This is the Geek Zodiac, a spoof of the Chinese zodiac (the image at the link is larger and easier to read). It’s horrible and wrong.

I skimmed over that diagram and thought that all the choices were cool and geeky, except…well, this is just me, and you can feel differently…I thought the one I liked least and that was most boring was astronaut. And guess what, I was born in 1957, and therefore I fall under the sign of the Astronaut. Boo! Astrology is bunk! I was most hoping for Undead Alien Pirate, which would have required my mother to be pregnant for 5 years, and then stretch out labor from 1962 to 1965, which I admit would have been a bit cruel.

(This argument is the inverse of, but is just as valid as, the wishful thinking of the religious, who’d really like heaven to be real, therefore it is. I’d really like this zodiac to be false, therefore it is. So there. Ha.)