Awww, it’s my very first Islamic threat…and it’s pretty tame compared to the Catholic rantings I get.
MUSLIM!!
Do you know by doing such things like drawing the cartoon of Our Holy Prophet will make us aggravated!.
If I`ve ever come across you I swear I will relieve myself with this burden.
Daniyal Masood
I don’t know…that sounds like he’s threatening to pee on me.
it also sounds like he’s calling you a Muslim…
Kinky!
There are some guys who would pay good money for that service.
A comma or a colon wouldn’t hurt, either.
But yep, sounds like he likes you.
Geez, is this about the stick figure story?
Just think if you had displayed a bust of Muhammad sculpted from pulled pork.
What’s he going to do, pee? This guy needs to take some lessons from the catholics – they know how to do nasty threats.
What, the Koran doesn’t forbid peeing on people?! That’s fucked up.
Daniyal Masood
not just a river in Egypt
Daniyal Masood, go find the nearest English teacher in your area, and ask for emergency lessons on a) verb tenses and b) idioms. It’ll make your threats a lot more effective, or at least less hilarious.
Well, be fair: Obviously English isn’t his first language and he has problems circumnavigating English’s polymorphic syntax. I don’t think he was threatening to relieve himself on this burden; but rather of it, as in “Won’t someone relieve me of this priest?”
Poor thing. He’s so irritated by some crummy drawings that he wants to do murder. Sounds like an eight-year-old to me. An eight-year-old who needs to be locked up in detention.
Behold, the first Peehaddi
It’s crazy, PZ! You should see the hate directed at me for contending that it’s okay for atheists and Humanists to chalk Mohammad to protest the South Park incident… but it’s okay, if you’re like me, their hate makes you stronger.
Now, now, let’s try to be nice and figure out what he means.
He’s obviously mistaken PZ for one of the Umma (islamic community). The all caps and exclamation points indicate this is some sort of friendly greeting, as in, “Yo, Homie!”
Note the “Our”, obviously the inclusive, again indicating that he thinks PZ is a fellow muslim, or “MUSLIM!!”
He’s saying that drawing the prophet, sorry, “Our Holy Prophet” will get us all hot and bothered. Or maybe nauseaus. He definitely feels uncomfortable, as if he had a full bladder.
… and was all hot and bothered. With a full bladder.
Definitely a full bladder.
So, PZ, a fellow muslim, is making Mr. Masood all hot and bothered, and he needs to pee.
There! I can interpret crazy!
one should publish a book, with the funniest threats made. or you should post a phone number and record the irrational rantings.
I am jealous of your haters. They’re more interesting than mine. No one ever threatens to pee on me.
These people who make threats are cowards. Why do I say this? If they were serious, they would provide some contact information, and perhaps a place and time to meet them.
Where I’d have them arrested for threats ;)
Why is he so mad? Is he mistaking the Gumby next to the Comic Sans screeds for an image of Mohammed?
I’ve just tried answering a survey of sample sentences with ambiguous span for negations and comparatives, so I’m pretty sure my grammar centres are fried, but doesn’t this sentence imply that if he has at some point in the past met you, he will now relieve himself with some sorta burden? That is, he will not only pee or fab, but he’ll do so with an imposed handicap of some sort.
/furriner making fun of other furriners’ grasp of furrin languages.
This chap really cannot take a joke can he? Mohammed may be sacred to him. To us he is nothing more than a long-dead, delusional, theocratic warmonger who liked to rape 9 year old children…
Oh oh!I am in trouble now! I wonder if I will get a death threat of my very own? You know, so I don’t feel left out? All the cool kids have them.
As for his hilariously inept death threat to PZed, he should be careful. Threatening the favoured of Cthulhu is dangerous. A swarm of highly trained attack-squid are doubtless tracking him even now…
Is this a death threat or an advertisement for a new subgenre of porn?
…or ejaculate on you.
An eight-year-old who needs to grow up while being properly educated.
We can’t just go around, locking up all stupid ignorant hateful nut cases who behave like eight-year-olds!
I mean, the catholic church ALONE has over a billion ‘members’!
You won’t like them when they’re aggravated.
Golden showers on Mohammed porn? That would make him VERY, uh, aggravated.
