, hollow laugh]
Oh, and Beck is threatening to leave the National Rifle Association because Grover Norquist (a board member) is an Islamist sleeper agent.
Long may the rightwing continue to splinter.
Some of the aurora in Latvia last night. Me, I was in bed. :)
NEW THREAD.