The far right wing has long rested their authority on Biblical truth — how can you possibly question them if they speak for God, after all? There is one little problem, however.

The Bible is suffused with liberal bias. A lot of the Old Testament isn’t bad, but the New Testament, when Jesus makes the scene, suddenly takes a turn into commie-land, with it’s talk of helping the poor and camels and needles and so forth. Jesus was obviously misquoted all over the place.

So what to do? When your claim of godly authority rests on your interpretation of God’s holy word, but God’s holy words contradict your desired ends, you’re in a bit of a pickle. There is a solution, though: rewrite the Bible and change the liberal bits! For this reason some of the deranged editors at Conservapædia have launched The Conservative Bible Project, which will purge the wimpy stuff and return it to it’s authentic roots, as a book that could have been written by a dumb-as-a-stick American Republican NRA member who wants to kill communists and A-rabs.

I’m not joking. They cite as reasons for a rewrite the fact that the Bible uses the term “comrade” three times, and acknowledges the existence of laborers thirteen times. It’s practically a Marxist/Leninist tract.

They conveniently give an example of the kind of thing that needs to be fixed.

The earliest, most authentic manuscripts lack this verse set forth at Luke 23:34:

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

Is this a liberal corruption of the original? This does not appear in any other Gospel, and the simple fact is that some of the persecutors of Jesus did know what they were doing. This quotation is a favorite of liberals but should not appear in a conservative Bible.

As we all know, after all, Jesus really wasn’t into that “forgiveness” thing.

There will be some little problems with commenting on this article (besides the usual boneheaded glitches in the Sb commenting system). A while back, we had some serious problems with spamming by the Conservapædia cretins, and I had to put the word “conservapedia” into the filter file. You can’t use that word or your comment will get blocked! That means you won’t be able to link directly to Conservapædia, and that you’ll need to use the Pharyngula-approved spelling of their name, which includes that foreign, European ligature — just type Conservapædia. It also infuriates them, making the little work-around well worth doing.