I’m trying to come up with titles, now. “Mohammed’s Golden Revelation”, “Hey, Is This Halal?”, or “Quranic Quties Peeing on the Prophet: Vol.8”
That guy definitely has some english language issues. I mean, seriously
What’s up with that “MUSLIM!” bit? Is he saying “I’m a muslim!” That you’re a muslim, and he’s warning you?
It’s just bizarre, and very amusing.
Huh, who would have thought a devout Muslim would be into that?
Then again, you know what they say. The more sexually repressed a person seems to be…
Maybe this guy should leave PZed alone and go to a dating site. Since I am nice guy, I will even write his profile for him.
“Devout Muslim seeks 50-something intellectual man for good times. Must be open to experimentation. Appreciation of ‘water features’ a definite advantage.”
This is honest to FSM your first Islamist death threat? I’m disappointed PZ, I thought a heathen of your caliber would have attracted the wrath of Allah much sooner. You obviously aren’t working hard enough.
I think I might have to withhold your allowance this month to teach you a lesson, young man.
this is remarkable.
all these years, and this is your FIRST threat from a proclaimed Muslim???
Nothing even after Crackergate?
wow.
I’m not sure what that says, really.
My immediate thought would be that the xians have it all over the muslims on the “bark but no bite” category, but something tells me Muslims just aren’t paying any attention to you instead.
IslandBrewer @ 24;
I think you may have missed your vocation….
;-p
Grammatical errors not withstanding, that statement alone might give us some real understanding into Muslims.
He refers to “…relieving himself with this burden”. It sounds to me like this guy needs to be aggravated to pee.
Perhaps an unfortunate physiological trait means that the easiest way for some Arabs to avoid poisoning themselves with their own nitrogenous wastes is by becoming Muslim and live in a state of constant aggravation!
@GG #29
If only the pay was better. :-(
Wahahahaha! That was… golden.
Well err I hope this individual holds on for a long long time then…
I can’t wait until the one who accuses you of picking on Islam because they’re a religion of peace, and why don’t you pick on someone dangerous like the Catholics.
I love how the letter is opened with “Muslim!!”.
It’s like he’s a Pokemon or something.
He probably means that PZ is a muslim, whether he likes it or not, just like everybody else, and that as such he’s bound to obey the islamic law. Just like Islam is a religion of peace, it is a religion of open-mindedness…
Come to think of it. . . if you dress up like Muhammad, with robes and vests and funny hats, you might claim you are him. Your beard needs to be longer.
One of the things that most annoys me about goddists of pretty much any flavor is not only do they have some weird laws they have to obey but they want everyone else to obey them as well.
Gosh.
Did I miss the post where PZ drew a cartoon of Mohammed? So far as I remember I’ve never seen any original artwork from PZ.
>> all these years, and this is your FIRST threat from a proclaimed Muslim???
Well, if you think about it, PZ hasn’t really *done* anything to muslims other then disagree with them. *He*’s never drawn a Mohammed cartoon. Perhaps Muslims think being a rape victim and drawing cartoons deserves death but *criticising* that belief doesn’t.
Eh, maybe not.
I love how the letter is opened with “Muslim!!”.
It’s like he’s a Pokemon or something.
I’m not sure what that says, really. My immediate thought would be that the xians have it all over the muslims on the “bark but no bite” category, but something tells me Muslims just aren’t paying any attention to you instead.
Probably. But *possibly* Muslims are aware that outsiders might be critical. Crackergate aside, Catholics seem to be generally surprised and rabidly livid when folks are critical of them.
But no, the Muslims probably haven’t been paying attention.
I don’t think it counts as an official Muslim threat unless it’s written in the Arabic version of Comic Sans.
Cool how he thinks that using the ”Our’ Holy Prophet’ will automatically make his threat superior, and something of a harbinger-of-ultimate-doom type thing.
And tsk, can’t risk aggravating him now can we? He’d pee his pants then, and although I’m new here, am pretty sure not even the old ones would want a big fat mess on a public forum.
But no, the Muslims probably haven’t been paying attention.
even so, it still is pretty shocking he’s never had a threat letter from a Muslim before.
I’m still not sure if this is one either. I’m not sure WHAT that was, frankly.
:P
I know!
PZ; post a few more articles criticizing Harun Yahya.
that should fetch you a few angry letters.
…and be good for a laugh, besides.
…and do the world yet more favors, as that idiot really ALWAYS deserves the smackdown.
*He*’s never drawn a Mohammed cartoon.
D’oh. Wrong again…
A threat? Jeebus, no. Surely an offer of a pearl necklace and a golden shower can only be construed as a declaration of the warmest regards.
I’ve been threatened by Christians but not by a Muslim. Of course, I dream of the day I get a death threat from a Zoarastian.
http://laughinginpurgatory.blogspot.com
@35:
Of course he’s Pokémon. He evolves into Muhammed! But you need to trade him with another trainer for that.
Better?
Fit for framing I say.
I hope he isn’t saving it like this A scene from Dave Chappelle. If Dani Y’LL is saving it you are in trouble. He didn’t tell you to build an arc or anything did he?
I’m still not sure if this is one either. I’m not sure WHAT that was, frankly.
I was reading some letters over the Mohammed-the-teddy-bear (remember that?) in, I think it was, the overseas Washington Post web site. Or maybe it was the London times, whatever. What surprised me about the letters from the Middle-East is that even the most moderate and tolerent letter writers thought that the western reaction was due to our ignorance of how reverend the name is to Muslims. That we’d consider imprisonment and even a casual thought of execution over blasphemy (even if it were intentional and of the most agregious sort) to be barbaric and outrageous didn’t seem to occur to any mid-eastern.
Perhaps this letter writer is a similar “moderate” vein. He’s genuinely concerned that PZ might not know cartoons of Mohamed are a “no-no” so he’s telling him nicely but also informing him that he, Daniyal Masood, now has the burden that he must react; nothing personal but he has no choice in the matter…
This is classic. I hope Daniyal is reading the comments here, if so, he’s probably shitting himself. At least I hope so.
I wonder if there is anything else we can tweak their noses with.
Why is it that they think drawing a picture of a certain character is forbidden?
Like this one, who some may interpret as a representation of a certain “prophet” or some such:
___
(\)
~|~
< =>
*
There are numerous drawings of this Muhammed person from many centuries ago, made by his followers. At what point, and from where, did this notion arise that such pictures are not allowed?
Its just a massive attempt to not be one of the ‘idol’ worshippers, in chief. And the amazingness they vest in themselves for being ones of the ‘book’.
ROFL at all the comments, but seriously, you can’t be too careful with these crazy religiosios. They actually believe that stuff about the virgins in paradise and all that jazz. They are NOT rational. They are scary guys…even if they don’t know English very well.
So what it basically means is that its all an issue of a modern and HUGELY inflated ego.
They try so hard to not conform that they just end up becoming the other extreme extreme end of conform. And it puzzles me as to why they can never ever see that about themselves.
What doesn’t make them aggravated?
PZ,
Methinks he has a crush on you!
He’s soooooo infatuated that … by Allah he will relieve himself of the burdens of this crush and make you one of his own.
Daniyal Masood….. such a romantic!!
He’s genuinely concerned that PZ might not know cartoons of Mohamed are a “no-no” so he’s telling him nicely but also informing him that he, Daniyal Masood, now has the burden that he must react; nothing personal but he has no choice in the matter…
makes the most sense of any interpretation so far.
PZ,
You really should stop a minute and consider the immense store of love that is Islam!
This pic describes it best.
That extra 600 years of practice makes all the difference.
Or a Quaker or a Jainist.
Now a visit from the old ones would be a different matter.
Hey Daniyal –
ATHIEST!
Do you know by doing such things worshiping a pedophile prophet will make us grossed out!.
If I`ve ever come across you I swear I will have no respect for your insane beliefs.
Whitebird
We’ll make them aggravated?
That has got to be the lamest threat ever.
“If you don’t stop drawing the Holy Prophet, we’re going to be really, really annoyed! We’ll stamp our feet! We’ll cry! We’ll hold our breath until we turn blue! And then you’ll be sorry!”
I know this letter deserves all the mocking it has received but I would like to try to understand it seriously for a moment.
As I understand it, “muslim” means “one who submits”, so could he be telling PZ to submit to the will of Allah?
And the phrase about “relieving himself of this burden”. In Islam, when someone does blaspheme, does that impose a burden on all muslims to avenge the blasphemy?
Goddammit…”ATHEIST”..woof.
@Seraphiel
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depictions_of_Muhammad
Google is an amazing thing. :)
Oh sure, you’ll make fun of the Muslims, but face it–you’re a coward! I bet you wouldn’t dare to make fun of Christians’ beliefs! There are a lot more Christians around you who would kick your ass if you did that! You feel safe mocking Islam as long as you’re insulated from the Muslim world by an ocean, but I’d like to see you try this with Christianity. If you did something like this to a cross or a Bible, you’d be fired immediately, but when you insult Islam, your employers turn a blind eye. If you really wanted to show your courage, you’d tear up a Bible or desecrate a Eucharist. But of course you won’t, you coward!
(/Poe)
Hmm, I don’t know. “Relieve myself with this burden” sounds more like an admission that he’s currently full of shit.
Yes, yes, I am familiar with what Wikipedia says about it.
I want one of the “offended” parties themselves to explain their position, in light of the inconsistent treatment of these depictions.
They can’t even agree among themselves what is supposed to be forbidden and what’s not, much less whether those prohibitions are even meant to apply to other people.
(Regardless of what is intended, they *don’t* apply to other people, of course. But some people do not accept this reality.)
Too damn funny, majutsukai.
You know, I think I would have to call a Poe on this one if I saw it posted somewhere not as an email. . . but either way it’s dumb.
Here’s how you should respond:
ATHEIST!!
Do you know by doing such things like threatening people over drawing cartoons will make us aggravated!.
If I`ve ever come across you I swear I will argue my point rationally.
I was a bit confused by that. I also immediately thought this guy was into watersports. But as has been mentioned I imagine English is not his first langauge. Still, obviously he believes a very silly thing so mocking it does not bother me so much.
Oooooh! Gumby Mohammed! My brain hurts!
Well of course we know that, it’s EXACTLY WHY WE DO IT.
A back tick? Obviously a UNIX guru
Sounds like a real dickhead.
Oh and just in case Daniyal is reading these comments: I’m a woman. From Iraq. F*ck you.
Nice. I guess by aggravated he means that he will lose all bladder control…poor guy.
BTW, if anyone has the time check out Imran’s comments here…also a winner:
link
Nineveh @ 78;
Careful now. He might get all “aggravated”, and we wouldn’t want that. It does not do to overstimulate him…
Then again, it seems like he only gets aggravated to the point of wishing to “relieve” himself “with this burden” in relation to PZed, so maybe its a guy thing….
I have to wonder to what degree the incoherence of his email is the product of the fact that English is probably not his first language, rather than simply an expression of your standard fundie word-salad.
No argument there.
@ Nineveh
That “f*ck you” fuck you was a bit dissappointing.
I’m really surprised that this is the first Muslim threat you’re getting! I kind of expected Al Qaeda to have a price on your head already…
0
/l
1
/
Mohammed
Take that, diaper-head.
“I don’t know…that sounds like he’s threatening to pee on me.”
That’s pretty much what I was thinking. That or jiz on you (First ever drive-by money shot?), which of course would be all the more awkward.
It sounds more like a terroristic(is that how you spell that) threat to me.
Has Dani made threats to anyone else here? Dani is a girls name too, isn’t it? That is cute.
http://www.facebook.com/daniyals
http://elpoetav.hi5.com/friend/p26627705–Daniyal–html
http://www.pipl.com/search/?FirstName=Daniyal&LastName=Masood&City=&State=&Country=US&CategoryID=2&Interface=1
It seems to be a common name. But, anyhow I think it is a threat against someone’s life. That is absolutely illegal in this country. So, if anyone has additional information on Dani… Lets see if we can find out if he lives in the states. If he does we need to notify the FBi or police. That might be a little harsh. So, if we can get a bit more info. I am not suggesting hack anything of PZ’s. But most likely he has posted on multiple forums(multiple times) let’s go to his house. Of course not to do anything hateful. Rather to verify if he was making terroristic threats. One time when I was in jail at the time of my release the police were able to re arrest me because of making direct terroristic threats against the officer that was releasing me. Despite the fact he was a total douche bag I can say with confidence such things are absolutely illegal. Obviously I was over emotional and acting irrational. I did my time and learned my lesson.
Given the fact the Koran speaks about killing non-muslims this is serious.
Feel free to contact me so we can investigate a little further about this Dani fellow.
[email protected]
Am I spelling the word terroristic wrong? It looks right? But….
A whole new level of meaning to “Piss Be Upon Him”.
I now save Bad Translator! for special occasions. This is one of them.
10) Muslims! You know, like the Holy Prophet, this is a very bad comic book thing. If you have five, “Yes, I promise to mitigate the burden, which is Masood. Akhmetov
25) Muslims! You know that a prophet is a comic villain. If there are five “Yes, I know that the promise of the Mason Akhmetov.
Max) Islam! B in five font: “Yes, I afumetofumeison me. Information.
You know that a prophet is a comic villain.
Sometimes, nuggets of wisdom can be found in nonsense.
.. I do hope you’re joking because that would be a really fucking stupid idea.
Maybe the wind wasn’t right, so he couldn’t fart ikn PZ’s general direction.
#83:
Hmm, I suspect it’s not really blasphemy you’re aiming for, here. You are aware, aren’t you, that there are Muslims who look and dress much like you do?
Well, they do keep insisting Islam is the religion of piss.
And piss on you too Daniyel
Aww, fiddlesticks! You’d better watch out, PZ, or he’s really going to get angry – maybe even angry enough to ::gasp:: use curse words!
Bring it, tough guy. You’ll be relieving yourself, of that I am sure.
The insecure God and his followers strikes again…pathetic
Problem with the real threats from muslims is that they mean it, their mental disability is far-reaching enough for them to think it morally permissible to kill someone over a cartoon.
You don’t go around a psych ward and stir the schizophrenics either.
And Anti-Theist, take a deep breath mate.
@Nineveh
FUCK!!!
Our unholy swearwords have been dishonoured!
I cuss loudly in your general direction!
Arse!
yrs,
Mahmoud Dildowally
Nahhh. You’ve all got this wrong, It’s his accent, you see. He meant, “Peace on PZ”, but the Google translator did the rest.
Sounds like an allusion to the old party games favorite: Pee In Someone’s Ear!
The winner is the person who gets someone else to volunteer for getting his ear peed in for the least offer.
Cartoonist Zapiro in South Africa has produced the latest “blasphemist cartoon”.
The cartoon depicts the prophet lying down on a therapist’s chair saying: “Other prophets have followers with a sense of humour!” Beside him is a newspaper with a headline reading: “Everybody draw Muhammad day”. Behind him, a bespectacled therapist wearing a suit and bowtie is seen taking notes.
The cartoon picks up on the Facebook group (“Everybody Draw Muhammad Day”) which encouraged people to send pictures of the prophet, causing the government in Pakistan to order all internet service providers to block the Facebook page.
The related story is here
Thanks for showing me a new toy.
Original text:
“If I`ve ever come across you I swear I will argue my point rationally.”
…54 translations later we get:
“5: Today clamshell “Yes, he promised the city.”
I was doing some research in to the life of Mohammad today and I had no idea he’d had such a successful tennis career. He played one tournament and won….
…. his fans, of course, killed anyone who drew him in the next round….
boom tish
No No, you guys – I think he is just offering to carry PZ’s luggage.
Or something….
@ 73
“Here’s how you should respond:
ATHEIST!!
Do you know by doing such things like threatening people over drawing cartoons will make us aggravated!.
If I`ve ever come across you I swear I will argue my point rationally.”
…and slap you across the face with a fermented halibut, in accordance with the sacred Scottish fishslapdance.
Oh you know the Catholics are sooooooooooooooo pissed they didn’t think about peeing on you.
Urine Fatwa Envy
classy
Strange, maybe, but an honor nonetheless!
Unless carefully labeled, how do muslims know to be offended by images of muhammad? According to their own dogma, the prophet (piss be upon him) should never be depicted. So in theory (as oposed to fact) there are no reference images (see below).
So how do they know what he looks like? How do muslims know that a depictions of a middle eastern man in a turban should trigger rage, offended feelings, crazy talk, threats and violence?
Wikimedia has a very nice collection of devotional art depicting Mo – by muslims. If I print these on a t-shirt and wear it about town will Muslims be offended?
muhammad